the secret 4 things

by nikky0825

Chapter 1 the secret 4 things

Chapter 1
by nikky0825

once a opon a time name ponyville the biggest town of all where you see apple hard workers,pegasi clearing clouds,and more but one pony wasen't doing the same thing it was twilight,twilight has a big work to do she ask spike to help but he did not and ask everypony but they always say no no no! This afternoon she was working until midnight she was so tried and she called her friends and they all came they where so very sleepy but twilight needed them so they rush but pinkie only walked and she said "wait wait for me (sleppy mood)" then morning came twilight explain and she gave them a map a map to go and find what she needs she show the map to her friends.
then they got it and said "thanks" they have a big journy they know to find the four things for somthing they all sang but they got to the everfree forest they got in but they stop they saw a tree an evil tree! they all shouted and night came rarity said "oh your so very unresponsible i will not acept anything" and the tree use its branch and the tree said "lets fight" and rarity said "no pls no" and rarity was been shoot by torned twig and rarity was dead and they said "RARITY!" they where all scared and applejack isn't applejack said "what are you doing to my friend rarity?" and the tree explain and applejack kick its trunk hardly and the tree stop and he said "what are you doing?!" and applejack said "im trying to save my friend" and they have a fight the tree lose and applejack won and applejack got near rarity and said "im gonna miss you rarity" and they all said "ya will miss you two" and they all found the 1st thing a flower they don't know why a flower? But its just a guess applejack pick rarity and rainbow dash helped and rainbow dash said "hurry up applejack where losing" and applejack said "sorry sugar cube this isn't today" and rainbow dash said "do you have a..." she whisperd "... crush on rarity' and applejack did not answer she found somthing and its a carrage they got inside and rarity was laying down on the couch thier friends saw the carrage they all said 'wait for us!" and fluttershy got pinkie pie and they got in.
Meanwhile...
twilight was sleeping and after that she left ponyville before that she put a note and she post it and spike even go they all go because the princess wants us to stay in equestria in 100 weeks! and they all go to equestria and they got in and do thier things.
Meanwhile...
applejack and her friends where riding so fast that they coulden't leave this place rainbow dash said "applejack i found 2 things its a diamond and a fake star" and they got to ponyville they found the last one and got to twilight's libary they saw nobody and found a note applejack found it and she said "dear:friends i left ponyville even everypony we got to equestria and will come back until 100 weeks is finished so see you back" and they got to the carragie and got to equestria soon they have the best night ever again and rarity got better and she hug her friends by helping her twilight send her report to the princess "princess Celestia finding your good friends are kind of good but you best friends are you best things you have".
The End.

Comments

[Thecrazyrabidfangirl]

I... don't even... What did I just... I don't...

0.5/5 Because... I don't even...

~Rabbidfangirl

[Distrance]

I don't want to dismiss you as a troll just yet.

You more like a child more than anything (no offense)

your story is caked with errors and problems, and well.... he story is all over the place.

but if you are a troll....

10/10

[Angel]

After reading about 2-3 paragraphs, I am forced to assume either of two things.

1) English is not your natural language. I suggest learning it before trying to write fanfics on an English website.

2) You are a troll. If this is the case, well done.

Either way, 0.5/5

[Clover_Muffins]

5/5

I have not seen literary prose of this magnitude for quite some time now. This was a piece of art, painted on the canvas of the imagination. It had powerful emotions deep within the entire piece, and I was quite surprised with Applejack's hidden crush on the fashionable mare. Using a skill I have not seen for many years, even in published fiction, you have written a veritable masterpiece that very well might become a famous fanfiction, becoming almost as famous as "Cupcakes".

I applaud your work, and look forward to a sequel. Maybe where they have the best night ever.