The Musings of Frederic

by BakaBoy

Brass tubes and tight spaces

It's not that I think Beauty Brass is fat, far from it actually. It's just that a sousaphone does not seem to be the most... comfortable instrument to fit into.

Actually I think it would be impossible for me to fit into one no matter how hard I try.

From observation alone I could already tell that I am far too large for Beauty's sousaphone and it probably doesn't help that I am not the most flexible of ponies. Actually, thinking about it now, I think my lifestyle of sitting on my piano stool all day playing piano is not exactly... healthy, neither does it compliment my waistline or figure.

Disregarding my poor health and physical condition for now, I must admit that the thought of a rather fragile piece of tubing wrapping around my midsection scares me to some extent. Not that I'm claustrophobic, it's just that the risks seem far too high just to play an instrument. Think of it this way, would you be willing to have a fragile piece of equipment strapped close to your legs? Where one accidental movement could cause hundreds of bits worth of damage? Not to mention the damage to your own health and pride if you were to trip on one of the pieces of piping.

It seems to just coil around you like a snake, ensnaring you with the cold metal while blasting your ear every time you play a note... Actually, I'm surprised that Beauty isn't partially deaf from playing her sousaphone. We used to get noise complaints from when we practiced a little too late into the night. It would have been understandable too, had the complaints not come from a different district of the city.

One of my acquaintances, who is a royal guard, swears he could sometimes hear us from his post at the castle.

My thoughts are straying again, back to the original topic: How in the world did she manage to fit into that infernal contraption in the first place? The way it wraps around you leaves nearly no room, this helps it not suddenly slip while performing but at the same time it offers no physical space to be able to squeeze through at all, at least, not without dislocating both your forelegs. Since the instrument itself is made of brass it is highly inflexible... Well it would bend, but good luck getting it to work again after that!

Furthermore, the instrument is designed to rudely shove its mouthpiece directly into the player's face. It admittedly make the instrument physically possible to play without breaking your neck, but just the fact that the mouthpiece seems to just jut towards you seems rather rude... Plus it just sounds outright embarrassing to say out loud.

Plus, how are you supposed to get any variation in tone? Does it work like a Bugel? There are no visible valves on it plus even if there were then it would be nearly impossible to play if you were an Earth pony...

Suddenly a blur of white passes right in front of my snout, frantically waving trying to grasp my attention. I was told later that my squeak of surprise would have been rather cute, had it not demolished my masculinity to absolutely nothing.

"Yo, Fred, what's up man? You've been brain-dead for like, hours now!" Vinyl Scratch suddenly blurted into my ears, it was quite loud and left a slight ringing sensation. The outburst definitely did its job though as I directed both my attention and the finest glare this side of Canterlot bar Celestia's. (It has been said that she has stopped many a noble petitioners cold just by quirking an eyebrow. No pony has ever lived to see her glare and tell the tale about it).

"First of all Vinyl, we have only been here for half an hour at most. Second, shouldn't you be slightly concerned about why he is currently 'brain-dead' at the moment?"

Ah, that would be Octavia, ever the voice of reason even though she could be entirely unreasonable herself. I could not decide whether to be annoyed or amused at both Vinyl and Octavia's assessment of my absent-mindedness... Although thinking about it now I do wonder what Vinyl was doing at our rehearsal.

"Vinyl, what are you doing here anyways?" I asked, it would be no good for anyone if I did not sate my curiosity for I have been told that I become rather angsty and distracted when my mind was occupied.

"It's not like I'm not allowed to be here" Vinyl scoffed before trotting over to the edge of the stage.

"You do realize that we have booked this hall for the night, right?" Octavia stated, a devious smirk adorning her lips. "So in other words, you aren't allowed to be in here".

"As if!" said Vinyl, quickly dismissing Octavia. This predictably started a complete banter between the two mares, causing the remaining Quartet members to groan in frustration, me included.

"I really don't think we are ever going to get any practice done for the night" I sighed, Beauty and Harpo both seemed to agree with me. "Maybe we should just go" I whispered to them and they both nodded in agreement almost immediately. Octavia and Vinyl were so concentrated in their bout of verbal warfare that they did not notice Harpo and I pack our books and instruments.

Then I saw the most amazing, yet disturbing, event I have ever seen. Beauty Brass seemed to literally ooze out of her sousaphone and cleanly pulled it off with a small *pop*. It required extreme skill and balance along with natural finesse to be able to execute such a maneuver without looking like a complete foal, yet this was the first time I have ever witnessed Beauty execute such an amazing feat.

My expression must have been amusing for as soon as Beauty turned to face me she burst into hysterics almost instantly. Harpo was behind me at the time and so saw my expression as I turned towards him. He has always been the calm, composed, level-headed pony among the group, so to see him struggling to contain his own hysterics also caused me to tear up in amusement. The entire situation was ridiculous and soon the three of us were laughing and giggling like little foals, something that we have never done in years.

The sound of unrestrained laughter caught the attention of Vinyl and Octavia who quickly stopped their banter and stared at the three of us dumbstruck. Vinyl quickly started giggling along with us while Octavia quickly became frustrated with the situation and stomped off to her cello. She must have noticed that we packed away because she too started packing her cello, either that or she was leaving due to our crazy antics.

That's when I saw another mind-boggling event.

How did Octavia even hold on to her bow?