You could probably tell- this definitely isn't the best chapter, but it does it's function of bringing this third arc to a close as we near the finale.
Dude, what the hell are you talking about?!
A blunt examination of the thoughts that go on behind physical abuse, made all the more tragic considering the ages involved. Every little turn is ashes in the reader's mouth, the "accident" of Scootaloo getting angry, Rumble making excuses to help hide the shame of his abuser, just . . . everything.
And then four little words that actually made me cry (and I've been upset reading this before, but nothing quite resonated to the degree these four words did):
One path had Scootaloo.
This is the desperation in one's mind when they're in an abusive relationship, summed up in four words. Everything's fucked, but at least I can have this person if I stay.
It's okay, really. *hugs back* I mean, it's not the first time I've cried at a story on here.
Although, to be fair, I think it's the first time I've cried for a character who had committed rape. So that's a kudos I never thought I'd be delivering.
About time we get some adults involved. They have been majorly sucking at their jobs for the entire story. I have no idea how you're going to resolve this story with all the kids still alive.
Oh all of them Rumble seems the closest to the edge.
If I remember correctly, you said that this chapter would be done by the twentieth by the latest. Did you gain super writing speed or something?
Since the bitch duo Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon(ey) are also runaways, maybe you could, I dunno, delve a little more into their relationship. Just a little. I'm curious.
I want see how Dinky's doing. And Derpy's reaction. Because that's what this story needs: More drama and dark stuff! BECAUSE IT DOES NOT HAVE IT ENOUGH ALREADY!
This is seriously getting so dark that I wouldn't be surprised if Thunderlane beats up Rumble out of anger or Scootaloo will have an abortion. I can hardly imagine any kind of happy ending to this story. Bittersweet maybe, but not happy. Surprise us.
I'll look forward to next chapter. Until then... I'm going to rot in hell for enjoying stories like this.
2852892 Nope, the 20th was a worst-case-scenario date, like a major instance of writer's block or something.
First one, I know it'll leave the story inherently flawed (ain't a single tale without 'em, flaws), but I don't think I can do it because of the perspective shift next chapter.
And Derpy and Dinky and the like will be covered next chapter, I promise it. Was already planning for things to kick off from there.
Glad to hear you're liking it.
2851376 Oh man, be very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very careful what you wish for, because I've only pulled up the downhill slope a little bit. We're still on the drop, man, we haven't even reached the bottom yet...
Oh. Wonderful. The Everfree. So not only do the runaways have to contend with a pregnancy and a potential psychotic break, they also have to worry about at least a dozen different species hungering for their young, tender flesh. What could possibly go wrong?
Also, it's really weird to see "Tia" being used to refer to Diamond Tiara after having seen it refer to Celestia so many times.
It's always weird when I go into a clopfic expecting it to be terrible, and finding out that it both is and isn't. I'm gonna be perfectly honest: I clicked on this because I can't count the number of stories I've seen on this site who have no idea how sexual relationships work, where I'm just sitting there skimming and going, "Well, that's rape, and once again it seems that absolutely no one cares." So when I stumbled across this, I clicked on it mostly just to confirm my suspicions that you had no idea what you were talking about.
So to discover that you fully understood and expressed the extent to which Rumble and Scootaloo are broken by each other in this story, and to discover you knew your way around a keyboard well enough to make their development an emotionally weighty and agonizingly tense affair... well, I won't say it redeems this genre of story at all, but it does make you stand out as an exception that proves my long-standing rule. I don't believe I've ever seen a story on this site that presented such an unflinching and, I'd imagine, truthful look at what a situation like this would result in, and the conclusion I have a hunch is coming makes me wish I could keep myself from desperately wanting to keep reading. And the fact that you're capable of producing that effect at your age--which I don't intend as an insult at all--is immensely impressive as well.
There's something I call the "it" factor, and very simply put, it's some ever-changing and often inexplicable quality I see in someone else's fanfic writing that makes me say to myself, "This person's got what it takes to make it someday." While I'm giving you a lot of credit where it's due here, I'll also qualify that somewhat: there are still some issues with story construction, pacing, internal consistency, and all that good stuff that you could still improve on. The backbone, though, the unique twist that sets you apart from the crowd before you even start, the "it" factor as I call it... that's there. That's what kept me reading through nine chapters of a narrative that made me cringe in the best possible way, that I could barely stomach because I knew things were going to keep escalating and I could never be sure how bad things would get. And that's why I'm following you now, because I want to see what else you can do, and I want to see how you keep putting your unique perspective on things to work.
Good shit here, is what I'm trying to say. Almost makes me forgive you for drinking Miller Lite. Budweiser master race, motherfucker.
2993574 A-huh... You do realize that this is one of my favourite stories and that I really don't care whether you think it sucks or not, so much as I get MOAR!!! right?
I hope scoots gets her ass kicked in this story... what?... she deserves it after what she did to Rumble and deserved to get beaten up way more then he does... think about it.
Gods, I love this fucking story.....it just gets better and better somehow.
Dude, what the hell are you talking about?!
A blunt examination of the thoughts that go on behind physical abuse, made all the more tragic considering the ages involved. Every little turn is ashes in the reader's mouth, the "accident" of Scootaloo getting angry, Rumble making excuses to help hide the shame of his abuser, just . . . everything.
And then four little words that actually made me cry (and I've been upset reading this before, but nothing quite resonated to the degree these four words did):
This is the desperation in one's mind when they're in an abusive relationship, summed up in four words. Everything's fucked, but at least I can have this person if I stay.
2850315 You did not cry. You've gotta be pulling my leg.
2850509
I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding at all.
2850536 ...
*huggle*
2850543
It's okay, really. *hugs back* I mean, it's not the first time I've cried at a story on here.
Although, to be fair, I think it's the first time I've cried for a character who had committed rape. So that's a kudos I never thought I'd be delivering.
Cheap beer? Nah bro, that ain't me.
About time we get some adults involved. They have been majorly sucking at their jobs for the entire story. I have no idea how you're going to resolve this story with all the kids still alive.
Oh all of them Rumble seems the closest to the edge.
If I remember correctly, you said that this chapter would be done by the twentieth by the latest. Did you gain super writing speed or something?
Since
the bitch duoDiamond Tiara and Silver Spoon(ey) are also runaways, maybe you could, I dunno, delve a little more into their relationship. Just a little. I'm curious.I want see how Dinky's doing. And Derpy's reaction. Because that's what this story needs: More drama and dark stuff! BECAUSE IT DOES NOT HAVE IT ENOUGH ALREADY!
This is seriously getting so dark that I wouldn't be surprised if Thunderlane beats up Rumble out of anger or Scootaloo will have an abortion. I can hardly imagine any kind of happy ending to this story. Bittersweet maybe, but not happy. Surprise us.
I'll look forward to next chapter. Until then... I'm going to rot in hell for enjoying stories like this.
2852892 Nope, the 20th was a worst-case-scenario date, like a major instance of writer's block or something.
First one, I know it'll leave the story inherently flawed (ain't a single tale without 'em, flaws), but I don't think I can do it because of the perspective shift next chapter.
And Derpy and Dinky and the like will be covered next chapter, I promise it. Was already planning for things to kick off from there.
Glad to hear you're liking it.
2851376 Oh man, be very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very careful what you wish for, because I've only pulled up the downhill slope a little bit. We're still on the drop, man, we haven't even reached the bottom yet...
There is no way this story can have a happy ending, I have a feeling Rumble is going to die possibly after he kills someone else
Hey! Remember! No Tragedy Tag so no super sad ending!
2857685
...
quicklol.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/dog-slaps-man-in-face-gif.gif
Tense as fuck. Keep going.
2857723 Oh noes, he is going do it, preparing the feels to be hurt
I'm looking forward to seeing how this ends, but at the same time, I'm not. There is no way things will end up okay.
Oh. Wonderful. The Everfree. So not only do the runaways have to contend with a pregnancy and a potential psychotic break, they also have to worry about at least a dozen different species hungering for their young, tender flesh. What could possibly go wrong?
Also, it's really weird to see "Tia" being used to refer to Diamond Tiara after having seen it refer to Celestia so many times.
It's always weird when I go into a clopfic expecting it to be terrible, and finding out that it both is and isn't. I'm gonna be perfectly honest: I clicked on this because I can't count the number of stories I've seen on this site who have no idea how sexual relationships work, where I'm just sitting there skimming and going, "Well, that's rape, and once again it seems that absolutely no one cares." So when I stumbled across this, I clicked on it mostly just to confirm my suspicions that you had no idea what you were talking about.
So to discover that you fully understood and expressed the extent to which Rumble and Scootaloo are broken by each other in this story, and to discover you knew your way around a keyboard well enough to make their development an emotionally weighty and agonizingly tense affair... well, I won't say it redeems this genre of story at all, but it does make you stand out as an exception that proves my long-standing rule. I don't believe I've ever seen a story on this site that presented such an unflinching and, I'd imagine, truthful look at what a situation like this would result in, and the conclusion I have a hunch is coming makes me wish I could keep myself from desperately wanting to keep reading. And the fact that you're capable of producing that effect at your age--which I don't intend as an insult at all--is immensely impressive as well.
There's something I call the "it" factor, and very simply put, it's some ever-changing and often inexplicable quality I see in someone else's fanfic writing that makes me say to myself, "This person's got what it takes to make it someday." While I'm giving you a lot of credit where it's due here, I'll also qualify that somewhat: there are still some issues with story construction, pacing, internal consistency, and all that good stuff that you could still improve on. The backbone, though, the unique twist that sets you apart from the crowd before you even start, the "it" factor as I call it... that's there. That's what kept me reading through nine chapters of a narrative that made me cringe in the best possible way, that I could barely stomach because I knew things were going to keep escalating and I could never be sure how bad things would get. And that's why I'm following you now, because I want to see what else you can do, and I want to see how you keep putting your unique perspective on things to work.
Good shit here, is what I'm trying to say. Almost makes me forgive you for drinking Miller Lite. Budweiser master race, motherfucker.
2951550 I don't even drink beer. 'Twas a joke.
I feel very scared of the next chapter :'(
Why is the NEW CHAPTER GOOONE?!?
2993537 Because it sucked. The new new chapter is gonna be much better, I hope.
2993574
A-huh...
You do realize that this is one of my favourite stories and that I really don't care whether you think it sucks or not, so much as I get MOAR!!! right?
2993582 No, man, even you would have despised the first version of Chapter 10. The next version, I guarantee, is gonna be much better.
2993768
WHEN WILL I GETS IT?
2993574
NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
2993771 Give me a few days. Heck, if I end up working super-fast, might even get it done by tomorrow night.
For now though, I sleep. Because I needs my sleep.
poor dinky! I want to give her a hug and comfort her poor thing! D: i dont like dinky rape :(
Ah to the everfree. With no escape in site.
Hehehe, Down the rabbit hole you go.
I hope scoots gets her ass kicked in this story... what?... she deserves it after what she did to Rumble and deserved to get beaten up way more then he does... think about it.
Oh God, and the Deus Ex Machina Train™ continues.
This is so dark it's unreal.
~HM892