The Rocky Horror Pony Show

by bronysayers

Let us Time Warp with the Transvestites!

Shining Armour and Cadence sat in their motorized carriage. Shining drove as Cadence read the newspaper and the radio played softly in the background as Princess Celestia delivered a speech. Rain was falling heavily and the wipers had to be on maximum for Shining to be able to see clearly.

Suddenly a loud roar was heard and a motorcycle sped past.

“Gosh, that’s the third motorcycle we’ve seen tonight! Some must really like to take their lives into their hands what with the weather.” Cadence exclaimed.

“Yes, Cadence, life’s pretty cheap for that type.” Shining said cynically. Cadence nodded in agreement. Shining slowed down.

“What’s wrong?” Cadence asked.

“We must have taken a wrong turning at some point.” He replied gesturing towards the dead end sign in-front of the car.

“Well where did that motorcycle come from then?” Cadence asked. Shining shrugged in response.

“Hm, well I guess we’ll just have to turn back.” He said, shifting the carriage into reverse. The carriage moved back a few feet before a loud, ear piercing bang was heard. Cadence jumped in shock as Shining moved a fore hoof in front of her protectively.

“What was that bang?!” Cadence exclaimed.

“Must have broken a spoke.” Shining reasoned. He hit the steering wheel. “Damn it I knew I should have gotten that spare wheel fixed.” He turned to get out. “You just stay here in the warm and I’ll go look for some help.” He told her.

“Where will you go in the middle of no-where?” Cadence asked. Shining pondered for a minuet sticking his tongue out in thought.

“Didn’t we pass a castle a few miles back?” Shining asked rhetorically. Cadence opened her mouth to respond before Shining spoke. “Maybe they have a telephone we could use!” Cadence moved to get out.

“I’m coming with you.” She said firmly. Shining put a forehoof on her shoulder.

“Oh darling come on now, there’s no sense in both of us getting wet.” Shining reasoned.

“I’m coming with you!” Cadence demanded again. Shining sighed in defeat powering down the carriage. “Besides darling,
the owner of that building may be a beautiful woman and you may never come back to me again.” Cadence said jokingly. Shining laughed in response as they got out, Cadence levitating the newspaper over her head as they left. As they walked off Shining kicked the broken wheel with a hoof. Thunder cracked across the sky.

As they approached the castle, the pair was met with a tall spiked iron gate. On it was a white sign with the words ‘Enter at your own risk!!’ painted on it. Shining turned to Cadence shrugging as he squeezed through the gate. Once again thunder cracked through the sky.

For some reason a light drum beat was playing from Celestia knows where in the background as Cadence walked towards the building. Knocking into a fir tree branch she started to sing as most ponies do in strange situations.

“In the velvet darkness,
of the blackest night,
burning bright,
there's a guiding star,
no matter what…” Thunder crashed again as Cadence finally caught up with Shining Armour. “Or who you are.”
“There's a light…” The pair sang together. Once again from Celestia knows where a black pony choir sang out loudly

“Over at the Frankenstein place!”

“There's a light.” Cadence and Shining sang again walking towards the castle.

“Burning in the fireplace!” Sang the choir.

“There’s a light, light, in the darkness of everybody's life.” Shining and Cadence sang before dashing away from each other as some men on bikes drove towards them.

Meanwhile a pasty white unicorn stallion with a shock of dirty blonde frizzy hair falling at the back who was wearing a butlers’ outfit, watched down from a window underneath a glass dome.

“The darkness must go
down the river
of night's dreaming
Flow Morphia slow,
let the sun and light come streaming…” He sang softly with a forehoof on the glass pane before getting louder and singing.
“Into my life,
into my ~life~” Lightning flashed again as Shining and Cadence continued to sing.
“There’s a ~light~”

“Over at the Frankenstein place!” the choir sang at the top of the castle a flag with a black symbol billowed in the breeze.

“There’s a light…” the couple sang again.

“Burning in the fireplace there’s a light...a light.” The choir sang for the final time. Finally Shining and Cadence finished the song by singing the final line.

“In the darkness of everybody’s life.” before walking up to the castle door.

=======

The aging stallion in his suit scanned through one of the statements before turning the page to a map marking where the carriage broke down, where the castle was and where Dr Scot lived.

“It seemed that fortune had smiled on Shining and Cadence and that they had found the assistance that their plight required… or had they?” He said with an eyebrow raised before bringing his cigarette to his mouth.

=======

Cadence and Shining stood in-front of the grand oak doors of the castle.

“Oh Shining, please, let’s go back, I’m cold and I’m frightened.” Cadence pleaded, panting.

“Just a moment Cadence they may have a phone.” Shining said, cleaning a pair of glasses and placing them back on his head (for reasons unknown, he doesn’t even wear glasses! Have you seen him wear glasses? Exactly!) Shining pushed a button next to the door making a strange tinkle. Shining smiled at Cadence as the door creaked open. The pale stallion who had been watching them from the window stuck his head out of the door.

“Hello.” He said in a strange voice almost as if he was gagging as he spoke.
Shining Armour stuck a forehoof out to the stallion.

“Hi, my name’s Shining Armour.” The stallion looked at the hoof. Shining looked at him before pulling Cadence towards him. “Uh, this is my fiancé, Mi Amore Cadenza.” Cadence smiled wanly at him. “I was wondering if you might help us? You see, our car broke down a few miles up the road. Do you have a phone we might use?” The stallion continued to stare.

“You’re wet.” He stated.

“Yes… It’s raining.” Cadence replied looking up at her husband. For the umpteenth time that evening lightning flashed across the sky.

“Yes.” The stallion said, dragging out the word. “I think perhaps you better both…come inside.” He opened the door wider for them to come in.

“You’re too kind.” Cadence said before looking at Shining in a “why the hell are we doing this” way. When they were inside, the pair shook their bodies to try and shake off the rain. They looked at the foyer in which they were standing. Dust and cobwebs were strewn everywhere. An ornately carved staircase was at the right side of the room.

“Shining I’m frightened! What kind of place is this?”

“Uh it’s probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdo’s.” Shining informed Cadence who nodded as if this explained everything. The pale stallion shut the door behind them with a click. The pair turned to look at him.

“This way.” he told them leading them through the house. Muffled cheering could be heard as the group walked through the building.

“Are you having a party?” Cadence asked. The stallion turned to face them.

“You’ve arrived on a rather special night. It’s one of the master’s affairs.” He informed her.

“Oh… lucky him.” Cadence replied. Next to her a mare with long frizzy orange hair wearing a maids outfit turned to her before exclaiming.

“You’re lucky! He’s lucky! I’m lucky! We’re all lucky! Ha ha ha!” She yelled manically as she swung her legs over the stair banister and sliding down. She threw her feather duster to the stallion as a clock bell rang one…two…three…four…five…six…seven times. The stallion swung open the door of a coffin with a skeleton inside. At the top was a hole with a clock mechanism. Next to the clock was a painting of a balding stallion and an aging, grey maned mare. In the background an electric guitar played a heavy beat.

“It’s astounding…” the stallion sang, wiping the cobwebs on the skeleton away before turning to Cadence and Shining Armour with a wide eyed manic look on his face.

“Time is fleeting, madness takes its toll.” He said dancing behind the open door of the coffin poking his head behind the hole with the clock mechanism. The maid laughed behind them.

“But listen closely.” He continued.

“Not for very much longer.” The maid sang.

“I’ve got to keep control.” Someone ran their hands across a keyboard as the music picked up.

“I remember!” The stallion shouted.

“Doing the Tiiiime Waaaarrp!” The stallion ran behind the wire mesh covering a lift. He held onto one of the corners and he moved a fore hoof up and down in the air.

“Drinking those moments when! The blackness within me!” He continued dancing around the lift shaft.

“And the void would be calling.” The butler and maid sang together moving their forehooves together and pushing away, as Shining and Cadence dashed away. The servants ran after them as the doors to a ball room opened. The crowd inside turned to face them as they all sang in unison.

“Let’s do the Time Warp again!” The ponies all wore some garish futuristic looking clothing.

=======

The grey stallion pulls down a sheet with some diagrams. The top one shows a pair of feat each labelled L and R. At the top is a curved arrow crossing between the two feet from right to left. The arrow is labelled jump. He turns.

“It’s just a jump to the left.” He says pointing at the diagram with long stick.

=======

The crowd all jump to the left before singing,

“And then a step to the ri-i-iiiight”. They say doing so moving their hands down their bodies as they step right repeatedly.

=======

“You put your hooves on your hips.” The grey stallion informs saying the words around his cigarette.

=======

The crowd all balance on their hind legs and move their two fore hooves to their hips.
“And bring your knees in ti-ii-ight.” They shrilly sing before jumping a 360 so they all stand in a circle. “But it’s the pelvic thru-uu-st.” They sing all violently pelvic thrusting into the centre of the circle. “It really drives you insai-ia-iaiine. Let’s do the Time Warp again! Let’s do the Time Warp again!” People around them snack on party snacks one particularly fat stallion wearing large blue sunglasses eating a custard finger. At the back of the room Shining catches Cadence as she falls into his arms.

“It’s so dreamy, oh fantasy free me! So you can’t see me? No? Not at all?” She sings in her accented voice walking to the corner of the room backwards on her hind legs moving her fore hooves across her face extravagantly.
“In another dimension. With voyeuristic intention. Well-secluded, I see all.” She finishes.

“With a bit of a bit of a mind flip.” The butler sings.

“You’re into the time slip.” Continues the maid, saying slip breathlessly.

“And nothing will ever be the same.” Sang the butler offering Shining and Cadence a scone which the politely declined.
“You’re spaced out on sensation.”

“Like you’re under sedatioooon!” Yells the stallion finishing the verse as Cadence fainted into Shining’s arms.

“Let’s do the Time Warp again! Let’s do the Time Warp again!” The crowd cheered again as the butler and maid duo walked across the ballroom bending over and straightening up repeatedly to a mare in a black sparkly saddle and yellow sequined top hat and jacket, who was sitting on top of a jukebox.

“Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think.
When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink.
He shook me up, he took me by surprise.
He had a pickup truck and the devil's eyes.
He stared at me and I felt a change
Time meant nothing, never would again.” She sang in a thick Boston accent.

“Let’s Do the Time Warp again!” The crowd sang twice again getting into a line.

=======

The grey stallion now standing on his desk jumps to the left as he says “It’s just a jump to the left!” excitedly.

=======

“And then a step to the r-i-iii-ight.”

========

“With your hooves on your hips!”

========

“You bring your knees in ti-i-ight! But it’s the pelvic thru-uust it really drives you insai-ai-aiine. Let’s do the Time Warp again!” The mare in the sequined outfit jumped off of the jukebox and landed on her hind legs. She started to dance around on the marble floor with a

“Weeew.” Going through a complicated tap dance, which ended with her spinning across to the other end of the room on some stairs that led up to a throne.

“Let’s do the Time Warp again!” The crowd cheered for a final time going through the motions of their crazy dance. As this was happening Cadence tugged on Shining Armours mane and gestured for them to leave. The pair slowly backed away to the doors as the group all pelvic thrusted in a line one behind the other.
Shining and Cadence stood in front of the door as the song finally ended and the dancers fell to the floor. They stared at them.

“Say something.” Cadence told her husband to be.

“Say! Do any of you guys know how to Maredison?” Shining asked enthusiastically. Cadence groaned in response as all of the dancers got up at the floor chuckling.

“Shining please. Let’s get out of here.” Cadence pleaded.

“For Celestia’s sake Cadence, keep a grip on yourself.”

“But it seems unhealthy here.” Whilst the pair we bickering the dancers looked behind them as the elevator behind them slowly lowered behind the opened doors to the dance room. In the background, a subtle drum beat could be heard and a pair of high heels tapped along to the beat.

“It’s just a party Cadence.”

“Well I wanna go!”

“Well we can’t go anywhere till I get to a phone!”

“Well ask the butler or someone.”

“Just a moment Cadence we don’t want to interfere with their celebrations.”

“This isn’t the junior chamber of commerce Shining.”

“They’re probably foreigners with way’s different from our own they may do some more…folk dancing.” The dancers chuckled at Shining’s statement.

“Look I’m cold! I’m wet! And I’m just plain scared!” Cadence cried hysterically.

“I’m here. There’s nothing to worry about.” Shining told Cadence reassuringly. Cadence turned around and came face to face with a tall unicorn stallion wearing a cape covering his body. His face was painted white and his eyes were heavily made up with black mascara. His libs were painted a deep blood red and his mane was frizzy and died black. She screamed passing out once again. The stallion smiled at them before breaking out into a song.

“How do you do? I… see you’ve met my… faithful handy colt. He’s just little brought down because… when you knocked… he thought you were the… candy colt.” He leaned towards Shining as he sang.

“Don’t get strung up! About the way I look. Don’t judge a book by its cove-a-ahah.” He sang walking down the red carpet towards the throne at the far end of the ball room. He reached the throne and turned round.

“I’m not much of a colt by the light of day but by night I’m one hell of a lover.” he sang throwing off his cape revealing a disturbing sight. He wore long socks over his fore hooves and long fish net stockings connected to a garter belt on his back hooves. His middle was covered by a saddle and he wore a pearl necklace around his neck. On his right shoulder was a heart tattoo pierced by a dagger with the word boss written on a scroll underneath.

“I’m just a sweet transvestite.” he continued swaying his body from side to side to make himself look provocative.
“From Transsss-sexual Transilvainiaaaa-haha”. He jumps down the stairs before walking towards Shining and Cadence. “Let me show you around maybe… play you a sound you look like you’re both… pretty groovy.” As he says that, he looks to the side grimacing showing that the pair clearly were not ‘groovy’. “Or if you want something visual that’s not too abysmal we could take in an old Steve Reaves movie.” He sang, moving the pair down the aisle towards his throne. He left them standing there and went to get a glass of water. Shining coughed.

“Er, I’m glad we caught you at home, could we use your phone? We’re both in a bit of a hurry.” He informed him as the stallion went to greet his guests.

“Right.” Cadence confirmed. The stallion looked at her oddly.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Dr Furter.” One of the guests said as they shook hooves.

“Well just stay where we are and then go back to the carriage. We don’t want to be any worry.” Shining finished. The Dr threw his water away and burst out into song in response.

“So you got caught with a flat? Well-“ He raised his left eyebrow, “-how about that. Well babies don’t you panic. By the light of the night! It will all seem alright. I’ll get you a satanic. Mechanic. I’m just a sweet transvestite.” He sang now standing in front of his throne again where he was joined by his butler and maid as well as the girl in the sequined top hat and suit. He sat down putting his hind legs over the arm.

“Why don’t you stay for the night?”

“Night.” The butler whispered.

“Or maybe a bite.”

“Bite.” The girl whispered clenching her teeth and licking her lips.

“I could show you my favorite. Obsession. I’ve been making a man.” She informed Shining and Cadence playing with her butlers hair. “With blonde hair and a tan. And he’s good for relieving my… tension. I’m just a sweet transvestite.” He slowly started to raise.

“From transsexual Transylvaniaa-ahaha. Hit it, hit it!” He yelled walking towards his elevator.

“I’m just a sweet transvestite.” He sang as the ponies around his throne echoed.

“Sweet transvestite.”

“From transsexual Transylvania.” He turned to face everyone.

“So…Come up to the lab.” Cadence looked to the side nervously.
“And see what’s on the slab.” He continued as Shining mimicked his fiancé’s action.
“I see you shiver. With antici…-” He waited, watching their faces. “-pation. But maybe the rain!” Shining ran a hoof through his wet main self-consciously. “Is ah really to blame. So I’ll remove the cause.” Cadence grinned thankfully as the stallion chuckled. “But not the symptom!” He finished as he entered his elevator which proceeded to rise up into the ceiling.

Author's Note:

YAY another chapter done! Honestly doing the Time Warp was a pain in the arse. I hope you enjoyed it though ^^ of course thanks again to Kalreas for proof reading and editing.

Comments

[Minimoog Voyager]

3200081HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

I see what you did there.

[Minimoog Voyager]

3200152Man, you're just a Wild and Untamed Thing with these references and puns, aren't you?

[Minimoog Voyager]

3200228Fine. I'm Going Home, then.

[Minimoog Voyager]

3200250That was pretty good! Don't give up, because in 7 days, I Can Make You a Man!

[Minimoog Voyager]

3200269Fine. I guess... fuck it, I can't think of anymore

[Nevermind1]

Sooo... Are you ever going to finish this or...?

[SudokuBrony]

3200285 dammit Janet!