A nice story so far, though I was hoping yo wouldn't fall into the whole "meat is bad" trope. One, there are omnivourous, and carnivourous races that tghey have to deal with. Two, humans need to eat meat. Unless you just have you character eacting bugs, beans, and nuts all of the time.
The dude must have shrunk big time. If he really was benching that amount, and now not eating meat....I don't care how many nuts,beans, and certain grains your eating. The daily protein intake he needed was enormous, and if you somehow get the required amount of protein the quantity of food to get there alone would kill any kind of healthy diet.
I totally agree with Squid an Seraph. In order to keep at the level he was before he got sent to Equestria without eating anymeat he'd have to spend big portion of his day just eating for the protein needed. If he ate like he normally would without any meat he'd be hungry all the time an he'd lose alot of the muscle mass he had.
Running in jeans and steel toed boots, what? For 3 hours? That's like 30 miles in shoes that are not meant for running, going bare foot would be better. Just think about it makes my feet hurt.
Dude's Canadian. Damn bastards tear the bark from maple trees with their teeth and suck the syrup fresh with their tongues, not to mention that they ride mooses into battle while commanding entire bear battalions... They are the russians of america
2212518 actually, you get used to them right away. I wear work boots 3 seasons a year, then it's the steel toed winter boots. wicked ankle support, and most summer boots aren't that heavy. mind you I'm canadian.
2214260 I ran in steel-toed boots once (And only once). Regretted it all of the next day. Now I'm not buff (Nor will I ever be), but this guy is just Marty Stu material. The story itself isn't bad though.
Well, it doesn't explicitly say that he NEVER eats meat...still I imagine he'd be a bit leaner. If he could bench 400 lbs though, I bet he still looks great. And just to clarify, the blue one is Lotus, isn't it?
… “Now the date was now March 29th 2013” – “Now” doesn’t need to be used twice. … “I began to turn off the lights in my house then as I began to leave I” – Okay, this just needs a few commas, or maybe just one: Between ‘house’ and ‘then’. Possibly a second one between ‘leave’ and ‘I’, though. … “stopped to time my boot laces” – Okay, I knew what you meant, but you should have made it clearer. ‘time my boot laces’ just sounds… weird.
Story, story... well, I still question what kind of person could go three years and lose so many things, yet still develop a solid mental state. Half a year, I'd understand, but three? Sounds like they're a bit too reliant on the magic of 'a solid habit'. So much for friendship.
Complaints about the dietary needs are already addressed, so I can let that slide without remark. In terms of writing, you sometimes seem to go quite a while without a comma. Sure, it's not quite a bad thing, but still, a little punctuation can go a long way, especially with a First-Person narrative.
I had said most of the problems in the Prologue, so now I'll just end with something else that popped in my head while I was reading a certain section. Bold is mine, normal is yours:
I began my morning jog about one minute early which made me smile. I always liked to be early. The morning air was cold and fresh, the sun was still down but the moon was gone and it was still dark out. Lamp posts illuminated the semi dark streets.
As time progressed through the morning the sun began to rise but only just slightly. The lamp posts flickered off as the morning sun rose ever so slowly over the horizon, giving off a warm feeling to the morning. Mist was on the grass, gleaming in the sunlight as I passed by the front lawns of several local residents.
As I walked past one of the mist-covered lawns, I was drawn to a large creaking sign that was hanging from an old signpost. I was amazed that I had not seen it in my past jogs, but it said "Welcome to Silent Hill". I couldn't tell what it meant so I continued my jog.
2244814 Actually, I would like to point something out about the diet. I hate being nit-picky but with the lack of meat, I'd like to know where he's getting the protein for his muscle. You don't see a muscley vegetarian as far as I know.
2262524 Certain vegetables and legumes, like beans + most other vegetables, can be eaten together to at least meet the protein requirement. That and if Equestrians eat eggs there's protein there. That would only be for meeting the requirement, though; I'm not sure how many protein-rich vegetables and beans there are and how many he'd have to eat.
Then you must have some other source that is very high in protein. While it is technically healthier to get protein from other sources, we developed as omnivores because, until modern times, getting those other sources in large enough quantities was very difficult (if not outright impossible for many areas of the globe). Meat, however, isn't all that hard to acquire (comparatively).
The date is March 29th?! Are you stalking my mom or something, because that's her birthday. If you are... I'LL F*CKING KILL YOU!!! JK you can have her!
I already love it.
I'm not into the clop, but at least you make and effort to throw in some backstory, maybe the story can be enjoyable.
Brilliantly done mate!
A nice story so far, though I was hoping yo wouldn't fall into the whole "meat is bad" trope. One, there are omnivourous, and carnivourous races that tghey have to deal with. Two, humans need to eat meat. Unless you just have you character eacting bugs, beans, and nuts all of the time.
The dude must have shrunk big time. If he really was benching that amount, and now not eating meat....I don't care how many nuts,beans, and certain grains your eating. The daily protein intake he needed was enormous, and if you somehow get the required amount of protein the quantity of food to get there alone would kill any kind of healthy diet.
I totally agree with Squid an Seraph. In order to keep at the level he was before he got sent to Equestria without eating anymeat he'd have to spend big portion of his day just eating for the protein needed. If he ate like he normally would without any meat he'd be hungry all the time an he'd lose alot of the muscle mass he had.
2208006
cam down sir. This here is 'questria! The plants have protein! Didn't you see the giant flowers that chased rarity in the comics?
Running in jeans and steel toed boots, what? For 3 hours? That's like 30 miles in shoes that are not meant for running, going bare foot would be better. Just think about it makes my feet hurt.
2212518
Dude's Canadian. Damn bastards tear the bark from maple trees with their teeth and suck the syrup fresh with their tongues, not to mention that they ride mooses into battle while commanding entire bear battalions... They are the russians of america
2212518
actually, you get used to them right away. I wear work boots 3 seasons a year, then it's the steel toed winter boots. wicked ankle support, and most summer boots aren't that heavy. mind you I'm canadian.
2214061 that was racist AND GODDAMN HILARIOUS, no offense to canadians
2216770
I wouldn't consider it racist, because it's not.
I'd consider it the truth.
2214260 I ran in steel-toed boots once (And only once). Regretted it all of the next day. Now I'm not buff (Nor will I ever be), but this guy is just Marty Stu material. The story itself isn't bad though.
Well, it doesn't explicitly say that he NEVER eats meat...still I imagine he'd be a bit leaner. If he could bench 400 lbs though, I bet he still looks great. And just to clarify, the blue one is Lotus, isn't it?
2219583 blue body with pink hair is Lotus... pink body with blue hair is Aloe
Im nit. Great with twins either
2214061 No! Thats vegan vampires! The kind that get even lauged at by the ones Stephenie Meyer writes.
Still no solid errors, but a few complaints.
… “Now the date was now March 29th 2013” – “Now” doesn’t need to be used twice.
… “I began to turn off the lights in my house then as I began to leave I” – Okay, this just needs a few commas, or maybe just one: Between ‘house’ and ‘then’. Possibly a second one between ‘leave’ and ‘I’, though.
… “stopped to time my boot laces” – Okay, I knew what you meant, but you should have made it clearer. ‘time my boot laces’ just sounds… weird.
Story, story... well, I still question what kind of person could go three years and lose so many things, yet still develop a solid mental state. Half a year, I'd understand, but three? Sounds like they're a bit too reliant on the magic of 'a solid habit'. So much for friendship.
Complaints about the dietary needs are already addressed, so I can let that slide without remark. In terms of writing, you sometimes seem to go quite a while without a comma. Sure, it's not quite a bad thing, but still, a little punctuation can go a long way, especially with a First-Person narrative.
I had said most of the problems in the Prologue, so now I'll just end with something else that popped in my head while I was reading a certain section. Bold is mine, normal is yours:
... I love these stories.
2244814 Actually, I would like to point something out about the diet. I hate being nit-picky but with the lack of meat, I'd like to know where he's getting the protein for his muscle. You don't see a muscley vegetarian as far as I know.
2262524
Certain vegetables and legumes, like beans + most other vegetables, can be eaten together to at least meet the protein requirement. That and if Equestrians eat eggs there's protein there. That would only be for meeting the requirement, though; I'm not sure how many protein-rich vegetables and beans there are and how many he'd have to eat.
Then you must have some other source that is very high in protein. While it is technically healthier to get protein from other sources, we developed as omnivores because, until modern times, getting those other sources in large enough quantities was very difficult (if not outright impossible for many areas of the globe). Meat, however, isn't all that hard to acquire (comparatively).
3897064 Nuts have protein in them. Peanuts. Almonds. Walnuts. All kinds of nuts have protein.
The date is March 29th?! Are you stalking my mom or something, because that's her birthday. If you are... I'LL F*CKING KILL YOU!!! JK you can have her!