Keep writing it man!

my favourite part was when you remembered me how long it had been since i listened to ac/dc in the end.... thank you

This fic has caught my attention.I shall eagerly await for MOAR!!

I might be interested in..*sees sex tag, puts on pyroland goggles and headbutts big red button*LETS ROCK!

This!?! I like this!

New spin on a classic idea, with spa ponies!

[](/seriouslyluna) but I thought photo finish lived like in canterlot

“Who challenges the great, powerful IRON WILL!”

... * simultaneous groan*

“What’s wrong Will? Pushing to many pencils lately”

there should have been an explosion

HELLZ YEAH! AKKA DAKKA!

So this chapter basically turned Iron Will into Mr. Satan huh? Appropriate, and hilarious. 100% Trollestia approved

Wait,wait,wait... bigger than Iron Will in muscle? Did you see him? He was a monstrosity.... so you our hero looks like that ?

cl.jroo.me/z3/o/P/n/a/a.aaa.jpg

2212274
I think I'm about to puke . I don't care who you are, that was disturbing. where did you even find that pic?

“What’s wrong Will? Pushing to many pencils lately”

Lol that's pretty nice, very classy. two thumbs up

The part with Iron Will and Ron is rather cheesy. But it's a funny kind of cheesy

I'm sorry, but him beating Iron Will like that... no. Just no. At least make it a bit of a fight; this just seems Gary Stu-esque.

as he flicked his wrist in a homosexual manner.

wat.

2215560

I agree

No freakin possible way he could beat a freakin minotaur thar easily...way over powered

Lol. The whole Iron Will part made me cringe a wee bit from the cheesiness but I think I see how you intend to utilize it for story purposes, and I'm okay with that.

"Just work out constantly"

That's fucking it? THAT'S IT?! That's like telling an artist to just practise constantly when they ask for advice. Despite it being hypothetically correct, there's absolutely nothing for them to work with. I can't take anything he's doing seriously. Especially when he flexes dat frame, I just imagine some over exaggerated shit. And this.

sociorocketnewsen.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/dsb674.jpg?w=500&h=330

2212274

So he's a Spess Mehreen?

… “Who challenges the great, powerful IRON WILL!” – You forgot to end the sentence with a question mark to accompany the exclamation mark.
… “slipped off my jean jacket, relieving my muscular body” – I’d replace ‘relieving’ with ‘revealing’. All things considered, the last time you used ‘relieving’ in this story was in the previous chapter, to describe what ‘you’ did in the bathroom.
… “this goat let’s go” – ‘let’s’ shouldn’t have the apostrophe.
… “Pushing to many pencils lately” – ‘to’ should be ‘too’, and since this is meant as a taunt, it should end with a question mark.

Alright, the story was... mostly fine, give or take the feeling of not much happening that had been expected: No spa after work, at least not yet, and really, I was hoping the main character, even if he was pretty much taunting Iron Will, would at least be more humble in his victory than 'constant taunting'. It had a chance to really make me LIKE the character, giving them a bit of a casual look and feel, but instead it came across as more of a... boastful view.

This isn't taking into account the fact of him beating Iron Will like he was nothing at all. I could accept a bit of the suspension of disbelief, but you could have at least made the fight seem a bit less one-sided, especially with the audience gasping after a 'delayed victory' scene, which would NEVER happen: They'd gasp at the start when Iron Will would be losing, but assuming Ron is well-liked, they'd be cheering by the time Iron Will actually lost, letting the tension of the match sink into the audience and get them riled up before the end of it, more than likely erupting in applause.

Some things were believable, like a significantly smaller pony trying to get a bigger individual to compete on their behalf, or the personality of Iron Will, but the details of making the character seem more 'average', which were actually well-explored in the previous chapter with not only him having a decent job and routine, but even a jogging partner in Aloe (or was it Lotus?), made him a lot more likable.

I can only hope the next chapter makes up for where this one left me wanting more, actual "relatability" to our main character for this story.

2246137 See I like you, you're a good chap. Rather then say 'Poor grammar' you go into more detail. Don't get me wrong I'd love to have an editor I just have this stubborness about me and like to do things alone for some reason. Not sure what it is though

Alright, so this pretty much sucks due to the obvious gary stu self insert fantasy.

Actually, the story seems to make fun of itself, so is this a parody or something? I guess that's pretty funny.

2246137
I have to agree with you on the Iron Will vs Protagonist on this. If the author can, I would like an explanation as to why he decided to write it like this, just to make this more cleared up, if that's ok.