An unknown pony visits Ponyville and Spike is the only one to welcome her. The next day nopony know where he is..
Chapters (1)
Rainbow John
Joined 27th Jan, 2012 ·
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Try to work on pacing and structure. :) In general, it could be better written.
>>AAAAAAAB i culdnt agree with u more.
no offense Rainbow john but you def need some more commas and sentnce structure.
just realized i had bad spellin, but i alwys do wen i comment and stuff.
(dont want to seem like a hypocrite)
Did you rush?
Take your time, writing is an art of time, deep thought and plot development.
Give diolouge = ""
and separate lines for each sentence of diolouge.
Ex.
Two ponies entered a room.
"Where are we?" asked Tom
"It seems like an example in a comment." answered Jim
"Thanks for clearing that up Jim." replied Tom
BTW: I like the idea, I'm into writing that stuff too.
: P
185757 Sweet Celestia! your spelling/grammar is so bad i cant even read this
, and that pic is just terrible 
you just scribbled red lines over someponys pic in paint? 
come on man, if your not prepared to spend time editing or even using basic grammar just don't post an unreadable jumble of spelling mistakes and shit sentence structure. Clean it up or take it down, honestly. 
anyone here please!!
yes i didn't put any time in doing this okay? I put on some dubstep and wrote shit that just came up in my mind oh BTW English is not my language you see and i could fix it up but it would take ages..
Well said John
brohoof
Brohoof
LOL 
Its ok man. Sorry about that.
Take your time and good job with what you did.
186173 Ok so English is not your first language, still that doesn't mean you can just post a jumble of crap. There are alot of ways you can edit it, use like spelling/grammar check or get somepony who knows English to do it for you. Not to be mean but this is a waste of space, i mean i could slam my face on my keyboard call it a story and post it but i don't because i don't want to waste peoples time.
187264 You seem like an angry typer.
Besides, he has just as much right being here as you and me.
Also its already published, he just needs to edit it.
Right John?
sure
Obvious murderer is obvious
This is a huge load of shit, you suck and should go die