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Derpy's new start

Derpy has had enough between being abandoned by her family and the citizens of Ponyville trying to take her filly. Derpy has decided to walk west to Los Pegasus and begin her life over in a new home.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 6 )

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Inferno demon Dash

Inferno demon Dash #1 · Feb 18th, 2013 · · ·

Huh......ok, first off.....DERPY!!!!!! Second be sure to use " when speaking and to always seprate when others are speaking, be sure to be more detailed when speaking of apperance as well. Other then that you done a pretty good job, not the best but you are really learning, I'm impressed Shall be awaiting more and you may wish to get an editor as well, I recommand Miss Dark Angel, she's a bucking genuis

Almost forgot, remember to be very detailed when writing your summary and to be a ' after Derpy and the s, alright?

SgtDerpy

SgtDerpy #2 · Feb 18th, 2013 · · ·

2139107 Thanks for the comments and the read, I'll be making some of those changes as soon as I can. I kinda feel really bad for Derpy for this one but I really empathize with her and writing tragedy is a little easier than comedy.

Nima55

Nima55 #3 · Mar 25th, 2013 · · ·

Not bad, but needs improvement. It's very abrupt and doesn't flow well.

dragonpony111

dragonpony111 #4 · May 18th, 2013 · · ·

Loved it. Only thing I thought was super grimdark is how you basically say derpy watched her filly pass away due to cold and hunger and then she took a nap and passed away herself, and they both ended up in heaven or whatever equestrians call it. To at least save her filly you would think Derpy would have given her up in Ponyville before making that dangerous trek across the mountains.

SgtDerpy

SgtDerpy #5 · May 19th, 2013 · · ·

2596362Thank you for the favourite! I was kinda thinking about the story of the Matchstick Girl, and, well this kinda came from that. I think she would have left Dinky with someone if she had seen that as an option, I have seen people do similarly sad and pathetic and extreme things to help their kids and unfortunately often it dosent work. In this case I didn't see Derpy as having that option.

dragonpony111