Rainbow Dash has always hated help from others ponies. A tragedy soon makes Rainbow realize that she is not all that independent.
Chapters (1)
Lunaluver
Joined 17th Jun, 2012 ·
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This whole story feels way to rushed, it should be slowed down a great deal and split into multiple chapters.
The title should be changed, because since Rainbow plays a huge part in the story, it should also include her.
And I did giggle a bit at Big Mac's fifth leg.
2067783
Make the writing bigger?
It's fine for me.
What do you mean?
>>ShagDragon I was half asleep when I wrote this and my sister thought of the title. .-.
2067843
I'm half asleap when I write lots of my stuff.
I don't then go and publish said dribble.
Why didn't you look it over carefully to find errors?
Uh Wut?
Went a little too fast, might want to work on your pacing
I think RD would be a lot mor emotionally distressed and ow can she Applebuck with a protein leg? It'll probably break
how Getting RD layed gonna help her?
2067927 I spent 45 minutes trying to correct grammar mistakes.
2067939
You tried. Fair enough then.
My apologies, I assumed you hadn't.
2067931 I have no idea how to reply to that..
2068000 you should say something like 'to reduce the stress of losing a wing, a leg, her life and her dreams'
The story was too fast paced, and before you post a story, try finding a proof reader to help you. More help is better than none at all. The more you write, the better you get.
2069521 I didn't quite think that through..
2067815 Yea I figured out what the problem was, it was on my end.
Oh well.
2069552 You should probably write out a story plan, and make it airtight.
2067811
"The Final Frontier has some boundaries that shouldn't be crossed. And we're looking at one." - Captain Janeway, "The Omega Directive"
2097147
I thought we were exchanging awkward Star Trek lines. That's my favourite. XD
But to give an actual critique of the story - yes, too fast paced, and no exploration of Rainbow's new condition whatsoever. There's a lot you can do with this kind of scenario - indeed, a lot that has been done with this scenario. For that, we need details! What's it like to lose a leg? Or to wear a prosthesis? What's the prosthesis like? Would Dash care that it looks weird, or would she think it's cool? Things like this interest readers, but you have to give it to them. :)
"Yes it is. If I would have came faster.." come
There never seemed to be an indication that Applejack needed to show up to begin with. You're 11 and you're making jokes about Big Mac's "fifth leg"? Your first sentence shouldn't have the spaces between words like that. It's "laughing stock" not "laughing stalk". Everything about this story is way too fast, there's no chance to breathe and feel bad for Rainbow Dash having this accident and her death is even more rushed. Where's the rest of the mane six? They would be worried as well. There was no mention before of Applejack telling Rainbow Dash to stay away from a tree.
This really is a good idea, but you need to flesh it out WAY more for it to be interesting and better paced.
Does the story have anything to do with Applejack's Sorrow? I'm not sure. But you had a good idea.
2955091 Not really...