• Member Since 17th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen Jun 22nd, 2014



Imagine waking up in a familiar pink Pegasus's body, in a place you have never been in before. Turns out it is Lauren Faust's house, in 1985.

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 25 )

Well, I think the writing could be better, but I like it. ^^

well this is interesting.

I like the idea, but the writing could be better:twilightsmile:

There are some errors but it's an interesting premise.

Oh great back then people could break the fourth wall.

Somepony's jealous.

Look on the bright side, you get to eventually relive the 90's.

2174850 With all the great music. :rainbowkiss:

2174939 There was some pretty-good music, but I was personally more of a cartoon boy myself.

2174998 True. They had great Cartoons then.

this pony could stop 9/11!!!!

I can't say the main character is particularly endearing, but maybe he's not supposed to be. :)

One suggestion: stick to a tense. Preferably past tense. It's a common amateur mistake to try writing a story in present tense - most stories are not written that way, and what inevitably happens is that the writer ends up falling back into past tense anyway, which results in a confusing story.

This is just a really confusing read:derpyderp1::derpyderp2:

Stick to past sense, lady:flutterrage:

You're a girl, but the main character was originally a guy, right?

I'm no medical expert, but I'm pretty sure that broken bones usually need to be set to prevent them from healing incorrectly. There are also a bunch of grammar errors, and the flow seems a bit choppy at times. I'm not trying to tear your story down or anything, it's still a pretty interesting concept, it's just that it would be better if it flowed better.

At one point you said that you and J.W. had known each other since you were two, and later you said that the two of you had been friends since birth.

Craig seems to just come out of nowhere and not really add much of anything to the story. The timeskip also seems a bit jarring. Perhaps you should have expanded upon some of Firefly, Lauren, and Craig's interactions that took place after Craig first saw Firefly, and the future events.
There still seem to be some grammar errors, as well as omitted words. Still interesting, but I recommend finding an editor.

2311198 I've never broken a bone before, so I have no idea. Sorry about the grammar mistakes, I'm only in sixth grade.

2311198 Nope Firefly is not a guy, she was Lauren's original design Rainbow Dash.

2311264 Crap. I'll work on that.

2312051 See that you do.:eeyup::derpytongue2: It can only help.

2312050 I mean the person who became Firefly.

2312038 I've never broken any bones either (unless you count a tooth as a bone), but I do a lot of reading. Keep practicing, you'll eventually get better. I know that I was personally terrible at spelling all through elementary school, pretty-much never studying my spelling words probably had something to do with that.:derpytongue2: Ah sixth grade, I dimly remember it: a place for coats and backpacks along the wall, going to a different classroom for math class (where I was eventually not allowed to bring my pencil box because I kept a bunch of stuff like rubber bands, paper clips, springs and other parts of old pens, some old brass fasteners, etc. that I used to tinker with in class. I was also constantly reading in class, so I wasn't allowed to bring non-school books to math class.), snack time (I think we still got that in sixth grade), going out to Recess and often spending it reading. It's been a while. (I'm currently in college, so, um, yeah...)

Anyway, sorry for rambling on.:twilightblush:
Good luck with your writing.

The vinegar thing.. When I was little I walked around school with vinegar packets in my boots. I was either going to drink it, or squirt it in peoples eyes.

I admit I enjoy malt vinegar on my chips... but drinking it? :rainbowhuh:

I'm a girl... And I don't like yaoi XD

Ok if your a female dog. Then your a bitch. But your not. So...

Why is this cancelled

Well that was a good story funny too to bad it's dead

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