Chapter 4
AN: Project Horizons spoilers incoming if you haven’t read to at least chapter 33 I’d advise not reading this until you have
Also thanks to KKat and Somber for their awesome characters
Chapter 4
The look on your face says it all
Ethan groaned with pain as the world suddenly came back into existence. His back and chest felt like someone had been digging beneath his skin with a scalpel, and the scalpel lying on the metal tray next to the bed confirmed it. He yawned and reached down to scratch his stomach, and found that he was stark naked.
“So I was either in intensive surgery, or I was having really kinky sex.” Ethan said with another yawn. A snort of laughter from the right made Ethan turn his head and he saw a brown stallion walking towards him.
“Welcome back to the land of the living, I’m Doctor Helpinghoof.” The stallion said kindly with a smile.
“Thanks Doc, the name’s Ethan Smith.” Ethan replied with a smile before he changed topics. “So Doc, do you think should I be concerned about the fact I’ve woken up like this enough times for me to feel comfortable on a hospital bed?” Ethan asked with a smile.
“I would think so.” The stallion said with a slight chuckle.
“Umm, do you have my armor?” Ethan asked after a few seconds of silence.
“Yes, it’s being cleaned; it’s costing you twenty to thirty caps.” The stallion replied.
“That’s fine; I’ve got more than enough of those. It’s just that I’m not used to being naked except when I’ve got a girl on top of me.” Ethan replied with a cheeky grin.
“I see…” Helpinghoof replied with a curious look on his face.
“So how long was I out?” Ethan asked, again changing subjects.
“About a day. Honestly, I’m extremely surprised that you’re up and about so soon.” The stallion told him.
“Well, it’s better than after I activated Project Purity. I was out for two weeks straight.” Ethan said with a shake of his head as he scooted off of the medical cot and began to stretch his legs.
“You were unconscious for two weeks?” The stallion asked.
“Yeah, that’s what happens when a giant water purifier/G.E.C.K. combo overloads when you’re attempting to bring fresh water back to the Capital Wasteland.” Ethan replied with a shrug as his eyes caught sight of a large bin full of small pieces of metal. “So that’s why I suddenly feel lighter.” He said with a chuckle as he walked over the bin and picked it up.
“You had eight pounds of metal shrapnel in your body; frankly I’m not even sure how you managed to survive for so long.” Helpinghoof said.
“Well, I’m hard to kill.” Ethan replied with a chuckle as he flicked what had once been a .50 caliber bullet.
“You were also carrying around a worryingly high amount of radiation, so we fed you enough radaway to leave you completely rad free.” The buck added.
“Shit. Well that’s going to make things more difficult.” Ethan said with a slightly annoyed snort.
“What?” The Helpinghoof asked in confusion, normally his patients were grateful for the radiation purge.
“Well if I’m not charged with enough radiation my bones don’t snap back together when broken or shattered, and it also decreases my natural healing abilities.” Ethan replied.
“So your body heals as if you were a ghoul?” The buck asked curiously after a few seconds of thought.
“Kind of. It’s more of a benign mutation then anything to do with the ghoulification process, or so I’ve been told by a ghoul doctor anyways.” Ethan said with a shrug as he stretched his neck and back; he received several loud pops from his joints, causing the brown buck to look at him oddly.
“If you’d go and wait in the waiting room I’m sure that your armor will be ready soon, in the meantime your undershirt and pants have been washed.” Helpinghoof told him.
“Great. Oh, and where are my magnum, sword, and carbine?” Ethan asked.
“In the locker by the door with your underclothes.” The stallion told him. Ethan nodded his thanks and turned towards the door and picked up his stuff.
To his delight it seemed that the stallion had been telling the truth, and he quickly pulled on the black sweatpants and skin shirt-that he always wore underneath the armor, along with his leather duster and combat boots. He was also happy to see that whoever had washed his clothing had also taken the time and effort to sew it back together and removed the bullet, and horn, holes that covered the shirt. With that done he clipped his magnum to the belt around his waist, hooked his scabbard onto his hip, and slung his carbine over his shoulder. He gave the Doctor a final nod before walking over to the door and opening it softly.
“What, no kick?” Holly asked from where she was sitting in a plastic seat right outside the door, reading an old prewar magazine that looked to be about gardening. She wasn’t wearing her armor and Ethan’s eye quickly caught sight of the red flower on her flanks.
“Hey, I’m in an occupied building that was kind enough to patch me up, the least I can do is not leave scuff marks on their doors.” Ethan replied easily with a chuckle.
“Heh, so how’re you feeling?” Holly asked, changing subjects.
“I’m feeling great, but I need to find some radiation or else the next time someone breaks my arm it’s going to stay broken until I can get a stimpack in it.” Ethan replied with a shrug.
“Hmm… well, I’m sure that we’ll find somewhere with enough radiation to do that.” Holly told him after a few seconds of thought.
“So you’re actually sticking with me?” Ethan asked in slight surprise. “No offense, but I kind of expected you to jump ship once we got to a safe place.” Ethan added.
“Well if I did that I figured that you’d go off and do something fucking stupid, like charging a group of hellhounds, and I decided that I didn’t want your suicide on my conscience.” Holly answered with a shrug as she got to her hooves and moved the magazine into a leather bag, which she carried on her shoulder, with her magic.
“Hey, give me some credit; I know how to survive in the Wasteland.” Ethan told her with a frown.
“Yeah, in your wasteland maybe, but here things are different. And if you go off halfcocked like that you’re going to end up with a fucking hole in your head faster than a parasprite can strip a brahmin.” Holly said with a roll of her eyes.
“Excuse me, but I’d like to talk to your tall friend.” An unexpected and polite voice said from the right. Ethan turned to find a tall, purplish unicorn wearing a black mourner’s gown standing behind him.
“Hello there, to what do I owe the pleasure my lady?” Ethan asked while giving the unicorn an elegant bow and surprising Holly with his change in demeanor.
“I carry a message for you.” The unicorn said, maintaining her polite air.
“I see; that message wouldn’t happen to have something to do with the wings underneath your dress, would it?” Ethan asked her with a slight smirk. The look of shock that flashed across the alicorn’s face was gone almost as soon as it appeared.
“Yes, yes it would.” She said quietly.
“Well then I’m all ears, and hands, and guns, and sword.” Ethan replied while his eyes flashed an icy blue.
“That won’t be necessary, at least as far as I’m concerned. I am already occupied with something.” The alicorn told him. “I am merely acting as a representative of the Goddess-”
“I hate to interrupt, but who is this goddess you keep talking about?” Eddie asked from Ethan’s Pip-Boy. “I mean, unless you’re being led by Celestia or Luna then there’s no way that you have an actual goddess leading you. So I’m curious to know who exactly thinks that they can mock my old rulers by slandering their title.” The AI asked, and for the first time since the AI had joined them Ethan heard something quite close to a threat in the program’s voice. The alicorn’s eyes suddenly widened enormously for a second as she stared detachedly at the golden Pip-Boy’s screen. Then, her eyes snapped back to normal and when the alicorn spoke again she spoke in the same voice as all of the other alicorns, although this was significantly quieter.
“WE ARE THE GODDESS OF UNITY. THE ALICORNS OF OLD WERE CLEARLY UNFIT TO UPHOLD THE TITLE OF GODDESS, OTHERWISE THIS WORLD WOULD NOT LOOK AS IT DOES NOW.” There was a significant amount of venom in her voice, enough to make Ethan’s hand reach for his sword involuntarily.
“Now, I’ll admit that Celestia, and especially Luna made some mistakes, but you will not ever say that they were unfit for their titles you ignorant limp-horned raggedy-winged donkey.” Eddie replied icily. The alicorn shook with visible rage, but she shook her head rapidly and her voice returned to the polite one that had spoken before.
“I’m sorry, you seem to have upset the Goddess so much that she cannot keep stop threatening to kill you. So I have managed to convince her that it would be best if she let me finish this discussion.” The alicorn said through a slightly strained smile.
“Aright then, so what did you want to talk to me about, or are you just trying to annoy my AI friend?” Ethan asked pointedly.
“Honestly, I came here to warn you.” The alicorn told him.
“As in the ‘I should feel threatened by you’ kind of warning, or the ‘thanks for telling me’ kind of warning?” Ethan asked; for once he was completely serious.
“The second one. Of the alicorns you fought none were using their full potential, and you only succeeded in actually killing one, the one who you beheaded.” The alicorn told him. “Furthermore, they were attempting to capture you, not to kill you. Had they wanted to kill you they would’ve.” She added.
“Wait, but I blew one of their heads open!” Ethan protested in annoyance.
“WE WERE CLOSE TO RADIATION YOU IGNORANT- please excuse her.” The alicorn said, switching voices mid conversation.
“So do you have a multi-personality disorder, or is this a hive-mind kind of deal?” Ethan asked, causing the alicorn to raise an eyebrow.
“I wouldn’t have guessed that you would know what either of those are.” The alicorn said.
“I’m smarter then I look.” Ethan replied with a chuckle.
“Yeah, you’d have to be.” Holly put in from behind him with a slight snicker.
“It’s a hive-mind; I’m the only one who really has her own personality for… reasons.” The alicorn told him.
“Oh, so do you have a name?” Ethan asked.
“Yes, it’s Lacunae.” The alicorn said with a small smile.
“Well then my dear Lacunae it is a pleasure to meet you, if you’re ever in the mood for a tumble in the hay let me know.” Ethan told her with a suggestive wag of his eyebrows.
Lacunae’s face went through several transformations extremely quickly. First came shock, then came surprise, and then came a very deep red blush that spread across her entire face.
“I-gahh! Your mind is worse than Blackjack’s!” She told him before disappearing in a flash.
“Well that was fun, let’s get something to eat.” Ethan said with a chuckle.
“You just made a fucking alicorn blush, congratulations.” Holly told him with a small smile.
“Thanks. By the way, Holly? Why don’t my guns have any ammo in them?” Ethan asked as he checked the chambers of his magnum.
“Because that’s the rule, no guns are allowed to be loaded inside of Tenpony Tower. It’s a good rule and keeps down on ponies thinking that they can end every fucking argument by shooting somepony in the face.” Holly informed him as she began to lead him out of the medical area.
“I feel naked, and not in the fun way either.” Ethan said with a slight sigh.
“You can buy rubber bullets if you want to waste the caps on them, personally I don’t feel the need or see the fucking point.” Holly said loftily.
“Yeah, I’d prefer to just punch, or slash my way through whoever tries to start a fight with me in here rather than waste caps on bullets that I’m not going to use.” Ethan agreed with a chuckle. “So what have you been up to in the day that I spent unconscious?” Ethan asked.
“I got us a room and some prewar food to split. Trust me, it’s not worth actually paying to fucking eat at any of the Goddess damned restaurants here.” Holly replied as they walked out of the medical wing and found themselves in a posh, well-lit hallway. Several well-dressed ponies turned to stare at Ethan, alarmed by the human’s sudden appearance among them.
“I suddenly know how it feels to be a super mutant.” Ethan grumbled as he followed Holly down the hallway towards an elevator.
“I don’t know what that is, but I’ll take your word for it.” Holly replied before stopping in front of the elevator. “His studio is on the top floor, and ours on the seventh, room 21. I’ll be waiting there by the time you’re done talking Pon-3.” She told him.
“Works for me.” Ethan told her with a chuckle as he walked into the elevator and hit the button for the top floor.
He waited for the elevator to drop him on the top floor, all the while humming the tune to ‘Civilization’. Once the elevator car had reached the top floor, it opened to a set of double doors. Ethan walked up to them and knocked once.
“Come in.” A feminine voice called softly from the other side, and Ethan pushed the doors open to find himself in a stately suite.
Off to one side of the room was an open doorway that had, from what Ethan could see, a large amount of radio equipment that reminded Ethan of Three Dog’s set up inside. Sitting on the couch cradling a brown-maned unicorn mare’s head in her lap was a blue-maned unicorn. The brown one’s eyes were closed in exhaustion, and Ethan could tell from experience that she’d been out late fighting.
“Ah, did I come at a bad time?” Ethan asked quietly with a nod towards the sleeping unicorn.
“Oh no, not at all. I’m Homage by the way. I’m Pon-3’s assistant, and you must be Ethan.” The blue-maned unicorn said with a small smile as she expertly expedited herself out from underneath the brown-maned one, who mumbled something in her sleep.
“Guilty as charged.” Ethan replied with a wink.
Homage nodded and waved him over to a slightly more secluded section of the room. Now that he saw her standing up, Ethan noticed that the blue-maned unicorn appeared to be much smaller than the average pony that Ethan had seen so far, only coming up to his upper thigh compared to how most came up to his stomach.
Ethan followed her to a comfortably appointed kitchen where the unicorn sat down in a chair at the table and nodded for him to do the same. Ethan eyed it warily; it looked sturdy enough, but he wasn’t sure if it would be able to hold his larger body.
“Don’t worry; they’re built to be able to hold up the weight of hellhounds, if one ever came for an interview anyways.” The unicorn said with a slight chuckle. The man took the seat and found to his surprise that it did indeed take his weight without complaint, although the distinct lack of leg room was annoying.
“I was expecting something… a bit different. I thought I was meeting directly with DJ-Pon3.” Ethan said after he took a few seconds getting as comfortable as possible in the seat.
“I get that a lot.” She said with another chuckle.
“Yeah, I’ll bet you do.” Ethan replied with a grin. “Then again, I got here two days ago, so what do I know about it?” He added with a chuckle. The mare’s eyes widened slightly.
“You just came to Equestria two days ago? how did you travel to Manehatten so quickly?” She asked.
“I got drunk, I think.” Ethan replied with a slight smile.
“You got drunk.” The mare repeated.
“Yep, the last thing I remember was convincing Sarah Lyons to go drinking in the bar at Megaton. The next thing I know I’m waking up, leaning against the side of a grey building with the sound of Holly almost being raped in my ears.” Ethan told her with a shrug. “All in all, it’s not altogether the weirdest thing that’s happened to me when I’ve been drunk.” He added with a chuckle.
“Hmm… So your first instinct upon hearing a mare screaming is to go help her?” Homage asked curiously.
“Of course; provided of course she isn’t a raider or a slaver because then she’s on her own.” Ethan replied with a shrug. “Anyways, I didn’t get the title ‘Wasteland Savior’ by letting women get raped on my watch.” The man added with a grim smile.
“Who gave you that title?” The DJ asked.
“Oh, well, that’s one of the titles that Three Dog gave me, although personally my two favorites are the Lone Wanderer and that Crazy Son of a Bitch, mostly because they sound the best.” He said. “He’s always going on about his ‘good fight’ and the importance of radaway.” The man added with a slight shake of his head.
“I’m surprised that I haven’t heard of him.” Homage said. “Well, unless you can pick up radio signals from what used to be Washington D.C. then I kind of doubt that you could’ve.” Ethan replied.
“I’ve never heard of Washington D.C., where is it?” She asked inquisitively.
“On the East Coast of the former United States.” He told her with a shrug.
“But… I’ve never heard of that place either…” Homage said in confusion.
“Well, it’s on Earth if that helps any.” Ethan deadpanned with a smile.
“Earth, as in earth ponies?” Homage asked.
“No, as in the planet Earth.” Ethan told her frankly.
“You… you’re not from Eques, you’re an alien!” Homage said loudly with wide eyes.
“Well that confirms one theory at least. The real question is how I managed to fly my spaceship here drunk, and then lose it…” Ethan said trailing off.
“You have a spaceship?!” Homage exclaimed.
“Well I had to kill a whole bunch of aliens to get it. It was a boring adventure to be honest, got really, really, really repetitive. Although I’ve got to say I did enjoy the spacewalk part.” Ethan told her.
“Wait a second; you said that one of your titles was Wasteland Savior, right?” Homage asked.
“Yes.” Ethan replied.
“So your home is a wasteland?” She asked.
“That’s right, the Capital Wasteland, covered in enough radiation, super mutants, and evil raiders to make it so that you can’t fire a shot from your rifle without hitting one of the jackasses in the face with your bullets.” Ethan replied with a shrug. Homage’s eyes drooped and the smile that had begun to form on her face withered and died.
“You-you’re telling me that this has happened on your planet too?!” She said loudly.
“Yep, two hundred and some years ago the bombs fell and reduced most of the Earth into a radioactive slime ball full of decaying buildings and raider bands.” Ethan told her while sounding entirely too uncaring about it.
“Doesn’t it upset you that it happened here too?” The unicorn asked.
“Well of course it does, it’s a tragedy, but it’s not like I can do anything about it.” Ethan replied with a shrug. Homage sighed.
“Okay, I guess that you’re right. It happened two hundred years ago for both of our respective homes.” She said with a shake of her head. “Well, I guess that takes care of the questions about who you are and where you came from, although I don’t think I’ll mention the last bit.”
“You’ll mention it?” Ethan asked with a tiny smile.
“To my boss, of course.” Homage corrected. “I guess we should move onto the more important questions then.” She said changing the topic. “What do you plan to do in the Equestrian Wasteland?”
“Try and find my way home, and help out anyone that I can along the way.” Ethan said promptly without a note of sarcasm or casualness in his voice. “I’m the Lone fucking Wanderer, and I intend to leave the best impression that I can.” He added with a grin.
“Homage wh- By Celestia’s blazing tits, what’s that?!” A voice from behind Ethan shouted.
Ethan turned to find the other unicorn staring at him with wide eyes. She was about the same height as Homage, and from the look in her eyes Ethan could tell that somepony hadn’t been paying very good attention to the radio.
“The name’s Ethan Smith, I kill bad people.” Ethan replied with a grin as he got to his feet and took a step towards the mare, who met him with strong determined eyes.
“Ethan, this is Littlepip. Littlepip, this is Ethan.” Homage said, introducing them to each other.
“Sup?” Ethan asked with a wide smile.
“Um, hi.” Littlepip said a little awkwardly.
“That’s a nice revolver that you’ve got there.” Ethan told her as he noticed a large pistol on her hip.
“Thanks, this is Lil' Macintosh, it’s kept me safe since I got out of my Stable.” Littlepip said proudly as she brought the gun up for Ethan to look at in her TK. Ethan slowly took it out of the field while he also reached for his own magnum and offered it to the unicorn grip first.
“This is the Blackhawk; it was given to me by an old lady who I really miss sometimes.” Ethan told the unicorn as he deftly explored her gun’s mechanisms. The pistol was amazingly well made, even when compared to some of the perfectly maintained prewar weaponry that Ethan had seen in his travels.
“What happened to her?” Littlepip asked as she examined the gun.
“She was… killed by raiders, seconds before I could get to her.” Ethan said with a heavy sigh as a look of old anger and grief flew over his face.
“I’m sorry.” Littlepip and Homage said simultaneously, causing Littlepip to blush furiously while Homage winked at her.
“Don’t worry about it, I killed each and every one of those bastards in the worst way I could think of and then threw what was left of the corpses into vats of acid.” Ethan said as his voice hardened. “And then I buried Agatha next to her husband’s grave.” He added with another sigh as his voice softened again.
“Wow Ethan, that’s the most depressing thing that I’ve heard you say this whole time.” Eddie said unexpectedly in an honest voice from Ethan’s wrist, causing Littlepip to glance at his Pip-Boy for the first time.
“Why is your Pip-Buck golden… and talking?” The mare asked slowly.
“Hiya, I’m Eddie!” Eddie said happily.
“This is Eddie, I liberated him from a MWT hub and he turned my Pip-Boy golden for some reason.” Ethan replied with a shrug.
“Hey, gold is a great color for a Pip-Buck.” Eddie defended.
“It’s a Pip-Boy Eddie, and I don’t really mind the color change so much as the fact that it makes a big shiny fucking target out of my arm.” Ethan told the AI.
“Well I’m sorry if my natural aura offers a great target, I guess I’ll just find someone else’s Pip-Buck to inhabit.” Eddie said snappily.
“Now there’s no reason to be a spoiled brat about it.” Ethan told the AI who made a noise that was about a perfect to blowing a raspberry as you could get without actual lips.
“I’m not being a spoiled brat, I’m just-” Eddie began, sadly he was interrupted mid-sentence.
“As much as I’d like to listen to you two argue I still have an interview to do so that Pon3 can report on the news.” Homage interjected, getting Ethan’s attention away from the AI in his Pip-Boy.
“Oh right, sorry.” Ethan said with a slight chuckle as he rubbed the back of his head embarrassedly. “Eddie and I just got a little sidetracked, right Eddie?” Ethan said, addressing the AI.
“Oh yes our mistake entirely. That’s a nicely enchanted microphone you have over there with the broadcasting equipment by the way.” Eddie told Homage. “It seems to have a voice morphing spell on it.” The AI added slyly.
“It might.” Homage said with a shrug. “Anyways Ethan, I have just a few more questions for you.”
“Ask away, I’m an open book.” Ethan replied as he handed Littlepip her revolver back and received the Blackhawk in turn.
“Hmm… well, we’ve covered who you are and where you come from, along with what you plan to do here. Ah, I’ve got one. How long do you plan to spend in Tenpony before moving on?” She asked.
“Pretty much until someone gives me something interesting to do; I’ve always been a bit of a drifter, a wanderer if you will. I get things done, and then move on to the next thing that looks exciting enough to bother doing.” Ethan answered.
“So you’re looking for work then?” Homage asked with a sly grin and Ethan heard Littlepip let out a sigh.
“As long as it doesn’t involve killing and raping the innocent I’ll take whatever you’ve got.” Ethan replied with an easy smile.
“I have something in mind, as long as you’re up to it of course.” Homage said.
“Lay it on me.” Ethan told her confidently.
“Homage, I’ll be back later, I need to go talk to Velvet and Calamity.” Littlepip said from behind as she walked towards the door.
“I’ll see you later at the party then Littlepip.” Homage said before turning back to Ethan. “There have been some reports of a large raider gang operating out of one of the old towers around the start of the Luna’s Line skyway who’ve preying on trade caravans; I’d like you to get rid of that problem if you can.” She said.
“Raiders. Well, that’s hardly exciting.” Ethan said with a roll of his eyes. “I’ll take care of it though, how long do I have?”
“Well every day you wait is another day that they get to spend killing innocent traders, but there’s really no other time limit that I can think of.” Homage replied.
“Okay, Holly and I’ll kill them all tomorrow. What’s the pay?”
“A thousand caps each.” Homage replied.
“Sounds good to me… I’ve got a bit of time left to burn before the end of the day, do you have any suggestions about where I could spend it?” Ethan asked.
“I’d suggest the library, if nothing else you can probably find a few books on magic and Equestrian history.” Homage said. “They should also have a copy or two of the Wasteland Survival Guide if you’re interested.” She added. To the blue maned unicorn’s surprise, Ethan burst out laughing at the mention of that particular tome of wasteland knowledge.
“Oh god, that’s- just- oh god I’ve got to meet the author, I just fucking have to meet a pony version of Moria.” Ethan said between bursts of laughter.
“I’m missing something here, aren’t I?” Homage asked.
“Here, take a look.” Ethan said as he pulled his singed pocket version of the Wasteland Survival Guide out of one of his duster’s interior pockets and handed it to Homage. He took the little book everywhere with him on the off chance that he needed it. Well that, and Moria had made him promise to so that he could always hold a piece of their friendship close to his heart.
“It says that it was co-authored and researched by Moria Brown and…” Homage said before trailing off.
“You have no idea how much of an absolute bitch it was to get all the information that was needed to write this book. Trust me on that.” Ethan told her with a slightly pained chuckle. Homage was too lost in the book to reply for several minutes as the pages turned rapidly in her magic.
“The similarities between your world and ours are amazing.” She said at last.
“Yeah, tell me about it. All we need now is a pony version of Liberty Prime walking down the road shouting about communism and we’ll be golden.” Ethan replied with a shake of his head. “Anyways, I should get going. I’m curios to learn more about this place before I go to sleep.” Ethan told her as he retrieved his book from her magical grip.
“Come see me again once you’ve taken care of those raiders.” Homage told him.
“Wait, I just thought of something.” Ethan said pausing halfway to the door.
“Yes, what’s that?” Homage asked.
“What about the army of raiding slavers out there?” Ethan asked.
“Oh, them; Littlepip and a new friend managed to strike up a deal last night while you were out. They’ve agreed to pull back and give the Tower some breathing room in exchange for Littlepip to take care of something that they need.” Homage said.
“Cool, thanks for the info.” Ethan replied before he left the room. “So Eddie, can you get me to the library?” Ethan asked the AI.
“I don’t know; can you get over yourself and your apparent hatred for the color gold?” Eddie asked as he put up a new marker on Ethan’s HUD and directed him towards the stairs.
“I don’t have a problem with the color gold Eddie; I just don’t like how flashy of a target it makes my arm! Isn’t there any other color you could make it?” Ethan asked the AI as he took the stairs two at a time until he came to the right floor.
“Well… I guess I could make it silver if you wanted.” Eddie consented. “But I really didn’t like Luna as much as Celestia so I prefer gold.” He added.
Ethan let out a sigh as he pushed the door to the library open.
“Fine, but if you get my arm blown off I’m going to be very annoyed with you.” He said.
“I hardly see how you’ll be in any condition to do anything but scream if your arm is blown off.” Eddie said snarkily.
“You’d be surprised.” Ethan replied with a chuckle.
“What… are you?” A new voice asked interrupting Ethan’s conversation with the AI.
Ethan turned to find a mare with a red and black striped mane looking up at him from where she’d been reading a book. To Ethan’s considerable surprise, it looked like most of her body was completely made of metal, along with her eyes.
“I’m a guy who got drunk and wandered into another world.” Ethan replied casually. “Nice cybernetics by the way.” He added with a smile.
“Gee, thanks, I’m so happy to have them.” The mare said with a sigh and a frown. Ethan may not have had a lot of experience with ponies yet, but he’d had a lot of experience with people who were hurting internally and the mare in front of him was giving off all of the typical signs of someone close to the brink of suicide.
“Why did you need them?” Ethan asked quietly as he took a seat next to her.
“I got plowed in order to keep it from happening to a filly; they nailed my legs to the ground to keep me from fighting back.” The mare replied in a subdued voice. Ethan winced internally, that was harsh even by wasteland standards.
“And the only way to get your legs out of the wood was to cut them off.” Ethan said, finishing the thought for her.
“Yeah, that.” She said with a scowl. Ethan sighed.
“It gets better you know.” He told her.
“90% of my body is made of metal. How can this possibly get better?” She asked.
Instead of answering her directly, Ethan pulled up the right side of his black under shirt and took off his duster. Then, he unsheathed his sword, causing the mare’s eyes to widen in surprise as the electricity covered blade slid into the open air. Ethan pressed a small, hidden button on the side of the hilt and the electricity stopped, it had taken him a really, really, really long time to figure out that that button was there.
Then, with a simple movement he sent the blade cutting into the skin of his right arm. A small bit of blood crept to the surface, but Ethan ignored it as he kept pushing until he reached the thing he was looking for. He pulled the blade out of his flesh and showed the mare the newly opened one inch deep wound. Her eyebrows rose as she saw the mass of wires that were already beginning to disappear beneath his flesh as it began to knit back together. Even at his current slowed rate of regeneration his skin would be fully healed in several minutes.
“It gets better.” Ethan told her with a sad smile.
“How did it happen?” She asked quietly.
“I got this little beauty when I went to Vegas and tried to kill a deathclaw alpha male armed with only a 10.mm pistol and a knife. I’m lucky it didn’t kill me; instead it just chopped my arm off and left me to die. I got picked up by the Followers after that and apparently they found someone to replace my arm entirely.” Ethan replied. “It was probably the single stupidest thing that I’ve ever done.” He added with a chuckle.
“Heh, you should see me when I’m drunk.” Blackjack said.
“Oh really?” Ethan asked with a smirk. “One time when I got drunk I charged a supermutant behemoth. Those are fifty foot tall, one to two ton bipedal monsters, armed with only a sword and a bottle of whiskey while only wearing my duster.” Ethan said with a grin.
“Hah, this one time I got so drunk that I managed to intimidate a squad of Enclave soldiers into giving me a free ride down a mountain and then fight off a bunch of manticores.” The mare said with a smile at the memory.
“Oh please, that’s tame by comparison to this one time I got drunk off of moonshine in Point Lookout.” Ethan replied with a grin.
“Point Lookout?” The mare asked.
“It’s this place to the north of my home that’s covered in fog and swampy water and is crawling with Swamp Folk. Swamp Folk are these giant mutated guys who run around with shotguns that can punch through powerarmor and live deep in the swamp where they sacrifice humans to their dark gods.” Ethan answered.
“Sounds like a fun place.” The mare said making Ethan chuckle.
“Oh yeah, it’s a fucking blast.”
“So you got drunk and then?” The mare asked.
“Okay so I’m drunk out of my skull on moonshine that I’d just brewed myself, and decide ‘you know I bet if I shot them with bb guns the Swamp Folk would throw me a party!’” Ethan said before taking a breath. “So I somehow manage to get ahold of a bb gun and then I go out into the swamp looking for Swamp Folk. When I finally found them I really got lucky; or unlucky actually, and they were in the middle of a party. So being the rational kind of guy that I was at the time I decided that the best thing that I could do was to jump into the middle of the circle around the fire and start dancing.”
“Sounds like a great idea.” The mare deadpanned.
“Oh yeah you can bet your ass it was, well at least until they noticed that I wasn’t one of them. After that it became less of a party and more of a contest of ‘who’ver catcheses that there variment gets ta rape em till he dies’. It’s a good thing that I kept my double barreled shotgun with me that night, otherwise I’d be some idiot’s stuffed rape trophy by now.” Ethan said finishing his story.
“Well one time I gelded a stallion with a dragon claw while I balanced a bottle of whiskey on my head after beating off an entire mercenary company with my bare hooves.” The mare challenged.
“Well you must’ve been really sticky afterwards.” Ethan said with a smirk. The mare hesitated for a second as she thought about what he’d just said, and then burst out laughing loudly and Ethan joined in.
“Oh Goddesses, you have no idea how much I needed to laugh like that.” The mare said.
“It’s what I do.” Ethan replied with a chuckle.
“So what’s your name?” The mare asked.
“I’m Ethan Smith, The Lone Wanderer.” Ethan replied with a smile as he offered her his hand.
“Blackjack, Security.” She replied and they shook.
“Security eh? Meh, I’ve heard worse titles I guess.” Ethan told her with a joking chuckle.
“I didn’t choose it; it’s just what Pon-3 decided to call me.” Blackjack replied.
“Like I said, I’ve heard worse.” Ethan said with a shrug. “So what else is bugging you besides just getting a makeover?” He asked.
“Nothing! Why do ponies keep on asking me if there’s something bugging me? I’m fine!” She said angrily.
“Because you’re giving off angst like a hormonal teenaged girl who just had her village killed by raiders.” Ethan replied.
“That’s… what happened.” Blackjack said in a low voice.
“How did it happen?” Ethan asked quietly.
“The Stable got infected by a virus that turned them into cannibalistic raiders; to make a long story short we had to gas them.” Blackjack said in a low voice.
“Ouch, and I thought I had it rough as far as Vaults go.” Ethan said with a shake of his head.
“Vaults?” Blackjack asked.
“Yeah, I guess you’d call them Stables here.” Ethan replied. “I got kicked out, and then called back, and then kicked out again.” He added.
“I’m sorry.” Blackjack told him sympathetically.
“Don’t worry about it. And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry about your Stable.” Ethan told the mare.
“Thanks.” Blackjack said quietly.
“Wow, there’s some kind of program in your Pip-Buck!” Eddie’s voice suddenly said from Ethan’s golden Pip-Boy.
“Who’s that?” Blackjack asked curiously.
“I’m Eddie!” Eddie said with a smile that Ethan brought his arm up so that Blackjack could see. “And I just noticed that the Pip-Buck built into your foreleg seems to have a-” Eddie was cut off as an old pony suddenly materialized in front of Blackjack’s Pip-Buck. Ethan couldn’t see him, but Blackjack could.
“Keep the hell out AI, you’re not welcome here.” The pony said before disappearing again.
“What the buck was that?” Eddie asked.
“That was Dealer, don’t worry about him.” Blackjack said with a shrug.
“Well I have no idea what you two are talking about, so-” Ethan began but he was interrupted by a squee from behind him.
“Oh my gosh! I’ve never seen something with a body like yours; I wonder what species you are!” An excited voice said from behind him. He turned to find a blue maned pegasus looking at him with wide and excited eyes. “Hmm, well, you’re definitely bipedal, and you’ve got forward facing eyes which should give you excellent peripheral vision. You seem to be single jointed, and if I’m not mistaken you have the teeth of an omnivore!” She continued with a smile.
“Yeesh Glory, give him a second to reply.” Blackjack told the mare with a chuckle.
“Oh, sorry, it’s just that I don’t have the chance to meet a new species that’s not trying to kill us very often.” Glory said with an embarrassed chuckle.
“Not a problem, trust me, you’re hardly the first person who’s done that to me.” Ethan told her with a shrug. “I’m Ethan Smith, by the way.” He added.
“I’m Glory, and would you mind if I got a look at you out of those clothes?” The pegasus asked him.
“Well I would, but we’re kind of in public, and I don’t know what would happen if a kid came in and saw us.” Ethan replied with a chuckle. “I wouldn’t want to steal his innocence. Besides, I’m more into blondes then blues. No hard feelings.” The man added with a smirk.
“What are you talkin- oh my…” Glory said suddenly as a giant blush spread over her face.
“Hey, don’t make Glory blush, that’s my job!” Blackjack told Ethan with a smile as she got out of her chair and wrapped her foreleg around Glory’s shoulder comfortingly.
“Well what do you expect me to do when she asks to see me naked?” Ethan asked with a chuckle.
“Oh, so nudity isn’t socially accepted outside of intimacy in your society?” Glory asked, somehow managing to rise out of her embarrassment so that she could ask a question.
“Nope, the only time that we’re naked around each other is when we’re having sex.” Ethan replied with a smirk.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.” Glory said with another blush.
“I don’t mind at all; trust me, a little more action in the sack is never a bad thing.” Ethan told the pegasus.
“Amen.” Blackjack said with a conspiratorial smirk towards Glory.
“Besides, if I’ve got women here hitting on me it just means that my raw animal magnetism is even stronger than I thought.” He added with a chuckle.
“So what species are you? Because I haven’t ever heard of anything that looks like you.” Glory asked.
“I’m a human, or homo sapiens sapiens if you want to get to scientific about it.” Ethan replied.
“You’re a human!?” Glory asked excitedly her embarrassment now completely forgotten.
“Yep, I got drunk and somehow managed to either pilot a spacecraft here or something else happened that I don’t know about. Either way, I’m here until I can figure out how to get back home.” Ethan explained.
“What’s it like where you’re from? What are the people like, how is your government set up?” Glory asked rapidly before pausing for breath.
“In order, it’s a wasteland like it is here, the people vary but most of them are just trying to survive, we don’t exactly have a government although I guess the Brotherhood of Steel counts as an unofficial one for the Capital Wasteland.” Ethan replied with a shrug.
“You’re telling me that your society destroyed itself too?” Glory asked as all of the excitement drained away from her face.
“Yep, it’s not that bad though. I mean, sure you’ve got to watch out for raiders and slavers and super mutants, and of course the fucking Enclave, but besides that things aren’t too bad.” Ethan replied.
“Wait, did you just say Enclave?” Glory asked.
“Yep, genocidal assholes with more powerarmor then sense, my branch was run by a fucking AI. Well at least until I killed it and the rest of them.” Ethan told her with a shrug.
“Wha-what?” Glory asked in confusion.
“Stupid bastards killed my father and a lot of innocent people, your group don’t seem much better, by the way.” Ethan informed them.
“Let me get this straight. You’re from another world, and they have a group called the Enclave who run around in powerarmor too?” Blackjack asked.
“Yep, I kind of ended up going on a roaring rampage of revenge and killed every single one of them.” Ethan said with another shrug. Glory was staring at him with wide eyes and Blackjack had cocked her head to the side as if she was trying to think of something to say.
“You wouldn’t happen to carry that grudge over to the equestrian Enclave, would you?” Glory asked after a few seconds of silence.
“Not really, I already had a run-in with them and they seemed fairly harmless.” Ethan replied. “I managed to talk an entire squad of green-as-grass morons into standing down and letting my friend and I get away with an advanced AI, why do you ask?” Ethan asked
“No-no reason. Come on Blackjack, we should probably let Ethan here get back to whatever it is that he was doing.” Glory said pulling on Blackjack.
“Sure Glory, Homage’s party is going to start soon anyways, right?” Blackjack said with a nod.
“Yes, we need to get ready for that.” Glory said swiftly. “Well it’s been nice meeting you and I’d love to study your body in higher detail, but that’ll have to wait, goodbye.” Glory said as she rushed out of the room.
“Did I say something wrong?” Ethan asked Blackjack.
“She’s Enclave.” Blackjack replied with a shrug.
“Ah, well, no hard feelings. I don’t plan on killing her.” Ethan told her.
“It’s fine. Look. I’ve got to go but thanks for giving me someone to talk to.” Blackjack said.
“My pleasure; I’m always happy to help a girl.” The man told her with a chuckle as he ran his hand through his brown hair. “Now I should probably go see how Holly’s doing.”
“Later then.” Blackjack said before she left the room.
“Weren’t you originally here to read books?” Eddie asked questioningly.
“Shut up Eddie.”
***
“So how was your day?” Holly asked Ethan as he collapsed in the griffon sized bed.
“Good, I talked to a bunch of ponies.” Ethan replied with a yawn. “And I got us a job killing raiders.”
“Sounds good, see you in the morning then.” Holly said as she walked through the door to her room. Ethan turned out the light and shut his eyes.
***
Her eyes opened. A lock of golden hair fell past her right eye. She looked around and sighed.
“Goddammit Ethan.” She muttered. A whip cracked in the distance and Sarah Lyons heard the sound of someone screaming in pain. “Why do I keep getting drunk with him?” She asked herself. “It never ends well…”
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This update pleases me. I will return when I finish the chapter.
Hmmm, Needs more Rampage, And Charity. Definitely needs Charity.
But question, Whom is Ethan going to mainly stay near? Keep him with LittlePip? BlackJack? or attempt to work him into as many FO;E fics as possible to please a larger majority.
p-21 also.... we need him. Maybe Ethan can save Priest and give that poor stallion a break.
EDIT: Reads Authors note after this....
Excuse me while I go marinate in my stupidity and blindness.
the lyons pride!!!
does that mean sarah is also in equestria?
2044922
Yep, and she's in the happiest place ever
Man, even in another fic I can't help but wince when Horizon is brought up.
2044941 I concur.
2044936 in Red Eyes slave city? ouch
neat!
t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSbvsiGrr_Nge55FzfYyVPGxSbO71uKQjwukRWUluUd6aqKktpG
That is all.
Hmm.... Sarah is in a place with ponies getting whipped.... Red Eyes little slave area of happiness?
2045142
Where else?
2045145 Happy fun land?
....I am pleased with this....
Now shit's going down!
I sense a shitstorm of great magnitude coming down in Equestria....
I love this Fic!
so who else do you plan on having Ethan meet? (or is it only littlepip and blackjack)
Now, have him piss of Rampage and have a Clash of the Titans-style combatfest!
Now, with ANYBODY else, this would seem like a sarcastic joke. With Ethan Smith, it is 100% legit. That's why I love this.
There's a shit storm on the horizon and we all best be ready to get our minds blown by it.
Well talk about being in a problematic situation.
Ouch, I have only read Ch1 of PH so far so those were indeed some major spoilers, howerver on the bright side I wont get badly suprised when I get there and I can prepare myself for the mental torrment.
Btw, did Ethan happen to hum this:
Beatiful song that is.
You used my favorite trope, I love you man!
Something tells me that not even Red Eye's regime can break Sarah Lyons. Also, totally using the greeting of "I kill bad people" sometime, for it is the most amazing way to introduce yourself.
You'd think the guards would have taken the sword too, I mean, it is a pretty damn lethal weapon, and he's carrying it out in the open like that.
Also, please turn down Eddie's Know-It-Allness, that's the sort of Mary Sue stuff that ruins a good story.
Anyway's it's going to be interesting seeing what the leader of the Lyon's Pride is going to do.
...
Actually, I've got a pretty good Idea what she'd do, and it involves smacking Ethan up top the head with a baseball bat.
2050527
Don't worry I'm keeping Eddie on a short leash, there's a reason why he knows what he does, I just haven't said it yet.
Whelp, this is going to throw a monkey wrench into the timeline, at least by a degree, what with the multiverse and all that jazz. Hehehe, I can't wait to see Ethan in action against FoE's enemies.
It will be a joy indeed to see him slaughter them, that is if he doesn't get injured, smashed, burned, demolished, crushed, incinerated, blasted, shot, etc in the first place.
But he is the goddamn "That Crazy Son of A Bitch!"! He ain't gonna be easy to take down.
I mean, he DID have to deal with Project Purity.
2052204
He's going to be pursuing his own quests and Littlepip is going to be off completing the story by herself and killing all of her canonical enemies. He's just along for the ride as far as the main timeline is concerned
well shit, lyons is in for a suprize.....
2046530 No he was humming an old Andrew Sisters song.
2068579 Ah thx.
I must confess I wasnt listening to GNR in Fallout 3. The music just wasnt for me and there wasnt much of a selection.
2068763 Yeah, but it was waaaaaaaay better than Enclave radio. Plus, mods man.
I have no idea how you would swing it but I would love to see Hired Gun and co. from Fo:E Heros in this.
2074664
I've been thinking about it, so maybe once we're done with the main plot i'll add it as a little extra thing or maybe treat it like it's DLC
Her name is Moira. MOIRA. NOT MORIA. MORIA IS THE HOME OF THE BALROG.
Sorry, but I've seen this typo in your stuff multiple times, and it bugs the hell out of me.
Aside from that, very enjoyable chapter.
2044918
I wonder who is Ethan's Pony Doppleganger (I think Littlepip is just Vault Dweller's Pony doppleganger, not Lone Wanderer's)
2044936 based on that, and my Equestrian wasteland knowledge im guessing hoofington. now if there isn't a spoiler to another story next chapter ill find out soon.
This must be done.
Now!
This is perfection man XD hahheheeheheh, I love it!
I wanna hug Littlepip D'x
Nice job! Nice job!
Loved those stories 8D heeheehee.
Glory's mane is purple not blue.
Loved the conversation between Ethan, Glory, and Blackjack!
Just letting you know glory has purple mane and tail.
okay, I'll admit the EW had its difficulty cranked up to 11
Glory's mane is purple!!!!!!
WRONG MAIN COLOR FOR GLORY: it is purple, not blue; it ticks me off because I read the story. It may not have been my favorite, but it was still excellent, and small things like that tick me off.