Spike is finally old enough to realize his dream of attracting Rarity's eye, but with no experience under his belt, he turns to his lifelong friend Twilight to show him the ropes.
Hmm... I've said personally that all of you will have to find out. Sorry if someone added it to that group despite the fact that there hasn't been anything between the two of them yet.
1956806 Hmm... Nope! Rarity's much too important to not be in this fic. I just think it's much better to establish romance one at a time...
1956815 Well, saying that Rarity is not in it RIGHT NOW does not go to say she will never be in it whatsoever. Rarity is the apple of Spike's eye, after all. The accumulation of all he has worked for.
1956817 Sometimes, the things a book nerd will do for her friends will surprise you. Personally, I'm more interested in how spike will ever make it up to Twilight, though. Hee hee.
I was reading the first chapter and after, I finished reading that, I noticed that this chapter came up! Thanks alot for the chapter. I hope this story will have a happy ending.
This was fantastic, I love the way you added the little hint of Applebloom's possible talent in life, keep up the good work. By the way, "Spike's eyes glowered", I've never read any story with that particular word, so kudos.
I- but- just... wow. I wish I could write this sort of thing even a tenth as well. I said it on the last chapter, and I'll say it again, your talent for writing small, intimate scenes is unparalleled in all the pony fics I have read so far. Quite honestly, I would really hate to see the slow growth of the twos closeness interrupted by a love triangle, and would rather have this be a fic where Spike slowly comes to realise that the mare helping him is the true love of his life, but then, the drama of the story would be gone, and there's always the possibility of that outcome anyway
Twilights little freak outs and her intense bouts of self deprecation are beautifully written, and completely in character. Her obvious reluctance to go to far, despite really wanting to is also something that seems completely in character for her, she can't do anything spur of the moment, she needs to think every move through and consider its ramifications before doing it. Spike has a lot of the nice and helpful personality that he has in the show, as evidenced by his helping of Apple Fritter, while also obviously being a real heart breaker, even across species, and I find that brilliant.
I did however, find the scene with Applejack and Pinkie to be a little bit awkward in its writing, as well as being a little to quick to resolve. I think that while your intimate and romantic writing is your greatest strength, from what you've written so far, everyday interactions are your greatest weakness. It's an unfortunate fault that I've seen in many other fic writers works, as well as the exact opposite. Also, the way you had Applejack mention 'Earth Pony Magic' made it seem like she didn't think she had it herself, despite being an Earth pony, you might want to try rewording that.
This is, quite honestly, a brilliant little piece of fiction and I have been eagerly checking this site every couple of hours for a new update. I will continue to do this, whether you plan on releasing more soon or not at all, because it's far to good to not.
1957094 I've heard that before from some. I'm glad you have the insight to take my writing with a grain of salt, even though you enjoy it! I try to make those scenes realistic with interesting dialogue, but I will admit it was a challenge to get Pinkie and Applejack just right.
Even so, they were there to help Twilight. She's still the focus, for now.
Though, I know that you could write something this good or even better. Anything can come with time and practice.
If you want my opinion, I honestly think you had the dialogue of Pinkie and Applejack the wrong way around at times. 'Cuddly-Wuddly' is patently Pinkie, but the whole 'a bit of cuddling won't change what you've had over the years' seems far more down to earth and along the lines of something Applejack would say. I've always thought of AJ being the down to earth sort who would poke her nose in (as she did), but back off if it made her friends to uncomfortable, and Pinkie as quite flighty, with none of those restrictions.
Regardless, the two chapters of this fic have been enough for me to add you to my follow list, and I don't do that often.
I was thinking of making them each present one side of the argument, Applejack being "If yer uncomfortable, ya gotta stop" and Pinkie being "It's okay to be close to friends" but it was a lot harder for Twilight to come to a logical conclusion and develop as a character under a scenario like that.
Hehe. I can't imagine I'll always be perfect, but in the end I think the scene did what it should do: had Twilight's character develop slightly past her fear of losing control.
Ironically, then she goes out and completely loses control. Silly ponies!
I can see where you're coming from, and I agree with it. Personal notions of characters are quite easily changed when faced with a well reasoned argument, and the fact that, while they have established personalities, said personalities have never been shown on the subject of romance. Thus, in the world of fanfiction, their personalities have the pliability to change from fic to fic and as such, so do the readers expectations and views on said characters. While I may think that some of the dialogue was misplaced from my personal preferences of the characters, I can't deny that on the subject of romance, Pinkie may be far more serious and quick to the point, and as such, it is believable.
And you are right, while the scene did read a little awkwardly, it did what it needed to, developed Twilights character.
Silly indeed, but then, losing control can sometimes be the most fun of all, wouldn't you agree?
It could quite nicely be the name of an alternate timeline fic where Twilight gave in the first time and things spiralled far more out of control than they are likely to in this one. Would be interesting to see actually, hell, if you decide to make this end up as Sparity, you could write a Spilight alternative for the people who are unhappy with that as the title (which would include me, as I hate Rarity with the fiery burning passion of a million Foreman grills )
I can see where you're coming from on the Pinkie Pie personality thing too. That really does seem to be the sort of thing that she would think. Although, which type of cuddling she means is entirely up for debate I never got why so many people think that Rainbow Dash is the easy one in the group, Pinkie loves fun things, and if she got wind that sex was fun, I'm pretty sure she'd be spreading the love around, just to make ponies 'happy'.
Hehe. I like to think all of the characters are a little less typecasted than they appear in the show. It's why I think Twilight has issues with being alone in my fic, or why I think Pinkie is more insightful than she lets off.
Oh, it was so perfect, then, this is... Ouch! Come on, Spike! How will Twili stay if your first date die in your hooves? Force, dragon! SURVIVE! Excellent work, Idylia. Without stress, hein?
Oh, I totally get the whole alone thing from Twilight, it's something that I've always thought of as a part of her personality. Then again, I've always thought that the self entitled, constantly worried, friendless unicorn we saw during the first two seasons was an only child, who grew up only knowing the love of her parents, Celestia and Spike, as that personality is often associated with being able to get whatever you want whenever you want. It's why I don't really consider the Season 2 finale or the Season 3 opener as canon. I'd have erased them from my minds entirely if it weren't for the fact that the changelings are a cool race.
I also agree that typecasting anypony from what has been seen on the show is a bad idea. There are so many topics, and definitely all of the more adult topics that have never been, and will never be, discussed in the parameters of the show, and as such, are gaping holes in their personalities. It's why fanfics are so enjoyable, you get to see the characters you love from entirely new perspectives.
I also think that Dash is secretly really insecure about everything she does, always having to have everything perfect and constantly be 'awesome' because she can't feel good about herself unless every single other pony she's ever met thinks so as well. I think that Applejack is actually extremely bad at math (a single night of sales paying for a new barn, a new plough AND a hip replacement? Really?), and all academic pursuits really, and that's why she responds so angrily whenever a whole is poked in her logic. There are a lot of things that can be seen about the ponies in certain lights, but it takes actively searching for them, or having someone show them to you through fanfiction to really see and appreciate them.
It seems that Spike and Twilight don;t have romantic feelings so much as they get lost in the moment/lust. Still, while if it's only one I want Sparity, come on harem!
*Sigh* Twilight really needs to rain in her reflexes or else she's going to kill Spike. Not on purpose mind you but, the fact that he's probably got one hell of a skull fracture isn't a good sign.
1957565 She's scared! That's all there is to it; Twilight is scared to give up control, scared to lose her friend, scared that she'll get attached... jeez! She has a lot to be scared about.
1957353 Thanks very much! Yeah, that would be an unfortunate turn of events. Thankfully, it doesn't end there!
1957380 I see Twilight as a lot more than that from the show. I know so many people like her in real life, I just know that the kind of deepness those people hide from the world can sometimes really hurt them inside. That's where I'm writing from.
Applejack is harder for me to pinpoint. I think she exhibits more of what you talked about for Rainbow Dash. She comes across as really simple, and wants to work hard, but I believe inside she is the most likely to be a poet or an artist out of all of them. In some ways, Rarity is more conventional than she is. Isn't that an interesting paradigm?
RBD is super hard to write correctly. Loyalty is such a powerful character trait, and the nature of it leaves it sort of un-defiable. I agree though; I think Rainbow Dash could really be insecure and unsure of herself. All in all, we all are somewhere I think. RBD just deals with it through her confidence. As far as that, I think you have it spot on.
I'd really love to explore Fluttershy sometime, and I'll be looking more into Rarity later in this fic hopefully.
1957470 Ah, yes. Passion, however, is an incredible force.
1957339 Fixed! I agree, it wasn't quite right. Perhaps a country smile is more what I was going for.
1957682 Thanks! I try to keep it interesting, so I'm glad you found it worth your while.
The inner workings of Fluttershy is something I've seen covered in oh so many fics. From being shy in public as a cover for her over the top hardcore mistress persona in the bedroom, to secretly being a romance author, from being wary of making friends with ponies because she doesn't want them to find out that she prefers the 'company' of animals, to not wanting her cover blown because she's actually a changeling, there have been so many different possibilities covered. I'm pretty sure Fluttershy has become the most fleshed out Mane character fanonically. Doesn't mean I wouldn't like to see your take on her.
I may be repeating what's been said already, but your romance scenes are great! They evoke feeling very well and add a very elegant brand of eroticism without hurting the personalities of the parties involved. I kept reading because of that and I'll undoubtedly be coming back for more of the same.
However, I think that your work on normal interaction with people needs some polish especially with future very difficult interactions looming in the future. Your first scenes in this chapter involving Applejack and Pinkie Pie felt rushed and underdeveloped; the general idea was clear and it got through to me as a reader, but it felt like the bare bones of it. It was only the push needed to get Twilight past that first hurdle in her brain and nothing else, where elsewhere in the story you elaborate on the places ponies are at, what they're feeling and how they're doing what they're doing.
I'd advice you to apply the same care and great description you put on your romance scenes when working on other sorts of interactions and the result will be awesome from start to finish. You already have the basics of it with a very believable presentation of Pinkie's quirks and Applejack's objectivity, but it could do with more detail to breathe life into these scenes like you do with your romance.
Lastly, I don't know if there's a tally or anything, but I'm rooting for Twilight :P For all that Rarity's generous and all, I've always felt she takes Spike for granted and he deserves better.
Thank you very much for your words! I appreciate it so much when someone is willing to give me their time to really explain their thoughts and analyze my writing!
I agree about my inter-personal dialogue. That needs a lot of work. I keep the story interesting by other mechanics elsewhere, but I will work hard on fixing that in chapter 3. I believe the conversations are more dynamic and have more purpose to them (aside from simply being plot devices meant to build character) and so I may have an easier time with them.
Thank you! If you're interested in pre-reading and have time, I am definitely looking for more people who can point out what I need to work on! Send me a message if you're interested.
Love the fic, just got one slight zoological thing picking at me and that is "Horses/Ponies don't have Clavicles, ergo they don't have collar bones" ^^ But love the detail and the melancholy you exhibit in writing!
Good work. First clmment!!
Good chapter dude. Though you have me wondering if its gonna be Sparity or SpikeLight despite someone already adding it to the Sparity group.
u should change the cover art. good story
1956755
Hmm...
I've said personally that all of you will have to find out. Sorry if someone added it to that group despite the fact that there hasn't been anything between the two of them yet.
Awww. Well here's hoping Rarity keeps her nose out of it.
1956769
then you should change the cover art...
.. GLORIOUS
And damn that chapter ending
1956806
Hmm...
Nope! Rarity's much too important to not be in this fic. I just think it's much better to establish romance one at a time...
1956815
Well, saying that Rarity is not in it RIGHT NOW does not go to say she will never be in it whatsoever. Rarity is the apple of Spike's eye, after all. The accumulation of all he has worked for.
1956817
Sometimes, the things a book nerd will do for her friends will surprise you.
Personally, I'm more interested in how spike will ever make it up to Twilight, though. Hee hee.
This is probably the best romantic Spike story I've ever read, and I'm pretty sure I've read most of those on this site.
I can't wait for more!
Dammit Twilight
Commence read.
Apple Fritter returns.
1956842 oh maybe a backscratch here and there, breakfast in bed, a free scratch for that kind of itch giggity
I vote that its both sparity and twispike, also awesomeness doesn't even begin to describe this story so far.
I'm sorry everyone.
I've come here to reveal the true nature of my story. I simply cant hide it any longer.
The real pairing in this fic shall be...
Apple Fritter x Spike.
I'm trying to think of a song that would fit their romantic predicament and the only thing that comes to mind is this:
And I truly love this story. I'm beginning to wonder what you'd think of my own Spilight story.
I was reading the first chapter and after, I finished reading that, I noticed that this chapter came up! Thanks alot for the chapter. I hope this story will have a happy ending.
1956928
I can dig it.
Seriously though, this fic is excellent. Whomever Spike ends up with, I'm sure it will be worth the trip.
This was fantastic, I love the way you added the little hint of Applebloom's possible talent in life, keep up the good work. By the way, "Spike's eyes glowered", I've never read any story with that particular word, so kudos.
1956928 I bucking knew it, I owe myself a pretty penny now!
Lovely~
I- but- just... wow. I wish I could write this sort of thing even a tenth as well. I said it on the last chapter, and I'll say it again, your talent for writing small, intimate scenes is unparalleled in all the pony fics I have read so far. Quite honestly, I would really hate to see the slow growth of the twos closeness interrupted by a love triangle, and would rather have this be a fic where Spike slowly comes to realise that the mare helping him is the true love of his life, but then, the drama of the story would be gone, and there's always the possibility of that outcome anyway
Twilights little freak outs and her intense bouts of self deprecation are beautifully written, and completely in character. Her obvious reluctance to go to far, despite really wanting to is also something that seems completely in character for her, she can't do anything spur of the moment, she needs to think every move through and consider its ramifications before doing it. Spike has a lot of the nice and helpful personality that he has in the show, as evidenced by his helping of Apple Fritter, while also obviously being a real heart breaker, even across species, and I find that brilliant.
I did however, find the scene with Applejack and Pinkie to be a little bit awkward in its writing, as well as being a little to quick to resolve. I think that while your intimate and romantic writing is your greatest strength, from what you've written so far, everyday interactions are your greatest weakness. It's an unfortunate fault that I've seen in many other fic writers works, as well as the exact opposite. Also, the way you had Applejack mention 'Earth Pony Magic' made it seem like she didn't think she had it herself, despite being an Earth pony, you might want to try rewording that.
This is, quite honestly, a brilliant little piece of fiction and I have been eagerly checking this site every couple of hours for a new update. I will continue to do this, whether you plan on releasing more soon or not at all, because it's far to good to not.
1956994
The journey may be the most worthwhile...
1957094
I've heard that before from some. I'm glad you have the insight to take my writing with a grain of salt, even though you enjoy it! I try to make those scenes realistic with interesting dialogue, but I will admit it was a challenge to get Pinkie and Applejack just right.
Even so, they were there to help Twilight. She's still the focus, for now.
Though, I know that you could write something this good or even better. Anything can come with time and practice.
1957036
Thank you!
1957138
If you want my opinion, I honestly think you had the dialogue of Pinkie and Applejack the wrong way around at times. 'Cuddly-Wuddly' is patently Pinkie, but the whole 'a bit of cuddling won't change what you've had over the years' seems far more down to earth and along the lines of something Applejack would say. I've always thought of AJ being the down to earth sort who would poke her nose in (as she did), but back off if it made her friends to uncomfortable, and Pinkie as quite flighty, with none of those restrictions.
Regardless, the two chapters of this fic have been enough for me to add you to my follow list, and I don't do that often.
1957185
I was thinking of making them each present one side of the argument, Applejack being "If yer uncomfortable, ya gotta stop" and Pinkie being "It's okay to be close to friends" but it was a lot harder for Twilight to come to a logical conclusion and develop as a character under a scenario like that.
Hehe. I can't imagine I'll always be perfect, but in the end I think the scene did what it should do: had Twilight's character develop slightly past her fear of losing control.
Ironically, then she goes out and completely loses control. Silly ponies!
1957199
I can see where you're coming from, and I agree with it. Personal notions of characters are quite easily changed when faced with a well reasoned argument, and the fact that, while they have established personalities, said personalities have never been shown on the subject of romance. Thus, in the world of fanfiction, their personalities have the pliability to change from fic to fic and as such, so do the readers expectations and views on said characters. While I may think that some of the dialogue was misplaced from my personal preferences of the characters, I can't deny that on the subject of romance, Pinkie may be far more serious and quick to the point, and as such, it is believable.
And you are right, while the scene did read a little awkwardly, it did what it needed to, developed Twilights character.
Silly indeed, but then, losing control can sometimes be the most fun of all, wouldn't you agree?
1957237
Haha.
"Losing Control" could be the name of this fic.
I dunno... when I was writing Pinkie, I just thought that what was going through Pinkie's mind was
"WHAT? SCARED TO CUDDLE? BUT I LOVE CUDDLING!!!"
Hard to be reasonable when that sort of perspective is a key part of a character.
1956528
You know what's funny? I was going to jokingly post a comment that said, "And then Apple Fritter comes along and blindsides both of them hahaha!"
The irony. Welp, Twilight, that's what ya get for denying Spike. Twice.
1956928
Whoops. Earlier comment was supposed to go to you. Damn iPod.
1956528
Yeah sorry.
1957264
It could quite nicely be the name of an alternate timeline fic where Twilight gave in the first time and things spiralled far more out of control than they are likely to in this one. Would be interesting to see actually, hell, if you decide to make this end up as Sparity, you could write a Spilight alternative for the people who are unhappy with that as the title (which would include me, as I hate Rarity with the fiery burning passion of a million Foreman grills )
I can see where you're coming from on the Pinkie Pie personality thing too. That really does seem to be the sort of thing that she would think. Although, which type of cuddling she means is entirely up for debate I never got why so many people think that Rainbow Dash is the easy one in the group, Pinkie loves fun things, and if she got wind that sex was fun, I'm pretty sure she'd be spreading the love around, just to make ponies 'happy'.
1957318
Hehe. I like to think all of the characters are a little less typecasted than they appear in the show. It's why I think Twilight has issues with being alone in my fic, or why I think Pinkie is more insightful than she lets off.
Why the hell twilight did that?! Things were getting GREAT and she just fucked it up again..
Come on twi! Just give you to him already :(
Oh, it was so perfect, then, this is... Ouch! Come on, Spike! How will Twili stay if your first date die in your hooves? Force, dragon! SURVIVE!
Excellent work, Idylia.
Without stress, hein?
Great chapter
1957332
Oh, I totally get the whole alone thing from Twilight, it's something that I've always thought of as a part of her personality. Then again, I've always thought that the self entitled, constantly worried, friendless unicorn we saw during the first two seasons was an only child, who grew up only knowing the love of her parents, Celestia and Spike, as that personality is often associated with being able to get whatever you want whenever you want. It's why I don't really consider the Season 2 finale or the Season 3 opener as canon. I'd have erased them from my minds entirely if it weren't for the fact that the changelings are a cool race.
I also agree that typecasting anypony from what has been seen on the show is a bad idea. There are so many topics, and definitely all of the more adult topics that have never been, and will never be, discussed in the parameters of the show, and as such, are gaping holes in their personalities. It's why fanfics are so enjoyable, you get to see the characters you love from entirely new perspectives.
I also think that Dash is secretly really insecure about everything she does, always having to have everything perfect and constantly be 'awesome' because she can't feel good about herself unless every single other pony she's ever met thinks so as well. I think that Applejack is actually extremely bad at math (a single night of sales paying for a new barn, a new plough AND a hip replacement? Really?), and all academic pursuits really, and that's why she responds so angrily whenever a whole is poked in her logic. There are a lot of things that can be seen about the ponies in certain lights, but it takes actively searching for them, or having someone show them to you through fanfiction to really see and appreciate them.
1956928 Okay then.
It seems that Spike and Twilight don;t have romantic feelings so much as they get lost in the moment/lust. Still, while if it's only one I want Sparity, come on harem!
*Sigh* Twilight really needs to rain in her reflexes or else she's going to kill Spike. Not on purpose mind you but, the fact that he's probably got one hell of a skull fracture isn't a good sign.
"Homely" means "ugly".
Try a different word. Like "welcoming".
wright more bro shits gitting good
Okay, you got me hooked with this story.
I didn't know what to expect, but I am definitely keeping an eye on this one!
Good job sir!
Well the injuries are going to be awkward to explain to the Doctors
1957565
She's scared! That's all there is to it; Twilight is scared to give up control, scared to lose her friend, scared that she'll get attached... jeez! She has a lot to be scared about.
1957353
Thanks very much! Yeah, that would be an unfortunate turn of events. Thankfully, it doesn't end there!
1957380
I see Twilight as a lot more than that from the show. I know so many people like her in real life, I just know that the kind of deepness those people hide from the world can sometimes really hurt them inside. That's where I'm writing from.
Applejack is harder for me to pinpoint. I think she exhibits more of what you talked about for Rainbow Dash. She comes across as really simple, and wants to work hard, but I believe inside she is the most likely to be a poet or an artist out of all of them. In some ways, Rarity is more conventional than she is. Isn't that an interesting paradigm?
RBD is super hard to write correctly. Loyalty is such a powerful character trait, and the nature of it leaves it sort of un-defiable. I agree though; I think Rainbow Dash could really be insecure and unsure of herself. All in all, we all are somewhere I think. RBD just deals with it through her confidence. As far as that, I think you have it spot on.
I'd really love to explore Fluttershy sometime, and I'll be looking more into Rarity later in this fic hopefully.
1957470
Ah, yes. Passion, however, is an incredible force.
1957339
Fixed! I agree, it wasn't quite right. Perhaps a country smile is more what I was going for.
1957682
Thanks! I try to keep it interesting, so I'm glad you found it worth your while.
1957709
The inner workings of Fluttershy is something I've seen covered in oh so many fics. From being shy in public as a cover for her over the top hardcore mistress persona in the bedroom, to secretly being a romance author, from being wary of making friends with ponies because she doesn't want them to find out that she prefers the 'company' of animals, to not wanting her cover blown because she's actually a changeling, there have been so many different possibilities covered. I'm pretty sure Fluttershy has become the most fleshed out Mane character fanonically. Doesn't mean I wouldn't like to see your take on her.
1957745
Mmm...
Whatever good idea I have next, whatever characters it may be about. That's all I really have planned.
This needs to end as SpiLight!!!! If Rarity can't see it, then she doesn't deserve Spike!!!
1957886
Haha...
Wait and see...!
I'm glad you decided to continue, this is a fantastic read. Tracking.
I may be repeating what's been said already, but your romance scenes are great! They evoke feeling very well and add a very elegant brand of eroticism without hurting the personalities of the parties involved. I kept reading because of that and I'll undoubtedly be coming back for more of the same.
However, I think that your work on normal interaction with people needs some polish especially with future very difficult interactions looming in the future. Your first scenes in this chapter involving Applejack and Pinkie Pie felt rushed and underdeveloped; the general idea was clear and it got through to me as a reader, but it felt like the bare bones of it. It was only the push needed to get Twilight past that first hurdle in her brain and nothing else, where elsewhere in the story you elaborate on the places ponies are at, what they're feeling and how they're doing what they're doing.
I'd advice you to apply the same care and great description you put on your romance scenes when working on other sorts of interactions and the result will be awesome from start to finish. You already have the basics of it with a very believable presentation of Pinkie's quirks and Applejack's objectivity, but it could do with more detail to breathe life into these scenes like you do with your romance.
Lastly, I don't know if there's a tally or anything, but I'm rooting for Twilight :P For all that Rarity's generous and all, I've always felt she takes Spike for granted and he deserves better.
Keep the good work!
1957984
Thank you very much for your words! I appreciate it so much when someone is willing to give me their time to really explain their thoughts and analyze my writing!
I agree about my inter-personal dialogue. That needs a lot of work. I keep the story interesting by other mechanics elsewhere, but I will work hard on fixing that in chapter 3. I believe the conversations are more dynamic and have more purpose to them (aside from simply being plot devices meant to build character) and so I may have an easier time with them.
Thank you! If you're interested in pre-reading and have time, I am definitely looking for more people who can point out what I need to work on! Send me a message if you're interested.
Love the fic, just got one slight zoological thing picking at me and that is "Horses/Ponies don't have Clavicles, ergo they don't have collar bones" ^^ But love the detail and the melancholy you exhibit in writing!