I'll admit I was hesitant about the premise, but I like your style of humor and will give this a shot. And shame on you Twilight. You could have just asked.
Good news, I got around to reading this fic. Okay, that is a lie, I moved it to the front of the line that consist of over 600 fics I need to read. Honesty, so far I say it is worth it. I see no slow points, and the jump cut is understandable which leads me to believe you will explain more of what happened when he arrived, maybe? The comedic points are handled well enough that the reader won't feel like they are being throw dirty jokes to make up for some lacking, which it is not lacking anything. Ending a chapter on a cliffhanger, you know how to keep readers wanting more, good good. Well off to the next chapter.
Pretty neat stuff. Human character isn't a total Gary Stu and the dialogue is pretty good. You're missing a period here and there and formatting can be funky at times, but overall this is pretty nice.
For your first chapter, I award you a gold star sticker. You may place it on the sticker board.
Back on my Earth, I could go to jail for acting on such thoughts
Incorrect, if there were equestrian ponies on earth (sentient creatures) then no law would prohibit you from doing the horizontal monster mash with them, because they would technically be aliens.
That is, if your talking about another sentient life-form and not an animal.
If she hadn't come along and found you, I think the timberwolves or the manticore would have gotten you for sure.
I think you are underestimating a human's ability to take down a wooden wolf that falls apart just by tripping. Also underestimating a human's ability to avoid a creature that apparently is incapable of stalking defenseless, candy-colored ponies.
I unknowingly had a meal consisting of dried hay, and paid the ultimate sacrifice to the Porcelain Goddess all night.
Actually, you would have had colic from that. Very, very bad colic.
As for the ponies themselves this curious nature to them is different from many of the other HIE fics I read. Usually there noticeably hostile indifferent or friendly. Curious is new and I like it. ^^
'Non-stop flight?' I thought. 'No, I prefer my flight to stop. Preferably at an airport. It's those sudden corn field stops that seem to interrupt the flow of my day.'
George Carlin FTW!
"Please remember to remove all personal belongings you might have brought on board!"
Right. "Personal belongings." As opposed to "public belongings." And "might have brought on board?" Well, he might have brought his arrowhead collection. He didn't, of course, so he's not going to look for it. Instead, he's going to look for things he actually brought on board. After all, that would vastly increase the odds of him finding such things...
Fantastic, I thought. Now Ponyville's resident fashionista and gossip magnet has enough ammo to make the paparazzi jealous. I can only hope she hasn't told anyone else about it.
Oh no, the ponies now know that he is a male. Its the end of the world. How will he ever live now.
The thought made my stomach turn, but not from the fact that Twilight had snuck a peek—it was because I had to think about sex.
Another character with a sexual phobia.
The Monk “Hundreds of years,” Reflection muttered, enjoying the scratching. “That’s a lot of porn.” - Dropbear
"I'm not. Not one bit," she replied, narrowing her eyes. "She's a self-centered, arrogant mare who thinks her magic is more powerful than any other unicorn."
She's a traveling magician with a stage persona who was treated unfairly by the inhabitants of Ponyville because it was easier to blame an outsider than it was to blame children!
"I...well...peeked while you were asleep the other night. I couldn't resist, even though you told me all about your culture's nudity taboos, my curiosity got the better of me! I'm so, so, sorry!" She blubbered, almost in tears.
Well I am interested in seeing where this goes. Especially if it becomes a human/Fleur de Lies pairing.
Nice to see a human/Fleur de fic.
me like me fav me follow
Fave to see a royal beatdown commence!
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The gloves are off!! Thanks for the fave!
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Thank you! The fun is just beginning!!
Hey there, I am finally here to proof this sucker and--
Oh, you already published it. Would you still like me to give it a once-over, or are you set with what you have?
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You can give it a look if you like. I feel pretty good about it
You have earned a like and a fave. Enjoy one complimentary yes dance. 24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lskf3f16eD1r0z1wao1_250.gif
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Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it!
Consider me hooked!
Seems pretty solid so far. I give it a like, and a fave
Well done, no grammatical errors, good plotline... Faved and liked. Also, I REALLY feel sorry for this poor son of a bitch. Dammit, Rarity!
I'll admit I was hesitant about the premise, but I like your style of humor and will give this a shot.
And shame on you Twilight. You could have just asked.
Good news, I got around to reading this fic. Okay, that is a lie, I moved it to the front of the line that consist of over 600 fics I need to read. Honesty, so far I say it is worth it. I see no slow points, and the jump cut is understandable which leads me to believe you will explain more of what happened when he arrived, maybe? The comedic points are handled well enough that the reader won't feel like they are being throw dirty jokes to make up for some lacking, which it is not lacking anything. Ending a chapter on a cliffhanger, you know how to keep readers wanting more, good good. Well off to the next chapter.
~Hearn
I like it I will read the rest later
First chapter.
Pretty neat stuff. Human character isn't a total Gary Stu and the dialogue is pretty good. You're missing a period here and there and formatting can be funky at times, but overall this is pretty nice.
For your first chapter, I award you a gold star sticker. You may place it on the sticker board.
Not bad at all for the first chapter.
Rarity would always be the bane of my residency in Ponyville, with all her gossip and whatnot.
Incorrect, if there were equestrian ponies on earth (sentient creatures) then no law would prohibit you from doing the horizontal monster mash with them, because they would technically be aliens.
That is, if your talking about another sentient life-form and not an animal.
I think you are underestimating a human's ability to take down a wooden wolf that falls apart just by tripping. Also underestimating a human's ability to avoid a creature that apparently is incapable of stalking defenseless, candy-colored ponies.
Actually, you would have had colic from that. Very, very bad colic.
I actually like this dude quite a bit.
As for the ponies themselves this curious nature to them is different from many of the other HIE fics I read. Usually there noticeably hostile indifferent or friendly. Curious is new and I like it. ^^
And of course Rarity would gossip xD
Well iv read the first chapter and Im hooked, I will read on. So far I cant understand why you doubt yourself this is brilliant.
Bah ha ha ha, what a great way to introduce yourself to the high class of Equestria!
I'm loving where this is going! Keep it up.
This was a great start and I always loved the ending.
XD becuase he is going to meet royalty.
Always makes me laugh seeing that quote :)
George Carlin FTW!
Right. "Personal belongings." As opposed to "public belongings." And "might have brought on board?" Well, he might have brought his arrowhead collection. He didn't, of course, so he's not going to look for it. Instead, he's going to look for things he actually brought on board. After all, that would vastly increase the odds of him finding such things...
I'd try Apple flavored Kerosene.
I saw that George Carlin reference you magnificent bastard!
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Sapient* lifeform. Or in less fancy language...They speak and can wear clothes and use technology.
Oh no, the ponies now know that he is a male. Its the end of the world. How will he ever live now.
Another character with a sexual phobia.
The Monk
“Hundreds of years,” Reflection muttered, enjoying the scratching. “That’s a lot of porn.” - Dropbear
She's a traveling magician with a stage persona who was treated unfairly by the inhabitants of Ponyville because it was easier to blame an outsider than it was to blame children!
Twilight the Pervert, Second of her Name
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Half right, her over the top attitude, and needless oversteps would have gotten under the skin of most people.
But yeah, the Ursa Minor issue was entirely snips and snails fault lmao