It looks like mares love a man in uniform...

Hee!

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a man in uniform...

Even across universes, it's sexy as hell!

I couldn't keep the grin off my face while reading this.

Nothing against Fleur but I'm on team Rarity all the wayI can't believe she blatantly checked out his package like that, she's a pretty naughty pony huh?

Ohhh! This is just too good! More please!

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I can't believe she blatantly checked out his package like that, she's a pretty naughty pony huh?

Twilight's curiosity sure is contagious!

I want to see how Jason interacts with Pinkie.
I could see that scene with the perfume ending very humorously.

I have the feeling that in one point in the dinner Fancy Pans will appear and ask Fleur to return with him…Did she will return to him? Did he will become aggressive and Jason will have to use his training to subdue him? Did he will accept defeat and congratulate Jason to defeat him, winning the heart of Fleur?……
……

Only the author know the answer of that.

P.S: It will be hilarious if Blue Blood appear, laugh at Jason, thinking that any mare will have any attraction toward a monkey and then become speechless when Fleur just stand up, walk toward Jason and plant one long passionate kiss. Oh the reaction of Blood, if that happen…would be priceless (Think about it)

dear armedbrony84 I am a big fan of a soldier in equestrea story being in the Australian infantry tenth company based in Afghanistan I am one of twenty bronys who love your story keep up the good work (salutes) .

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"P.S: It will be hilarious if Blue Blood appear, laugh at Jason, thinking that any mare will have any attraction toward a monkey and then become speechless when Fleur just stand up, walk toward Jason and plant one long passionate kiss."

Oooh I like that one :D

as for the story itself, Great work! thumbs up and fav!

Sounds like Jason is going to have some mare troubles if he keeps attracting all of them at once. Be careful with that though - don't make him too attractive without a very good reason. Having every mare in Equestria chasing the main character can be comedic, but it's too often poorly done so people will be very hesitant about a story where that happens.

I'm very intrigued by your form and especially your personality, and that you're not like most stallions- only out for one thing...

This sentence feels a little... awkward. Fleur's being rather forward with what she's saying, and how she's saying it just seems odd - especially as a high class pony. She basically calls him out on not trying to immediately rut her ('not out for one thing') while also hinting that that's what she might want ('Your form intrigues me'). Maybe have her write something like: "You don't seem like most stallions and that intrigues me very much, so I would very much like to see you again." I feel that a less direct reference to her feelings would get her point across and be more in-character without making her sound too desperate.

What do you think?

P.S. Her being a little desperate might be an interesting plot point if well-handled though... Hmmmm.

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The mess with the letter has been repaired! There will only be curiosity and harmless intrigue from other mares from now on; I have a good idea where the romantic portion is headed!
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Thank you! Glad you (and the others) enjoyed it! Thank you for your military service as well!
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There will be a conflicting stallion (perhaps more over time as well) to throw a "wrench in the mix"!

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Now I feel like I'm influencing the story too much. The thing about mares being attracted to Jason is fine as long as you have a really good idea what you're going to do with it. If it works in your story, then leave it in.

Now you've got me thinking how the mass attraction could work...

1: Human sweat has salt in it.
2: Ponies get drunk off salt. (That's actually canon!)
3: Therefore ponies can get a second-hand high by hanging around humans?

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Thank you!

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That was the first thing I actually thought about when I got the dinner idea

I'm sensing a herd forming around Jason.

They may be intelligent but the male female ratio in MLP is still like five mares to every one stallion. So herd/ band behavior is likely still how they do things.

I have to stick around for more, this story is really starting to take off.

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Chapter 4 introduces a really jealous and arrogant antagonist stallion (Blueblood-esque, but without the drama)

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Oh ho ho, sounds fun

It's an interesting story so far I suppose. The method of entry into Equestria is only briefly touched upon, didn't think helos flew with just a lone pilot though, so kind of curious there. Beyond that, the character so far seems somewhat solid.

The 'he's an alien stallion, we all want him' thing is somewhat cliched, I will say that. Fleur somewhat 'falling' for him seems to be a bit fast, however women will hit that rebound just as quickly as men, so I can't be too harsh over it. Just make sure you take your time building up the romance and you'll be fine. And address the whole 'mares want him' thing sometime in the near future if it isn't an integral part of your plot. It needs to be explained/squashed before it gets to be too annoying. Even if it is simply the 'alien stallion? Exotic?' outlook.

Beyond that, staying with Twi, well, good enough there. She is always a logical choice for 'learning' about the aliens in HiEs. Although, being a soldier, I would've thought Shining Armor would've met him, if to assess him as a potential risk if nothing else. That part is kinda funky, and it did come to mind as I was reading it. Folks without military background probably won't jump to think about it, but it seems to be an action that should've been taken.

Hmmm... I think that's really all I've got. The technical aspect seems solid enough thus far, nothing stuck out (Going on 27 hrs atm though, but fairly certain this is true) or poked me as I read, so that is always a positive. I'll be keeping an eye on this story for the future.

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You prove some very valid points. Being my first creative writing piece in my life, there are bound to be plenty of mistakes, especially all the inconsistent plot holes you mentioned (I didn't do an "outline" for my story, which I probably should have done to begin with, but didn't know about until I started writing).

All the technical SNAFUs you mentioned (helicopter pilot issue, Shining Armor, etc) is leading me to think I should just scrap the whole story, and just stick to reading instead of writing. Should have done some research on how to write before I "brought a knife to a gun fight"

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Don't let it lead to you scrapping the story, it's just things that I've noted. You can continue writing with what you have, I was also being as constructively critical as possible. Obviously you're doing something right, the story has a 104 - 6 vote ratio, and the idea of Fleur and a human is very unique. Continue with what you have, and just keep in mind what I pointed out as reminders while moving forward. Positive reminders.

Our first pieces are never that great, and the longer we go after writing them, the more even we see things wrong with it, especially once pointed out. I encourage you to keep running with what you've got here.

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I just had a moment of self-defeat;It's how I've always been.
I just realized that one of the plot holes you mentioned earlier, I've already taken care of in the current chapter that I'm (thankfully) almost finished with. The whole Shining Armor issue will be resolved as well, once my OC goes for the job offer.

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Ah, I see.
And that is good. Plot holes are a real pain in the ass, but most of em are workable, even if an occasional ones does require some rewriting in already posted content.

I'll be watching this story though.

Cancelled, hm? That's disappointing. I was impressed to see two new chapters since I last checked.

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I'm not sure if I want to continue it, given all the constructive criticism I've received pointing out all its flaws. I'll just put it to "on hiatus" instead, until my self-defeating mind goes away or buries me in depression.

EDIT: Of course, I have been drinking, so that's no help to my emotions, either.

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I've always found that a shot of rum makes the blank pages easier on the eyes. I can't know exactly where you're coming from, but I had a similar experience with my first story, and yours is already twice as popular, so you must be doing something right.

I'd encourage you to go back and rewrite what you have, make an outline to wrap the story up in a reasonable number of chapters, and when all is said and done, revel in the accomplishment of completing your first multi-chapter story. In the future, one-shots are less stressful.

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I've always found that a shot of rum makes the blank pages easier on the eyes

You must know me better than I do, because I had a few beers with friends tonight, and my muse is now in high gear. Although there's no blank page, it's just trying to finish the chapter on a good note, with some dawws and feels.
It's a good thing I have tomorrow off, otherwise I'd be dead to the world in terms of motivation for working!

Damn it, why'd you remove the chapter before I could read it?

And I'm with Seraphy973, no ponyfication please.

All dem mares what to get on Jason's jock his swabs so high.

Not much I can say without repeating myself. Though, you did pull off a good Rarity, if not a bit lustful, but I can excuse that because I am sure she has realized he is a gentleman. Which means she is hoping he is her Prince a tad bit. Plus knowing he has the size to please, is all see needs to fall for him. It does seem like you just racked up the first two mares for the herd. -repeat what I said about development last chapter- I know there are a few plot holes, but unless you point them out, no one will notice. Shining might be a bigger one then most, although I doubt he told anyone other than Twilight, Celestia and that guard from last chapter that he was solider. Anyway, to the next and last chapter you have posted ATM!

~Hearn

Excellent work pulling off Rarity's character.
This chapter was just spot-on and well written.

Ah did a good job portraying Rarity, I tend to like the mare even more in the fics. ^^

Alright time for that second date!

Ooooooh yeah, this humanXfleur fanfic is awesome! Great job so far dude! Can't wait.

Rarity too? What is it with these mares?

Hey, nopony has seen such a handsome human soldier like you.

Rarity's hips don't lie. I'd be transfixed as well.

Mares: Hey Soldier Boy! Me so horny! Me love you long time!
Jason: What the hell?