• Published 8th Jan 2013
  • 16,105 Views, 545 Comments

Wilted Flower - Agri_Yob



One man's struggle in Equestria, trying his best to make the most of his new life.

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Comments ( 293 )

Finally the waiting is over, good chapter by the way.

It continues! And it was worth the wait, huzzah!
Very nice to see you writing again bud, this chapter was done very well. Was wondering when Rarity would come into things and even though it was leading, her timely arrival to the story was executed perfectly.:raritystarry: Definitely looking forward to seeing more from ya.

I want to ask, is he a marine? Or what? If he is a marine, than you should probably add more cussing... Actually, him being a marine wouldn't work with this story, because if you are a marine, you are always a marine, and it wouldn't work for him to go into the royal guard. If he is a marine, then the training should be easy, if he does training for the royal guard. 12 weeks of hell... Yeah.

Finally is great to see you back buddy, I hope the next chapter will come up soon, and good chapter, I like how you put him some post traumatic disorder very nice touch, Now I wonder if he will ask help from Luna, to work all those nightmares

Very well done indeed!

I’ve...been through alot.

I would not like to go through an alot either, they look a little dirty.
4.bp.blogspot.com/_D_Z-D2tzi14/S8TRIo4br3I/AAAAAAAACv4/Zh7_GcMlRKo/s400/ALOT.png

wasn’t my place to get angry over someone I didn’t know from Adam.

Who's Adam?

Some parts feel a little forced and want to move too fast. So there is a little inconsistency in the pacing, least in my opinion. But I feel it flows better than some of the earlier chapters. Still an interesting read.

2541066
Thank you for catching those.

Some parts feel a little forced and want to move too fast. So there is a little inconsistency in the pacing

I may not be an expert, but I'm trying.

2541548
We may not all be good, but we can always improve. That is why I mentioned a bit of a difference between your first chapter and this one.

2541667
I just have to figure out how to properly slow things down, without ruining the storyline

2540972
They're about the height that canon has proven through mathematics. Normal ponies (Mane6, etc.) are about waist-high, whereas Alicorns are about eye-level with the human, assuming the human is an average height of 5' 7" to 6' 1". Although Celestia's snout would probably reach the top of the human's head, since she's the tallest of the Alicorns.

2541671
I know you want to move the plot along, but you can't force it less things seem contrived. An editor or pre-reader could possibly catch some of these points and tell you they feel a little odd. Things like certain events feeling too convenient would make the reader suspicious to of some characters or think there is some shadow hand orchestrating things.

2541066
"...wasn’t my place to get angry over someone I didn’t know from Adam..."
"..Who's Adam?.."

Formerly-common American slang, referring to Adam and Eve. Since no one knows what Adam looked like, it was a way of saying "I wouldnt' know this guy even if he walked up to me."
Given how often some of the classic slang pops up in accounts written by soldiers, I'm guessing the lifers keep spreading it around...

WOOT new chapter!!! Keep up the good work :pinkiehappy:

2542422
I know most of the readers here—the younger ones, at least—won't know that term, and I summarily changed the wording of that sentence to reflect the meaning more clearly.

Sometimes jargon or slang isn't the best way to go. Oh well.

2542422 2542774
I saw it as possibly a typo, combining "a dam" into one. A dam being a female horse that has a foal, which still didn't make a lot of sense.

What part of America is the term used in? I have never heard it in California at all.

2542838
Its been so long since it had common use, I dont think it really has a zone anymore. Though it may have a toehold in military bases and small towns here and there. My mom watched old movies that had that line all the time.so it used to be said in Cali, at least in Hollywood anyway...:twilightsmile:

I like dis.. And I want moar :moustache:

2542422
You can take me out of the military, but you can't take the military out of me!:rainbowdetermined2:

2540765
Hopefully I conveyed the emotions well enough.

2543281
Well I am Nor Cal (totally the better Cal), we use terms like "hella" and "bitchin'".

Worth the wait!:twilightsmile:

It's like wherever I turn more of you former Army guys keep popping up. Pretty soon we'll have the numbers to form our own brony militia. :derpytongue2:

2544835 You Ex-military guys are going to be the ones who fight when the movie 'Red Dawn' becomes a reality. And while I'm no soldier, you can bet your ass I'll be right there with you. AIN'T NOBODY FUCK WITH AMERICA!!!!!

Out of random curiosity: What branch?

Fleur, don't do it. Rarity may live in Ponyville, but she spreads gossip just like the rest of the upper class ponies

Huzzah a new chapter I've been waiting for ages for this and it was well worth the wait :raritystarry:

2547197
Yeah, I finally got around to finishing it. I might go back and re-work a few things, but nothing major.

I'm definitely excited to get chapter 6 done!

2547208 Ooooh :D yay another chapter can't wait for it

2547224
And I promise, this one won't take me 3 months to publish.

Great Chapter and it's good to see some genuine character development between Jason and Fleur. Also, possible friend-shipping between her and Rarity? Sweet. :raritywink:

Jason joining the Royal Guard. I would imagine a human would have advantages in terms of climbing and going where pegasi can't go, people have endurance and they can weld weapons without the use of magic or teeth. Plus in the show, we see that magic can be nullified if the horn is touched and that mana is finite as even Celestia can be put out of commission if her horn is damaged in a fight. There is also writing and typing (Minotaur Typewriter?), with Jason as Shining Armor's secretary. :twilightsheepish:

:yay:YAY! Finaly new chapter!:rainbowkiss:

God !!! I want more:flutterrage::twilightangry2:

Comment posted by Agri_Yob deleted May 19th, 2013

2556568 Oh cool. Chinook has some serious lifting power. S'like a flying 18-wheeler.
...
Sort of anyway.

Comment posted by Agri_Yob deleted May 24th, 2013

2559248 Lol! I'm now going to call it that whenever I play Command & Conquer. the latter for sure.:rainbowlaugh:

2547377 Also on top of that they might be able to fix his Blackhawk. I mean why not they can do clean it spells so why couldn't Celestia and Luna do a fix it spell on the helicopter. He could use it as an escort transport for the Royal Guard.

Awesome story man.

Comment posted by Agri_Yob deleted May 16th, 2013
Comment posted by Agri_Yob deleted May 17th, 2013
Comment posted by Anon1 deleted May 20th, 2013

awesome story so I must say WHYTHE FREQUENT HIATASES!?:flutterrage::raritydespair:

I must now quote a movie

Comment posted by Agri_Yob deleted May 24th, 2013
Comment posted by Agri_Yob deleted May 24th, 2013

2604927 never give up this is one of my favorite stories on this site

Comment posted by Agri_Yob deleted May 24th, 2013

*finishes reading* Glad you left that comment on my userpage. I love this story! *notices said story is on hiatus* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

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