Lost Handle
Joined 17th Jan, 2012 ·
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- Garthreon · 5.4k words · 18 5 · 2.7k views
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I wrote this short purposefully to show how things come suddenly. Though the effects are wide, the occurrence is instantaneous.
My first fic. Criticism welcome. I probably suck. Oh well. If I do I keep working and take the criticism into account.
make more, because this is very... interesting
Fixed the minor title error. Whoops 9_9
Hm.
Some things can happen just so fast.
Pretty good. But, um, what's with the knife? Did Fluttershy have a knife on her shelf (
) , and it happened to land on her? 
Although I agree that the knife on the shelf is rather improbable, I think the story was able to tell its tale effectively.
One thing that I noticed. The beginning is rich with detail, painting the scenery.
But at the end, the details vanished. You could do a little more in describing Dash's emotions and the death scene.
PS: The 'Animus' you're referring is the psychological masculine side for Rainbow Dash, right? Well, if my 2 semester psychology classes served a purpose, I think that, being a tomboy, she would be quite in touch with her animus, but not with her anima.
Short story, but enough to make me feel sorry for poor rainbow... :rarity despair:
Good Read.
Yeah, correct on the Animus, very interesting concept to add to this already introspective story. I guess i'm beating a dead horse with this, but I agree, the knife was pretty ridiculous, the falling piece of furniture could easily have done the job and not have detracted from the realism. That being said, this was extremely well written, keep up the awesome work!
(READ THE STORY BEFORE THIS COMMENT!)
I re-read the knife scene a few times, I think what really hits home is that Rainbow killed Fluttershy. I base this off the passage stating that fluttershy started to reply to RD, only to be cut off after rainbow hit the hilt of the blade, which resulted in, well, exactly what happened
Fluttershy wasn't stabbed when everything fell on her... just when RD panicked trying to uncover her.
139303 Objection!
What you said may be correct, but Rainbow Dash acknowledged the 'wetness' on the knife on the instant she came in contact with it. Meaning that there was blood on it before Dash's intrusion.
A wound would have to be relatively deep in order to splatter blood over the lodged object.
It is true that Rainbow deepened the wound... but Fluttershy would still have died nonetheless.
You know what this calls for? A SEQUEL!
Poor Rainbow.
Who murdered her loved one?
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I went back and re-read it again with what you said in mind. The writing implies a (small enough to support your interpretation) period of time between when dash initially hits the knife (and apparently causes fluttershy to be "cut short") and when she realizes what's on the knife / that the knife handle is wet. The reason I don't think this precludes my theory is that any pre-existing wound to a major artery/vein would not give fluttershy the ability to even begin to respond due to shock, let alone get "cut off" afterwards; this implies that rainbow's exacerbation of the situation by accidentally hitting the knife handle is what ultimately decided fluttershy's fate - though of course this is just my quick-reasoned explanation.
Then again, 138089 might be able to give a definitive answer.
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If you mean shock as in emotion, you're right. Fluttershy would be mortified by the slightest of wounds.
If you mean shock as in the medical term, you're wrong. A neck wound would take some minutes before inducing hypovolemic shock (blood loss shock), even with a major artery being severed.
Thinking about this angle, you're wright. Rainbow did cause Fluttershy's demise. As she would be too (emotionally) shocked by the wound, cutting her off.
But I still think that the knife itself severed a big artery, causing Fluttershy to try to ask Rainbow for help. Rainbow hit the already wet knife (blood would have splattered on her coat/hoof if Rainbow did the piercing wound), deepening the wound. The pain would then cause Fluttershy to be (emotionally) shocked.
Now I'm confused as to what I believe happened.
But yes, 138089 should decide!
Of course, we're looking at this from the outside in.
I wonder how Rainbow interpreted the "hit an object, it's a knife in her neck" angle.
138089
Don't you dare say you suck.
You have good narrative skills, not to mention you were able to make a good quality fic with just 764 words.
Whoa! That was a shock! But good story nonetheless.
._. My friend said it was hard to get noticed on here. Guess I can send HIM into a rage.
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I wrote unclearly, but there was a little time before rainbow felt the wetness and the time she felt the blade. I had meant to write it as she had hit it very hard in her panic, puncturing deeply. I'm no doctor so figure the cause of death in your imagination :3
Also at every other knife statement: But would it have been as dramatic a read if a bag of food hit her in the head and snapped her neck? That was actually a plan but I scrapped that over Rainbow Dash playing a role.
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Correct, that is the animus. Why only having that around instead of putting spirit or soul? Because everything else is attached so much to the pony that it dies with it, but the animus (or anima for males but since the population is mostly female I use the majority as collective) roam free always, so that's what you find still, after the carrier leaves. :3
Also description:
hehe. I kinda noticed that. I would make an excuse that I was trying to make different moods but it really was just lazy writing.
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Thank you. About a sequel, some things just don't work twice in a row.
140016
You needn't tell me.
>:/
Grm
Nice story anyway bud.
140016 I said that the knife on the shelf was improbable, but not impossible.
What I liked most in this is how you actually got me to think that Rainbow was the one going to die.
140017
140159
I'm going to lie and say that was my intention :3
140261Tha's mah' story an' Ah'm sticking to it!
140016
Me no want a sequel. It's perfect as it is. I love to see the mane 6 with broken spirits. (What? I'm not evil. I'm chaotic. That's a completely different thing.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ya6Y5Y7ap8g
the knife on the counter stabs her
FINAL DESTINATION
what? im soulless
anyways, hears mah read
http://youtu.be/dSnezt1PCJ8
Thank you all
668276
Sorry I'm late, that was a nice read
SPOILER ALERT! (Though most comments here seem to have already spoiled it...)
Pretty good story given the length.
I'm enjoying the whole knife debate in the comments. It might be because it's 1:30am but it completely went over my head that Rainbow *possibly* killed Fluttershy. I must have completely skipped the part where you said 'Shy started to reply. I'm not sure if that scene should have been more clear or if I should read more clearly. The comments actually stopped me from down voting this... it's a lot more meaningful and dark with that little detail (kinda) sorted out.