Big plans, loads of time, but oh so very lazy.
Twilight discovers the research of a unicorn scorned by his peers for his radical thinking and bizarre concepts. However, magical knowledge has made strides since the time of the old unicorn, and Twilight is confident that she can bring the dreams of stallion to life...
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This is an interesting story, as far as I've seen there is a lack of Pony-on-Earth stories. Tracking :).
My main complaint is that you don't seem to be checking your work. There are numerous grammar/spelling mistakes and typos (I think I saw 'is' spelled as 'od') which make the story less immersive.
Ohh... oh dear.
He was innocent :(
Anyway, something you should work on is typing in accents. After a few sentences I decided it was either a Perth or Queensland accent, though I'm not too sure on that - a lot of unfamiliar words. “You, are mockit fae the fall" was a sentence which made no sense at all to me...
Other than that, it's looking good. The pace has picked up, which is good - if a bit gory. On a related note, I've decided not to read this fic just before sleeping
(Please excuse me if I'm a bit unclear. It's 3:30 AM...)
153467 Yyou are right, I don't check my work due to unfortunatly tight time constraints, though I did fix these later, I did not realise I had uploaded the 'un-fixed' version here, so that was simple neglogence.
As for the accent...I kew it would cause a problem.
The accent it self is actually Scottish, the variant is from my home town.
The sentance is question actually says "You are muddy from the fall." The words will be unfamiliar because accent here in Scotland varies from town to town, as well as how they are said and used. Do you think I should add a 'translation' at the end for the unfamilair accent?
Good to know the gory scene came out alright. I was honestly concerned it wasn't descriptive enough.
On that note, that you for the compliments! And for pointing out the errors - it is helpful for later to know that the words aren't very clear.
Ahhh, Scottish. That makes a lot more sense, and I've actually heard "fae" in that context.
I think the best way to deal with it is to add a few lines of thought, muttering or etc. Make him think about living in Scotland, (unless this is an alternate world populated by humans). That way the story is self explanatory.
154632 Don't worry, I intend to make that clearer in the 4th chapter, which also explains what is happening with the worlds, so stay tuned.
[EDIT]: Changed my mind, chapter 5 will add more explaination, It should be up in a few days. *hope*
More damnit!
194850
agreed
Another great chapter!
I don't know too much about comas, but this sounds pretty accurate to me. No obvious errors, this chapter was good in my opinion.
I look forward to the next chapter, in which you explain what world this is, correct?
195493 Yes, stuff will be explained in chapter 5, it should be out this week... I hope
Yeah, I made sure to check this before posting it. It is a little abstract, but that was the intention. 'He doesn't quite know what is going on, so neither does the reader untill he figures it out', to put in a pre-readers words.
Thanks for sticking with this and for liking it, your feedback is seems quite honest, which is very useful. Thanks.
The story us sounding awsome so far and from what I heard its going to get a lot better. Now then, sit your ass down and get on with it!
But anyway the only 'complaint', becuase I know you love them, is the charectors don't talk that much for now, but I hear they do get there say futher on in the story. Thank you writing this and can't wait for more. 
Ooooh, very interesting. They've landed in a future-stabby-horrible place which recently lost 1/4 of it's population.
Plot-wise, this is shaping up well and I think that makes up for the time taken.
Grammar wise, just one sentence you need to fix that I noticed.
"On one side of the argument were Applejack, Rainbow Rarity and Pinkie were on the other, trying to persuade Twilight, Scootaloo and Fluttershy to leave."
Looks like left-overs from a bit of re-arranging.
Loving it! can't wait for the next chapter!
Few grammer mistakes here and there, but nothing really to nit-pick about. And Pinkie Pie finaly got her first line! 
I love how you got the ponys, that wouldn't fit in to the serious situation, out of the there, 'sutile'. Can't wait for the next part!
Ok, this time around I noticed the story was significantly harder to read. No major problems, but just about all of the minor ones are numerous here. Run-on sentences, missed full-stops, and having to read half of the dialogue twice - first in the voice of who I thought it was, and then in the voice of who it actually was. I think that final one is a larger and harder-to-fix problem, so I'll try help there.
Firstly, try switch up the start of each line. It doesn't all have to be dialogue, instead mix the description in as the conversation goes. Secondly, you might need to work on your characterization. At the dinner table especially, I found that I usually couldn't tell who was saying something just by reading the dialogue itself, which is a must. Most of this could be done by switching out words - Twilight being all big-worded and fancy, Applejack having her accent and Rarity layering everything with compliments. However, you also have to consider who is saying what. When Rarity complained about being called free-loaders, I was expecting Dash to say that - surely Rarity (the Element of Generosity) could recognise a generous act when she sees one.
All in all, exciting things happened this chapter, but they were overshadowed by the many small errors. I hope this comment will help you perfect your writing.
Finally; no hard feelings. I know I've just pointed out a lot of the bad things, but once I look past them towards the content itself this story is proceeding nicely, if a bit slowly.
562563 Thank you for your honesty. Really. What you pointed out, now I see it. I didn't before hand It became a simple of case of, having stared at ti for so long, I couldn't even see these problems anymore. (I really should try to find a pre-reader, cause lord knows I cannot write.)
I was actually going for a...slightly different style of writting. I was trying to see if my narative/story telling would work better through more dialouge and less 3rd person narative. As I am a young writter, I want to see how well I can work with things in a different native structure (well, slightly different). However, this little experiment shows that I wasn't too good at this. Infact, I actually made an atempt to switch back, right before the kitchen scene. Reading it, the quality change it staggering.
The more grammer related ones, I do have a small excuse for... I tried to run the original documet (I am that stupid) through a few online based things (spell-checkers, 'more text options things', that stuff) and one of the options that was there was to remove anykind of character that was not text. Any and all. I accidently pressed the thing. So I had to replace all of them, and I have probibly messed up there.
The characterisation thing...yeah. My bad. This is a serious fault (looking back at it, of course!) that I am really surprised I didn't catch. I did try to have Applejack have her accent - I did! - but it evidently wasn't thick enough.
And specifically on your point about Rarity... I hate to admit, but you have a point. I think that I really have to stop writting at 3AM. That was purely my own prejudice about her character (th more negative aspects of it) getting through.
...Well, it's good to know the content on its own was good at least! And things will speed up a lot in the next chapter; I garentee you...
Yeah, as a whole, there was a largely lethargic attitude to this chapter, and like chapter 2 before it, it fails more because of this. At least this one is an easier fix.
Once again, thank you for your critisism and honesty.
699292 Yeah,there is a reason I talk all fancy like, 'cos that is the accent from my home town! I've had to act as a translator on more than one happening for some unfortunate Englishman.
I'm glad the first impression was good for you, I've been getting conflicting opinions on that one.
That wasn't intentional, but the idea proibibly came to me from it, having re-read the novel only a few moths before. Though, I'm glad something I did reminded you of such an amazing novel and film.
Yeah, that is something to be fixed in my re-do. His actual age is stated in chapter 5.
I'll leave that to simmer in you mind for a while, because I'm evil like that.
Will be changin' thanks for pointin'. I look forward to doing it, this is my favourite out of all of the chapters so far, so it'll be tough to do something with it. But I'll manage.
By the way, I doubt I will re-do chapter 4, but I want to have your two bits. Could you look at that for me?
This is so Awesome
I love that they're friend now! It made me feel all warm a gooey 
I can't wait for chapter 8! Please do the hole thing, I am absolutely loving it so far! 