Chapter 3
Shadow of the Sun
By Starwin
Chapter 3
It didn’t seem to matter how many times Twilight Sparkle read the message from Princess Luna, she still had no idea what she was supposed to do. Each time she hoped there would be something more. She searched each word as if trying to discover some great hidden secret within the ink. However, the more she turned the words over in her head, the more confused she became.
Scootaloo, Rainbow Dash and Spike had all read it as well. None of them seemed to have any additional insight into the meaning of this letter either. If Luna had concealed a hidden message or meaning, there wasn’t a pony in the room that could find it.
Twilight trotted in a circle, trying to get her brain to think more than empty white noise. She continued to stare at the letter, although she was no longer reading it. Absently, Twilight listened to the others as they debated what to do.
“Princess Celestia said don’t go to Canterlot, no matter what,” reminded Spike.
“I don’t think ‘no matter what’ covers Luna asking us to come,” replied Rainbow Dash.
“But what if it does?” chimed in Scootaloo.
“But what if it doesn’t!” cried Rainbow in frustration. “Twilight, come on, what should we do!” asked Rainbow for the third time.
“I don’t know,” answered Twilight, not looking over at her friends as she continued to trot in a circle. It was the only answer she could give them and it did not seem to be what they wanted to hear.
“Do you think you should go?” asked Scootaloo.
“I don’t know!” repeated Twilight, her voice raising slightly in irritation.
“Where do you think you’re supposed to get the elements?” asked Spike.
“I DON’T KNOW!” screamed Twilight at the top of her lungs. She finally came to a stop, the letter dropping from her magic. Both Rainbow Dash and Spike looked a little unnerved at her outburst. “I’m sorry. I just… I need to think!” The others quieted but her head still buzzed with empty noise.
“Okay,” said Twilight at last. She willed her brain to think, to work. “What do we know? The Sun has stopped. Equestria is getting hotter. We have one letter from Celestia telling us to stay away from Canterlot. We have another letter from Luna telling us to bring elements we don’t have! But we can’t even get to Canterlot! And we can’t leave the town the way it is!”
Twilight lifted the letter again. For the hundredth time she looked over the very short message.
“Why couldn’t she have told us anything useful?” complained Twilight.
“Maybe we should ask the others what they think,” suggested Spike. “If you aren’t sure what to do they might have an idea. The decision doesn’t have to be all on your shoulders, you know.”
“You’re right Spike,” said Twilight after a long moment. “This is something everypony needs to hear.” She looked at her friends seriously. “And I think it’s best if we all go. Which means, we’ll need more cover. Spike, go up to my room and get the blankets off my bed.”
“You got it Twilight,” said Spike with a salute. The little dragon turned and hurried off, hopping up the stairs and out of sight.
“Are we really going outside?” asked Scootaloo excitedly. “All of us?”
“Yes,” said Twilight. She used her magic to levitate a pair of empty saddle bags onto her back. She placed the letters from Luna and Celestia inside them. “I can’t leave you guys here if we decide to go. The library is in the wrong direction and it would take too much time to come back this way.”
“And if we decide not to go?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Then we’ll just have to come back here anyhow,” said Twilight.
“Alright!” cheered Rainbow Dash. “Time to go outside! This is going to be so awesome!”
“This is awful!” protested Rainbow. She and Scootaloo were sharing the back of the small two wheeled cart that Twilight had used to deliver food. The small white cloth that had previously covered the back had been removed. In its place, the two ponies were huddled under a dark blue blanket, patterned with stars and crescent moons. The blankets glowed with the faintest hint of magic. “Can’t I fly? Just a little?”
“There’s no way you could be out here,” replied Spike. Unlike the others he was not under the blanket but rather sitting on the front of the cart, legs dangling over the edge. “I’m a dragon and it’s hot even for me!”
“Not hot enough that you’re hiding under here,” said Scootaloo, poking her head out under the front.
“Spike’s right,” said Twilight as she hauled the cart. There was a shimmering aura around Twilight as her horn glowed. “The only thing keeping you safe is the spell I put on that blanket. You won’t be able to stay out under the Sun for more than a minute. But you can get Rarity when we get to her house. A few seconds under the Sun should still be safe for now.”
They moved at a steady pace. Not a full gallop but not a struggling trot either. None of her passengers were very heavy. In fact, the food had been much more difficult. The only reason they weren’t going faster was because all of Twilight’s effort was directed towards keeping up the shield spell.
“It’s so hard to believe it’s really gone,” said Scootaloo quietly. Twilight allowed herself a brief glance back to her passengers. Scootaloo was poking her head out under the blanket, gazing off into the sky ahead of them. Twilight tried to follow her gaze, to see what Scootaloo was looking at but there was just bare empty blue sky. “I’ve never even been there and now I’ll never get to go.”
Twilight could have hit herself in the head. Cloudsdale. Of course, she was talking about Cloudsdale having evaporated. How could Twilight have forgotten about it so quickly?
The answer to that was simple of course. The letter from Luna had changed everything. It had made Twilight lose her focus. She was a planner, an organizer, a leader. Knowing what she was supposed to do always came naturally to her. Except, not this time. This time, Twilight had no idea what she had to do. She was making it up as she went and that feeling terrified her.
It wasn’t long before they reached Carousel Boutique. Twilight pulled up right along side the door. Without having to be told, Rainbow darted out from under the blankets. She didn’t even pause at the door as she raced inside the shop.
A few short moments later Rainbow Dash re-emerged with Rarity, Fluttershy and Sweetie Belle in tow. The group of ponies stood just inside the doorway, keeping out of the sunlight.
“Twilight, I didn’t expect to see you so soon!” said Rarity. Scootaloo waved at Sweetie Belle, who waved back. Fluttershy stayed behind Rarity. The yellow pegasus looked a mess. Her normally well groomed mane was disheveled and there were tear stains on her cheeks. “What is this all about? Rainbow said something about a message from Canterlot.”
Twilight nodded, feeling the strain of keeping the spell active. “I’ll explain later…”
“Oh, oh of course dear! How thoughtless of me!” Rarity’s horn began to glow. White magic wrapped around her as she joined Twilight, her own shield spell protecting her.
Rainbow Dash hovered into the air and lifted up Sweetie. With a few quick flaps of her wings she hurried out to the cart. Scootaloo held up the blanket so that Rainbow could put Sweetie under it. Once the filly was safely under, Rainbow Dash slipped in herself.
“My, that’s an… interesting… way to travel,” said Rarity as she glanced at Rainbow’s face poking out under the blankets.
“Oh hush up,” said Rainbow in irritation. “Come on Fluttershy, we’ve got room for one more.” Fluttershy looked outside but didn’t move.
“No, that’s okay,” said Fluttershy. “I think I would rather just wait here.” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.
“Fluttershy, we came to get you, now come on,” said Rainbow Dash. Fluttershy opened her mouth to protest. “We aren’t leaving without you! Now hurry up, Twilight can’t keep her spell up all day long!”
Fluttershy glanced towards Twilight and opened her mouth to apologize but closed it instead. Without further argument, Fluttershy finally left the safety of the house, although she didn’t look happy to do so. In fact, she looked completely miserable. It took a little bit of shuffling and scooting around, as the back of the cart was getting full, but at last the two mares and two fillies were protected under the enchanted blanket.
“Alright, let’s go,” said Twilight.
“Wait!” cried Rarity. “Wait, just a moment!” Rarity vanished back into her house and Twilight winced a little as she worked to keep her shield up. Rarity did not take long and when she came back out, she was wearing a pair of saddle bags.
“You seem to think we are going some place,” said Rarity with a smile. “I thought I should come prepared.”
It was only a short walk to Sweet Apple Acres. Both Pinkie Pie and Applejack were staying at the farm; them and about a fourth of the town. The Apple Family had some of the largest cellars in all of Ponyville. When the heat had really turned up, Twilight had helped move many families here herself. Applejack had been kind enough to take them all in.
Twilight was sweating hard by the time they reached the front of the apple orchards. She paused at the gate, trying to regain some strength — a difficult thing to do while maintaining a spell. Here too, the trees looked wilted. Leaves had turned brown, dozens of apples had shriveled up. The crops were dying.
They were still a good ways away from the buildings of the farm. Twilight looked at the distant barn and let out a sigh. It was so far away. She was just about to continue on when Rarity stopped her.
“Twilight, dear, why don’t you let me pull the cart the rest of the way,” offered Rarity. Her eyes looked Twilight up and down. “You look completely exhausted.”
Twilight couldn’t even bring herself to words anymore, she just nodded. Twilight tried to undo the harness but couldn’t manage it.
“Here, let me help,” said Rarity leaning forward. As she took hold of the straps her shield spell bumped against Twilight’s. For a brief moment sparks flew into the air. The two spells trembled as if they were about to collapse. Then, like soap bubbles colliding, the shields joined together in a mix of purple and white magic.
“Ooooh, sparkly,” said Sweetie Belle from under the covers.
Twilight and Rarity looked at one another and then at the slightly larger bubble around the both of them. The combined spell was nearly four times the size of the two previous spells. It was large enough now that it even covered the front of the cart.
“Hey, it isn’t hot in here,” said Rainbow, sticking her head out from under the blanket so that she was protected under the bubble.
“Twilight,” asked Rarity in slight shock, “what just happened?”
“I have no idea,” said Twilight, looking just as bewildered as Rarity. Rarity took a step back. Suddenly the bubble popped and the small personal shields shimmered back into place around Twilight and Rarity.
“Hot, hot, hot!” cried Rainbow, ducking back under the enchanted covers.
“It looks like it only works if we are in close proximity,” said Twilight thoughtfully. “I wonder if we can… Unh,” grunted Twilight, her own shield flickered.
“I think for now we should just keep moving,” said Rarity with concern. Twilight nodded.
Rarity stepped forward again and finished undoing the straps of the harness. Twilight slipped free and stepped aside. Without even a complaint, Rarity took her place and hooked herself up. With a slight strain at first Rarity began to pull the cart and they were off at a reasonable pace.
The two of them walked side-by-side in silence. Twilight was thankful to switch for a while even if it didn’t feel much like resting.
It also probably didn’t help that this was the third time Twilight had been outside today under the protective spell. All this magic was taking so much out of her. Yet, for the very brief moment when their spells had combined, it had almost felt… easier. But perhaps she had simply imagined that.
The cellar where Applejack and Pinkie Pie were located was the largest of all, built right under the big red barn of Sweet Apple Acres. This cellar was designed to stockpile large amounts of food for winter. At present the food stores were only a few weeks full. There wasn’t much down there, certainly not enough to keep the town fed that much longer.
Ponyville of course had its own stores of food and water. Yet it hadn’t had much either. The town supply had been the first things to go out during the second day. Now, they were empty and all that was left was in the cellar just ahead of them.
“Um, could you hurry up just a little, if it’s not too much trouble,” asked Fluttershy.
“Yeah, it’s starting to get really hot back here,” said Rainbow Dash.
“The resistance spell is wearing off faster than I expected,” said Twilight half to herself. “We need to pick up the pace!” Rarity nodded but didn’t say anything. While they certainly couldn’t gallop, Rarity did her best to pick up the pace.
The big red barn rose in front of them, getting larger and closer as they approached. Even though no one could have known they were coming, somepony was waiting for them at the barn door. The pony was pulling it open to let them in. The group hurried past, getting out of the Sun as quickly as possible. Once they were clear the sliding doors quickly rolled closed behind them.
The inside provided little relief but at least blocked the direct light from the Sun. The barn was empty, just as it had been that morning, if there was such a thing as morning anymore. Everything that had once been in it had been moved down below.
“Heya Twilight, Rarity, Fluttershy, Dashie, Sweetie, Spikie and Scootalooie!” exclaimed Pinkie Pie, giving them each a quick hug as she zipped around the cart. Somehow, Twilight wasn’t at all surprised to find that it had been their friend Pinkie Pie who had come up to let them in.
“Do you mind if we move someplace not so hot?” asked Rarity.
“Okie-dokie-lokie!” said Pinkie Pie and she bounced away, like the ground was some sort of trampoline. They followed her to the cellar door and Pinkie pulled it open for them. In a single file line, the group descended down into the cellar under the barn. Once they were all in, Pinkie closed the door behind them.
“Girls!” exclaimed Applejack when she saw who Pinkie had brought down with her. Applejack rose from her makeshift hay bed on the floor and crossed the room to her friends.
Due to the size of the cellar there were a few more than four ponies staying here. All of Applejack’s family — her big brother, little sister and grandmare – as well as fifteen more ponies.
“What are y’all doin here? The next delivery isn’t for two more days,” said Applejack, a look of concern on her face. “Is something wrong? Did something happen with today’s delivery?”
“Twilight got a letter from Canterlot,” said Rainbow Dash, jumping right to the point. All ears perked up at this announcement. “We need to leave at once.”
“Y’all got a letter from Canterlot?” asked Applejack with a raised eyebrow. “But I thought Celestia said we should stay away.”
“It’s complicated,” said Twilight, giving Rainbow an annoyed glance. “This just arrived through Spike.” Twilight used her magic to levitate the black parchment from her saddle bag. She held it up for everypony to read. “It’s from Luna.”
Everypony, except Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy seemed interested in reading what Luna had to say. Rainbow had already read it but Fluttershy… she didn’t seem to be paying attention at all. Twilight was worried about her but now didn’t seem to be the time to talk about it.
“She has really pretty hoofwriting!” said Pinkie Pie.
“What does it mean, Twilight?” asked Applejack.
“I don’t know,” was the first thing out of her mouth. Twilight shook her head. “No, I do know. I just don’t want to accept it. If Luna had to send the letter than Celestia…” she couldn’t bring herself to say it.
“Oh sugercube, no, no. I’m sure it’s not what you think…” said Applejack, trying to sound reassuring.
“But the Sun has stopped and…” Twilight couldn’t finish. Tears were welling in her eyes. She knew it in her heart that something was terribly wrong with her mentor.
“Sooooo…. That means we need to get going!” said Rainbow Dash, a quick flap of her wings carrying her up into the air as if she were ready to fly off on the spot. Applejack grabbed her friend’s rainbow colored tail and pulled her back down to the ground.
“Hold your ponies missy,” said Applejack, letting go of Rainbow once she had landed. “We can’t just go to Canterlot. How would we even get there, what would happen to the town if we left?” Twilight nodded her agreement, Applejack’s thoughts mirroring her own.
“It’s two days to Canterlot by hoof if we go as fast as we can…” continued Applejack.
“If we go as fast as you can,” interrupted Rainbow Dash. “If I fly I can go full blast and make it there in an hour, tops.” She stood ready to launch herself into the air again and race off.
“And just how are y’all planning to fly under the Sun?” asked Applejack. “You’ve been outside, you think you can stay out there for an hour?”
“Maybe,” said Rainbow, trying to sound tough.
“Well I don’t think flying is the best way to go,” said Pinkie Pie. “Because you would be up higher so you’d be closer to the Sun!” Twilight opened her mouth and held up a hoof to correct Pinkie but couldn’t actually figure out if she was right or not. Pinkie continued on, not noticing Twilight’s odd reaction. “I think the best route would be to follow the train tracks. And maybe we’ll find the train! Then we can be there in a few hours! And also ride the train! I love riding the train!”
“I’m not sure I could do the protection spell for a few hours,” said Twilight, finally regaining herself, “let alone a few days, not with all of us.”
“But… should we even go?” asked Fluttershy, her quiet words oddly harsh. “Celestia said to stay away from Canterlot. Are we just going to ignore her warning?”
“I know,” said Twilight looking away ashamed. She was still torn between what she should do.
Twilight had been over the arguments in her mind again and again. Maybe Celestia hadn’t wanted them to come right away. If they had, they would have been unprepared for the intense heat, they might not have made it.
Than again, the second day hadn’t been that bad. They might have already reached Canterlot by now if they had left right at the start. Or maybe, Celestia had wanted them to stay in Ponyville to help the others, somehow knowing what would happen. Twilight just wasn’t sure.
They stood in silence for a long moment. None of them talking, each weighing the options before them. Stay and wait for the situation to sort itself out or go and risk never coming back, possibly never even making it to their destination.
“I think we should vote on it,” said Applejack at last. “All in favor of goin to Canterlot?” Applejack, Rarity and Rainbow Dash all raised a hoof. After a moment Spike raised a claw too.
“Spike!” exclaimed Twilight, looking at her little dragon. “What are you doing!”
“I’ve been sitting around all week, watching as things just keep getting worse,” said Spike. “Rainbow Dash is right. Staying here isn’t going to make things better.”
“But we don’t know that going to Canterlot will make anything better either!” said Fluttershy more forcefully than Twilight had ever heard her speak before.
“Well, we have to try,” answered Applejack. “If we don’t do nothing, we can’t expect nothing to get fixed.”
“But even if we do want to go! We can’t!” said Twilight. “I don’t know if I can keep you all safe!” Twilight looked away, feeling ashamed that her magic wasn’t strong enough to help her friends. Applejack made to move forward and comfort her but Rarity spoke up first.
“Twilight,” said Rarity. “Nopony said you had to do this all by yourself. We are your friends and we plan to help however we can. And I think I might have a suggestion!”
“You aren’t going to make us ride under a blanket all the way, are you?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Actually, I kind of liked it,” said Fluttershy. “It felt safe and warm and I couldn’t see anything scary.”
“No, I had something a bit more functional in mind,” said Rarity. “Do you remember what happened on our way over?”
“Yes!” exclaimed Pinkie. She opened her mouth to explain. “Wait, no, I don’t, I wasn’t there.”
“Yes,” said Twilight, giving Pinkie Pie an odd look. “On the way over, we bumped into each other,” explained Twilight. “Our shield spells kind of merged together. For that brief moment, it was big enough for the both of us and the front end of my cart. And… it almost felt easier.”
“Yes,” said Rarity. “So what if we cast the spell together.”
“I’m not really sure. I’ve never tried anything like it before. But even still,” said Twilight, “we had to be right next to each other.”
“Well, what if you sit in the cart and we pull it?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“That might work…” said Twilight, picturing it in her head. With her and Rarity sitting at the front of the cart, their shield spell would be large enough for all of them. “But it’s still too risky. I have no idea how long we’ll be able to maintain it. It might get us there but…”
“But what sugarcube?” asked Applejack.
“But if it fails, we’ll be out in the open, with no hope of finding cover…” explained Twilight, a very serious expression on her face. “It would only be a few minutes before we succumb to heat exhaustion… and only a few minutes more before…” Twilight trailed off.
The room was silent with Twilight’s words.
If they took the fastest path, the most direct route from Ponyville to Canterlot it was two days of galloping. It would take one day to cross the hills and planes and rivers, and another day to climb the mountain. But they wouldn’t be galloping. That made it two days to reach the mountain and two days to climb it. Four days total out under the Sun.
There would be no shade to hide under, no place for them to rest. At some point, the shield would fail and they would die…
“I don’t know,” said Twilight at last. “There are just too many things, too many parts, too much risk if we get any of it wrong! What do we do about the town? What do we do about ourselves? What do I do about the conflicting letters? I just can’t think. I can’t focus! I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do!”
“Maybe you just need to solve one problem at a time!” said Pinkie Pie with a bounce. “Start with the smallest problem you have to overcome first, and maybe, fixing that problem will help you fix the others!”
“Well, I suppose the letters are the smallest problem,” said Twilight. The letters were actually the largest problem for her, conflicting instructions on what she should do. But unlike all the other problems she was facing, these were just words and all she had to do was make a choice between them. She pulled out Celestia’s letter and held it side-by-side with Luna’s, as if she were weighing them. “Do I listen to my mentor or do I act on her sisters conflicting orders?”
Twilight looked to her friends, trying to read the expression of each. They all seemed to be giving her words serious consideration. It was, of all ponies, Apple Bloom who spoke first. Twilight had nearly forgotten she was there. In fact, Twilight had forgotten any other ponies were here with them. Yet, gathered all around them, listening to the discussion were more than a dozen ponies.
“Well, that’s easy,” said Apple Bloom. “You should do what your heart tells you!” Twilight bit her lip.
“My heart tells me I should go to Canterlot,” said Twilight after a moment. “But that’s the next biggest problem, what about all of you! Without me and Rarity here…”
“Dearie,” said Mrs. Cake. “You may be able to help us for now, but the food and water we have isn’t going to last us forever. If you stay, than there surely is no hope for us. You have to go, whatever is happening, you seem to be the only ones able to do anything about it…” Twilight tried to interrupt, to say they weren’t able to do anything to fix this but Mrs. Cake pressed on. “…even if you can’t do anything right this moment, you six have accomplished great things before.
“You stopped Nightmare Moon,” continued Mrs. Cake. The crowd murmured its assent. Twilight suddenly became aware that the crowd hadn’t just been listening, they had been hoping. “You defeated that nasty Discord fellow. You halted the changeling army from taking over all of Equestria. And you freed the Crystal Kingdom from a reign of darkness.
“You and your friends have done great things,” said Mrs. Cake very seriously. “And now, we ask you to do those great things once more.”
“Eeyep,” said Big Macintosh simply.
“Alright,” said Twilight, her voice a little stronger than it had been a moment ago. “You’re right, all of you. We have to do this. Not for us but for everypony.” She looked at her friends who all smiled back at her. “This is a risk we must take and a journey we must make.”
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I'm loving this so far. Can't wait for the next one man~
Can't wait for the next chapter :D
haha awesome!!! :D
Ya know I'm waiting for one of them to realize and speak out how hauntingly similar this situation is to Nightmare Moon and her want for eternal night... (But now day!)
1871677
By climbing the mountain they mean following a path to the top, not literally climbing up the side. That path might be the train tracks or it might not, I won't say.
damn, whats wrong with fluttershy? she's usually so quiet, but now she's being super outspoken about NOT going. weird....
And she can't ask other unicorns to help with the spell= Sure, they'd go along too, but they don't have that many options now.
And has Spike tried to send a letter to Luna?
1871688
I think he was refering to the shade provided by the tunnels.
Also, if they really need 4 days to arrive, wouldn't all the crops have died by then? Which means that even if they manage to get the sun moving again, there's going to be a mass famine and as a result loads and loads of dead ponies?
Twilight, if you use a enlargement spell on Spike you would have some cover in an emergency. :)
The crops were dieing.
dying
And thanks for update :)
1871791
I'm guessing it's grief over both her critters in the forest (who are most likely almost all dead by now) and Cloudsdale.
1873692
huh, the first thing that popped to mind was she somehow knew more than she was letting on and didn't want them getting involved.
1871613 Just what I was thinking....
Awesome chapter, can't wait for more.
1872600
No, no, no, they are coloring all the crops blue! Also... fixed. That one always seems to slip past
Gimme a break, Twi, you're already a seeker of knowledge who winds up on perilous adventures and is terrified of snakes. You're just becoming more like Indiana Jones!
Indy: "Go back to Cairo, get us some transport to England. Boat, plane, anything... Meet me at Omar's. Be ready for me. I'm going after that truck."
Sallah: "How?"
Indy: "I don't know, I'm making this up as I go."
Pinkie Pie's makin me laugh as usual, but I'm worried about Fluttershy. That filly does not work well under pressure, and I have little doubt it's more than just the heat that's getting to her. I'm quite sure her deterioration will have repercussions in the near future.
I like how you overcame the traveling problem, and I like even more that it's not completely solved; it will still be an obstacle.
Here's something the characters haven't considered, though: Luna might be a little more vulnerable to corruption than Celestia.
1873692 D'oh! I completely forgot about her critters. Yeah, that'd be the source of her bad attitude. She's probably feeling resentful of her friends.
This has me wanting to see Pony Fremen.
Interesting idea, good storytelling so far. The only lump i have is you seam to waver on the constancy of the sun's heat. It can char boards, but only wilt trees; few other odd points. While I'm completely happy to wave the wand of "suspension of disbelief" over it and still enjoy the story, I would encourage you to research death valley, desert survival, and for that matter go read Dune. If nothing else just go read Dune for the sake of reading one of the best Sci-fi's ever written.
The way I see it either Celestia's dead or she is now Solar Flare and bringing about eternal day. Personally I think she's dead because as of yet we have no reason for her to be Solar Flare I bet twenty bits on it. What do you think?
1891341
Sometimes, I like descriptions so much that they don't get taken out when they should. This is one of those cases. I like the image of the burned cart so much that it just kept making it in through editing passed. But in the end I have to agree, it simply gives the wrong impression of the level of heat. So, fixed.
I've actually been out to Death Vally several times, as well as hiked and camped there.
As to Dune, I have read but was not really a fan. Just not my kind of story I guess... needs more ponies
(and joking about Dune needing ponies)
1895670 I understand how the mental image thing goes. I have written more than one story simply because I had a visual stuck in my head.
Fantastic chapter
Can't wait for more
Oho, and so the quest begins! At dawn, we ride! Oh wait...
SPOILER ALERT!!!
It didn’t seem to matter how many times Twilight Sparkle read the message from Princess Luna, she still had no idea what she was supposed to do.
-It only now occurs to me that the reason it initially seemed blank was that there was a lot of paper and very few words. Which means it wasn't that the message was hard to send (unless maybe Celestia regained lucidity/conciousness but Luna wasn't sure how long it would last) but rather that the information had to be limited... or it is a "hacker" who now that it is too late to do much good (which is why they sent the first fake letter) is trying to get Twilight and the rest of the Bearers to kill themselves on an 'impossible' journey. Interesting that Luna isn't using the anti-heat spell and chain-teleporting to Ponyville herself given the danger that Twilight is undertaking.
“I don’t think ‘no matter what’ covers Luna asking us to come,” replied Rainbow Dash.
-Interesting question. Certainly eternal day doesn't seem like the way that NMM returning would go. Of course, it could be misdirection, hoping to turn the populous against Celestia to depose her. Or it could be Celestia keeping the sun up as long as possible because once it goes down she knows she won't be able to raise it against a returned NMM. Doesn't seem likely that you would write Luna as evil though. MAYBE a separate Nightmare entity, but I doubt it. Now then, a lot of stories have The Nightmare's ultimate goal to be to possess Celestia, so if it succeeded in that, you might get this situation. Of course, Celestia wouldn't be willing, which might explain why Nightmare Flare wouldn't have gone after the Element Bearers in one way or another beyond sending the first letter.
“I don’t know,” answered Twilight,
-Trying "send" now that "receive" has worked again... in fact they should have tried it within seconds if possible in case the time-window was very narrow.
I just… I need to think!
-Yeah, Twilight doesn't always do well when rushed, but, like Batman, gets exponentially more effective when she has prep time.
Spike, go up to my room and get the blankets off my bed.”
-That will help with the air-temperature, which might still be the biggest problem, or it might not. The sun might not be that much hotter from a thermodynamics POV. This also shows that Spike may be heat-resistant, in which case maybe he should run messages. I wonder if they should leave Scootaloo behind since she isn't personally familiar with Celestia and the highest circle of government the way Spike is, nor a battle-tested veteran like Rainbow Dash.
“I can’t leave you guys here if we decide to go. The library is in the wrong direction and it would take too much time to come back this way.”
-Well, that explains that. I wonder if Twilight will be shielding them and/or pulling them in the cart?
She and Scootaloo were sharing the back of the small two wheeled cart that Twilight had used to deliver food.
-Called it, and also it seems that you do have Spike as heat-resistant. I guess Twilight just wants a dialogue, rather than verbally communicated messages (or written if outdoors hasn't hit the ignition point of paper).
In its place, the two ponies were huddled under a dark blue blanket, patterned with stars and crescent moons.
-Not as good of a color...
The blankets glowed with the faintest hint of magic.
-I support this, rather than trying to say the insulation would be enough.
Unlike the others he was not under the blanket but rather sitting on the front of the cart,
-I would think he would walk so as not to weigh down the cart more than necessary. Then again, Twilight may want him there to help the other two (for instance if RD throws off the blanket in frustration and it needs to be replaced very quickly), or his weight may not make that much difference because of the high pulling power of ponies.
poking her head out under the front.
-Well, that should give Scootaloo an idea of how bad it is.
There was a shimmering aura around Twilight as her horn glowed.
-This sentence feels clumsy given you established what the parameters of the spell were in the previous chapter. Perhaps "Her horn maintaining its glow as she kept the protective spell that shimmered about her body going."
A few seconds under the Sun should still be safe for now.
-Which, if doors are unlocked, means RD probably could make it a non-trivial distance in the town. In any case, getting the parameters clear for the reader is a good thing, so I like you including this sentence.
In fact, the food had been much more difficult.
-True but she might still be tired out by the previous efforts.
The only reason they weren’t going faster was because all of Twilight’s effort was directed towards keeping up the shield spell.
-It being both higher stakes and more temperature sensitive cargo... I wonder if they are going to Rarity first. She probably has at least a white blanket (or can MAKE one) and perhaps the mirrors I mentioned back in chapter 1.
“I’ve never even been there and now I’ll never get to go.”
-Eh, pegasus architecture seems faster to build than normal architecture (RD can sculpt a cloud into a "statue" in less than a second), so as long as they can rebuild the cloud-making machines reasonably quickly, the new version should be up fairly quickly after the diurnal cycle resumes. Which reminds me, they are probably going to want at least 24 hours of night to let things cool off before they go back to the usual schedule, if not longer. Or maybe just barely raise the sun above the horizon for a few days, with a very fast transit between the dawn and dusk positions. That would give the Little Ponies (and all the other sapient and semi-sapient species) light to work by as they set things right. In any case, Neo-Cloudsdale should be, in the parlance of the fandom, 20% Cooler (perhaps literally if they go overboard and decide to make it out of snow-clouds to give a bit more margin if this happens again, which would seem extremely unlikely).
This time, Twilight had no idea what she had to do. She was making it up as she went and that feeling terrified her.
-Eh, between the rest of the Elements of Harmony, Mayor Mare, and anypony else worth asking, she should be able to figure it out. Doesn't change her discomfort level though. I wonder how much her uncertainty will disturb the other ponies, and if she will try to keep up a mask of knowing what she is doing? It sets her Friendliness against her Organization and Fear of Failure, so I could see it going either way, but I think she will be asking for advice, and maybe even be fairly open with her uncertainty, at least with the rest of the Mane Six.
A few short moments later Rainbow Dash re-emerged with Rarity, Fluttershy and Sweetie Belle in tow.
-I wonder if Rarity will insist on swapping out the blankets? I also wonder if they will be dropping the CMC off somewhere random, or if it will be at Sweet Apple Acres (the furthest point they have to go to probably, and thus the last most likely), and the CMC will stay with Big Mac and Granny Smith when the Mane Seven (or just six) set out. Also, I wonder if you have included Pee Wee, and if so, where he is (I mentioned his potential utility before, although he may not even be able to fly yet).
and there were tear stains on her cheeks.
-Still crying frequently... makes sense. If you were mentioning water I would say it would be a waste of water, at least if you take "ocular gushers" literally.
White magic wrapped around her as she joined Twilight, her own shield spell protecting her.
-Is that her normal horn-glow color, or just the color her shield comes out ask?
“Come on Fluttershy, we’ve got room for one more.”
-In which case they may need two carts by the time this is done.
“No, that’s okay,” said Fluttershy. “I think I would rather just wait here.”
-I don't see her advice as being the most useful, but then again she did surprise us with "freaky knowledge of sewing", and as an amateur vet, she might know about heat-stroke which might be relevant to their travel arrangements. She also has a stake as an Element Bearer (and will be needed if they go to activate her Element), and to speak on behalf of the animals. Of course, from a literary POV it is a virtual certainty the Mane Six are going to attempt the journey, and I suspect they will bring Spike along in case another letter arrives. It would be nice to cover them trying and failing to send a letter back to ask for more details. The CMC are unlikely to come, but MAYBE they could stow away in a cart if the cart-arrangements are heavily loaded enough (for instance if they take a load of water-barrels as I suggested).
Fluttershy glanced towards Twilight and opened her mouth to apologize but closed it instead.
-Apologize for making her wait, or to say apologetically that she just CAN'T come? Probably the former, and it is good to see her skipping it. Shows her character growth since the first season.
“You seem to think we are going some place,” said Rarity with a smile. “I thought I should come prepared.”
-The practicality of those "preparations" could be anything from highly practical, to completely useless, to appearing completely useless, but being adapted with creative thinking to solve problems (NOT reflecting foresight on Rarity's part). This does, however seem to torpedo my mirror idea from a narrative perspective.
them and about a fourth of the town.
-So that would be the exception to the "Four per basement"? I wonder if that is a retcon on your part, or if you were just being simple in how you explain things? If the first I would probably go back and edit when the story is done.
The apple family had some of the largest cellars in all of Ponyville.
-Capitalize "apple" in this case since it is the name shared by a group of people, and, in any case, is a unique thing (almost certainly) and thus a proper noun.
When the heat had really turned up, Twilight had helped move many families here herself.
-Ah, so not all the relocations happened early. Interesting. I guess Twilight was being optimistic originally... which makes me realize that Twilight will have to reveal her lie to the Element of Honesty... unless she already did *Goes to check first chapter* Ok, that has already been covered. Still, Twilight may have to bring a few more ponies in on this (and you might be keeping options open about who you bring in on the conversation by having lots of ponies at SAA).
Applejack had been kind enough to take them all in.
-Makes sense for her, she is very community minded. But I would think that it wouldn't just be her supporting this decision. Granny Smith would pipe up on the subject, and Big Mac might even elect to give it an "Eeyep" of approval.
trying to regain some strength — a difficult thing to do while maintaining a spell.
-Rarity can't spell* her?
*Joke not intended, but welcome since it came.
Here too, the trees looked wilted. Leaves had turned brown, dozens of apples had shriveled up.
-Makes sense. Although I wonder if the apples would have been "ejected" (caused to fall off) as the trees entered crisis. Too obscure of biology to matter for a story like this though.
“Twilight, dear, why don’t you let me pull the cart the rest of the way,”
-I guess that makes more sense than having her take over the spell, since, as I mentioned earlier, this is a more difficult and sensitive shielding spell than just delivering food. Of course, that is assuming that shielding yourself is harder to screw up than the simultaneous shielding of a wagon one is pulling.
Twilight couldn’t even bring herself to words anymore,
-Odd phrasing, but could be considered poetic.
As she took hold of the straps her shield spell bumped against Twilight’s.
-So is Rarity only shielding herself because she came out from under the blanket, or has she been sharing the shielding duties the whole trip?
or a brief moment sparks flew into the air.
-Well, let's see what this does.
Then, like soap bubbles colliding, the shields joined together in a mix of purple and white magic.
-This doesn't sound like a BAD thing per se... in fact the Magic of Friendship might make the the spell more powerful and/or easier to maintain than simply taking shifts or covering two halves of a the cart or whatever would indicate.
The combine spell was nearly four times the size of the two previous spells.
-"combined", and also is that 4 times the radius? Because doubling the surface area would actually increase the enclosed volume by.... well 2*sqrt(2), if I am doing my math correctly. Surface areai being proportionally to the square of the radius (so take the square root to get the increase in radius), and then cube it to get the enclosed volume. Of course, that assumes that the difficulty of the spell is approximately proportionate to the surface area (which would be the most intuitive).
“It looks like it only works if we are in close proximity,”
-Well, that sets the parameters, and it is as I thought. Hopefully they won't have to do much fighting outside of shade, but that seems reasonable, even if their is fighting to begin with it would be in the Everfree or Diamond Dog tunnels... unless Dragons or other heat-immune monsters are taking advantage of the situation, which would actually be a good plot-element. Actually, dragons could be holding Canterlot to ransom, and making Celestia keep the sun up. Would probably requiring having kidnapped Luna first to get the leverage to get in close enough to Celestia to compel her. It can't be Luna still being held prisoner, because she sent the second note. I couldn't see Celestia being held, simply because she would die before she would fry all of Equestria. In any case keeping the Element Bearers away from Canterlot would be an obvious demand of a hostage-taker, very roughly equivalent to "I see any SWAT vans, and the hostages get it!" in the real world.
Yet, for the very brief moment when their spells had combine, it had almost felt… easier. But perhaps she had simply imagined that.
-As a scientist she should be experimenting with that as soon as she has a chance. I mean even without bringing into account the need to get to Canterlot, which they almost certainly will decide to do. Actually if it works for any two unicorns, it could make up for their absence as far as food distribution goes. Also the experiment could influence their decision.
The town supply had been the first things to go out during the second day.
-They ate all their stored food in two days? Actually that seems reasonable for how much food most modern urban areas might have stored. Or are you talking about the water supply?
“We need to pick up the pace!”
-Twilight, one of the most reckless spellcasters we know (in fact even Trixie hasn't had any actual MISTAKES with casting magic), doesn't want to try that combination thing when she is desperate?
exclaimed Pinkie Pie
-She got a twitch for "Friends arriving"? Or was just so hyper she couldn't stay in the basement and went up into the barn?
“We need to leave at once.”
-I thought they were just going to discuss things... did I miss something, or did Twilight decide "off camera"?
she didn’t seem to be paying attention at all.
-Understandable... there is every chance that hundreds of her closest friends are dead of heatstroke... friends she is personally responsible for.
“She has really pretty hoofwriting!” said Pinkie Pie.
-I prefer "mouthwriting", or, for those with horns "hornwriting". Nopony used their hooves to write that we see.
If Luna had to send the letter than Celestia…”
-Sick, Clinically Insane, or Dead. I figured. Of course, that was before I thought of hostage-taking dragons... but that doesn't strike me as very likely.
Twilight opened her mouth and held up a hoof to correct Pinkie but couldn’t actually figure out if she was right or not.
-Nice dodge... on Earth it actually gets colder the higher up you are. In Equestria, with a wonky sun, that may be 1,000,000 times closer than ours, who knows?
Then we can be there in a few hours!
-Well, unless the water is gone, possibly taking the water-tank with it... And assuming it still works well enough (thermodynamics stuff, any engine that works by burning something requires a temperature difference between the burning stuff and the environment, and if that has been hot) and is cool enough they can actually board it... Then again, Twilight does know a cooling spell (the one she uses in the basement not the shield). Which reminds me... if the air one is breathing is hot enough the bodies automatic breathing reflexes shut down, and you have to REMEMBER to breath. This actually comes up when fighting fires on submarines I think.
her quiet words oddly harsh. “Celestia said to stay away from Canterlot. Are we just going to ignore her warning?”
-Is this actually her main motivation, or does she just not want to be further from her charges than she has to be, even if she can't do anything to help them?
She was still torn between what she should do.
-Don't think this is proper grammar, but I'm not that expert on grammar.
“Spike!” exclaimed Twilight, looking at her little dragon. “What are you doing!”
-Interesting that she doesn't try to discount his vote on the basis of his not being an adult. Then again, he would be coming, and knows Celestia, so that would be stupid. Just saying it establishes the respect she has for him that she doesn't raise that objection.
but Rarity spoke up first.
-Interesting that Rarity is going to be the one to think of mentioning the combination thing. I guess Twilight is pretty wrecked from exhaustion and stress. I do hope that you will have Twilight insist on testing it... perhaps over-ruled by an objection raised by Rainbow Dash that things are only going to get worse, and they can't waste time for her to rest up AFTER a proper test (she almost certainly should rest before they leave, even with taking the energy-saving into account).
“It felt safe and warm and I couldn’t see anything scary.”
-Makes sense that Fluttershy would still hide under her blanket from her fears.
“Wait, no, I don’t, I wasn’t there.”
-Hiding her 4th-wall breaking perceptions?
“Well, what if you sit in the cart and we pull it?” asked Rainbow Dash.
-With two shifts, they might even be able to go non-stop with the ones not pulling sleeping in the cart... except that that leaves the two unicorns going non-stop. I suspect that Twilight has stayed up that long cramming for tests (which she was going to ace anyway) and Rarity did stay up all night weaving gold silk to complete an order in "The Stare Master". Still with Twilight starting out tired they will probably need at least one break. Still, taking shifts, even if the non-pullers are walking rather than riding, might allow them to move faster. We shall see if you include my ideas about mirrors and/or water barrels.
“It would only be a few minutes before we succumb to heat exhaustion… and only a few minutes more before…”
-Sounds like an argument for experimentation (which could be making both their routes for one final food-delivery run, perhaps a bit earlier than they otherwise would). And also for resting in whatever shade they can fine (or make... they have someone who has built barns with them, not to mention Spike's ability to dig and Twilight's multi-ton telekinesis) a few times along the way, so they can be sure of making it BACK to Ponyville if they find that Canterlot has been melted into a pool of lava by the nuclear heat of Celestia's living or dead body).
If they took the fastest path, the most direct route from Ponyville to Canterlot it was two days of galloping.
-So a more circuitous route then, which lets you spread the story out, and include parts of the Everfree at the start maybe, without completely re-writing the official maps).
“Maybe you just need to solve one problem at a time!” said Pinkie Pie with a bounce. “Start with the smallest problem you have to overcome first, and maybe, fixing that problem will help you fix the others!”
-I was going to say that this was one of Pinkie's more surprising moments, but it makes sense she would have run into that sort of problem, given how hyper she is.
Yet, gathered all around them, listening to the discussion were more than a dozen ponies.
-I guess AJ told them The Truth at some point along the way? I wonder if any of the officials of Ponyville are there? Not that Mayor Mare seems very effective per se, but one more view-point could help, especially if she happens to recall the legal rules on conflicting orders between the two diarchs. And you still need to edit in something about Spike checking to see if he can send letters now.
“And now, we ask you to do those great things once more.”
-So ponies DO connect them with their great deeds. Makes sense that faced with the prospect of her foals frying or starving or dying of thirst, she would make the connection that usually they don't (or at least we haven't seen anypony asking them for autographs for their great deeds).
“Ayep,” said Big Macintosh simply.
-Sure you don't mean "Eeyup"? That is how I usually see it spelled.
“This is a risk we must take and a journey we must make.”
-And she goes back to her usual lack of testing before trying a new spell... Or maybe she is just saying that regardless of the results of the test they have to find a way to make it work.
They should dig tunnels from cellar to cellar.
I'd wager Fluttershy is upset because she either knows or has concluded that her animal friends are dead from the heat; if not all of them or any yet, then at least some or soon.
And I really hope that if the Mane 6 do decide to follow the train tracks, they keep their distance when/if they can. That's a lot of metal that's been sitting out there in the noonday sun for 120 hours or so straight now, and it's bound to be too hot to even get close to. On that note, I'm amazed the cart left sitting across the tracks hasn't already caught fire from that, along with the train station due to proximity to either the metal rails themselves or the aformentioned should-be-burning cart.
Also, for the sake of math, I worked out the details of this newly-discorvered "double shield" concept. If we assume that the magical exertion needed to maintain the shield spell is dependent on the shield's surface area, and that said shield is spherical, then (assuming that their magics don't reinforce each other or interfere and that the resulting shield has the same total surface area) a shield cast by two unicorns in tandem using the same amount of strength as before would have a radius sqrt(2) (or about 1.414) times that of the original, and a volume about 2.828 times larger, meaning you could fit (assuming no wasted space in either of the cases) almost three times as many ponies in a double shield as a single one.