Chapter 11
Shadow of the Sun
By Starwin
Chapter 11
Twilight stood in the vacant corridor, her eyes wide with the sight before her. Rainbow Dash was nowhere to be found. In her place, a mess of broken wood littered the floor. The water barrels had been smashed apart and their planks strewn haphazardly across the ground.
“Twilight, what’s wrong?” asked Applejack. She stopped beside Twilight, finally seeing the destruction spread out before them. “What… what happened here… Where’s Rainbow?”
“I don’t know,” said Twilight. Her mind whirled with possibilities, none of them good. “Rainbow!” shouted Twilight, holding a hoof to her mouth. No answer came. “I never should have left her behind.” Twilight trotted forward as quickly as she could, ignoring the pain in her side. “Rainbow!” she called again.
“She really doesn’t like small enclosed spaces,” said Fluttershy. “She never has. It must have been really hard for her to be in your cellar for so long.”
“You have no idea,” said Spike. “She was practically climbing the walls!”
“Oh, does being underground give her spider powers?” cried Pinkie.
“No, Pinkie,” said Applejack, “we’ve been over this. It’s just a phrase, nopony can climb walls. Twilight, why do you think she ran off?”
“Or was taken,” said Twilight as she examined part of a barrel.
“Taken?” asked Rarity in surprise. “You mean ponynapped? Why would somepony take Rainbow Dash?””
A shrill screech like an angry bird pierced the air. Fluttershy let out a squeak of terror and jumped into Rarity's forelegs. Twilight's eyes searched the rafters high above, her ears fully alert and listening.
“Maybe it wasn’t somepony,” said Twilight. “Maybe it was another nightmare…”
"Oh you can’t be serious!" said Applejack in exasperation. "Not more of those things!”
The screech sounded again causing every pony to flinch at the sound as it raced past overhead. Thundering hooves clopped against the roof shaking down dust and making the ponies look up uneasily.
“How many do you think are out there?” asked Applejack.
"There’s only one way to find out,” said Twilight. “We’ll have to go outside." Twilight pointed a hoof in the direction that led back to where they had entered from. Quickly they rushed down the hallway. Twilight winced as the pain in her side kept her from galloping. She pushed the discomfort back, focusing her attention on the task ahead.
At last, the group reached a familiar door. It was the service entrance they had used to come into the castle. Cautiously, Twilight opened the door into the storage room. Here too the empty barrels that had once been piled high had been destroyed.
“Boy, somepony sure doesn’t like barrels,” commented Spike.
“Look!” cried Fluttershy, hurrying over to a spot on the floor. “Rainbow must have come this way!” She lifted up a blue feather that was lying atop a pile of broken wood. The trail of destruction appeared to lead to the main door that went outside.
The door had been broken. It looked almost like somepony had tried to buck it off its hinges. Carefully Twilight examined the door, pressing against it with a hoof. The door swung open easily.
“Wait here,” instructed Twilight. She used a hoof to press the door open just enough that she would be able to squeeze outside. The blistering heat rushed in. She squinted against it, her eyes watering the moment the hot air hit them, then her tears evaporated.
“Twilight! What’re you doing!” exclaimed Spike. “You’re in no condition to go out there!”
“I’m just going to have a quick look, I’ll be right back,” said Twilight. Rarity tried to tell her friend to stop but Twilight’s horn was already glowing. A magical shell, just big enough for her body, flickered into existence. Despite the protests coming from her friends, Twilight squeezed through the crack in the door and made it outside.
The Sun was still high in the heavens, its relentless heat radiating down upon the world. She searched the sky but she couldn't find anything other than the empty pale blue above. Another painful screech cut through the air, this time from behind Twilight. She turned just in time to see a streak of fire rushing down at her. It was indeed another nightmare.
Twilight stumbled sideways, narrowly avoiding the blazing ball of flame. She expected the fire to crash into the ground, but it didn't. It landed, running along the hard pact dirt in a fast gallop before turning, circling and finally coming to a stop twenty hooves away.
Twilight felt her eyes widen as she got her first real glance at the creature. Twilight could see its pony shape clearly outlined in flames. Its body was pure white, glowing like an ember in a fire. Its hooves were ablaze and an orange trail of flame burned on the ground with each step it had taken. Its mane and tail were made of fire, glowing in a pattern of red and orange and yellow…
A terrible thought ran through Twilight's brain as she saw its eyes. She knew those bright pink eyes that were in sharp contrast to the rest of the pony. They were Rainbow's eyes. The fear had taken Rainbow Dash, she had become a nightmare.
The blazing mare struck the ground with its hoof sending out sparks from the strike. Twilight realized a second too late what was about to happen. The fiery mare charged her, leaving a trail of rainbow colored flame as she rushed at Twilight.
Twilight couldn’t move. She was frozen place as if claws of fear were holding her tightly. She felt the force of the other mare and burning heat. The two of them tumbled across the ground in an inferno of flames. The shield was keeping her safe from the heat but it had done nothing for the impact. The force had knocked the breath out of her.
When at last they stopped rolling Twilight was pinned under the fire Rainbow, gasping for breath. Her shield was still holding but the intense heat was starting to overwhelm the limits of the spell. Without the shield, Twilight knew she would be on fire.
The nightmare brought down a blazing hoof trying to break the shield. Twilight held up her forelegs to protect herself. She felt the strike against her legs, it hurt so badly. Twilight closed her eyes, she knew her shield wouldn't hold much longer and she couldn't watch. She couldn't keep looking into those unsettling pink eyes.
Another strike hit her forelegs, then another and…
“Hey! You leave her alone!” shouted a small strong voice. Twilight opened her eyes and turned her head to see Spike sprinting towards them. “Why don’t you pick on somepony your own size!”
The nightmare screeched and turned from Twilight, leaping off her before lunging at Spike. The little dragon came to a complete stop, suddenly frozen just like Twilight had been as two fiery hooves dove for him.
“Spike!” shouted Twilight. There was nothing she could do. All her effort was focused on keeping her protective shield in place. She watched in horror as the nightmare that had been her friend bore down on Spike.
Suddenly, the Rainbow-nightmare halted in mid air, colliding with what appeared to be something solid. She let out an angry high pitched screech that cut through the air. She tried to retreat but was meet with another impassible barrier. The blazing Rainbow appeared to be trapped, sealed within a bubble of magic.
The mare’s hooves lashed out, hitting the bubble. With each strike tiny cracks began to appear in the magical prison. Rarity, it was Rarity who had done it. She was still inside, casting from the doorway. Her face was strained trying to hold back the furious fiery Dash.
Her shield failing, fatigue setting in and her front shins now thoroughly bruised, Twilight limped back to the castle side entrance. Once she was inside she let her shield drop before adding her magic to Rarity's. The cracks in the bubble that held Rainbow vanished. It didn't seem to matter how hard Rainbow hit the bubble it didn't do any good.
Slowly, Twilight began to pull the magical cage containing their friend towards them. Rarity didn't protest, she seemed to be using all her focus to maintain the prison of energy. Pinkie closed the doors once the bubble was inside.
"It looks like… Like…" stammered Applejack as Twilight slowly lowered the magical force field to the ground.
"Rainbow…" said Twilight through gritted teeth. The mare had stopped fighting them and was glaring around at each of the ponies. Even without the constant assault, keeping the heat contained was a lot of effort. Twilight didn't know how long Rarity would be able to hold out but she knew that her own magic was nearly all spent.
"How can that be Rainbow?" cried Fluttershy.
"Twilight's right!" exclaimed Pinkie Pie. "Look at her eyes! It’s Flamebow Dash! She’s twenty percent hotter!"
"Well what do we do now?" asked Applejack. "How do we fix this?" The ponies all looked at each other uncertainly.
“Well, water worked on those other ponies,” suggested Fluttershy softly.
“It’s worth a try,” replied Applejack. She uncorked one of her water skins and moved closer to Rainbow. Pressing the bag between her front hooves, Applejack sent out a spray of water. However, the water instantly turned to steam as it struck the flames. “Well that didn’t do no good,” said Applejack, tossing aside the empty water skin.
"I would normally suggest a hug," said Pinkie Pie, "hugs solve a lot of problems. But I'm not sure how I would do that without burning myself."
Inside the bubble the blazing mare trotted impatiently back and forth. She wasn't kicking, but she hadn't given up on trying to escape. Without warning, she suddenly lunged forward. The bubble began to roll towards them.
Applejack and Pinkie were knocked aside as the tumbling prison collided with them. Fluttershy managed to hop out of the way. The rolling sphere narrowly missed Twilight and Rarity as it passed between them before it slammed into the far wall. Rarity's magic broke at the force of the impact. The strain on Twilight doubled, her horn felt like it was on fire, even if the mare was nowhere close to her.
Rainbow turned around, her sight now set on Twilight, the last remaining obstacle to freedom. Twilight couldn't move, she couldn't run and she could barely stand. Everything she had was focused on the prison, holding back the flames and the mare that was covered in them.
The bubble began to roll again, charging at her. This was going to hurt.
"Twilight! Shield me!" shouted Pinkie Pie, galloping passed her, charging at the on coming bubble of flaming doom. Twilight didn't have time to think, she just reacted. The bubble around Rainbow evaporated, causing the mare to stumble in her charge but not to fall. A wave of heat slammed into Twilight as the nightmare was freed.
A new shield shimmered into existence around Pinkie, giving her the same protective armor that Twilight had worn only a few minutes ago.
Pinkie leapt at Rainbow, her hooves out stretched, determination on her face. She and Rainbow collided in a tumble of legs and hooves. Twilight almost wanted to look away, but she had to keep focused, Pinkie was depending on her.
When the tumble stopped, both Rainbow and Pinkie were sitting on the ground. Rainbow's front legs were pinned to her sides with Pinkie holding her wrapped in a tight hug.
For a few moments Rainbow struggled against the embrace, however, something Twilight couldn't believe started to happen. The flames around Rainbow began to recede. They didn't vanish completely, but the fire was much less noticeable now and the heat much less intense.
"Where... What happened?" asked Rainbow, her voice dazed. "Pinkie?" she asked in confusion, only now just noticing the other mare that was squeezing her. "What are you... AHHHHHhhhhhh!" screamed Rainbow. "I'm on fire! Somepony put me out."
"Rainbow!" shouted Rarity. "Calm down, it's alright dear. We’re here to help you."
"Rarity! I'm on fire!" shouted Rainbow in a panic.
"Do you actually feel like y’all are on fire?" asked Applejack. The question seemed to stun Rainbow as if she hadn't thought to consider that.
"Uh, no, actually, I feel just fine," said Rainbow after a moment. She lifted a foreleg, although she was still mostly pinned by Pinkie Pie she was able to get a good look at her blazing hoof. "Now that I think about it, I feel cooler than I have all day long."
“So what do we do now?” asked Spike. “Pinkie can’t hug her all the way to Canterlot.”
“Yes I can!” exclaimed Pinkie Pie happily.
“I don’t think Twilight can keep that shield up much longer,” said Applejack.
“Element,” grunted Twilight. She could feel her strength fading, her magic weakening.
“Hot! Hot!” exclaimed Pinkie as the shield around her flickered. Even with the flames singeing her, Pinkie did not let go.
Applejack made a fast trot to Twilight, looking at her inquisitively.
“You think the elements can fix Rainbow? But how, don’t we need all six to work?” asked Applejack. Twilight shook her head.
“Just… need… Rain…” explained Twilight in a strained voice. Each word was punctuated with a squeak from Pinkie as the shield flickered.
Applejack seemed to get the hint and dug into Twilight’s saddlebag. A moment later she came up with the element of loyalty in her mouth. She looked questioningly at Twilight, who nodded.
“Whatever you two are doing, hurry up!” cried Spike.
Applejack turned and galloped to Pinkie and Rainbow. The shield around Pinkie was fading away. Pinkie’s face kept changing between relief and pain. Carefully, Applejack lowered the element of loyalty around Rainbow’s neck.
The instant it snapped into place the flames extinguished. Twilight let out a gasp of relief as the shield faded away. She collapsed to the ground completely exhausted.
“Alright Pinkie,” said Rainbow Dash. “I think you can stop hugging me now.”
“Do you think it’s safe for me to let her go?” asked Pinkie. The friends glanced at each other, then finally to Twilight.
“I sure hope so,” said Twilight.
Slowly, as if she were afraid it might make Rainbow explode, Pinkie released the pegasus. There was a moment were everypony stood absolutely still, holding their breath and waiting for something to happen. However, the moment passed and everything remained still.
Rainbow Dash lifted a hoof to examine it. The fire had not returned.
“Rainbow,” said Twilight, not getting off the ground, “you need to tell us everything that happened to you.” Rainbow Dash looked a little sheepish. She turned her head away.
“I don’t really want to talk about it,” said Rainbow.
“Please,” pressed Twilight. “It’s important that you tell us. I know it must be hard but it will help you. I know it will.” Rainbow’s eyes flicked back to her friends then she quickly looked away.
“You remember when you asked me about my dreams when we woke up?” asked Rainbow. Twilight nodded but didn’t say anything. The others were also listening closely. “I didn’t… I didn’t tell you the truth…”
“You were having bad dreams?” asked Fluttershy. Rainbow shook her head.
“No…” said Rainbow, she looked at Twilight, slight tears at the edges of her eyes. “I was giving you bad dreams.”
“What?” asked Applejack in surprise.
“I didn’t want to,” exclaimed Rainbow Dash. “It just sort of happened. I just kept thinking about the ice lake, and the burning fields and… something I had to get… down in the darkness…” Rainbow touched the element around her neck. “The more I thought about it, the more real it became. And then I could feel the thoughts spreading out of me and flowing into the three of you…”
“How is that even possible?” asked Spike. “How do you give somepony bad dreams?”
“It’s no accident that the word ‘nightmare’ also means ‘bad dreams’,” said Twilight. “Nightmares feed on fear. While ponies sleep, a nightmare has the power to enter their dreams and manipulate them. The ponies down in the cave had to leave the village because of the bad dreams the nightmares were causing them. Both Long Star and Glinting Rings said that the fire beasts were giving them bad dreams.”
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” cried Rainbow Dash. “I didn’t’ want to but… I had too… I couldn’t stop myself.”
“Hold on,” said Spike. “You weren’t on fire this morning. If she was already a nightmare then, why wasn’t she all covered in flames and stuff?”
“Her manifestation must have been slow,” said Twilight. “Because she hasn’t spent a lot of time in the Sun.”
“I told you not to keep fly out of the magic shield,” said Applejack. Rainbow looked defiant for a moment then looked away.
“I thought I could hold it back,” said Rainbow. “That we would fix the Sun and it would just go away. But when you wanted me to go underground… The fear was too much. I could feel it taking hold of me. I couldn’t go down there because if I did I wouldn’t be me anymore.
“Then the ponies from Hoofington came up,” continued Rainbow. “They said you were helping out the village. I felt so awful that I hadn’t come with you and I wanted to go after you so badly, but I just couldn’t do it.
“They let me have as much water as I wanted while they loaded the rest of the supplies. And when they were just about to leave I asked what exactly you were helping them with. And they told me you were off to fight monsters!”
Rainbow Dash started to tremble slightly and her element glowed around her neck.
“I wanted to race after you,” continued Rainbow, tears running down her cheeks. “I tried, I tried so hard to go down the stairs. But I couldn’t do it. Not even twelve steps from the top and my body froze and I couldn’t do it!
“Loyalty and fear,” whispered Rainbow. “They were waging a war inside me! Without anypony else here… fear won. And the fire came…” Rainbow looked away ashamed. Applejack, Pinkie, Rarity and Fluttershy all hurried to comfort her. Rainbow’s eyes opened wide in surprise as she found her friends embracing her.
“You… you aren’t mad at me?” asked Rainbow.
“Of course not,” said Applejack.
Twilight hadn’t moved from where she lay on the ground.
“What happened next?” pressed Twilight wanting, needing, to hear the rest. Fluttershy shot her a disapproving glance. “I’m sorry to ask, but we have to know.”
“It’s alright,” said Rainbow, wiping the tears from her eyes. “You’re right. I do feel better talking about it. I felt the fire take me, burning me from the inside out. Then it was like I was dreaming. And the voice told me I had to get the element.”
“The voice?” asked Spike. Rainbow looked surprised, as if she hadn’t realized she had said the last part out loud.
“What voice?” asked Twilight.
“Well, not a voice,” said Rainbow. “More like words… a thought maybe? I can’t really explain it.”
“Do you know who told you?” asked Twilight.
“No,” replied Rainbow, looking away. Twilight didn’t think she was telling the whole truth.
“Are you sure?” pressed Twilight.
“I said I don’t know!” repeated Rainbow in irritation. Twilight looked a little hurt by Rainbow’s harsh tone, but didn’t say anything further.
“Hold on!” said Rarity. “I almost forgot! I meant to ask those ponies in the cave but Applejack interrupted and I never got the chance!”
“Ask them what?” asked Spike.
“Rainstorm said they were sent to get the element,” said Rarity.
“So?” asked Applejack.
“So, she said ‘sent’. Somepony sent them,” said Rarity.
“And you’re thinking it’s the same voice that Rainbow heard?” asked Applejack.
“Why not,” replied Rarity. “It could be whatever is behind all this.”
“Do you know why it wanted the element?” asked Fluttershy. Rainbow Dash shook her head.
“No, just that I had to get it,” said Rainbow. “I guess I kind of did.” She held a hoof up to the necklace. “So… what now? Am I back to normal?”
“No,” answered Twilight at last. She did not get up off the ground. “Until the object of fear is removed you will still be at risk.”
“What do you mean ‘object of fear’?” asked Rainbow, looking a little pale.
“Show her,” said Twilight, nodding towards the door.
“Come’ere,” said Applejack. She trotted over to the door, stopping just beside it. Cautiously, Rainbow slowly made her way over to where Applejack stood. Rainbow looked incredibly nervous, as if she expected the door to suddenly burst open and something behind it to pounce on her.
Applejack unhooked another water skin and held it at the ready. Rainbow came to a stop, just out of the reach of the sunlight streaming through the cracks in the door.
“What are you going to do with that?” asked Rainbow nervously.
“You’ll see,” said Applejack. “Put your hoof into the light.” Rainbow lifted her leg, holding it back as if she were afraid of the light. Then she extended it slowly so that the rays of the Sun glowed upon her powder blue coat.
Nothing happened.
Rainbow Dash moved her leg back and forth. The others looked at Twilight in confusion.
“Huh,” said Rainbow. “I thought it would at least feel hot or something, but it doesn’t. It just feels normal.”
“Applejack,” said Twilight. “Open the door.”
“Twilight!” cried Rarity in surprise.
“Are you sure, sugarcube?” asked Applejack. Twilight nodded.
“Yes, very sure,” said Twilight.
“Okay,” said Applejack. Pinkie crouched down, ready to pounce into another hug the moment Rainbow burst into flames. Applejack pushed open the door and the full force of the Sun fell upon Rainbow Dash.
And still, nothing happened.
Rainbow Dash stood in the sunlight, squinting a little but otherwise, perfectly fine.
“Hey, I think the Sun finally fixed itself,” said Rainbow Dash. “It doesn’t feel hot anymore.”
“Or you can’t feel that it is,” suggested Spike.
“Your element didn’t just return you to normal, it’s protecting you,” said Twilight. She lifted a hoof and pointed at Rainbow Dash. The ruby lightning bolt set in the center of her golden necklace was glowing with a red light.
“So, I can fly again?” asked Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow trotted outside, the element glowing around her neck. She looked up into the sky and smiled.
“It works!” cried Rainbow. “It really works! Twilight, maybe yours does the same thing! Come on, get up an try it out!”
“I don’t think so,” said Twilight. She was still lying down. “I don’t think I can stand.”
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This story just keeps getting better and better! Keep it up!
2167233 Introducing Rainbow Dash v2, a.k.a. Flamebow Dash! Guaranteed 20% hotter!
Nightmare Dashie?
Good chapter! Keep it up!
I started humming that due to the fire Dash scenes
Woot! I love it when the Main Characters aren't invincible because they are the main characters. Bad ass Dashie all the way!
was that a pewdiepie reference with the barrels?
*past
*Your
Nice callback to “Read it and Weep,” too.
The adventure tag has been justified in full force these last few chapters. Rather than just a survival story, they've been getting wrapped up in some serious action scenes. Hearing the screeching and physical commotion through the planks overhead, running around in search of Dash, and encountering danger outside in a vastly different environment was all pretty exciting. But I did not expect Rainbow Dash to turn into a nightmare! That was a surprise. Nor did I expect Spike to get a second heroic moment (which was awesome), even if he didn't get the chance to fight Dash (which he totally coulda done; he may be a baby dragon, but dragon is the key word there).
That became doubly true when it turned out all Dash needed was to be hugged! Unlike Pinkie Pie, Spike could've done that with no risk of getting burned while saving Twilight the strain. But even so, the story is better the way it is and Pinkie deserved her time to shine. It speaks well of her devotion to her friends that she held on despite the heat (the back-and-forth between pained and relieved expressions was fun to picture) and continued to do so just in case the Element wasn't working.
And nothing sets a mood in a consistently worsening adventure story than a suddenly handicapped character!
This story is my favorite on this website. Its so well done
What do you mean? Nightmare Dash broke Twilight legs?
Flamebow Dash!
Woo, go adventure story! Love the premise and loving the quest to collect the elements! Keep up the great work!
I cannot think of a word to describe this, so instead I give you this:
Flames don't extinguish. You extinguish them.
Disappeared.
SPOILER ALERT!!!
The water barrels had been smashed apart and their planks strewn haphazardly across the ground.
-A fight, or sabotage?
“Oh, does being underground give her spider powers?” cried Pinkie.
-Nice callback and counterpoint to the tension... or something like that.
It’s just a phrase, nopony can climb walls.
-I guess Changlings don't count as Ponies for these purposes?
“Or was taken,” said Twilight as she examined part of a barrel.
-Given the evidence, I wouldn't say "flew off" has much plausibility to it. She's impatient, but not THAT impatient.
“Maybe it was another nightmare…”
-I see... I'd think there would be some smoke from the rafter's charring if they aren't hovering in between them. I guess they muist have been trying fo an ambush of sorts? and too stupid not to shriek and spoil it? Then again, they only shrieked at the townsponies down in the cave I think. Is all the water supposed to have been spilled, or were those mostly/only EMPTY barrels that got shattered in the fight. I would have expected a few to get extinguished if any of the full ones were broken, if only from water flying off Dash's wings she took off after being thrown into them... or maybe not. I dunno... it may take more to extinguish them when they are fully in flame than it does when only a leg is on fire.
Thundering hooves clopped against the roof shaking down dust and making the ponies look up uneasily.
-Ah, so they aren't in the building,... I wonder if Dash is one of them now? That could be an interesting challenge.
Here too the empty barrels that had once been piled high had been destroyed.
-So, they want to deny the Ponies water, but can't afford to mess with the full barrels? Or did Dash figure out their weakness and try to keep them from destroying the full ones by redirecting them into the empty ones? Nah, she would have tried to dunk them probably. She might have done that if she knew the target but not the weakness.
A magical shell, just big enough for her body, flickered into existence.
-So not the skin-tight shield? I guess the door is narrow enough that going alone makes some sort of sense, but still... Rarity should do it I think. She can shield herself, and can run faster than Twilight can right now.
The Sun was still high in the heavens, its relentless heat radiating down upon the world.
-It occurs to me to wonder if having some back-up inside the building in case she comes in with pursuiers hot (pun not intended but welcome since it came) on her heeels. Then again, that would take time, not that much time compared to what has already passed, but Twilight sin't being very smart right now. There is also the problem that they don't want word getting out of what the origin of Nightmares is, because that would embarrass the ex-nightmares, and might only spike the fear that feeds them higher.
She turned just in time to see a streak of fire rushing down at her. It was indeed another nightmare.
-Right... idiot-ball(are you familiar with that term?), unless she has a Nightmare-extinguishing spell that she managed to remember. Maybe it was a matter of knowing that quenching them exorcises them? Also, it occurs to me that not only does water extinguish flames, it is also Hope in a time of drought, which a major source of the fear of this crisis. I also wonder if the EoH blast is going to have to repopulate the plant and animal species, because seriously, this is a BAD situation ecologically.
Twilight stumbled sideways, narrowly avoiding the blazing ball of flame.
-Not an auspicious beginning, but she may need a second to set up the spell I hope she has ready.
She expected the fire to crash into the ground, but it didn't.
-Why would it? Hitting a surface you can barely see after several second of power-dive is a very different thing from hitting the ground after merely going down a few stories in VERY bright daylight (I assume that the Nightmares of Eternal Day aren't bothered by the harsh lighting).
It landed, running along the hard pact dirt in a fast gallop before turning, circling and finally coming to a stop twenty hooves away.
-If this IS Dash, it could explain the maneuverability thing (not that it needs much explanation as I just said), then her inner Loyalty may prevent her from attacking her closest friends even as a Nightmare. Of course, that COULD just mean that her instinctive Loyalty to her new kind may cause her to try to recruit her old friends with a rousing speech (remembering that Dash can DO rousing speeches). Almost needless to say, this has a snowball's chance if not in Hell, than at least in the current atmospheric conditions of actually working. Twilight won't even be tempted unless there is some sort of magical compulsion behind it. "Embrace the fear, join the side of inevitability..."
Its body was pure white, glowing like an ember in a fire. Its hooves were ablaze and an orange trail of flame burned on the ground with each step it had taken. Its mane and tail were made of fire, glowing in a pattern of red and orange and yellow…
-Looks like a Boss Monster, and almost certainly Dash.
She knew those bright pink eyes that were in sharp contrast to the rest of the pony. They were Rainbow's eyes.
-Let's see if not following up after the initial miss was Loyalty, or transformation-induced stupidity... Also, yeah, the eyes are often telling in fiction.
The fiery mare charged her, leaving a trail of rainbow colored flame as she rushed at Twilight.
-Like how she departed from her group of prospective pets in a "Back to the Future" homage?
She was frozen place as if claws of fear were holding her tightly. She felt the force of the other mare and burning heat.
-Transformation attack? Also, I'm guessing that either Loyalty will not play any part, or it will have to be called out, perhaps by Fluttershy, or maybe Twilight will pull off the Memory Spell from "Return of Harmony"... or maybe her shield will fail and Rarity will rush to her aid, just as Twilight reestablishes her shield, and the Harmony Shield will exorcise Dash, or at least let her "fight from the inside".
When at last they stopped rolling Twilight was pinned under the fire Rainbow,
-Consider capitalizing "Fire". Not sure, but it could work.
-Going to post this now, to be on the safe side.
SPOILER ALERT!!!
((I lost some comments, trying to recreate them a bit...)
.
.
She felt the strike against her legs, it hurt so badly.
-If you want more vividness here you could specify how much of that is blunt trauma, and how much is burns. That might just be too wordy though.
“Why don’t you pick on somepony your own size!”
-Ironic given that Twilight and Rainbow Dash are both the same body-model, and Spike is much smaller.
Rarity, it was Rarity who had done it.
-Yeah, "Spikey-Wikey" is very dear to her, regardless of how she views his romantic inclinations towards her per se.
and her front shins now thoroughly bruised,
-Mostly blunt trauma, and very minor burns if any.
Once she was inside she let her shield drop before adding her magic to Rarity's.
-And hope that RD is too target fixated or claustrophobic to switch targets? Or is Twilight not thinking that strategically? In any case it will be interesting to see if their magic synergizes her, against a pony-form manifestation of the heatwave as well as it did against the heatwave itself... and yes, I know that the real Rainbow Dash is in there. I wonder if they can use her Loyalty to break her out somehow?
Slowly, Twilight began to pull the magical cage containing their friend towards them.
-Good move.
-Ok, never mind. I thought the bubble was around Spike for a minute. My derp. Much more tactically sound, which means that Rarity is impressing me. She may PREFER the physical when it comes to a fight, but I can believe she would get this one right anyway. Incidentally this is about where the previous notes would have ended.
It’s Flamebow Dash! She’s twenty percent hotter!
-The situation is potentially horrifying (if ordinary pegasi were a threat as Nightmares, how much more so the Mistress of the RainNuke?), and Pinkie is making jokes... Yep, Element of Laughter is doing her job exactly right. I figure dousing her will work? No chance of teleporting down to the lake... wonder where the nearest FULL barrel is? I guess they could try making the barrier airtight and hope the flames die before her brain does?
“Well, water worked on those other ponies,” suggested Fluttershy softly.
-Fluttershy as Captain Obvious? I thought that was Pinkie's job? Well, or Dash, but she is both unavailable for those duties, and besides which she usually points out the things that SHOULDN'T be stated. Well... Spike did do that a bit in "Hurricane Fluttershy". This is just me joking around, not suggestion you change anything.
-Again, gotta pause to avoid a chance of losing something.
“I told you not to keep fly out of the magic shield,” said Applejack. Rainbow looked defiant for a moment then looked away.
-So, was Rainbow's ability to survive outside the shield boosted by her nacent Nightmare-dom?
(End of chapter)
-Well, THIS could be both very good and very bad. The term "superpowered evil side" comes to mind. I wonder how far away from them she will need to sleep if she is shielded from her Evil influence, rather than shielded from the sun (which seems likely).
I'm still not completely clear on the way that nightmares work. If anytime a pony was really scared they could become a nightmare then wouldn't there be a lot more of them in the last thousand years. It makes no sense. Or is it just pegasi? Though that wouldn't change the fact that there should have been much more of them in Equestria.
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I think the pegasi became the nightmares because the object of fear was associated with the sky, or potentially with the weather and so the pegasi themselves. And I imagine that a nightmare results from intense, specific fear, and lots of it. That's why Luna became Nightmare Moon after keeping the moon up, because all the ponies starred to fear her in particular specifically for bringing eternal night. And I think the pegasi became nightmares because the other ponies intensely feared the sky because of the now-stationary sun. But it is a bit more of a reach than Nightmare Moon.