Fluttershy is a mother now. She has 2 kids and one on the way. Her husband works for the army. But when Fluttershy gets terrible news, she has to hide quickly.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 11th Jan, 2012
- offline last seen Oct 13th, 2012
Heartpaw
Hiya! Call me Heartpaw! I like to draw, sleep, and other stuff.
Heartpaw
Joined 11th Jan, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Zennistrad · 19k words · 143 4 · 3.4k views
- TheShyPegasus · 3.3k words · 21 0 · 1k views
- ItsfromPeople · 4.2k words · 63 2 · 4.5k views
- inacti · 2.1k words · 50 2 · 2.7k views
- Moustache Queen · 1.9k words · 132 14 · 6k views
- Shakespearicles · 9.9k words · 300 22 · 3.5k views
- Feather Gem · 11k words · 109 2 · 4.5k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.069 seconds
Total duration
765 users online
1,019,987 hits today, 2,073,628 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Yay finally finished!
But now I have to write the second chapter
It was good, but it had some grammatical errors here and there, also some spell errors. But it was good
124384
Fluttershy isn't a scaredy pony anymore, /) BROHOOF (\
I agree with Grim,
I like your idea, and it certainly has potential... But just a tip, please check your spelling and maintain your tense (pick present or past and stick with it) before continuing on to your next chapter. You could probably slow it down just a bit to describe things in more detail.
Anyhow, I love the concept and am looking forward to more from you!
125641 Thanks for the tips!
,,,,this isn't discord...he isn't causing chaos...sure he started a war...but it isn't him
wow u made a awsome story ur really good
,,,keep up the good work 
you have to start a new paragraph for every sentence the characters say. typing 101.
EX:
The kids came home escorded with the soilders.
"Woah!" yelled Butterfree. "Let me go!"
"Yeah leave my sister alone!" Fruitfly yelled and struggled.
"Kids, calm down." Fluttershy said calmly. "Sit down kids.."
"What is it mom?" Butterfree asked.
"Well, you see...Daddy...erm...wont be back next week..." Fluttershy said.
"What?!" Both of the kids (exclaimed, not) explained.
"Don't worry...he will be back soon..." Fluttershy sighed.
A guard came rushing is looking panicked.
"Miss Fluttershy! Hide you kids and yourself! Discord has found out where you lived!" yelled the guard.
"What?" Screamed Fluttershy in a panic. "What about Berrybomb?"
The guard looked at her with sad eyes. "He has died..."
Fluttershy stood there, staring at the ground. She looked like she was going to pass out. Then suddenly screamed out in tears and she fell to the ground.
"Hurry, hide or-" before the guard can finish, he was taken away by a lion and bird hands. It was Discord! Fluttershy stopped to look at what happened. She gasped.
"Hello, Fluttershy dear! It's very nice to see you again!" Discord chuckled. Fluttershy screamed. She grabbed her children and Angel (and brought them) to the attic of her house.
My eyes literally burned when I saw that much grammatical and spelling errors. You should definitely get an editor... a good one... no, a grammar nazi.. no, thats not good enough... AN ENTIRE GRAMMAR NAZI ARMY! Then, your story would be A LOT better... no offense.
criticism: make a more even pace and slow down a lot to explain details; proof read your chapters to find spelling/grammatical errors; give a better description to what the ponies look like (OC characters); make the chapters a tid bit bigger(chapters should at least get over 1,000 words); (last) try "remaking" the story so discord does not show up immediately... maybe make that chapter 3 or so, and also, how 'bout you go into the scene where butterfree and fruitfly got "escorted" out of school... and go into detail with it.
that is all
~~~rainbow_shy