As the Eye of Discord hovers menacingly over the warrior world of Pegusa, an anomaly starts to appear across all the auspexs and thousands of magiksters's begin to cry out and go mad as their minds are over whelmed by a massive ex-flux of energy. It can only mean one thing, Discord the Arch-Enemy, the Great Foe has unleashed another Black Crusade on all that is good and harmonious in the Imperium of Equines. It will be up to an elite squad of Equsticus Mastartes the Space Mareines to put an end to the unleashing of untold horrors of the warp. Her chosen Daughters, Command Squad Element, of the Ultramareines, lead by Sister Captain Applina Jacqueline (Applejack) and Librarian Twilight Sprakella (TS) will lead the defense of the strategically significant Pegusian Gate the only true route from the Eye into the Imperium. Along with the remaining members of the squad, Chaplin Pinkamina Diane (Pinkie), Empress's Champion Rainboutia Dashina (RD), Techmareine Rariti Marenous (Rarity) and Apothomare Fluttica Shywing (Fluttershy), as well as the regiments of the Pegusian Equine Guard and a Naval flotilla, will they have to hold out until reinforcements arrive, can it be enough? What could the heretics and witches of Discord unleash through the Eye?
I would like to Thank Little Kingdom for taking time out of her busy school schedule to edit my story. She will be edititng everything from chapter 3 on!! Brohoof /)
I'd like to read it, but the multitude of errors in the description alone scared me off
Please fix this?
Well I see what you mean ugh maybe I should hire an editor haha well if you notice anything too serious please feel free to message me
What I want to see is a possible Derps scene, Derpy gone orky. That would be cool. Interesting concept though, not enough that I'll like it yet, but good.
Hmmm well sadly there is no Tau in this one maybe another time
Derpy will also get her moment although it will be small.
not bad though strike cruise are space marine crafts not the navy
This was really awesome
I'm not big into the world of 40k but I knew enough from what you already told me about it :3 Anyway! I'm glad to hear that you're going to continue with it! I think it has really good bones, and I like the story so far! Keep up the good work ^^
Cool
Keep getting better and better. Don' stop!
Thank you! it's your support that keeps me motivated to write better and more.
Excellent blending of the two worlds. Bravo.
Discord had better not have arms or I am not going to be happy!
Good to hear you're getting out of Afghanistan, and good job on this chapter. A few sentence structure/grammar errors, but the story makes up for it.
typical smurfs bowing to a mere mortal
This intro blew my mind hard, it's just so contradictory.
"It is to live during the kindest and most bloody regimes imaginable." Who can say that with a straight face?
"Forget the hatred and progress, for in the grim dark future there is only harmony through war." What?
I know that you were basically rewriting the intro to most WH40k stories and replacing the words 'blood', 'violence' and the likes with MLP ones, but please, at least be consistent. Thankfully, this is an alternative universe fic...
We hit ovr 200 views!!
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To put your mind at ease the humor is intended it's suppose to be contradictory, I decided to take the two most opposite fandoms ever and smash them together, over and and over like a bad ship being forced down everyone throats... (Hearts and Hooves day) But yes this was in no way supposed to be taken too serious or loyal to the 40k universe at all. I only ask to be taken serious as a writer.
glad to see an update
Pretty epic story so far, I like the characterizations, although I do have one suggestion, and I don't mean to insult your writing skills, but the story will flow a lot better if you have someone to proofread, and catch any spelling, grammar and syntax errors. Again, no offense, but it sort of detracts from the epicness of Pinkie beating down a Bloodthirster to see "hollowing," "it's," and the like. That said, I am borderline OCD on occasion, so you shouldn't feel too insulted.
I did have a proofreader but they quit for personal reasons now it's just me to catch myself and I miss somethings sometimes.
I'm curious. Is Gillimane supposed to be the MLP version of Ursarkar Creed? That's he comes off to me atleast while I read this. Or is he supposed to be the honest to goodness Roboute Guilliman of the MLP 40k universe? I can't really tell.
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Actually none of the above he's an inspired by a Leader I had in the Army a man I give credit for a lot. But in the 40k universe he's based more off Creed than anyone really in fact (spoiler) he has a Kell who will appear in later chapters.
Equinsitor Tryx hn?
And soon Lyre´s Last Chancers?
To qoute someone: "This gonna be good!"
I know I have soo much to get finished!! Still pounding away though!!
Dear khorne,the horse puns are killing me
Love this stuff. I'm a 40k fan, and this is all really good. Very thorough descriptions: The scenes were captured well. Just a few points for grammar, though. The double quotation marks (") are used for quotations, and the singles are used if the person talking is quoting within his quote. Also past tense plural of 'is' is 'were', not 'where'. There were a couple more that I forgot.
Great writing!
Empress Protect.
I would have expected Apple Bloom to have the shotgun and Sweetie Belle the sniper. Ah well. I suppose if they fight in the Pegusian Crusade they would be... crusaders! Bwa ha ha!: - I thought it was funny...
Again, good work. I look forward to reading the other chapters.
as my profile picture shows. ahm... What heresy is this. but in all good fun i see the humor of smashing bloody 40k and mlp together.
my brothers we shall not let this stand. No Pity! No Remorse! No fear! purge the xenos and burn the heretics.
dude its like this " " not like ' '