Dont worry the road to becoming your own editor is long and hard, if you have ever read anything i have written you would know that the road is paved with errors. Lots and lots of errors
MOAR!!! uh, that is,if it's alright with you... please...
Whoa... Shiney... talk about a trigger... something to do with when Chrysalis used her magic on you? Ah'm guessin' that he don't take too kindly to not bein' in control of himself after everything that happened between the weddin' and the crystal empire thing with Sombra's magic.... Eeyup.
1921522 Wait... how many of you are in there? Yoohooo hoohoo hoo
Anyways. You've got several right in there. And I already have half of the next chapter done. Got some time when the editors got to work. I'm just worried it's too much of a monologue with the therapy...
>>Isseus What do you mean how many of us are in here? Silly author, there's only us! Really Darling, you simply MUST be imagining things. Did I upset you?I'm sorry... Relax sugarcube, Ah'm sure the writer's just a bit tired. Let's give 'em some space. Sorry for any confusion Isseus... Again though, great chapter, keep the good work!
That dinner was hilarious, especially Blueblood's overreactions to the story about the guards and their run in with 'cutesy fluffy ball of feathers'. Shining definitely reminds me of myself anytime I'm subjected to a situation where I'm supposed to be "proper".
"I KNEW I should have used the bigger one. But I thought we'd be having ice cream as dessert so I wanted to save the big one for that."
This right here, best line of all time. Because of you, Shining has moved up a few spots on my favorite pony list.
1931773 Yay! If I've really managed to give some character to one of the most two-dimensional ponies in the story, then i'm very happy. Although... I might be a wee bit worried about how you'll think of me after the story progresses further...
I don't worry about what camo thinks of me, but then again, we don't know eachother that well... That might change... wait, hes the ZGM of our RP. I should care about what he thinks of me, oh the devastation!
First off, I found a minor grammar slip-up a paragraph or so down from the first line break:
"Apparently, some hobnob from Manehattan had arrived on a visit, and his Shining Armor's presence was mandatory."
Secondly...
This has quickly become one of my favorite stories on the site. When I checked the my "Favorites" box to find a new chapter staring me in the face, I almost squeed with joy. You've crafted a really great piece here.
I'm LOVING Shining's characterization, and the way he reacts to events and actions totally fit the angle you're taking to his character. Of course he'd freak out at Cadence's levitation spell, it probably reminded him of the helplessness he felt during Chrysalis' brainwashing. Keep up the good work!
1934764 I love messing with your head. Especially with your teeth. So... nyeeeh! Actually it's a choice. Either I go with separate paragraphs without indentation, or remove the extra line breaks and use indents. I don't feel comfortable with using indents yet, and might try it in a future story, but right now you just have to man up and take it.
1935239 Nice slip up from me. Bleigh. Fixed. And thanks for the compliments. Makes for a happy way to start a day.
1936265 Eh...it's not terribly hard to hit 'tab' at the start of a new paragraph. If my 176 thousand word fic can do it, I have confidence you can too As for the story. I get Shining's issue. Probably a mix of feeling helpless around Cadance and the whole changling thing. Cadance does have a way of stealing the show, but then, in their society, females are kinda the ruling class. What I don't get is why Cadance was so accepting of him 'blowing his load at the docs. Wouldn't she be mad about a doc getting him off but not her? I'd expect it to really mess with her, causing self-doubt and a little smoldering coal of anger at Shining.
Also 'Cady', I'm reading that as 'Kad-e'. Is that right? Anyhoof, more Luna to write, wish you the best on your fic, I'll be keeping and eye out.
1936613 I think you misread the part about the doctor's office and his orgasm. He didn't tell her. And still hasn't. He thought he'd told her, but it was just his dream where his guilty conscience mixed up with other stuff made him think he had. And then Chrysalis.
And about writing the chapters, I prefer the line breaks to indents. They're two separate, but well accepted variants on internet writing. Just a choice of preference and habit for me.
1938471 You don't? But all the cool kids do it. Why not you? Is it something... medical? Maybe you should get it checked out at a doctor's? You know, just to be sure?
I assume this will have a happy ending with a certain pink pony princess singing in A Minor.
But seriously, this better have a happy ending.
In all seriousness, I'm wondering what's causing the problem the most: moving to a desk job after being an active member of the armed forces, being powerless to help Cadance, guilt over sleeping with Chrysalis while Cadance was suffering, or the rape (mind and body).
I'd go with "shattering all that he knew thus far and replacing it with something else".
His life changed a lot since he got married. All his security is pretty much gone, and the role of a Prince doesn't seem to suit his character. Military is quite a rigid structure, while the intricacies of palace life leave too much wriggle room and, as a result, a greater chance for error.
Cadance is another story alltogether. As an example we can take some zombie movies (bear with me for a moment on this). In most, there is the plot of someone close/someone you love being turned and then you having to...end them. You simply cannot let go of who the person was. Chrysalis stealing the identity of Shining's wife is a great trauma, especially since he has no way of convincing his brain that this Cadance is real. How could he tell? If the doppleganger was more or less accurate (or the seduction spell powerful enough), only a memory wipe could perhaps change his attitude.
These kind of traumas can stay with us for life. I hope for a happy ending
Yes, there will be no Germane stallion showing him naughty inkblots. THATS BECAUSE HE WAS HORSETRIAN! Get your Equestrian history right! And a very nice chapter. You clearly did some research on the subject and it shows.
"And I understand that there were no hard feelings from the Colonel, who... ahem... commented that she didn't really mind their visit but would appreciate if they'd inform them about such visits in the future. And... uhm... I hear she's started going out with one of the guardsponies."
Hmm...I've noticed this is the second time Cadence has comforted Shining. The whole crying in her lap scene is reminiscent of a child being comforted by his mother. If Shining has started to see Cadence as a mother figure could that be why he can't get aroused around her?
I remember reading a rule of thumb once, for occasions when you have multiple spoons/forks. I don't remember where bit I paid attention enough to remember it, so it might've been trustworthy. Anyways, the trick is to start from the outside, and work your way in.
Or was it the other way around?
Either way, this story is almost certainly going in one of my favorites folder. I just need to finish reading, to know for sure which one.
10103826 I personally prefer cognitive over cog-an, but oftentimes it's about what you can get more than what would fit you perfectly. This is written more from my personal experience of trying to find the "perfect" therapist, but for Shining Armor it was more about finding something.
What's with all the II's floating around followed by Shining's internal monologue? Are those supposed to be italicized?
1921281 FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
edit: used the wrong chapter copypasta. Those were just to remind me to put the html-tags for italics into the text. fix'd.
Commence Read.
Shining get your therapy.
This pops up quite a few times.?
1921293 II just don't know what went wrong!
1921310 Alright then.
Dont worry the road to becoming your own editor is long and hard, if you have ever read anything i have written you would know that the road is paved with errors.
Lots and lots of errors
MOAR!!!
uh, that is, if it's alright with you... please...
Whoa... Shiney... talk about a trigger... something to do with when Chrysalis used her magic on you?
Ah'm guessin' that he don't take too kindly to not bein' in control of himself after everything that happened between the weddin' and the crystal empire thing with Sombra's magic....
Eeyup.
1921522 Wait... how many of you are in there? Yoohooo hoo hoo hoo
Anyways. You've got several right in there. And I already have half of the next chapter done. Got some time when the editors got to work. I'm just worried it's too much of a monologue with the therapy...
>>Isseus What do you mean how many of us are in here?
Silly author, there's only us!
Really Darling, you simply MUST be imagining things.
Did I upset you? I'm sorry...
Relax sugarcube, Ah'm sure the writer's just a bit tired. Let's give 'em some space.
Sorry for any confusion Isseus... Again though, great chapter, keep the good work!
No cliffhanger, not much but future visits with therapists. Not a whole heck of a lot going on just yet, I'll be patient thought.
Nice chapter. I wanna hear more about that griffin and the guard pony. They sound like a cute couple!
Little screw up here: His foot bumping
Ponies don't have feet.
Anyway, awesome chapter!
1921310 Isseus has issues... anyone else find that funny?
1927544 Oh wow. You actually figured where I got my nick? *sarc*
1927779 no, I finally looked at it.
Blue blood=proper Nazie
That dinner was hilarious, especially Blueblood's overreactions to the story about the guards and their run in with 'cutesy fluffy ball of feathers'. Shining definitely reminds me of myself anytime I'm subjected to a situation where I'm supposed to be "proper".
This right here, best line of all time. Because of you, Shining has moved up a few spots on my favorite pony list.
Keep up the great work on this one!
1931773 Yay! If I've really managed to give some character to one of the most two-dimensional ponies in the story, then i'm very happy. Although... I might be a wee bit worried about how you'll think of me after the story progresses further...
1931916
I don't worry about what camo thinks of me, but then again, we don't know eachother that well... That might change... wait, hes the ZGM of our RP. I should care about what he thinks of me, oh the devastation!
The story has potential and I'll be watching it. I just wonder why none of your paragraphs are indented. It's really messing with my head.
First off, I found a minor grammar slip-up a paragraph or so down from the first line break:
"Apparently, some hobnob from Manehattan had arrived on a visit, and his Shining Armor's presence was mandatory."
Secondly...
This has quickly become one of my favorite stories on the site. When I checked the my "Favorites" box to find a new chapter staring me in the face, I almost squeed with joy. You've crafted a really great piece here.
I'm LOVING Shining's characterization, and the way he reacts to events and actions totally fit the angle you're taking to his character. Of course he'd freak out at Cadence's levitation spell, it probably reminded him of the helplessness he felt during Chrysalis' brainwashing. Keep up the good work!
1934764 I love messing with your head. Especially with your teeth. So... nyeeeh! Actually it's a choice. Either I go with separate paragraphs without indentation, or remove the extra line breaks and use indents. I don't feel comfortable with using indents yet, and might try it in a future story, but right now you just have to man up and take it.
1935239 Nice slip up from me. Bleigh. Fixed. And thanks for the compliments. Makes for a happy way to start a day.
1936265
Eh...it's not terribly hard to hit 'tab' at the start of a new paragraph. If my 176 thousand word fic can do it, I have confidence you can too
As for the story. I get Shining's issue. Probably a mix of feeling helpless around Cadance and the whole changling thing. Cadance does have a way of stealing the show, but then, in their society, females are kinda the ruling class. What I don't get is why Cadance was so accepting of him 'blowing his load at the docs. Wouldn't she be mad about a doc getting him off but not her? I'd expect it to really mess with her, causing self-doubt and a little smoldering coal of anger at Shining.
Also 'Cady', I'm reading that as 'Kad-e'. Is that right? Anyhoof, more Luna to write, wish you the best on your fic, I'll be keeping and eye out.
1936613 I think you misread the part about the doctor's office and his orgasm. He didn't tell her. And still hasn't. He thought he'd told her, but it was just his dream where his guilty conscience mixed up with other stuff made him think he had. And then Chrysalis.
And about writing the chapters, I prefer the line breaks to indents. They're two separate, but well accepted variants on internet writing. Just a choice of preference and habit for me.
1938471 You don't? But all the cool kids do it. Why not you? Is it something... medical? Maybe you should get it checked out at a doctor's? You know, just to be sure?
Shining has his priorities straight with the spoons thing.
1943272 He's a practical stallion.
Good story so far! Looking forward to the next piece
I assume this will have a happy ending with a certain pink pony princess singing in A Minor.
But seriously, this better have a happy ending.
In all seriousness, I'm wondering what's causing the problem the most: moving to a desk job after being an active member of the armed forces, being powerless to help Cadance, guilt over sleeping with Chrysalis while Cadance was suffering, or the rape (mind and body).
LOLOLOLOLOL this is awesome!
Love it, love it, love it.
1946227
I'd go with "shattering all that he knew thus far and replacing it with something else".
His life changed a lot since he got married. All his security is pretty much gone, and the role of a Prince doesn't seem to suit his character. Military is quite a rigid structure, while the intricacies of palace life leave too much wriggle room and, as a result, a greater chance for error.
Cadance is another story alltogether. As an example we can take some zombie movies (bear with me for a moment on this). In most, there is the plot of someone close/someone you love being turned and then you having to...end them. You simply cannot let go of who the person was. Chrysalis stealing the identity of Shining's wife is a great trauma, especially since he has no way of convincing his brain that this Cadance is real. How could he tell? If the doppleganger was more or less accurate (or the seduction spell powerful enough), only a memory wipe could perhaps change his attitude.
These kind of traumas can stay with us for life. I hope for a happy ending
Yes, there will be no Germane stallion showing him naughty inkblots. THATS BECAUSE HE WAS HORSETRIAN! Get your Equestrian history right!
And a very nice chapter. You clearly did some research on the subject and it shows.
WOOOOOOOO! MOAR!
"And I understand that there were no hard feelings from the Colonel, who... ahem... commented that she didn't really mind their visit but would appreciate if they'd inform them about such visits in the future. And... uhm... I hear she's started going out with one of the guardsponies."
Awwww. That's sweet.
This chapter is once more a painful reminder how, exactly, related these two really are.
Masterfully done, making a character that feels halfway between Sparkle and Sharpe
Wait, so all those people mentioned proof read it? Why are there so many past tense and present tense words mixed?
Sex and humor aside, this fic has alot of great character development for Shining Armor.
I loved the border incident story.
As a psychology major, this is ABSOLUTELY the best description of a therapist's job.
+Points for bashing Freud.
2442763 Why is there not a ponified Carl Rogers?
Bonus points for "client-centered therapy!"
This is so well written. makes my writing feel crappy
again, cadance is pretty much the greatest wife ever.
Hmm...I've noticed this is the second time Cadence has comforted Shining. The whole crying in her lap scene is reminiscent of a child being comforted by his mother. If Shining has started to see Cadence as a mother figure could that be why he can't get aroused around her?
6190925 uh, I doubt that.
I remember reading a rule of thumb once, for occasions when you have multiple spoons/forks. I don't remember where bit I paid attention enough to remember it, so it might've been trustworthy. Anyways, the trick is to start from the outside, and work your way in.
Or was it the other way around?
Either way, this story is almost certainly going in one of my favorites folder. I just need to finish reading, to know for sure which one.
I prefer dialectical over cognitive therapy. Cognitive doesn't really work on me but dialectical really does
10103826
I personally prefer cognitive over cog-an, but oftentimes it's about what you can get more than what would fit you perfectly. This is written more from my personal experience of trying to find the "perfect" therapist, but for Shining Armor it was more about finding something.