Something happened somewhere in the middle of that. I understood the beginning, and then ... Either me or Rarity forgot that this was supposed to be a metaphor and just started thinking about happy, little flowers.
Is Dandelions some sort of reference to the symptoms of some horrifying, MLP-related STD?
This is one reason why I like my Avatar picture...I had to read it a second time to get some of the...symbolism (I think that is the phrase I am looking for) >> even still WELL DONE!
I was expecting another wacky entry in the Twilight-Sparkle-Has-No-Social-Skills genre, but what I got instead was something much greater. You manage to give every subject a unique (and usually quite ridiculous) voice, and your narrative style is something to be envied. You keep throwing absurd and unexpected gags into your prose which are a delight to stumble into, as well as bits like Twilight suddenly admitting she has a tulpa. /mlp/ has truly damaged us all.
Dash and Twilight making the rounds and asking ponies about their first times is a good framing device, doubly so because you have BonBon call them on their bullshit just when it starts to get ridiculous. (Incidentally, I did once know a girl who lost her cherry in a similar manner to BonBon, though her story involved falling off a bicycle. She eventually left town to marry a guy from Montana who she barely knew, on the grounds that "I think it's good to marry someone you don't love too much." These events probably aren't related.)
Anyhow! What's nice about these stories is that you're hitting on all the more embarrassing, less romanticized aspects of sexuality. The weird, awkward, gross, ridiculous little stuff that happens when we take our pants off, which most of us have the good sense to leave out when we're swapping sex stories with friends. Consequently, the story feels vastly more real than almost any other clopfic I've come across.
All of which makes Rarity's euphemism landslide all the more hilarious. And makes it all the more amusing how not one pony so far seemed to have had a satisfying first time.
Also, kudos on the Derpy chapter, which takes her in a completely unexpected direction, and gives us a highly dramatic sequence to contrast all the absurdity. It's very resonant, mainly because of how painfully unerotic it felt to me. Derpy basically rapes this poor kid (or comes damn close) and the action is mechanical, brief, unfulfilling, and (for the colt) terrifying. It's the kind of encounter which you hardly ever see in fiction, but which occurs all too often in real life. That's what made the scene really breathe for me. Well done.
10/10 comment of the year all years would reread over and over over a period of several days in an attempt to come up with an appropriate response
Anyhow! What's nice about these stories is that you're hitting on all the more embarrassing, less romanticized aspects of sexuality. The weird, awkward, gross, ridiculous little stuff that happens when we take our pants off, which most of us have the good sense to leave out when we're swapping sex stories with friends. Consequently, the story feels vastly more real than almost any other clopfic I've come across.
I find it fundamentally ego-tickling how I often get praised for being 'realistic' about things I have not and never will experience; I'd imagine incorporating any part of my actual experiences, being so quintessentially Asian and exclusively un-American as they are, would bite me so hard in the arse in terms of 'realism' I'd find myself having to take milkshake lessons from Kelis.
In fact, I distinctly remember being criticised by the EqD prereader on Judgement about the unrealism of Lyra's discrepancy between speech and thought, though I'd based it entirely on my own; in rea laif aih goh tok wai dis, after all.
And makes it all the more amusing how not one pony so far seemed to have had a satisfying first time.
If you ask a doctor to do a surgery - let's say it's a simple surgery, a tracheotomy - and the doctor turns out to be an eighteen-year-old who's only ever heard rumours about how tracheotomies are done, the patient's prognosis isn't very bright.
That's a joke.
Sex, like murder, is something to be done and not had.
That's also a joke.
Really, I'd write a normal, mutually enjoyable sexual encounter tinged with awkwardness, but while that is funny to read (Chuckfinley is the master of this) on occasion, it's either difficult or boring to write. I wouldn't know, of course; I can't remember trying in adolescent memory, though it's only a matter of time before this story pops my cherry in the matter.
Also, kudos on the Derpy chapter, which takes her in a completely unexpected direction, and gives us a highly dramatic sequence to contrast all the absurdity. It's very resonant, mainly because of how painfully unerotic it felt to me. Derpy basically rapes this poor kid (or comes damn close) and the action is mechanical, brief, unfulfilling, and (for the colt) terrifying. It's the kind of encounter which you hardly ever see in fiction, but which occurs all too often in real life. That's what made the scene really breathe for me. Well done.
The chapter was actually based mostly off of testimonies of the Iran-Iraq war. It was a bit worrying writing it, really, because of the constant fear that it would begin to look like I was attempting to pass another story off as a pony story - which, of course, isn't true, because the Iraqi atrocities are horrid enough that any depiction or dramatisation I could muster would be trivialising their magnitude:
He saw a peasant woman from the south with tattoos, he said, a woman from the marshes with a girl of ten and a boy of about six. She was carrying a baby in her arms. The prisoner told me that as he was sweeping, an officer came and told the woman: “Tell me where your husband is – very bad things can happen.” She said: “Look, my husband takes great pride in the honour of his woman. If he knew I was here, he would have turned himself in.” The officer took out his pistol and held the daughter by the braids of her hair and put a bullet into her head. The woman didn’t know what was happening. Then he put a bullet in the boy’s head. The woman was going crazy. He took the youngest boy by the legs and smashed the baby’s brain on a wall. You can imagine the woman. The officer told the young prisoner to bring the rubbish trolley and put the three children in it, on top of the garbage, and ordered the woman to sit on the bodies. He took the trolley out and left it. The officer had got into the habit of getting rid of people who were worthless.
To be fair, of course, I know people who would masturbate to that.
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Rainbow_Dash.png
Rarity... Rarity Rarity Rarity, put down the romance novel and step away from the boudoir.
Yeah... I think Rarity is in desperate need of some Wild Turkey and a good bucking in the flank!
The prose is a purple abyss.
1688609
rarity
stop reading naked singularity
it's bad for your soul
1689834
"Preposterous," pronounced the princesses' purple puppet.
Something happened somewhere in the middle of that.
I understood the beginning, and then ...
Either me or Rarity forgot that this was supposed to be a metaphor and just started thinking about happy, little flowers.
Is Dandelions some sort of reference to the symptoms of some horrifying, MLP-related STD?
1690667
The dandelion scattering is meant to represent orgasm.
Somehow.
Also, they're drinking dandelion tea, hence Dash's disgust.
Welp, looks like Rarity managed to out-purple Twilight.
Now, the question is, is that the actual Canterlot practice, or did Rarity forget to take her pills for Compulsive Romanticism?
Lost me 'round about the anthers, I think. Lost me in general, that is, as in I had very little idea what the "bee" was up to anymore.
That on purpose?
This is one reason why I like my Avatar picture...I had to read it a second time to get some of the...symbolism (I think that is the phrase I am looking for)
>> even still WELL DONE!
1698736
1698949
1699320
1699415
1699495
Fixed all the unintentionals.
And goddamn, I've got a 'me' to concentrate into literary form? Kickass.
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Twilight_Sparkle.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Rainbow_Dash.png
1700347
Blame archonix for that.
Well, this is just delightful.
I was expecting another wacky entry in the Twilight-Sparkle-Has-No-Social-Skills genre, but what I got instead was something much greater. You manage to give every subject a unique (and usually quite ridiculous) voice, and your narrative style is something to be envied. You keep throwing absurd and unexpected gags into your prose which are a delight to stumble into, as well as bits like Twilight suddenly admitting she has a tulpa. /mlp/ has truly damaged us all.
Dash and Twilight making the rounds and asking ponies about their first times is a good framing device, doubly so because you have BonBon call them on their bullshit just when it starts to get ridiculous. (Incidentally, I did once know a girl who lost her cherry in a similar manner to BonBon, though her story involved falling off a bicycle. She eventually left town to marry a guy from Montana who she barely knew, on the grounds that "I think it's good to marry someone you don't love too much." These events probably aren't related.)
Anyhow! What's nice about these stories is that you're hitting on all the more embarrassing, less romanticized aspects of sexuality. The weird, awkward, gross, ridiculous little stuff that happens when we take our pants off, which most of us have the good sense to leave out when we're swapping sex stories with friends. Consequently, the story feels vastly more real than almost any other clopfic I've come across.
All of which makes Rarity's euphemism landslide all the more hilarious. And makes it all the more amusing how not one pony so far seemed to have had a satisfying first time.
Also, kudos on the Derpy chapter, which takes her in a completely unexpected direction, and gives us a highly dramatic sequence to contrast all the absurdity. It's very resonant, mainly because of how painfully unerotic it felt to me. Derpy basically rapes this poor kid (or comes damn close) and the action is mechanical, brief, unfulfilling, and (for the colt) terrifying. It's the kind of encounter which you hardly ever see in fiction, but which occurs all too often in real life. That's what made the scene really breathe for me. Well done.
1717870
10/10 comment of the year all years would reread over and over over a period of several days in an attempt to come up with an appropriate response
I find it fundamentally ego-tickling how I often get praised for being 'realistic' about things I have not and never will experience; I'd imagine incorporating any part of my actual experiences, being so quintessentially Asian and exclusively un-American as they are, would bite me so hard in the arse in terms of 'realism' I'd find myself having to take milkshake lessons from Kelis.
In fact, I distinctly remember being criticised by the EqD prereader on Judgement about the unrealism of Lyra's discrepancy between speech and thought, though I'd based it entirely on my own; in rea laif aih goh tok wai dis, after all.
If you ask a doctor to do a surgery - let's say it's a simple surgery, a tracheotomy - and the doctor turns out to be an eighteen-year-old who's only ever heard rumours about how tracheotomies are done, the patient's prognosis isn't very bright.
That's a joke.
Sex, like murder, is something to be done and not had.
That's also a joke.
Really, I'd write a normal, mutually enjoyable sexual encounter tinged with awkwardness, but while that is funny to read (Chuckfinley is the master of this) on occasion, it's either difficult or boring to write. I wouldn't know, of course; I can't remember trying in adolescent memory, though it's only a matter of time before this story pops my cherry in the matter.
The chapter was actually based mostly off of testimonies of the Iran-Iraq war. It was a bit worrying writing it, really, because of the constant fear that it would begin to look like I was attempting to pass another story off as a pony story - which, of course, isn't true, because the Iraqi atrocities are horrid enough that any depiction or dramatisation I could muster would be trivialising their magnitude:
He saw a peasant woman from the south with tattoos, he said, a woman from the marshes with a girl of ten and a boy of about six. She was carrying a baby in her arms. The prisoner told me that as he was sweeping, an officer came and told the woman: “Tell me where your husband is – very bad things can happen.” She said: “Look, my husband takes great pride in the honour of his woman. If he knew I was here, he would have turned himself in.” The officer took out his pistol and held the daughter by the braids of her hair and put a bullet into her head. The woman didn’t know what was happening. Then he put a bullet in the boy’s head. The woman was going crazy. He took the youngest boy by the legs and smashed the baby’s brain on a wall. You can imagine the woman. The officer told the young prisoner to bring the rubbish trolley and put the three children in it, on top of the garbage, and ordered the woman to sit on the bodies. He took the trolley out and left it. The officer had got into the habit of getting rid of people who were worthless.
To be fair, of course, I know people who would masturbate to that.
See previous comment.