I could complain about the story being stupid and full of fuck, but I'd rather complain about your weird writing style, hard to follow dialogue, and odd asides to Islamic history and fiction. Confusing to read pile of WTF. And try not to write shit that makes it necessary to google more than one term a chapter.
I find it almost hilarious that so many of your stories don't have the Alternate Universe tag. But great work; that was heart-wrenchingly brutal. And your portrayal of Dash in this fic might just be my favorite one I've ever read, so devoted that she's openly suffering where Fluttershy refuses to.
1661583 Did you not see the last line of the chapter?
Found a few more errors.
and I tell her it's fine, try and cheer her up
Broke out of second person here.
“I actually forgot what I was trying to say,” she said, shrugging. “The point is, if I know how good sex could be
Thought Twilight was saying this at first. Might want to specify. Also, "knew".
The style was actually extremely well done, using a sole dialogue to reference actions that are taking place outside of the narrated dialogue. I'm sure there's a term for the literary technique, but it escapes me at the moment.
Please don't hate on an author because you are ignorant to certain aspects that make up arguably large parts of a story. If you don't enjoy it because you don't know enough, try learning more?
On top of that, the story dialogue isn't hard to follow, the author is ESL, and his writing isn't weird, he's is literally having to convert each sentence into English for your ease of reading. And he's doing a remarkably good job at it.
icdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250x250/26055374.jpg
I just....what?...I?...I dont....ever...what?....huh?.....just.....uh....i dont even?.......................................what?
I feel dead inside now. Poor Flutters...
On another note, only 10 seconds? Weak, rebel, weak.
Well...
That certainly took a turn for the worse.
1661488
What he said.
Also, I cannot read this. This story started silly, and got dark. This is just plain unpleasant.
Ya juked me.
I could complain about the story being stupid and full of fuck, but I'd rather complain about your weird writing style, hard to follow dialogue, and odd asides to Islamic history and fiction. Confusing to read pile of WTF. And try not to write shit that makes it necessary to google more than one term a chapter.
I'm out
4.bp.blogspot.com/-nAd7on1JI-Q/TpwDSB9OaXI/AAAAAAAAAD0/e_HNBhIJe9U/s1600/50831+-+artist-tess+monitor_punch+twilight_sparkle.jpg
Uh... I'm not exactly sure what to say at this point.
Edit: I accidentally a word.
I find it almost hilarious that so many of your stories don't have the Alternate Universe tag. But great work; that was heart-wrenchingly brutal. And your portrayal of Dash in this fic might just be my favorite one I've ever read, so devoted that she's openly suffering where Fluttershy refuses to.
1661583
Did you not see the last line of the chapter?
Found a few more errors.
Broke out of second person here.
Thought Twilight was saying this at first. Might want to specify. Also, "knew".
"Hair", yeah?
>Hell Tartarus
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw514_131217465152.png
What is this? I don't even!
The style was actually extremely well done, using a sole dialogue to reference actions that are taking place outside of the narrated dialogue. I'm sure there's a term for the literary technique, but it escapes me at the moment.
What the fuck am I reading?
1669627
I know this is a little late, but...
Please don't hate on an author because you are ignorant to certain aspects that make up arguably large parts of a story. If you don't enjoy it because you don't know enough, try learning more?
On top of that, the story dialogue isn't hard to follow, the author is ESL, and his writing isn't weird, he's is literally having to convert each sentence into English for your ease of reading. And he's doing a remarkably good job at it.
This is well written.
This sounds like a documentary, the tone is quite exotic