Not sure if you wanted her to cut off midsentence or not. These metatextual things are always a bitch to decipher.
Anyway, weird. I like it, it is like anti-clop. Reminds me of the first couple chapters of "120 Days of Blueblood" or American Psycho or something. All the base elements of extreme porn (not so much violence here, but there is still rape and killing and whatnot) are there, but the language and situations are so deliberately bizarre that it is only slightly more arousing than the instructions on the side of an oatmeal canister.
1669343 Agreed. If I may say my opinion, part of it is that due to the fact that it's so dry it could make a desert blush, we aren't told what the people in Derpy's story are feeling, and are left to wonder. I actually follow the blog of a guy in the porn industry, and the first thing he says when questioned is that it's literally all in the buildup; even erotic fiction that has patently incorrect anatomy can still be very hot, if written well.
Also,I think this is the best serious chapter to date in this story
1669627 I'm sorry that you can't masturbate to this, but that was never really my intention—even if it would be a happy side-effect. I'd greatly appreciate any specific advice you might have.
If this story really is very difficult for you to understand, I urge you to consider trying something less taxing; the day I stop making references to the most obscure bullshit (I can't wait until I get opportunities to make more references to India and China and every other culture in Asia) is the day I hang my keyboard out to dry.
Alternatively: the day I start writing things for people unwilling to Google things is the day I become American.
(Speaking of Islamic history: if anyone's reading this, Fisk's The Great War for Civilisation: Conquest of the Middle East is one of the best books ever written and should totally be read by anyone who gives a fraction of a shit about world politics.)
Even the Hitler of bizarre writing David Foster Wallace remembered to have a few sentences explaining his obscure references for the normal human beings reading.
And how much geographical gasp does that book require - lets say for someone who only knows the Tigres river as that one place in Snow Crash?
You know, your distaste of bizarre writing styles reminds me of myself as a teenager - I was addicted to several decigram doses of caffeine, and at peak (600mg or 3-6 cups of coffee), my body would feel sorta like when there's a fight after school and everyone gathers around to see the fight - the two potential valedictorians have been fighting about who's going to be accepted into MIT first even though MIT really doesn't care about early vs late admission except for deadline differences - there is a huge crowd but apparently someone was dumb enough to post it on facebook and now the cops are incoming as well as rentacops school security, but they're old and don't want to risk injury (I heard that Mr. Logue was a MMA fighter who got injured in his youth) - the cops can take down the seniors better and surprisingly the fight goes from talking to actual fighting when they hear the sirens (they just want to get the fight over with before the cops arive) and a punch flies from one of them and lands squarely in the other guys eye, he's pretty upset at being punched in the eye, but he really can't see so he punches blindly, aiming for the stomach but accidentally hits the other guy's groin which he would have never hit as it's cowardly/gay; it hurts and soon the first hitter is really angry at this and so he retaliates - an eye for an eye renders the world - and now his foot is in the other guy's junk who's fist is still near his crotch and so he lashes out and grabs on and the spectators are simultaneously aroused and terrified at the sight - the police get their batons out and are ready to party like it's May 4, 1970 - the police chief knows the meaning of this incident and calls them in to stop as one of the fighters(does it really matter anymore) rips off the other guy's pants and underwear in one (probably planned) move and apparently they're both erect at this point and the spectators that would be offended have left so now everyone is either gawking or waiting for the police chief to explain himself - the chief has been suffering from (managed) schizophrenia but everyone in the department knows and is worried that he's finally snapped and apparently he has - chief starts speaking in tongues, officers try to call in for an explanation but his voice is loud and transcends the frequency spectrum as the continuous bandwidth of his voice asymptotically approaches aleph omega - the original fighters are now in a 69 position along with the spectators in a massive shitty(literally so) orgy and where the fuck did they get those whips and butt anal plugs, but really nobody is paying attention to the exact details - their cocks are now glowing with a light outside of space and time and more importantly mind as the police chief's song modulates his radio's FM band to a NORAD command frequency and now President Obama's red telephone(to be exact, BlackBerry) rings and he's now forced to make a major decision and as he thinks about it his cock glows and tells him to BOMB BOMB BOMB IRAN and so he calls a nuclear UAV(wait, who's dumb absolutely brilliant idea was this) - the chief's modulated FM signal now shifts to QAM and takes control, blindly firing off commands - but chief doesn't need data as** the Board of Directors is controlling excessive dopamine that's flooding his brain** - I don't think he even is conscious at this point, just a biological Owen Meany and now the fighters(was it one or three point five originally retrograde) are back on their feet and they shake hands because the police chief shouted loud enough into the radio for everyone on Earth to hear that MIT doesn't provide a strategic advantage in early vs late admission - their hands are sticky, but does it really matter - the UAV drops two low-yield atomic bombs(think Davey Crocket except 20% cooler * in T-10 seconds flat so the reality will be doubled) and then God reaches in and cranks some knob up to 11 and soon they're packing 333333333 + 1 megaton in a packet of unreality and everything in the blast radius is probably going transform into some sort of hyperstableenergy - this really annoys the space time continuum(he's been having a bad day, I think he's going to snap) so the blast reaches backwards through *t=i2 and chops a hole in the space time continuum, sending the circlejerkers somewhere between Flatland and The Structure, their structure approaches limit of x as approaches infinity = 42D and then they bounce of Silam The Star Shred and collapse back onto 1D+2T which is unstable and promptly collapses to 2D which is also unstable in terms of material construction and so it flattens out into the spectrum as The Imprisoning God downsamples it a fucking wmv file of all formats(is he like retarded or something) by shifting matter states into RGB and sampling the derivative of the word-line as 44.1 khz and performing a gender transform on the dataset and today you learned that's where porn comes from.
1669924 I knew precisely jack shit about the Middle East before that book. It is one of the most amazing things ever, re: the human and political side of every major Middle Eastern conflict except the Lebanese Civil War (which is covered in Pity the Nation, which I haven't read) since the Armenian genocide up to 2005. It begins with an interview with Osama bin Laden, who tries to recruit the author, and gets better from there.
Personally, I feel the writing is overly verbose, especially for most of the ponies in the story. The characterization feels a bit off too, but what really made me stop reading was Derpy Hooves and the shotgun scene. It feels utterly out of character and breaks not only the mood of the story, but the setting itself.
Well, now I will never look at Derpy the same. Also well done sir, you continue to entertain me with your enticing story telling. I would give you my slice of pie but I ate it.
While I found the first chapter hilarious, the next three I found, in their own ways, to be darkly disturbing, and wanting more. This is definately one which I anticipate updates to continue to draw my soul in enveloping me in a darkness that leaves me craving.
Bravo to you, good Sir, for writing something this gripping.
1670373 I get turned on by facts and intrigued by sex, you get turned on by sex and intrigued by facts. It's a win-win situation.
1670783 I'm sure that a character we've only ever seen wall-eyed in the background is perfectly knowable from her single defining trait, which happens to be a physical disability resulting in reduced hoof-eye coordination.
There's no such thing as a normal first time.
Not sure if you wanted her to cut off midsentence or not. These metatextual things are always a bitch to decipher.
Anyway, weird. I like it, it is like anti-clop. Reminds me of the first couple chapters of "120 Days of Blueblood" or American Psycho or something. All the base elements of extreme porn (not so much violence here, but there is still rape and killing and whatnot) are there, but the language and situations are so deliberately bizarre that it is only slightly more arousing than the instructions on the side of an oatmeal canister.
1669343
Agreed.
If I may say my opinion, part of it is that due to the fact that it's so dry it could make a desert blush, we aren't told what the people in Derpy's story are feeling, and are left to wonder.
I actually follow the blog of a guy in the porn industry, and the first thing he says when questioned is that it's literally all in the buildup; even erotic fiction that has patently incorrect anatomy can still be very hot, if written well.
Also,I think this is the best serious chapter to date in this story
1669343
Fixed.
1669627
I'm sorry that you can't masturbate to this, but that was never really my intention—even if it would be a happy side-effect. I'd greatly appreciate any specific advice you might have.
If this story really is very difficult for you to understand, I urge you to consider trying something less taxing; the day I stop making references to the most obscure bullshit (I can't wait until I get opportunities to make more references to India and China and every other culture in Asia) is the day I hang my keyboard out to dry.
Alternatively: the day I start writing things for people unwilling to Google things is the day I become American.
(Speaking of Islamic history: if anyone's reading this, Fisk's The Great War for Civilisation: Conquest of the Middle East is one of the best books ever written and should totally be read by anyone who gives a fraction of a shit about world politics.)
1669713
Even
the Hitler of bizarre writingDavid Foster Wallace remembered to have a few sentences explaining his obscure references for the normal human beings reading.And how much geographical gasp does that book require - lets say for someone who only knows the Tigres river as that one place in Snow Crash?
1669627
You know, your distaste of bizarre writing styles reminds me of myself as a teenager - I was addicted to several decigram doses of caffeine, and at peak (600mg or 3-6 cups of coffee), my body would feel sorta like when there's a fight after school and everyone gathers around to see the fight - the two potential valedictorians have been fighting about who's going to be accepted into MIT first even though MIT really doesn't care about early vs late admission except for deadline differences - there is a huge crowd but apparently someone was dumb enough to post it on facebook and now the cops are incoming as well as rentacops school security, but they're old and don't want to risk injury (I heard that Mr. Logue was a MMA fighter who got injured in his youth) - the cops can take down the seniors better and surprisingly the fight goes from talking to actual fighting when they hear the sirens (they just want to get the fight over with before the cops arive) and a punch flies from one of them and lands squarely in the other guys eye, he's pretty upset at being punched in the eye, but he really can't see so he punches blindly, aiming for the stomach but accidentally hits the other guy's groin which he would have never hit as it's cowardly/gay; it hurts and soon the first hitter is really angry at this and so he retaliates - an eye for an eye renders the world - and now his foot is in the other guy's junk who's fist is still near his crotch and so he lashes out and grabs on and the spectators are simultaneously aroused and terrified at the sight - the police get their batons out and are ready to party like it's May 4, 1970 - the police chief knows the meaning of this incident and calls them in to stop as one of the fighters(does it really matter anymore) rips off the other guy's pants and underwear in one (probably planned) move and apparently they're both erect at this point and the spectators that would be offended have left so now everyone is either gawking or waiting for the police chief to explain himself - the chief has been suffering from (managed) schizophrenia but everyone in the department knows and is worried that he's finally snapped and apparently he has - chief starts speaking in tongues, officers try to call in for an explanation but his voice is loud and transcends the frequency spectrum as the continuous bandwidth of his voice asymptotically approaches aleph omega - the original fighters are now in a 69 position along with the spectators in a massive shitty(literally so) orgy and where the fuck did they get those whips and butt anal plugs, but really nobody is paying attention to the exact details - their cocks are now glowing with a light outside of space and time and more importantly mind as the police chief's song modulates his radio's FM band to a NORAD command frequency and now President Obama's red telephone(to be exact, BlackBerry) rings and he's now forced to make a major decision and as he thinks about it his cock glows and tells him to BOMB BOMB BOMB IRAN and so he calls a nuclear UAV(wait, who's dumb absolutely brilliant idea was this) - the chief's modulated FM signal now shifts to QAM and takes control, blindly firing off commands - but chief doesn't need data as** the Board of Directors is controlling excessive dopamine that's flooding his brain** - I don't think he even is conscious at this point, just a biological Owen Meany and now the fighters(was it one or three point five originally retrograde) are back on their feet and they shake hands because the police chief shouted loud enough into the radio for everyone on Earth to hear that MIT doesn't provide a strategic advantage in early vs late admission - their hands are sticky, but does it really matter - the UAV drops two low-yield atomic bombs(think Davey Crocket except 20% cooler * in T-10 seconds flat so the reality will be doubled) and then God reaches in and cranks some knob up to 11 and soon they're packing 333333333 + 1 megaton in a packet of unreality and everything in the blast radius is probably going transform into some sort of hyperstableenergy - this really annoys the space time continuum(he's been having a bad day, I think he's going to snap) so the blast reaches backwards through *t=i2 and chops a hole in the space time continuum, sending the circlejerkers somewhere between Flatland and The Structure, their structure approaches limit of x as approaches infinity = 42D and then they bounce of Silam The Star Shred and collapse back onto 1D+2T which is unstable and promptly collapses to 2D which is also unstable in terms of material construction and so it flattens out into the spectrum as The Imprisoning God downsamples it a fucking wmv file of all formats(is he like retarded or something) by shifting matter states into RGB and sampling the derivative of the word-line as 44.1 khz and performing a gender transform on the dataset and today you learned that's where porn comes from.
1669924
I knew precisely jack shit about the Middle East before that book. It is one of the most amazing things ever, re: the human and political side of every major Middle Eastern conflict except the Lebanese Civil War (which is covered in Pity the Nation, which I haven't read) since the Armenian genocide up to 2005. It begins with an interview with Osama bin Laden, who tries to recruit the author, and gets better from there.
Also that was an amazing story 10/10
I've never learned so much and been so aroused at the same time.
This fic is something else, a good something else. Thank you Amit
Personally, I feel the writing is overly verbose, especially for most of the ponies in the story. The characterization feels a bit off too, but what really made me stop reading was Derpy Hooves and the shotgun scene. It feels utterly out of character and breaks not only the mood of the story, but the setting itself.
Well, now I will never look at Derpy the same. Also well done sir, you continue to entertain me with your enticing story telling.
I would give you my slice of pie but I ate it.
While I found the first chapter hilarious, the next three I found, in their own ways, to be darkly disturbing, and wanting more. This is definately one which I anticipate updates to continue to draw my soul in enveloping me in a darkness that leaves me craving.
Bravo to you, good Sir, for writing something this gripping.
1670373
I get turned on by facts and intrigued by sex, you get turned on by sex and intrigued by facts. It's a win-win situation.
1670783
I'm sure that a character we've only ever seen wall-eyed in the background is perfectly knowable from her single defining trait, which happens to be a physical disability resulting in reduced hoof-eye coordination.
3ableist5me brah
This story... it's just, like, so much concentrated you! This is just wonderful.
Need an "are" or a "'re" in there.
I love you man but you gotta learn to lighten up