Friendship is Epic - Book 2: Dat Mareami Heat

by FlareGun45

With Crème on Top

So it's been a week since the last chapter. My sister Water is so far happy living with me, but… when is she gonna get a job? Anyways, I was alone in my trailer right now, and it was my one of my favorite time of the mornings once again.

“NO! Don’t lie to them, narrator!” I yelled. “This is the worst part of the morning! Exercising! Exercise, oh exercise!” I said in a high-pitched voice. “Well here we go.” So I started to do jumping jacks but since I have a lot of weight on the front part of my body, it was tough standing on my hind-legs. “Ugh! Why does a unicorn have to exercise? Isn’t that an earth pony job? For Wizard of Hope’s sake, even Spike can do better than me!”

"Does he know he could've used his video game systems to exercise instead?" my fish Dorthey asked.

"He'll find out soon enough, Dorthey. He'll find out soon enough." Yoyo said.

So I finished my body exercises and I then I started doing my emotion exercises. "Happy face. Sad face." I said doing the impressions at the same time. "Angry face. Surprised face. Forty Five degree angle mouth face. Lion face. Confused face. Smiley face. Scared face. All the faces at the same time!” I can’t really explain that. In fact, if I did, I think zero would be divided by.

"How about 'feed me' face?" Yoyo asked.

"That's your face, Yoyo." Piddles said.

"No, this is my face, see? Whiskers." Yoyo said.

Just then, Spike comes over to my trailer for a visit. “Hey, Flare!”

"Sup brah?" I asked giving him a bro-hoof.

"Not much, what's going on with you?" he asked.

"Just doing my daily exercises." I said. "I'm about to do my spell tests, I'll need some help on it.”

"Oh, I don't like spelling tests, man." he said.

"No, not spelling tests. I need to test out my magic spells to see if they're working good still." I corrected him.

“You really want to?” Spike asked.

“Twilight says I should practice my spells daily if I am to get better.” I said.

“I thought you said you don’t want to be OP?” I asked.

“I don’t, but Twilight says it’s necessary to practice so I can defend myself for the mysterious doctor’s next move.” I said.

"Oh, alright. How can I help?" Spike asked.

"You can help by sticking in your head in the toilet." I teased.

"Very funny." Spike said.

"Who said I was joking?" I asked. Spike just looked at me confusingly.

"Really, what do you want me to do?" he asked.

"Get me a glass, a target, a poster of Nickleback, and put a trampoline on the door." I instructed him.

"What?" he asked.

"Get me a glass, a target, a-" I said, but Spike interrupts me.

"I heard what you said, but why?" he asked.

"For my tests, now go get 'em." I instructed him.

"Okay, okay." he said with an attitude. So he put a trampoline on the door, got me the glass, the target, and the Nickleback poster.

"Great! Where did you get the Nickleback poster?" I asked.

"In Berry Punch's trash can." he said.

"Alright. First the glass." I said.

"What?" Spike asked.

"Just put the glass up." I instructed him. Spike put up the glass then I used my water squirted spell, but I actually squirted all over Spike's face.

"Hey, hey... Flare!" he complained and started spitting. I stopped my spell before he could drown, if he even could. "What was that?"

"My water squirter spell." I said.

"I thought you were gonna put the water in this glass?" he asked.

"You thought, but that glass is actually for..." I shot a flare inside the glass. "Ooooooooo!" I cried out like they do in Regular Show. "3 points!"

"Oh that's what you wanted the glass for? For your flares?" Spike asked.

"Yo dawg! I heard you like flares! So we have Flare firing flares.” I teased.

"Nice one." Spike said sarcastically. “Hey I could be doing worse right now. I could be picking my next Nightmare Night costume.”

A cutaway shows two kids walking to a mare’s house, one of the foals was a witch and the other was dressed as property tax bill. The witch rings the doorbell and the mare answers it. “Nightmare Night, what a freight, give us something sweet to bite!” the foals said. The mare then gasped and fainted.

“I told you your costume was too scary.” The witch said to the foal dressed as the tax bill. The cutaway ends.

"Alright Spike, now the target." I instructed him. Spike puts the target over his head. "No, aim it towards your stomach."

"Why my stomach?" he asked.

"Just do it." I said.

"I don't see what the big deal is." he said.

"DO IT FILLY!" I yelled.

"Okay, okay. Sheesh!" he said as he places the target on his stomach.

"You better not be firin your big laser." he hoped.

"RAIL BLAST!" I yelled as I used my rail blast spell on him, and he went flying towards the door and hit the trampoline, and I caught him using my levitation spell.

"Nice catch." he said. "You could've at least told me what spell you were doing. I could've sworn you were gonna do the laser blast spell." Then I fired my laser blast spell on a mirror, and it came back for us. Spike screamed and ducked down, and then I activated my Bubble Shield spell, which protected us from the blast. "Wow, dude. Really? You gotta stop doing that." Then I activated my hornsaber and hit Spike on the back of the head with it.

"You just gotta be prepared for anything that goes in your way, brah. You don't know what'll happen." I advised him, hitting him with the saber again.

"Alright, alright, I get it." Spike said with an annoyed tone. "So what about the Nickleback poster?"

"Oh just throw it in the trash." I said.

"But it was already in the trash!" Spike complained.

"Now put it back." I instructed him.

"Sweet Celestia, Flare!" he complained.

"Sweet Luna, Spike!" I teased. So we both went outside and Spike placed the poster back in the trash can. Then my horn started to glow.

"SHOOP DA WHOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO!" I yelled as I fired my Shoop Da Whoop at the trash cans. "And that is how you do it!"

"You're crazy, dude!" Spike yelled.

"Hey Spike? You wanna go for a ride on my back?” I asked.

"Sure!" he said.

"Well hop on!" I said. Spike runs towards me and jumps up towards my back, but by the time he hit my back, I activated my Armor Lock. "ARMOR LOCK!" I yelled, but then Spike bounced off and flew towards a bush. I am such a troll! Spike crawled out of the bush and shook the leaves off of him.

"I gotta stop falling for that." he said.

"Yes you do, brah. Yes you do." I agreed.

"So what was I gonna say to you?" Spike asked.

"You were gonna ask me to take all your money." I said.

"Yes-wait, no!" he yelled angrily. I started to chuckle. “Yeah, keep laughing.”

"With pleasure!" I said and continued.

"I was gonna tell you that I got this new game in the mail." he said. I wasn't really paying attention because I saw a shadow, but once I looked at it, it disappeared. Spike was blabbering on about this new game he got, but I was only thinking about that shadow. I wasn't even interested in what he had to say anyway. "Bro, are you listening to me?" he asked.

"Sure, Spike." I said, looking back at him. "That sounds like an interesting game. I might wanna try it myself one day."

Spike gave me a confused look. "B-but... this is Oblivion, you have this game."

"Yeah, I heard you.” I said.

"You weren't paying attention to me, were you?" he asked.

"Why would I pay my hard-earned money for attention?" I asked.

"You're hopeless." Spike complained, giving himself a facehoof. “Anyways, I’m just going to go ask Engie if he wants to play this.”

“Alright you have fun with that, bro!” I said.

“Yeah, right, fun.” Spike mumbled to himself as he walked away.

“Though I don’t recommend Morrowind! It doesn’t even tell you where you need to go! Oblivion is the perfect first game!” I yelled out. “Well then,” I said to myself. “To grab my accordion and play a little polka because the power of polka- oh… right. I miss the power of polka. I hope someday I can get a replacement accordion.”

When Spike walked off, I finished what I needed to do and prepared myself for work, but what got me thinking was that strange shadow I saw earlier. It was weird.

A couple of hours went by, and it was time for work. So I trotted on down to my shop and started... how you say it? WOOOOORKING! Duh! As I was working, my friend Adventure Blade comes in! “Flaaaaaaaaaaaaare!” he said excitedly.

“KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEITH!” I said excitedly. “How’s it going, brah?”

“Nothing.” He said.

“Nothing?” I asked.

“No.” He said.

“Nothing at all?” I asked.

“No.” he said.

“Oh.” I said.

“Yeah.” He said.

“C’mon do you have anything interesting to say?” I asked.

“Well… I’m just waiting on the new Smash game.” Keith said.

“Which one?” I asked.

“The new one.” Keith said.

“Yeah but which new one?” I asked.

“There’s only one new one, dude.” He informed me.

“I know, but which one?” I asked.

“The new one.” He said again. I just glared at him, and he just smiled at me.

“What do you want, dude?” I asked.

“Pizza.” Keith said.

“What kind of pizza?” I asked.

“The kind you sell.” He said.

“Can you be more pacific, brah?” I asked.

“Why would I talk about an ocean?” Keith asked.

“I can’t say the word, alright?! Quit getting on my case!” I yelled at him.

“Ok.” He said.

“You’re a jerk.” I said.

“Oh.” He said.

“Yeah.” I said. Just then, I saw the strange shadow again outside my shop.

"What are you looking at?” Keith asked.

"I saw some weird shadow outside." I answered. "But I think I saw that shadow before."

"Ok.” Keith said.

"I think somepony is stalking me.” I said.

“Ok.” He said.

"I have to find out what going on. This could be another trickey of that mysterious doctor.” I said.

“Ok.” He said.

“I mean, I really feel disturbed right now but that stalking. Feels like that Geico money with the googly eyes all over again.” I said.

“Ok.” He said.

"I haven’t seen that commercial in years though, which is good. That money kinda scares me. It looks like it’s staring directly into my soul!” I said.

“Ok.” He said.

“Seriously, Keith? Do you have ANY better response than ‘ok’?” I asked.

“No.” he said.

“Oh.” I said.

“Sorry.” He said.

“Whatever.” I said.

“Sorry to be of bother. The only thing I’m good at is removing pants.” Keith said.

“That was the most interesting thing I’ve ever heard you say.” I said.

“Oh… ok.” He said.

So all day I've been working; I’ve been keeping an eye on that shadow that I keep seeing, but I can't leave my post until my lunch break. My lunch break came and I was just about to head out, like a baby. I saw the shadow outside and I had to get a closer look, but before I was able to, my sister Water shows up. “HEY BRO!” she said excitedly.

“Whoa! Water? You startled me.” I said as I was catching my breath over the excitement.

“I know; that was the point.” Water said.

“What do you want?” I asked. “I’m kinda busy. There’s a shadow out there that’s-

“Don’t bore me with your chatter, Flarey. I need some information real quick.” Water said as she held up a notepad with a pen.

“Ok, but real quick.” I said.

“When was the date you first moved into Ponyville?” Water asked.

“March 29th, 2012. You’ll see that date on the very bottom of my Facebook page.” I said. Seriously, I do have a Facebook page – Flare Gun (Friendship is Epic). I post stuff as much as I could. I got over 3k likes. How about dropping by one day to say hi? Anyways, she wrote down my answer on her notepad.

“Ok, and… when is Blaze’s birthday?” Water asked.

“March 25th, 1983.” I said.

“Wow, you just missed his birthday when you moved here, huh?” Water asked as she writes my answer on her pad.

“Blaze wasn’t living here by then.” I said.

“Ok, and after the robotic Trixie came into town to compete in the Unicorn Games, who broke their hoof?” Water asked.

“Lyra.” I said. “Wait a minute… WAIT A MINUTE! Are you trying to hack the parental code on my TV?!”

“Uhh… no.” Water lied.

“Don’t lie to me, Water.” I said angrily at her.

“Flare, since when did you get a voice narrating everything that’s going on?” Water asked.

“Since just before I moved into Ponyville.” I said.

“Ah thank you! That was the last question!” Water said as she writes that answer down on her pad and runs off. I was pretty annoyed by that interference. Now Water’s going to be going onto the forbidden channels on my TV. Sigh. Well, that ain’t so bad. At least I might still have time to locate-

“Hey bossman, break’s over.” Bonnie said to me. “I need some help with a customer. He keeps saying I gave him a large pizza when he ordered a medium. He doesn’t realize that our medium is our large, our large is our huge, our huge is our super, and our super is our MEGA.” I guess the mysterious shadow will have to wait. I’ll have to locate it during my 3:00 break. Oh, no, wait… today is Friday, which means the Nashorse is having its qualifying. I’ll have to wait until my dinner break. Yeah, I do have a lot of breaks, don’t I? Luckily for me, I didn’t have to wait that long. Somepony ordered a pizza to be delivered and Derpy wasn’t around to deliver it, so I offered to do it myself.

"This is weird, I never seen anything like this before." I said to myself. "Engie says the boss in TF2 Nightmare Night special is actually an NPC? Wow, I didn't know TF2 had NPCs in them." I whistled. "Now that's something you don't see every day. Valve really knows how to make their fans happy, except they can't count to 3. Now, what was I saying? Oh right, I might be right, I think I’m being watched." I looked behind me, but there was nopony there. I continued walking. "I have the feeling this doctor character might be responsible for this. On the other hoof, maybe a shy fan. That would be possum grade awesome, wouldn't it? But I can't take any chances. If they wanna see me, they're going to have to bump into me themselves." Then out of nowhere, I jinxed it. I bumped into a bright pink pony, with a wavy white mane, and eyes were pretty similar to Fluttershy’s. We were both laying on the ground across from each other. Once she came to her senses, she stood up and walked towards me.

"Oh, sorry about that." she said.

"No problemo." I said. Once I started coming back to my senses, I had a better look at her. “You have the same eyes as Mama Fluttershy.”

"Pardon me?" the pony asked.

"What?” I asked.

"Need a hand?" she asked me with her hoof out.

"Yes, actually. All I have is hooves, I need hands. Heh.” I teased.

"Lawl! That was funny!" she said.

"Lawl, it was, I have to… wait... what did you say?" I asked with a shocking look on my face.

"I said that was funny.” The pony said.

“Before that.” I said.

“Need a hand?” the pony asked.

“No, in the middle.” I said.

“I didn’t say anything between those to.” The pony said as she lifted my up. I saw her flank tattoo (yeah, the first thing I see of a mare is looking at her behind. Wow, did you just take me seriously?) it looked like three blue butterflies. “Mama Fluttershy has that flank tattoo as well. You tend to animals?”

“I live among them.” The pony said. “I am a wild girl.”

“Born to be wild, huh? Just like in the song!” I said.

“Lawl, right.” The pony said as she chuckled a bit.

“There! You said it again!” I pointed out.

“Say what? Live among them?” the pony asked.

“Don’t pretend you’re not saying that. I know you said something leet speak. I used to do it all the time. Not as much as I used to though because I’m starting to get tired of it.” I said.

“Hey, Flare!” Spike waved as he walked by.

“Hey, Spike!” I looked over and waved back, and then when I turned back, “It’s ok, I don’t mind the leet speak, I can- wait… where did she go?” I looked around and she was gone. I observed the whole area and I didn’t see her anywhere. This felt pretty weird. Why would a pony just come out of nowhere and bump into me? You know, I have the feeling we’re gonna end up together. I mean think about it! Every time a boy and a girl bump into eachother, they end up getting married in the end, but that’s only my theory. Besides, like I said, I’m not in the mood for relationships at this time.

Later that night, I met up with my friends, the Noble Six came over to my shop for dinner. I was just serving them their usual. “Ok, Engie, a garlic knot appetizer with cheese dip.” I said as I served Engie his meal first. “I also got you some ranch, I think you’ll like it, it’s pretty… sassy.”

“Much obliged, partner.” Engie said.

“And for Crystal, two fried eggplant pizzas with peppermint leaves and cheesy crusts, perfect for your ‘diet’ that you keep speaking of.” I said as I served Crystal her meal next.

“Well, snap. This smells delicious, Flare.” Crystal said. “And since when did I say I was on a diet?”

“Didn’t ya say ya wanted to lose weight?” Engie asked.

“No I said I was losing my will to wait. This food took an awfully long time coming.” Crystal said.

“Sorry, it’s just some pony I met earlier today.” I said. “This particular pony-“

“Aren’t you going to serve the rest of us?” Psyche complained.

”My bad, Psyche.” I said as I was about to serve his meal. “Now a tri-star lunar seasoning pasta with angel-hair noodles, low-fat soy cheese, so no unexpected surprises from your lactose intolerance.”

“Looks delicious, Flare!” Psyche said as he tastes some of his pasta. “Mmm! My tastebuds feel like they’re in heaven with this angel-hair pasta.”

“Umm… yeah… I’m glad you like it.” I said nervously as I find a balding angel sticking her head out of my office. “Get back in there!” I whispered angrily to the angel, and so she did.

“And for Aqua, a bowl of peppermint leaf noodle soup with croutons and Everfree spike leaf spices.” I said as I serve Aqua his meal.

“No peanuts, right?” Aqua asked.

”No. Who puts peanuts in soup?” I asked.

“There are some that do. I don’t want to get booby trapped again. Wind Racer nearly killed me once by doing something like that.” Aqua said.

And finally, a large maple tree sausage pizza with hay bacon and tomatoes with pepperoni seasoning for Blaze.” I said as I gave Blaze his food. “I hope you can understand that despite your dragon-like diet, I do not sell meat. I doubt anypony in town does.”

“Its fine, man.” Blaze said.

“I hope you all are satisfied.” I said.

“Wait, Flare.” Blaze stopped me. “Chedder cheese, not mozzarella?”

“Yes.” I said.

“Hot sauce, not regular?” he asked.

“Yes.” I said.

“Timberwoof splinter seasonings?” he asked.

“Yes.” I said.

“Baked to 412 degrees?” he asked.

”Yes.” I said.

“You understand why I’m doing this?” he asked.

“I do.” I nodded.

“That’ll be all.” Blaze said as he gave me a snarky grin.

“Wait, Flare.” Aqua stopped me.

“Oh c’mon, Aqua, I don’t expect you to complain about the details of your food to!” I complained.

”Uhhh… no, I wasn’t going to say anything like that.” Aqua corrected me.

“Oh… sorry, brah. What do you need?” I asked.

“Ya were sayin’ something about a mare?” Aqua asked.

“Yeah, word on the street is you found a new mare.” Crystal said as she winked at me.

“Which street told you?!” I asked angrily. “The roads should learn to mind their own businesses! Stupid streets!”

”What’s goin’ on, partner? Who’s this mare?” Engie asked. “You two hittin’ it off?”

“I don’t even know who this is mare is! I mean she has the eyes and a similar flank tattoo of Mama Fluttershy, but the color of Pinkie Pie, and that attitude… seems like AppleJack attitude, or maybe Rainbow, but still… doesn’t seem quite right. I don’t even know her name.” I explained.

“Flare, if there’s anything I learned with my relationship with Thundy…” Crystal started. We were all waiting for her to say something after that, but she didn’t.

“If you learned anything with your relationship with Thundy what?” I asked.

“What? Oh no, that’s it.” Crystal said.

“Can ya explain a little more about this pony, mate?” Aqua asked.

“Hmm… well… she’s pink-“ I started.

“PINKIE PIE!” Crystal yelled.

“No.” I said. “So she’s pink-“

“FLUTTERSHY!” Crystal yelled.

I just glared at her. “No.” I said.

“She’s pink-“ I said again.

“MR. MONOPLY!” Crystal yelled.

“He’s not even pink!” I yelled back.

“Yeah, and that’s the only thing wrong with that answer.” Psyche said sarcastically.

“So she’s pink, a pegasus, blue butterflies as a flank tattoo, and a white mane like either an old lady or a young anime girl.” I explained.

“Butterflies, like Fluttershy?” Engie asked.

“Yeah she claims to be ‘among the wild’. I have no idea what that means.” I said.

“She sounds like a biker chick.” Crystal said.

“Yeah, either that or a rocker.” Engie said.

“I don’t think she’s any of those things.” I said. “I think she might be a stray.”

“Did she look like a stray?” Aqua asked.

“Not really. She looked like an ordinary pony.” I said.

“Maybe you should go talk to her, man. Get to know her a bit.” Blaze suggested. “She may not be that random strange mare that you think is spying on you.”

“I’m just hoping this mare isn’t the mysterious doctor’s trickery.” I said.

“Hey if things don’t go well with her-“ Engie started.

“No, Engie, don’t do the ‘dibs’ thing again.” Psyche asked. “You already called dibs on Flare’s sister.”

“Ah was just gonna say…” Engie was silent for a moment. “Yeah, ah was gonna call dibs. Ah mean, it may not happen. Flare looks like he might score her.”

“I’m not going to score her, Engie. I’m not interested in relationships right now.” I said.

“Don’t wait too long, mate. If ya take too long to get into a relationship, ya may never find one.” Aqua said.

“Why aren’t you in one?” I asked.

“I have my reasons.” Aqua said.

“Aqua, don’t give me relationship advice if you never been in one, alright?” I instructed him.

“Just trying to help, mate.” Aqua said.

“Yeah, mate; oi, wrestling kangaroos, P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney, we ride kangaroos all the way the theater and give it a go ya mug! Thanks for standing still!” Crystal teased Aqua in an Australian accent.

“I’m not even Australian, Crystal.” Aqua corrected her.

“I think we’re getting a bit off topic.” Psyche said.

“Look, man, if you want to get to know this mare, just go and talk to her. She may be able to tell you everything she knows.” Blaze explained. “She could just be a little shy is all.”

“You mean like Joe the Manhack and Lisa the Shield Scanner?” I asked.

“Exactly!” Blaze said.

“Wait, wait, wait… who’s Joe the Manhack and Lisa the Shield Scanner?” Crystal asked.

“They’re from Scanner-Life.” I said. Crystal still didn’t get it. “Scanner-Life, that Half-Life machinima on YouTube. It’s about Combine machines and troops going on adventures.” I explained. Crystal still didn’t follow. “It’s made by MegaSean45.” I added.

“Who?” Crystal asked.

“You know what? Nevermind.” I said.

“I heard the voice actor of Colonel Malcom Urmom was pretty lazy to get the voice files the creator needed for part 35.” Psyche chuckled. “Some people, huh?”

Blaze and Engie both glared at Psyche. “Perhaps he’s just too busy with other work and doesn’t want to be a burden.”

“Yeah, Psyche. Don’t go teasin’ Brony with the Bowtie. He’s a good person!” Engie said angrily at him.

“Well we’re all entitled to our own opinions.” Psyche said. “For example, I find MegaSean45 to be dumb.”

“Yeah I agree.” Crystal nodded.

“EXCUSE ME?!” I yelled at them. “I’ll have you know that MegaSean45 is a good guy! He was put down on his past work but he never gave up, and he’s a nice guy!”

“I’m not disagreeing. Of course MegaSean45 is a nice guy.” Psyche said.

“Yeah but why does he bother making things that not many people like or know that exists?” Crystal asked.

“Maybe it’s because he wants to please the amount of fans he has currently.” I mumbled angrily.

“Why are you two bein’ so rude?” Engie asked. “If it weren’t for him, none of us would be here!”

“Engie, don’t talk nonsense, because that makes zero sense whatsoever.” Psyche said.

“Ya know, I kinda liked his Combine Rampage series.” Engie said.

“Ok… umm… I think we should stop now because we’re startin’ to have narrative contradiction.” Aqua pointed out as the pizza shop started to look all weird with a bunch of random script papers melted onto the walls and some tables and chairs started to melt onto the floor.

“You’re right, we should stop talking. I’ll just go find this pony.” I said. I am terribly sorry about that. I got so caught up in talking about my creator that I started to lose track of the story itself. Let’s just continue on, and pretend that this conversation never happened. Although, I wouldn’t mind if you went to go watch scanner-LIFE ON YOUTUBE WHEN YOU GET THE CHANCE! Oh dang, I did it again! Let’s continue before the narrative contradiction gets any worse! See, this the reason why cartoon characters shouldn’t break the fourth wall so many times at once.

Later that day, I went out into town to look for the mysterious pony, but ever since I met her face-to-face she hasn’t been spying on me any longer. I found it pretty strange, but then it………. Hit me………. I think I saw this shadow before in my life. Even since before I moved to Ponyville, I felt that I was being watched. I mean, I know ponies tried to avoid me back at Mareami but every time I’m alone, I don’t always feel alone. There was once a time that I was dumped into a dumpster from my primary school bully before picture day, and at first I thought I was a goner. I went to the locker rooms to take a shower, but there was nothing I can do with my outfit since it was ruined, but while I was in the shower, I saw a mysterious shadow going through my locker and when I got there, my outfit was sparkly clean; my picture day was saved.

This wasn’t the only time this happened. It was a rainy day and I was just about to head to the bus stop so I can go home from school, but my primary school bully ruined my umbrella so I thought I was gonna get soaken wet, but that was until I found an umbrella lying on a bench in the hallway. I was going to turn it into lost and found, but I saw a note on it with my name. Somepony wanted me to have this umbrella, which was when I saw that mysterious shadow again just outside the school’s front door. Today wasn’t the first time I met this mare- OW! Took you a while to show up, ‘then hit me cinder block’. Anyways…. Ow…. I hope I don’t get a concussion. So this wasn’t the first time I met this mare. She’s a guardian angel, so I had to find her and find out the truth.

So I searched Ponyville, and I searched and searched and searched and searched, but this pony wasn’t anywhere to be found. So she can find me easily, but it’s difficult for me to find her. How is that fair? Seriously, I feel like the stupid one here. I don’t understand this whatsoever. I mean, I saw Derpy multiple times and she’s not always easy to find. I found Waldo, I found Carmen Sandiego, I found a little bit of the narrative contradiction damage that I caused earlier, but finding this pony extremely unlikely! I cannot find her! Now she decides to avoid me just because I finally met her face to face. Nightfall came, and it was a new moon out tonight. Thank you, Luna! Thank you for making it so dark that I cannot even find this pony whatsoever! It was pitch black out, and I don’t want any complaints of me shooting flares around town just so I can see well because I know ponies are trying to sleep at this time. I was outside by myself and it was almost midnight. Why did I bother staying out here this long? I could’ve used this time making a newspaper sculpture with Aqua! I know I would’ve been bored to death but Aqua and I were rarely alone together, like… at all!

So as I was walking home, I heard a strange noise coming from the alleyway nearby, which is strange because normally houses aren’t close together in this town. You know, out of all the towns I’ve been in, this one is the only one without any apartment complexes. I was raised in an apartment back in Mareami so I’m kinda used to seeing them around. So while I was sneaking over to the alley, I saw a tin can roll out. I was feeling a little nervous and a little foolish because why am I looking through an alleyway in the dark to observe a strange noise? That is something I SHOULD NOT be doing! To those of you who are reading this, don’t copy my bad influence; you should just walk away. Luckily for me, there wasn’t any thugs in the alley, it was just a ‘gangsta’ pony walking; a pony with a boombox on his head, a sideways hat, and his pants are halfway down his waist revealing his heart boxers.

“Brah, you are not a ‘gangster’.” I said. “If you wear a suit, have a wife that sounds like Fran from the Nanny, and sound Italian, then that’s a true gangster. Not….. whatever this is. So pull up your pants!” Heh, yeah, says the pony that doesn’t even wear any. “Oh hush.” But before I can walk off, I saw the shadow run by. “HEY, YOU!” I yelled.

“Hey shush! I’m trying to sleep here!” Merry May complained from her house window and her face was covered in that mud stuff.

“Sorry, Merry May.” I said. “Why is she such an underrated pony?” So quietly, I began to chase the shadow through the streets of Ponyville. I didn’t want to make so much noise so I tip-hooved as I chased that mare. The mare was trying to slow me down though by dumping over trash bins, but they didn’t stop me, because… hear me out, I know a certain trick that ponies who dump trash bins to stop ponies from following them don’t know about. Know what it is? Jumping! I can jump. How high? Not very, but decent enough. After a while of chasing, I eventually lost her. I didn’t get it though, I just saw her, and she vanished. Oh! But wait! I forget, she’s a Pegasus; she can fly! Which means… I shot my laser blast in the air above me but the only thing that started crashing was a Goodyear blimp. I got so embarrassed, so I just snuck out of there and began to head home. Forget about the shadow, I’m done for the night. If I see the shadow again, forget it, I’m turning in for the night, but as luck would have it, the shadow was standing beside my trailer. I didn’t want to bother with her, which got her a bit concerned.

“There’s no use running, sista. I’m done chasing you for the night. I’m tired. If you’re too shy to face me in person, that’s your problem not mine.” I said.

“Oh but it’s your problem too, bro.” the pony said.

“And how is that?” I asked.

“I cannot say.” The pony said.

“So if you cannot tell me why it’s my problem, why bother telling me it’s my problem?” I asked.

“Umm…” the pony thought, still hiding in the shadows. “I really didn’t think that one through.”

“You and Aqua both,” I said, “he did the exact same thing when he wanted to save the Everfree Forest from a fire. He wanted me to tell my friends that he went to… TH-THE OFFICE!” I said in an exaggerated tone as I waved my hoof across the front of my body. The pony chuckled. “Why are you lawling?”

“Because you’re funny. You’ve always been funny.” The pony said.

“Well thank you, I always considered myself to be… wait, hang on,” I stopped myself, “how do you know how long I was funny for? Is it true, missy? Have you been spying on me my whole life?” The pony didn’t say anything. “You still there?”

“No, I’m gone.” She teased.

“Oh… ok then.” I said. “I guess I’ll just head inside.”

“How do you feel about your life right now?” the mare asked.

“Excuse me?” I asked.

“How do you feel about your life right now?” the mare asked.

“I’m no logical pony, but I don’t think life has a physical form so I have no idea what it feels like.” I corrected her.

The mare chuckles again. “I meant are you happy with your life?”

“Happy enough.” I said. “What’s this about, sista? Why are you spying on me? I’m not mad, I’m not upset, I’m just concerned. Please, come in… tell me the truth.” I instructed her. It took some time, but she eventually walked out of the shadows and I invited the mare inside and we took a seat at my lounge.

“You have a very nice place here, Flare Gun.” The mare said as she was taking a seat on the couch.

“I’m glad you like!” I nodded. “Also, you’re in my spot.”

“Huh? Oh sorry.” The mare said as she moved one seat to the left.

“Would you like some iced tea?” I asked.

“Is it freshly brewed, not in a bottle?” she asked.

“Affirmative!” I said.

“Then I would like an iced tea.” She said. I gave her a glass and I sat down next to her.

“Ok first off, what’s your name?” I asked.

“My name is Crèmepop.” She said.

“Nice to meet you, Crèmepop!” I said as with my hoof out.

“Nice to be met!” Crème teased as she shook my hoof.

“A mare with a sense of humor! I like it!” I nodded.

Crème chuckles. “Not many do though.”

“Well the only way that would be possible is if you lived in Mareami.” I said as I took a sip of my tea.

“I did live in Mareami.” Crème corrected me.

“Well then, that does explain a lot.” I nodded.

“Yep!” she said.

“So why did you stalk me then, Crème?” I asked.

“Isn’t stalking kind of strong?” Crème asked.

“I dunno, you tell me. Are you fit?” I asked.

“No, I mean is the word ‘stalking’ kind of a strong word?” Crème asked.

“I dunno, is it fit?” I asked.

Crème chuckled again. “You never seize to make me laugh, Flare Gun.”

“So you’re not fit right?” I asked.

“I dunno, you tell me. Wanna hoof-wrestle?” Crème asked.

“Nah, I’m tired.” I said.

“Hi tired, I’m Crème!” she teased with her hoof out.

I shook her hoof and laughed along. “So anyways, answer the question. Why do you always go G-Man on me?”

“Ok if you want my honest answer, I’ll tell you.” Crème started. “I am different.”

“Well that’s gotta be the stupidest excuse I’ve ever heard.” I said. Crème gave me a ‘seriously’ look and I just smiled. “Don’t take me seriously, Crèmepop, I’m not like.

“I don’t mind. I don’t mind one bit because I see you as an idol.” Crème said.

“You do?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’ve been through what you’ve been through, Flare. Bullies in Mareami, getting put down for just being myself. I could never take it.” Crème explained. “It was just so difficult for me. I was on the verge of giving up everything. Get away from everypony and just be alone in the woods, until I saw you, the one pony that went through the same problems I have, and you didn’t seem to mind it that much. You just teased your bullies and made them angrier.”

“How does that make you idolize me?” I asked. “In some ways that is something you should avoid doing.”

“You were immune to it all.” Crème said.

“Not really, I held it in, but with all the ignoring I’ve been doing, I’ve been getting left alone a little more.” I said. “If you show your enemies that you have no mercy, they have no reason to pick on you anymore. The main reasons that bullies are bullies is because they’re bullied themselves, at least on the inside, or they’re jealous. The only times I showed weakness the most is betrayal.”

“Well… I did what you did, but it wasn’t that effective. Still getting picked on myself. I didn’t want you to suffer the same ways I have, so I helped you dodged bullets.” Crème said. “Back at that picture day when you were dumped into the dumpster and had your outfit ruined, I bought you another outfit. I only had a little time to do so, so I had to act fast. Same goes to that rainy day when your umbrella broke, I…. I gave you mine. Now I must admit, I was sick the next day, but it was all worth it.”

“Oh no wonder the umbrella was pink and had Pokemons on it.” I said.

“Sorry, I’m pretty sure the pink coloring was pretty embarrassing.” Crème said.

“No, it wasn’t. I like pink! Real stallions wear pink! I have a T-shirt that says that.” I said.

“So you weren’t embarrassed about having an umbrella like that?” Crème asked.

“Well I didn’t say I wasn’t embarrassed at all. The Pokemon on the umbrella were from the new generation. I didn’t like that.” I said.

“Oh, I see.” Crème nodded.

“Wait, so you got yourself sick in the rain just so I wouldn’t have to suffer through it?” I asked.

“You looked like you were suffering me than I.” Crème said.

“Oh Crème… I… that is so sad.” I said upsettingly. “That is more sad that anti-smoking commercials.”

A cutaway shows a pony that- “NO!” I yelled. “NO! DON’T YOU DARE! I always hated those commercials! I literary turn off the TV AND unplug it just to avoid seeing those commercials! They are so sad and I hate watching them. Don’t you dare show a cutaway gag have that! Don’t you dare!” Ok fine, I’ll do another cutaway gag. Umm… I got nothing right now. Here, how about this? Here’s a Hearth’s Warming tree made of text.

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I know it’s a little too early to be thinking of Hearth’s Warming since it’s October, but at least I’m not posting this in September. Did you know Kmart always starts selling trees in September? C’moooooooooon! Nightmare Night is first! Sell Nightmare Night stuff! Why would stores be selling holiday stuff before Nightmare Night? That is so stupid! November should be the earliest time to be selling the holiday stuff. Ok back to the story.

“So Crème, we’ve met before and you didn’t bother seeing me in person. Why not? We could’ve been great friends!” I asked.

“I was too nervous. I thought that meeting you would get both of our bullies to work together against us.” Crème thought.

“But Crèmepoop, don’t you se-“ just then I began to laugh. Crème began to laugh along. We were laughing so hard we could’ve breathe. “Did you- did you… HA HA HAAAA! Did you hear what I just called you?!”

“I KNOW!” Crème yelled and kept laughing.

“I called you Crèmepoop… HA HA HA!” I laughed. We continued laughing for several seconds, but then we began to calm down. “Ok, deep breaths… deep breaths. Ok… you good?”

“Yeah, I’m goo-“ Crème said but then she began laughing again. I started laughing along once again. “Stop laughing! You’re making me laugh!”

“I’m sorry!” Crème yelled.

So once I let that all out of my system I finally asked her the question. “Ok… but Crèmepop don’t you-“ we both started laughing again. I really couldn’t get the name Crèmepoop out of my head. “I can’t do it! I can’t stop thinking about that name!”

“Me neither!” Crème said.

“Ok, Crème, I think… I think we should take a moment to look at sad animals on YouTube. That’ll calm our laughter.” I suggested.

“Ok.” Crème agreed. I really didn’t want to get into detail with that sad animal video we watched was pretty effective. I may not like dogs, but I hate seeing them not be adopted, the best I can do is offer donations and hope for the best at those shelters. At least they’ll be treated. Phew… ok. After seeing that, and after writing a check to the nearest animal shelter, which was Fluttershy’s cottage, our nerves were finally calm and it was safe for us to talk without laughing.

“So Crèmepop… I feel terrible. Why did you do so much for me in the past and yet you don’t even know me?” I asked.

“It felt that it was something I needed to do.” Crème said. “Other ponies that are suffering feels much worse than me suffering myself.”

“Well thank you, Crème. I feel that I owe you now.” I said.

“You don’t owe me anything.” Crème said.

“Yes I do, you helped me dodge bullets in the past. You knew more about friendship than I did back then, and now I feel I must repay you.” I said.

“Well… if you’re really insisting. I don’t know much about friendship myself to be honest. You’re the first pony I talked to when I got here. I always shy with meeting new ponies. Can you help me?” Crème asked.

“Well… maybe it’s about time I put on somepony new under my wing. I’ll teach you whatever I can. I’m no pro in it myself but I could try.” I said.

“Thank you.” Crème said. “It really means a lot.”

“Have you ever had any past friends?” I asked.

“No. No I never did. I was always quiet. I felt the world was corrupted and I had no interests in being a part of anypony’s business.” Crème said.

“And I was the only pony you cared about at least a little.” I said.

“To a point.” Crème said.

“Cool! Do you have a job?” I asked.

“No I don’t.” Crème said.

“You can work for me then!” I suggested.

“Really?” Crème asked.

“Hey look at my face, look at my face.” I instructed her. “Does this look like a face that lies?” Crème chuckled a bit. “How is that funny?”

“Sorry, sorry. I just don’t socialize much. The only humor I know of is humor from TV.” Crème said. “The only friends I have is among the wild.”

“How long have you lived among the wild for?” I asked.

“I lost track, but I do have a house here in Ponyville. I saved up a bit. It isn’t much though. Nothing like this place.” Crème said.

“Were you emo in the past?” I asked.

“Very emo.” She said. “I gave up being emo when I spent my days in Everfree Forest.”

“I wanna know a little bit about your time in Everfree Forest.” I suggested.

“In that case, how about you meet me just outside Everfree tomorrow at 7?” Crème asked.

“AM or PM?” I asked.

“AM.” She said.

“Isn’t that, like…. the middle of the night?” I asked.

“Oh c’mon, Flare! You’ll have fun, I guarantee it!” Crème said.

“Alright then!” I nodded. “I was never afraid of Everfree, except for that one time with that liger problem.”

“Don’t worry, I know of a good location that you won’t find many wild beasts like that.” Crème said.

“You’re very adventurous, aren’t you?” I asked.

“Ever since I left Mareami, every day has been an adventure, and I feel so alive! HA HAAAAA!” Crème cried out. “Oh, sorry… was that a little too enthusiastic?”

“No, no! I like it! HA HAAAAA!” I cried out. We both started laughing excitedly, and then eventually we started laughing evilly, and then after that we started laughing like crazy, and then after that we continued laughing like crazy and started running around the trailer. Yeah, this is what I sometimes do in my free time. The only thing is… I never do it when anypony else is around. Gotta let out the crazy now so you don’t have to let out the crazy at the wrong time, but why does she feel comfortable doing it all the sudden? I think she needs somepony that thinks like her. I feel comfortable with her around, and I have no idea why.

“Great… somepony as crazy as Flare.” my fish Piddles complained.

“I like it! WOO HOO!” Darrel cried out in excitement as he began to swim around the tank, following our every move.

“I find it quite scary.” Yoyo said. “I think they wanna kill me. I dunno why, but that’s how I think as a fish.” Anyways, I have the feeling Crème and I are gonna get along juuuuuust ok.

The next day came, I walked over to Everfree Forest to meet up with Crèmepop. It was 7:01, so I was a little late. Hope she didn’t go on without me. I started to worry because it was now 7:06 and she’s still not around. I found it quite confusing. She seemed really interested, and she seemed pretty despite for a friend, and the fact that she actually met me back at my school years and was my guardian angel was uncanny. You know I didn’t learn that word ‘uncanny’ until a couple of years ago when I was playing Chrono Trigger.

“I didn’t learn that word until a heard a couple of ponies speaking.” Crèmepop said, breaking the fourth wall which caused more narrative contradiction to attack the area.

“Careful, Crèmepop! I don’t want to make any unnecessary risks. I already broke the fourth wall way too much. If we continue, this whole story will collapse.” I said.

“I bet some would be pretty pleased for that.” Steve the Combine Soldier said as he walked by.

“Who was that?” Crème asked.

“He’s part of the narrative contradiction. Don’t look at him.” I instructed her.

“So where were you Flare? I was waiting over there for you to show up.” Crème pointed.

“You said meet you at the entrance to the Everfree Forest and here I am.” I said.

Crème chuckled a bit. “I guess I wasn’t being too specific on which entrance.”

“Yeah, I guess not.” I said. “So is there a reason why you woke me up in the middle of the night?”

“You said you wanted to know a bit about my life among the wild, and I am here to show you.” Crème said. “Follow me. There is so much I want to show you.”

So Crème walked inside the Everfree Forest and I followed. To be honest, I wasn’t that impressed. I’ve been inside the Everfree Forest several times already. “Crèmepop, what are you even planning on showing me?” I asked.

“It’s a surprise. I don’t trust anyone for this discovery. You’re the first one I’m showing this too.” Crème said.

“Lucky me. I was always the last one when it comes to picking teams.” I said. “Even the kid in the wheelchair was picked before I. Even a rock was picked before!”

“At least you were able to play at all. They just skipped me and started playing.” Crème said.

“I think you’re the lucky one. I’m always the first one out and they have to say ‘you’re out’ so rudely and they even try to get me hurt before I’m able to go out.” I explained. “Even one time it was all against me, but luckily I was able to make the best of it. I used my magic to get four ponies out; there were only four balls so I wasn’t so lucky. I accidently hit one in the face so that was a bummer.”

“Ouch. Couldn’t get any worse than that.” Crème commented.

“It did. I hit the wheelchair kid in the face.” I said.

“Ooo, I’m sorry.” Crème commented.

“Why are you sorry? It’s not your fault.” I corrected her.

“I just feel bad for that.” Crème said.

“It’s not your fault I was disliked.” I said. Crème began to frown. “What’s wrong? C’mon don’t tell me you were responsible.”

“Huh? Oh no, I wasn’t; believe me I wasn’t.” Crème said.

“So why did you go all colon right parenthesis on me?” I asked.

“I’d rather not say right now.” Crème said.

“I won’t hold it against you, Crème.” I said. So we continued walking, and so far, I was getting bored. “So when are you going to show me something cool?”

“Everfree’s a big area, Flare. Besides, if we take the shortcut way, we could risk running into the manticore territory.” Crème said.

“Point taken. Are you sure they won’t just attack us whenever they sense us?” I asked.

“These creatures are territorial. They won’t attack unless you walk on their territory.” Crème said.

“How would I know if I walk on their territory?” I asked.

“You’ll see manticore pee.” Crème said. “It’s blue goo.”

“Wow, you just made me think of the Grown Ups movie.” I said.

“I liked the first one better than the second one.” Crème said.

“Yeah me too. The first one, you don’t know what to expect. Second time, you know what you’re expecting.” I said.

“Same goes with Shrek. The first movie was the best.” Crème said.

“Aww, but that was the only movie without the kitty.” I whined. “Hey does anypony know we’re out here?”

“No, I think it’s for the best that no one does.” Crème said.

“Wow that sounds as irresponsible as the parents from Rugrats. They never supervise their children. That’s why they always end up doing dangerous adventures.” I said.

“Oh shhh.” Crème shushed me. Up ahead was a sleeping cragadile up ahead. That’s the double the up aheads, which means double the length. Double the fun, right?

“How do we get passed it?” I whispered.

“It’s a her.” Crème whispered. “Females are much worse, especially when they’re laying on eggs.”

“Is she laying on eggs?” I asked.

“Do you think the cragadile smells like a bathroom?” Crème asked.

“Yeah.” I said.

“Then she’s laying eggs.” Crème said.

“Then I think this would be a very bad time to say that I ate french toast this morning.” I said.

“How is that bad?” Crème asked.

“Eggs are in French toast. Oooooh, I hope the eggs didn’t hear that.” I said in a frightened tone. “Please Crème, let’s get moving before the eggs get scared and wake up mama.”

“Just follow my lead.” Crème said.

So I followed Crème to get passed the cragadile. She leaned by a tree, I did as well; she hid behind a log, I did as well; she scratches her nose while she observes the area, I did as well; she jumped and rolled towards a big rock, and I… kinda did as well. “Ow.” I said once I jumped on my head and rolled towards the rock, but hitting the rock as I rolled. “Ow, again.” I said.

“Shhh!” Crème shushed me.

”Shhh!” I shushed back. Crème began to observe the cragadile’s surrounding environment, and I did as well.

“Ok Flare is we’re to move to the other side,” Crème explained and pointed and I pointed as well, “we have to- why are you pointing?”

“I’m following your lead.” I whispered.

Crème just smiled and said, “Good job.” Wow, I was being a smart-alec and she said ‘good job’. Wow…. No, don’t get me wrong, I like this, I’m just quite surprised is all. This pony really impresses me, but with all the surprises I’m getting, I lost my focus and tripped on a piece of grass which woke up the cragadile.

“OH SNAP!” I yelled.

Meanwhile back in Ponyville, Crystal was reading a book in her house, but then she feels a disturbance. “Thundy,” she yelled out, “get me my crossbow! Somepony’s been using my phrases again!” Yeah, this counts as a cutaway, but do I need to mention it?

So as I was laying down there on the ground waiting for the cragadile to crush every bone in my body, I said to myself, “I am so glad the Mane Six may never deal with a freakshow like this.” I was super scared because I really thought I was done for, and I didn’t even write my will yet, but before the monster can eat me, Crème starts wrestling the cragadile. I swear, I never seen moves like that before! She was like a rodeo champ, much like AppleJack! She really knows how to take care of herself. As she was wrestling the cragadile, she pinches the cragadile on the area between the shoulder and the neck and the cragadile falls unconscious.

“Hasta la vista, reptile!” Crème said.

“Actually, you did the Vulcan pinch on it.” I corrected her. “You should’ve said something Spock would say.”

“Why be logical when you can be original?” Crème asked.

“Wow… I never thought of it that way. Very clever!” I nodded.

“I hope so, I got that from Iron Will. He helped me out in getting me where I am today.” Crème said.

“Cool! Not just that though, the wrestling! It was amazing, Crèmepop! You’re a regular Steve Irwin!” I said impressively.

Crème giggles a bit and blushes. “Thank you!”

“I mean it! You are INCREDIBLE! You saved my life, Crème! I am in your debt!” I said. “But only if it’s legal. I’m not pulling heists for you.”

“Don’t worry, Flare. It’s what I do.” Crème said as she helped me up. “I’m just glad to have a friend with me. I used to live among these forests and it gets a little lonely.”

“What about Zecora?” I asked.

“Who?” Crème asked.

“Zecora. She’s a zebra that lives around these parts.” I said. “She’s friends with the Mane Six.”

“Oh, you can actually talk to that zebra? I had no clue. I thought she was another creature. I never heard her speak, plus I thought she was a witch.” Crème said.

“Oh she is a witch, but she’s a witch-doctor. All the best cures in Ponyville come from her.” I said.

“I had no clue and I’ve been living among these woods for over a couple of years.” Crème said.

“Really? Because you seem to talk and walk just fine.” I said.

“Just because I’m a jungle girl doesn’t mean I don’t have a TV.” Crème said.

“Alright, well… thanks again for saving me! I owe you big time!” I said as I patted her on the shoulder.

“No problem!” Crème said as she cleared her throat. “We should keep moving.” So I continued to follow Crème through the jungle and I’m still pretty shocked that a mare this pretty is also strong. Oh if only I was interested in being in a relationship. I’m really hoping one day I would. Wait, if I hope to want to one day, does that mean I am interested in a relationship? I have no clue with even my own logic.

“Hey can we wrestle another creature?” I asked.

“Maybe later, but for now we’re here.” Crème said.

“You know I still didn’t get an answer on where we’re going.” I reminded her.

“I didn’t tell you?” she asked. After she said that I just waved my head around with half of my mouth opened all the way and one my eyes squinting and I shrugged fast and shook my head. “Hey, don’t give me that look! You think I’m good at remembering things?”

“What is this place anyway?” I asked.

“Flare Gun, what I’m about to show you is something that I haven’t shown ANYONE… EVER… in the history of the planet!” Crème said.

“I feel special.” I said in a childish voice. So the two of us walked over to a pile of seaweed hanging on a cave entryway which was pretty ironic because he were nowhere near the ocean. “What is this place anyway?”

“Well this was my main source of shelter.” Crème said.

“So you lived in a cave? You’re a cavepony?” I asked.

“I suppose.” Crème said.

“Me make fire!” I said in a deep voice. “Me Flare, and me draw on walls and strong enough to kill sabre-tooth tigers and use their skins as clothes and me don’t even bother to clean them up.” Crème giggled at my joke and then she opens the seaweed doorway and the both of us walked inside. My eye pupils grew big just as I walked in there. “Wow, it is so beautiful!” I said. “I feel… I feel… happy.” I then ran over to the Flash Gordon coffee mug on the table. “These things are rare! How did you get one?”

“I stole it.” Crème said.

“What?!” I freaked out.

“HA! I got you!” Crème teased. “Nah, some traveler dropped it and I just didn’t bother giving it back because they were too far away.”

“How far were they?” I asked.

“I dunno, about 2 feet.” Crème said.

“Seems about right.” I nodded.

After Crème chuckled a bit she started to think of herself, looking like she was about to make a confession. “Flare… can you sit down please?”

“I don’t need a haircut thanks.” I said.

“No, there’s something I want to show you. There is a reason why I live at this cave. There is a reason why I forgave you- I mean… forgave my past in the first place.” Crème said.

“First you said one word then you stuttered and said something else probably to avoid drama.” I pointed out. “I’ll just ignore it because it’s pretty much the logical thing.”

“Ok. Just wait a couple of seconds. It’s almost noon.” Crème said.

“Wow, almost noon already? How long have we been in Everfree for?” I asked.

“Just look.” Crème instructed me. So I was looking around the cave waiting for something to happen, and if this wasn’t Equestria then I may not believe her, but since this is Equestria with magic, I can believe her. One thing’s for sure, I betchya 5 bits that whatever I’m going to see won’t be better than the Flash Gordon mug. Noon came and I cannot make a joke here because this moment was something I haven’t felt before. This moment made me feel happier than the Flash Gordon mug. This moment here made me feel a type of happiness that made me feel that nothing can trouble me anymore. I feel that all my past troubles were a thing in the past. You know why? I’ll tell you why! The cave began to glow. There were glowing light blue sparkles floating all around the cave, and some glowing turquoise lights began to glow among the walls. This happiness I felt is not natural. I’m not controlling it.

“I bet you’re wondering why you’re feeling happier than you ever had been.” Crème said.

“It’s not the Flash Gordon mug, I’ll tell you that.” I said.

“This cave is the Cure Cave.” Crème said.

“And you’ve been hogging all the cureness for yourself?” I asked.

“What?” Crème asked.

“I forgot.” I said. “What was I complaining about again?”

“That’s natural. This cave makes you forget everything bad that happened in your past, but… only for a little while. This magic gives your mind inner peace.” Crème explained. “Staying in here long enough made me forget most of the things I regret in the past, and I’m pretty sure it’s doing the same thing to you.”

“It is. I should take my friends here. They all had a questionable past that they want to take a vacation of. They need inner peace, especially Blaze.” I said.

“I don’t think I’m quite ready for your friends to visit here, Flare.” Crème said.

“Why not?” I asked.

“Well first off, who are your friends? Second, I only bring those I trust.” Crème said.

“Why do you trust me though? We just met face-to-face just recently.” I said.

“Because I know.” Crème said.

“I’m gonna need a better answer than that.” I said.

“I have seen your fears and your past and it somewhat matches mine. I want what you want, Flare.” Crème said.

“Oh yeah? What is that?” I asked. “Spreading the lulz?”

“No, not that.” Crème said.

“Have the best pizza shop in Equestria?” I asked.

“Not that either.” Crème said.

“Having the Equestria record of stacking the most donuts on my nose?” I asked.

“No, and what?” Crème asked.

“Having the Equestria record of stacking the most donuts on my nose.” I repeated. “Wait, if you didn’t hear me, why would you say no?”

“Nevermind.” Crème said. “The thing that we both want is acceptance.”

“Umm… accepting that fact that jelly-filled donuts that are shaped like cylinders are more difficult than the unfilling donuts with the holes to stack on your nose?” I asked.

“What’s with you and donuts?” Crème asked.

“There’s a town meeting tonight and they’re giving away free donuts and I can’t stop thinking about that.” I said.

“Look, we both want to be accepted as individuals, right?” Crème asked.

“I am, I have no idea what you want. You seem to know more about me more than I know about you and it still freaks out.” I said. “Oh wait, I just forgotten it. Wow, this cave really works.” Just then, I started to feel something; something that dug inside my brain I guess. “Well that was weird. “

“Why? Is it that you feel that something dug inside your brain?” Crème asked.

“How did you know?!” I yelled. “You’re freaking me out! Oh, wait, I just forgot why I was freaked out.”

“Well first off, it’s common sense because I get that feeling sometimes; second, this cave can do more than calm minds. It can also tell you what you need to know. It’s like transferring data from a computer to a storage drive to another computer.” Crème said.

“Yeah, I can feel that, and I think the cave is telling me something else.” I said. “Wait… what? No… no that cannot be true. I would never do such a thing!”

“What’s wrong?” Crème asked.

“It would appear that I met you face-to-face before.” I said. I started gaining a flashback, back in my high school years. I was talking to my only friend on my phone as I was getting books form my locker. “Yeah, I know, Porky, but it’s just common sense. Adventurers have very weak knee-armor. It’s so easy to break that even an arrow can go through them.” Just then, a couple of teenage mares went by and giggled as they walked by.

“Oh my gosh, like, did you totally see that dress she was wearing? It was like soooo last century.” The blue mare that wore a bunch of makeup, alot of jewelry, a heart-shaped pie cutie mark, and a black shirt with a heart on it walked by and said.

“Oh my gosh, I know right? It was sooo 2006, and 2006 is our way of saying last century!” the blue mare’s friend that’s not worth talking about because she doesn’t do anything other than hang with the blue mare agreed.

“Who? Oh it was just Blueberry Pie.” I said to my friend on the phone. “Yeah I know, the most popular mare in the whole school. All the guys dig her, but not me. I don’t like ponies that make full of themselves, and to be honest, she’s not even that pretty. I’m glad you agree, Porky. Glad having a pig like you on my side. No, I am not teasing you with a Looney Tunes character. I know your name and I know your species, so can you just drop it? Ok good, thanks brah. Alright I’ll talk to you later, dude. Yeah… yeah I’ll meet you at our usual hangout later. Yes, I’ll bring Cheetos. No I’ll make sure I don’t get bacon flavored this time. Ok good. Yeah I know those are rare to find; so rare that you cannot find a snack like that in another universe besides this one and probably a few others. Alright, see ya, Porky. Chow!” I hung up with him, and I promise you’ll learn more about Porky in chapter 7. Up ahead, I see a nerdy kid walk up to Blueberry Pie with a bouquet of flowers, and we pretty much know how this is going to end.

“Hey, Blueberry.” The nerdy pony said in a shy voice. “I… umm… I was wondering if… umm… you can go… to the prom with me?”

“Uh huh. So you just decided to ask me to the prom even though you don’t know me and not to mention you’re a geek? What a loser!” Blueberry said as she started to laugh.

Blueberry’s friend began to laugh and she said, “I know, totally! I mean, I’m the friend of the popular girl so I have to agree and repeat everything she says and add more ‘totallys’ in the sentence, like OMG, totally!”

“My name is Ralph and I’m part of the chess club.” The nerdy pony said.

“Chess club?! Are you like… a nerd or something?” Blueberry asked as she began to laugh. “Oh wait, nevermind, your geeky look says it all.”

“I know, like totally!” Blueberry’s friend said as they both continued to laugh.

“Rant her off, brah. Rant her off!” I mumbled to myself as I watched the nerdy pony get humiliated.

He did not rant her off unfortunately. Instead, he just sadly walked away with his head facing down and the flowers on the boutique sinks down towards the floor, and he mumbled to himself, “Someday she’ll fall for me, I guarantee it!”

“No, brah… don’t guarantee it!” I mumbled. “UGH! I cannot believe this! Who would fall for a jerk like Blueberry Pie? I do not like her. I do not like her one bit. Why would ponies wanna be with a pony like her? I swear, she thinks she’s better than everypony else and the only ponies she’d fall for is the jockers. I swear to the Wizard of Hope, high school will never change! It’s always the same amount of drama and stories! SIGH!” And now you see why I didn’t start this story in the very beginning of my life. Every high school story is exactly the same. Not just that, every school story is exactly the same! Drama, class president, the prom, clubs, bullies, the same type of gags, I mean really! So once I was finishing up at my locker, I closed my locker and I saw Blueberry Pie standing right there next to me, behind where the locker door was. “AAH!” I yelled. “You startled me!”

“Startle, huh? I kinda like that in a stallion.” Blueberry nodded.

“Me too, like totally!” her friend said.

“What do you want, Blueberry? I don’t have time to talk to ponies like you. Thank you.” I said angrily.

“Ponies like me? Why, what do you ever mean? I never did anything to offend you, did I?” Blueberry asked in a squeaky voice.

“You picking on other ponies is offensive to me. I never bothered coming up to you because you treat other ponies like low-class. I consider it to be racist.” I said.

“But we’re all equal aren’t we? Each of us in the school?” Blueberry asked.

“Yeah but some are more equal than others.” I said. Blueberry started to giggle at what I said. “That wasn’t even that funny. What’s the catch, Blue?”

“I just want to get to know you.” Blueberry said to me.

“Lemme tell you something, Blue. I am desperate to make friends but not as desperate to be friends with an attention begger like yourself!” I said to her.

“You stood up to me and I like that.” Blue said. “The ponies I want to know are ponies that won’t judge me by my looks.”

“Really?” I asked.

“Yeah!” Blueberry said.

“Yeah, totally!” her friend said.

“Is there anything Blueberry would say you wouldn’t agree on?” I asked her friend.

“I disagreed with her when she said she hates TGI Friday’s. I love that place!” her friend said.

“I dunno, that place is too expensive.” I disagreed.

“See? We have something in common! We should totally hang out, dude!” Blueberry said to me.

“Umm… well… I guess I shouldn’t judge you right away.” I said. “I mean you were probably jerks to other ponies for your own well-being.”

“Exactly! See? You get me!” Blueberry said to me.

“I suppose I do.” I nodded.

“We’re going to get along great, Flare!” Blueberry said.

“I hope so. I hope this is a good idea, like that idea I made about having a quicksave function in real life.” I said. A cutaway gag inside a flashback shows me talking to my sister Water and asking her, “Hey, Water, wouldn’t it be neat if you could quicksave your life just like in video games? That way if you do something dumb you can just restart and try again?”

“Well that’s just stupid.” Water said as she glared at me. Just then I popped up the main menu and reloaded my life just before I talked to Water that same instant.

“Hey, Water!” I said. “Hey wouldn’t it be nice if we fed fish gold dust and then they’d poop out jewelry?”

“You mean that eating rock thing and making gems that Tiarawhy made? Yeah that would be cool!” Water said excitedly. I then smiled and squeed at the audience. The cutaway ends.

I don’t wanna make this a completely different chapter, so I’m gonna just mention the important parts of my relationship with Blueberry. Ever since I started going out with her things have been going great for me. I’ve become popular at the school, even though I knew for sure that they didn’t like me for me, they like me because of Blueberry, but that’s ok, I didn’t treat my only friend Porky as garbage because he’s the only one I can trust. Now this is when things get interesting. I’ve been going out with Blueberry Pie for a couple of weeks already and I started to have the feeling things were getting serious between her and I. She invited me over to her house which was on Seastar Island. All the richest ponies of Mareami live here. At first I didn’t think she deserved all this, but after seeing a side of Blueberry I haven’t seen before I have the feeling she does deserve all this after all.

“Wow, Blueberry! I really like the look of the butler-home! It’s like a mini-castle.” I said.

“I know, isn’t my butler home awe- wait, butler home?” she asked curiously.

“I like to call mansions butler homes because all these houses come with butlers, am I right?” I asked.

“Right you are, Flarey!” Blueberry said.

“Normally I’d be a little upset because only my sister and mom can call me that, but I’m ok with you.” I said with a smile.

“See? This is why you’re the best coltfriend ever!” Blueberry said as she cuddled on my arm.

“Since when were we in a relationship?” I asked.

“Just now!” Blueberry said. “What? Do you not wanna be?”

“The only things I wanna do is at Wannado City.” I said as I forgot that Wannado City actually closed down a couple of years ago. Wannado City was a theme park about kids doing simulations of their dream jobs. It was fun and all, believe me, but the Wannado City money was useless. Can’t buy anything with it! Maybe if you could buy stuff with that money it wouldn’ve closed down!

“Flarey, you’re in a relationship with the most popular pony in school? Doesn’t that make you happy?” Blueberry asked.

“No.” I said. “I’m in a relationship because I like you for you, not because of how popular you are because I could care less about that.”

“Wow…” Blueberry said shockingly. “Are you serious? Like if I was fat and ugly, which I am…”

“I’m not gonna argue with you about that because you’re gonna disagree with me anyway.” I complained.

“You’d still go out with me?” Blueberry asked.

“Of course! You’re pretty, but prettiness isn’t everything. You have a unique personality!” I said.

“Like you, sug!” Blueberry said.

“Exactly!” I said.

“Anyways, come up to my room. I got us some ‘activates’ we can do, but first, my personal nerd is finishing up with my homework.” Blueberry said.

“Your personal nerd?” I asked.

“Oh don’t be upset, she volunteered.” Blueberry said.

“Huh? Oh I’m not upset about that. I just thought I was your personal nerd?” I asked.

“You’re my personal geek! There’s a difference to that.” Blueberry corrected me.

“Huh… never thought of it like that before.” I said. So once the two of us went upstairs to her room we find a younger Crèmepop doing Blueberry’s homework. Younger Crèmepop didn’t look that different, except she was wearing geeky glasses and braces, and of course she was smaller.

“Are you done with my homework yet?” Blueberry complained to Crème.

“It’s right here, Blueberry.” Crème said as she gave Blueberry her homework.

“That’s Miss Pie to you, nerd.” Blueberry said rudely to her.

“Nuh uh, I’M MISS PIE!” Pinkie Pie corrected her.

“No, Pinkie, you’re not in this scene.” I corrected her. “Come to think of it, you’re not even in this chapter.” Just then I looked over at Blueberry’s bed and I saw it sinking to the ground and words starting popping out from the walls. “DANG IT, PINKIE! We have a narrative contradiction warning! Get outta here!” I demanded.

“Ok but do I still get paid for this chapter?” Pinkie asked.

“STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL AND GO, BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!” I yelled as Pinkie quickly ran off.

“What was that?” Blueberry asked.

“Nothing, just continue, quickly! I’ll fix that later.” I instructed her.

“Anyways, you weaking,” Blueberry yelled at Crème, “you got number 4 wrong!”

“How do you know?” Crème asked. “You don’t even do your homework!”

“Are you talking back to me?!” Blueberry yelled as she grabbed Crème.

“No, ma’am, not at all.” Crème said in a frightened tone.

“Blueberry, are you sure you should be doing that?” I asked.

“Relax, she likes it,” Blueberry said to me. She then turns to Crème with a glare and asked, “don’t you, squirt?”

“Oh yes, I love it very much!” Crème nodded in fear.

“Go ahead, Flare; do it.” Blueberry suggested.

“Do what?” I asked.

“Talk down to her.” Blueberry instructed me.

“I-D-K. I only talk that way to bullies and the ponies that observe my drawings from over my shoulder, oh and my dad.”

“C’mon Flare, she likes it!” Blueberry said. I looked at Crème and I could tell it was a fake smile.

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“Positive! C’mon, make this pony happy and talk down to her.” Blueberry instructed me.

I used to be a gullible pony, and I still am but not as much… well… a wee-bit not as much, but still am big time, and just to let you know, I was 16 when this happened. “Umm… you stink.” I insulted Crème. “You, umm… you’re a weak little pony and nopony likes you… I guess.”

“Is that the best you can do, Flarey?” Blueberry asked. “C’mon, impress me!”

“You… umm… umm… your mom is so ugly she… umm… your mom is so ugly that even if she had a bag over her head, other ponies would still say ewww… I guess.” I tried to insult her.

“Is that really the best you got?” Blueberry complained to me.

“I can’t insult her! I only insult ponies on purpose if they make me upset.” I said.

“If it makes you feel any better, I do feel a bit insulted with the bag thing.” Crème said.

“Shut up!” Blueberry ordered Crème. “Go on, Flare!”

“What did this pony ever do to me?” I asked.

“I saw her put something in your locker at school.” Blueberry said. Crème gasped.

“WHAT?! She touched my stuff?!” I yelled. “You can’t touch my stuff without my permission! Did you at least use hoof sanitizer?”

“No she did not.” Blueberry said.

“UGH! I have no idea where your hooves been! You’re disgusting!” I yelled at Crème. Crème did feel a bit insulted. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention; I was a germaphobe. Still am a bit, but not as much. I mean, I still always wash my hooves before I eat or bite my nails, but I’m ok with touching other ponies now……. shut up! This is a child-friendly story, so that means I’m ok with hugs and brohooves; that’s what I mean!

“Oh that’s not all, but this pony talked smack about that game you like… umm… something Tournament.” Blueberry said. Crème shook her head real fast.

“UNREAL TOURNAMENT?! No! That game is awesome! I feel like a champion with that flak gun and the music is very catchy and I can’t stop looking at the stain-glass windows on the Deathmatch training level!” I yelled.

“She also talked smack about your fish.” Blueberry said.

“NOT MY FISH!” I yelled. “Oh no, I can forgive ALL those things, but I cannot forgive ponies messing with my fish! You sicken me.” Crème began to tear up.

“Tears of joy?” I asked.

“Definitely!” Blueberry nodded. She then pushed Crème away and said, “Now get outta here, shrimp!” Crème began to cry and stormed out.

“Umm… are you sure that was a good idea?” I asked. “She didn’t seem that thrilled.”

“She was, Flarey, she was.” Blueberry said as she started cuddling up to me. “You’re the best coltfriend ever!”

“I am, huh? Wow, I didn’t think I hit it off but I did.” I nodded. “I really hit it off.” The flashback started fading away after I said that last sentence and now we return with Crème and I back in the present inside that cave. I was shocked. “It WAS you! I did meet you before! I treated you like garbage in the past!” Crème nodded upsettingly. “Holy Wizard of Feelings, I… wow… out of all the things that I regret in the past, I regret that one the most. I mean, I can take the betrayal, but I turned into the very pony I hate! I normally don’t say the word ‘hate’ lightly but I HATE turning into the very pony I hate.”

“You were young and stupid then, Flare.” Crème said.

“I WAS!” I agreed. “Oh my… wow… I do not believe it. You were there for me in my past and I let Blueberry control me.”

“That was the same time I left Mareami.” Crème said. “I thought I was wrong about you, but then when I saw you and Princess Luna at Everfree-“

“Umm, pardon the interruption, but I think Princess Luna’s name should be first.” I corrected her.

“Ok.” Crème said. “When I saw Princess Luna and you at Everfree Forest, I heard you two talking about leaving Mareami to move to Ponyville to find peace. What happened back at Mareami though? What happened to Blueberry?”

“Well… I don’t wanna say ALL that happened in my past yet, but if you must know what happened to Blueberry, this was just a little while before I saw my friend Porky for the last time.” The flashback starts again over at my school; I was just about to walk out until I saw Blueberry talk on the phone. “Yes, I know. Really? The time has come, huh? Alright. Alright, babe if you say so. Love you too. Hugs and kisses forever. Bye.” She said as she hung up.

“Who were you talking to?” I asked.

“My coltfriend.” Blueberry said.

“Wow, fancy!” I said.

“What?” Blueberry asked.

“Well I mean you have two coltfriends, me and him.” I said.

“Oh you didn’t get my text did you?” Blueberry asked.

“No, I’ve been having a lot of phone problems lately.” I said. “I try to call my mom on my phone and when I press the call button, my phone doesn’t call her until 10 minutes later. I think I should let Porky take a look at it. Maybe he can fix it.”

“Ok then I’ll just tell you.” Blueberry said. “I’m breaking up with you.”

“Wow… really?” I asked.

“Yep.” Blueberry said.

“Are you gonna say sorry at least?” I asked.

“I’m not sorry though. In fact I never loved you. I always thought of you as annoying.” Blueberry said.

“Really now? And how long have you thought I’m annoying?” I asked.

“Since before I saw your face. Herb told me everything.” Blueberry said.

“Herb… of course! I swear Herb has been trying to make my life miserable since day one!” I said angrily.

“Yeah, so just to let you know, out of all the geeks I met, you were the worse.” Blueberry said.

“Ok you said you were breaking up with me and you never loved me, can we just leave it at that? No need to make it worse because I’m gonna spaz out.” I said.

“In fact you were the only one I hated. Only one in the whole world.” Blueberry said.

“FRIEND! SAY YOU’RE MY FRIEND! SAY IT NOW!” I yelled as I started to shake her. “FRIEND, FRIEND, FRIEND!”

“Nope, not friends. Never was, never will be.” Blueberry said.

“LAUGH! I WANT YOU TO LAUGH AT ME! TEASE ME! Just don’t give me that angry look! AAH! I CAN’T TAKE IT!” I yelled.

“At least nerds made me laugh out of their idiotic ways to attract me. You on the other hoof make me barf. I’d never post a link to a YouTube video reaction just to show you how much you make me barf.” Blueberry said.

“UGH! Just like the trolls on Fimfiction!” I complained. “Can we at least be netural? We never met at all. That will really help us both.”

“Nope. You’re my worst enemy. WORST ENEMY.” Blueberry said.

“NOT AN ENEMY! NOT THE WORSE! NOOOOOO! AAAAAH!” I started spazing out and rolling around on the floor screaming and saying random words. Physical pain is nothing compared to this. Being considered the worst and the only one out of something negative always offended me, more than anything else did. Normally I can take insults, but this… this was a complete disaster! I was betrayed by my marefriend, the one pony I thought had a soft-side. I was right about her from the start. Popular girls are always bad news, but why would she do this? What was her reason? What was so special about me? Why would she work with Herb? Herb’s has always been harassing me since the first day of school! This story we’ll be getting into another time. The flashback ends there and we return with Crème and I.

“So Blueberry betrayed you, huh?” Crème asked.

“You seem surprised.” I said.

“I thought you two were really gonna hit it off?” Crème asked.

“I was wrong about her.” I said. “I mean, popularity didn’t get the best of me, that wasn’t the moral in there; the moral was… ponies will deceive you. I mean… ok how do I explain this?”

“Disharmony works in mysterious ways.” Crème said. “You think somepony is a close friend of yours when it actually turns out they were just using you.”

“I know, but how would I know that they are using me?” I asked.

“You can tell, Flare.” Crème said.

“You can tell Flare what? I don’t understand that?” I asked.

“If you see a friend pick on someone innocent and if you find at least one little thing suspicious about them, tell them honestly what you think about them, and if they continue to deceive you by telling you lies, they’re not really your friends.” Crème explained.

“Wow… I… I guess you’re right, Crème. It’s hard to tell who your friends and who are not.” I said.

“Actually, Flare, it’s easy.” Crème said. “You just have to know what’s in your heart.” She taps on my chest.”

“Those are my lungs you’re pointing at.” I corrected her. “Move a little to the left.” Crème moved her hoof a little bit to the left of my chest. “Yeah that’s better.”

“Learn something new every day, right?” Crème asked. “I mean I know you never meant to give me harm.”

“Huh? Oh right I just remembered that I caused you pain in the past. Dang this cave!” I shook my head and said. Crème chuckles a bit. “But I caused you harm in the past and I totally forgot about that.”

“I think that’s the cave talking.” Crème reminded me.

“No, it’s not the cave. I just decided to forget about it. That’s what I did. I forgot about my past during my time in Ponyville, but now I remember it again. Thanks a lot, Crème!” I complained.

“Maybe it’s for the best.” Crème said. “Sometimes you gotta remember your past boo-boos so you can learn from them.”

“Past boo-boos? What are you, four years old?” I asked.

“I’m just saying, Flare.” Crème said.

“But you did a lot for me in the past. I owe you, Crème. I owe you big time!” I said.

“No you don’t its fine.” Crème said.

“I do though! You know what, Crème? Forget the application. You’re hired.” I said.

“I am?” Crème asked.

“Yes you are, and forget about the Friendship Agreement too. The amount of friendship we have… a contract doesn’t even have to show it. We’re friends because we’re friends, and I know you will never betray me.” I said as the cave began to glow again. Sparkles began to rain from the top of the cave and sparkle all over me. Crème started to stare at me. She started feeling something she never felt before.

“Flare… you’re… you’re the sweetest pony I’ve ever met.” Crème said.

“I hope so because I have way too much of a high-blood pressure to be salty.” I teased. Crème chuckled a bit and smiled at me. I smiled back. “C’mon, Crème! It’s time for work!” So the two of us left the cave and went back to Ponyville and over to my shop. Just because she felt like it, she gave me her application. “Ah, your application! But I hired you instantly though.”

“I know, but it was something I really needed to do…. Boss.” Crème said as she winked at me and chuckled.

"Alright, let's see it." I said as I took her application. All she wrote down on it was 'May I have a job?' "Close enough. You're hired." I said.

Crème squeed and gave me a big hug. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, Flare!" she cried out, but she let go quickly and nervously. "Um, I mean, boss."

"It's kay. I treat my employees as friends of mine." I said. "Let me introduce you to your co-workers. The green unicorn over there is Lyra Heartstrings, and that one is Bon Bon, but I like to call her Bonnie."

“You don’t bother giving any detail about me?” Bonnie asked.

“Yeah and I’m not green; I’m a very bright aquamarine.” Lyra corrected me.

"Plessure to meet you two!" Crème said, sticking out her hoof.

"Plessure to meet you t-" Bon Bon said with her hoof out walking towards Creme, but Lyra just jumped in front of her to shake her hoof first.

"Likewise! I'm Lyra! It's great having another pony coming to help us out!" Lyra said. Bon Bon had a confused look on her face.

"Well then." Bonnie said. "Anyways, welcome to the team. You'll love it here! The pay is good, the work is good..." But then she leaned towards Crème’s ear and whispers, "but Flare goes out too much leaving us in charge."

"Really? Wow." Crème said.

“Alright so here you are, Crème.” I said as I gave her a stack of papers.

“What’s this?” she asked.

“The Friendship Agreement. You have yet to fill it out.” I said.

“I thought you said you insisted on not giving this to me?” Crème asked.

“I say a lot of stuff I don’t mean. It’s called: not spoiling the moment.” I said.

Crème smiled at me and said, “Its ok. This is much better.”

“Alright, well you have fun with that.” I said. “I’m going to meet with my friends for lunch. Aqua suggested that we go have some Indie food and the only question to that is… do the same ponies that created Indie food also make indie games?”

"Can I come to lunch with you?” Crème asked.

"Oh sorry, sista, but… Friendship Agreement says there needs to be a reservation first aaaaand… I don’t wanna miss any cool deals for six, soooo… ssss, yeah, but you’re still hired regardless and I do owe you big time, don’t worry.”

“It’s ok, Flare.” Crème said as she smiled at me. “I’ll be working as hard as I can and I’ll be waiting for your return.”

“Uh yeah sure, whatever. BYE!” I said as I stormed off. Crème sighs as she smiles and begins reading the agreement.

“You have the hots for Flare, don’t you?” Bonnie asked.

“WHOA!” Crème yelled. “Where did you come from?”

“We never left.” Lyra said as she then places her hoof around Crèmepop. “Don’t worry, Crèmepop. We won’t say a thing to him. That’s our employee promise.”

“Thanks, Lyra.” Crème said. “But you think he likes me back?”

“We don’t know.” Bonnie said. “He keeps saying he’s not ready for a relationship.”

“So… it’s a no then?” Crème asked.

“Give him time; he’ll come around, Crèmepop. Don’t worry.” Bonnie said.

“I hope so, but when he’s ready… I’ll be his first.” Crème said.

“If you say so, Crème. Now c’mon; allow us to show you what we inattentive employees do when the manager isn’t around.” Bonnie winked at her and said.

“What do you mean by that?” Crème asked nervously.

“You’ll find out.” Lyra said to her mischievously as the two began to chuckle.

“Let’s go somewhere a little more… private.” Bonnie said.

“This better not be naughty.” Crème said.

“Oh it’s VERY naughty!” Lyra said mischievously. Crème gulped nervously, and then the three ponies headed on into my office, locked the door and continued to chuckle.

“What is this about?” Crème asked.

“Take a seat and we’ll show you.” Lyra said mischievously. Crème did what she asked, Lyra and Bonnie walked on over behind my desk and opened it up. “Oh this is gonna be nasty stuff!”

“No doubt!” Bonnie agreed.

“You two are freaking me out.” Crème said.

“Well this is DEFINITALY going to freak you out!” Lyra said.

“I can’t take this suspense! What’s going on?!” Crème yelled.

“Look!” Lyra said as she took out a jar of my hoof-nail clippings. “It’s Flare’s collection of hoof-nail clippings!” Bonnie and Lyra began to laugh.

“What?” Crème asked.

“We come into Flare’s office all the time and sneak into his stuff while he’s out, and lemme tell you this… he’s out very often.” Bonnie said. “Isn’t this very naughty of us?”

“Very.” Crème nodded as she chuckled along.

“Look at these nasty hoof-nails. I told you this was gonna be nasty! Why does he save these?” Lyra asked and the three ponies continued to laugh.

“Yep, you’re gonna fit in here juuuuuuuust ok, Crèmepop.” Bonnie said.

“Thank you, Bonnie! I think I am going to like it here!” Crème agreed.

“I miss saying my favorite quote.” Stew the Shotgunner said as he was standing in my office with Steve the Combine Soldier. “Badplot. See? I can’t say it!”

“Who are you two?” Bonnie asked.

“Flare said something about us needing to avoid them.” Crème said.

“Don’t avoid us!” Steve begged. “We have these really cool grenades that we can throw but if one gets thrown at us we don’t throw it back.”

“Yeah and my model changes whenever I’m carrying a weapon that’s not a shotgun.” Stew said.

“Excuse me, do you two have any idea who you’re talking to?” Lyra asked.

“Some jerky horses that sound like geeky girls?” Steve asked. “I can’t even say my favorite quote!”

“Sorry, I forgot my checkbook.” I said as I unlocked my office door, opened and headed inside. “It turns out I need to go to the bank and- WHOA! WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING HERE?!”

“Can’t the characters of another series this author makes have an appearance on one of his other stories?” Steve asked.

“Yeah, General Ivan did that. He appears in both Scanner-Life AND Combine Rampage.” Stew said.

“NO! GET OUT!” I yelled. “You’re ruining the story! Everything ”

Oh nooooo! Nooooooo! My story! Look at Ponyville! It’s a mess! Steve and Stew really messed things up now! The narrative contradiction destroyed everything! My story is ruined! I’m pretty sure those jerks at Fimfiction are happy about that. Ooooooh… my story…. It’s all ruined. Broke the fourth wall too much and narrative contradiction destroys everything. It’s gonna take me ages to rebuild everything! Sigh… oh well… I’ll do what I can to fix everything. I suppose I should end this chapter here. I’ll be lucky to get everything fixed before Nightmare Night because it’s a Nightmare Night chapter next!

Author's Note:

Crèmepop - a brand new character of the Friendship is Epic family! I hope you like her! She's going to be appearing more often.

Now this story was a complete remake. Crèmepop used to be a pony who stalked Flare but was also a blank flank and had no experience over anything so Flare decided to help her out and eventually she has a crush on him because of it. I didn't like that idea anymore so I decided to change it a bit. Her cutie mark makes more sense now and she has a really good reason to be stalking Flare. Well, not a really good reason, but a reason that makes sense. Plus we introduce one of Flare's enemies in the past, Blueberry Pie.