Keep Your Friends Close - Part 1
“Good evening, my friends.” Swinebutt said and snorted. “As you know, we’ve all had failed attempts to get revenge on one pony. One typical pony that is a vain to our existence! He was a small time; everypony thought he was just a simple lowlife; nothing more than a loser. A loser that makes every other loser seem cool. A loser that has no hope in going on in life. All that has changed now. He moved on to bigger places, bigger life, and now…. he’s happy! He has friends now, he has the fame, and the experience to become something greater than we can ever imagine. We cannot let that happen. I called you all here today because you all have suffered the same deal I have suffered from him, or his friends. Crimson Flare Gun, our prime target! Now is the time for us to all work together and rise up against him! Except this time, Flare is not our only target. After all of our failed attempts, we’re too late. Flare Gun has grown a connection to his friends, his best friends; otherwise known…. as the Noble Six. To share our revenge schemes, we will make them all suffer. It’s more believable to all their friends if all six of them were to go against all that loved them. Besides, we’ll need the Noble Six in order for us to take over, and show those fools that laughed at us, that we… are the dominators of this land! I called upon you all so we can be able to capture them all.”
“Yes, they all shall pay for their interference in our plans, boss. I’ll never forget that day I lost my job, all because of that purple pony: Psyche Illusion! He must go down, one way or another.” former Officer Penny Nickels swore.
“Aquatic Armor, he….. made me in control of Hoofture, even though I was hostage of two Big Pappis!” Ray Promenade said.
“Ze Red Engineer has foiled my plans to capture the enemy intelligence for too long. Let’s make sure the respawns are off, so he can step out of my way permanently.” Blue Spy said.
“My wolleagues wought I was a waughing stock for wapturing this ONE waconian: Waze Woldheart! I’m normally a pro at capturing dwagons and weforming wesearch on wem, but this….. thiis is an wabsolute wisaster!” Professor Steelhoof said.
“I don’t have anything against the Noble Six, but that sister of Flare’s really sickens me!” Fonz Punkskull said. “I was humiliated because of her!”
“Yeah, but Water Gun isn’t apart of this, Fonz.” Swinebutt corrected him.
“Hmph! Whatever! That mare Crystal Iceblast; I hated the way she looked at me! Nopony looks at the one and only Fonz Punkskull like that!” Fonz said.
“Precisely!” Swinebutt said. “With the six of us working together, we can bring an end to the Noble Six once and for all! We all have a little score to settle between these ponies, and this week, it shall happen.”
“So what do you want us to do, boss?” Nickels asked.
“I’d love to see the wesults on this plan! I do not bewieve it shall fall!” Steelhoof said.
“Well, the question is: What if we got the Nobles to go against their friends, but at the same time they don’t?” Swinebutt asked as he placed his pinky near his mouth. Everypony just looked at eachother confusingly and shrugged.
“Well, throughout the last couple of weeks, I’ve finally made my latest invention! BEHOLD!” Swinebutt said holding a piece of brown hair.
“What is that?” Fonz asked.
“Looks like a piece of hair if you ask me.” Ray said.
“This isn’t JUST a piece of hair! This hair belongs to Flare Gun himself!” Swinebutt said.
“Do you wealize how disturbwing it sounds to take wair from wother ponies?” Steelhoof asked.
“Do you realize how hard it is to understand what you’re saying, Steelhoof?” Ray asked, glaring at Steelhoof.
“Look…. from a hair sample, a hoof nail, or even a tear drop, it can make a difference to what I’m experimenting on, my friends!” Swinebutt said and snorted. “For this project, I’ll need you five to collect a sample from each of the Noble Six members.”
“Why?” Fonz asked, flicking a toothpick to the other side of the room.
“HEY! Don’t litter in here!” Swinebutt yelled at Fonz.
Fonz shrugged, not caring and said, “Sorry.”
“That information is classified for the time being. Just gather the samples from each of the Noble Six, and I’ll reveal what I have planned. I can almost guarantee this plan shall not fail.” Swinebutt said.
“WALMOST guarantee?” Steelhoof asked.
“Look, each plan has its risks, but this one I really have a good feeling about! Gather the equipment you think you’ll need from the lab; the next flight to Ponyville leaves in 3 hours, so you five better get ready for what’s ahead.” Swinebutt said. “Also, make sure the Nobles don’t find out what you five are up to. We don’t want any suspicions going on.”
“As you wish, boss!” Nickels said.
“Now, let me ask you all another question.” Swinebutt said. “What is the biggest number you can think of?”
“A MILLION ZILLION BILLION!” Ray yelled.
“Nice one, Ray! How about you, Fonz?” Swinebutt asked.
“Ten.” Fonz said.
“Ok…. can any of you think of a better one?” Swinebutt asked.
“INFINITY!” Steelhoof yelled.
“Can any of you beat that?” Swinebutt asked.
“INFINITY AND ONE!” Nickels yelled.
“Actually we’re looking for infinity + infinity, sorry.” Swinebutt said.
“What about infinity TIMES infinity?” Blue Spy asked. Everypony had a shocking look on their faces, and then Swinebutt made an explosion sound effect, with his hooves on his head; showing his mind has been blown.
This is the FRIENDSHIP IS EPIC: Book 2 finale – Part 1! Let’s get this party started! Today was Pinkie and I’s 4 month anniversary since we started dating. Today, Pinkie’s parents invited her and me over for dinner! While we were walking over to their rock farm, we had a little conversation.
“Thanks for coming with me to my parent’s house for a dinner party, Flare! This is going to be super-dooper fun!” Pinkie said hopping along side me.
“Hey, I wouldn’t miss this out for the world, Pinks! Your parents are very nice ponies! The only thing I’m worried about is your sister.” I said.
“My sister?! You and Limestone get along fine you silly thing you!” Pinkie said, giving me a noogie.
“My sister?! You and Marble get along fine you silly thing you!” Pinkie said, giving me a noogie.
“It’s not Marble, it’s Limestone. She don’t like me that much.” I said.
“Aww, of course she likes you, Flarey! You’re one of the most get-alongest ponies ever!” Pinkie said.
“If only that were true.” I said and nodded. “Oh, hey Trixie!” I waved to Trixie who was working on the farm.
“Hey…” Trixie said in an annoyed tone, while pick-axing a couple of the smaller rocks.
“You think your parents will be happy face to see me, Pinks?” I asked.
“Of course they will! My parents love you!” Pinkie said.
“If only that were true.” I said again. Pinkie hopped over to the door and rung the bell. Her dad Igneous Rock (or Clyde as most of you may know him) opens the door, smiles and says, “Pinkie! Thy is to pleasant to be seeing you, sweetheart!”
“HI, DADDY!” Pinkie excitingly said, hugging her dad.
“Hey, Mr. Pie! Thanks for inviting me over!” I said.
“Since when did thy say thou can come over?” Igneous asked, glaring at me.
“B-but…. I thought you invited me over for dinner?” I asked.
Igneous started laughing. “Thy know thy did, thy was just be foolin’ you! Come in, son! Come in!” Igneous said.
“Aww, what about me daddy? I wanna come in!” Pinkie whined.
“Sorry, Pinkie, but thy don’t be thinking there be enough room for thou.” Igneous said, shrugging.
“Awwwww!” Pinkie whined.
”Here, babe! You can take my chair! I can eat in the living room and watch some TV! My mom never lets me eat anywhere else but the dining room back at home.” I said.
“Thy be just foolin’ thou again! There be enough room for everypony!” Igneous said.
“YIPPIE!” Pinkie cheered, hopping inside the house, and I hop along inside, but got tired right away.
“Wow! I dunno how Pinkie can have the energy to hop this long. I haven’t hopped this long since I hopped on my dad with my sister.” I said. A cutaway shows me and my sister hopping on our dad, with the words ‘Hop on Pop’ on the top. “Hop. Pop. We like to hop. We like to hop on top of pop!” I said.
“STOP!” my dad yelled. “You must not hop on pop.” Just then, I whack my dad with a fish.
“Where did you get that fish?” Water asked.
“There were three on a tree.” I said.
“Fish in a tree? How can that be?” Water asked. I continued hopping on my pop with my sister until we broke his stomach and he had to go to the hospital. The cutaway ends.
“Please, be taking a seat anywhere!” Igneous offered.
“Wow the hardest part of any First Grade class: finding a seat!” I said as I hopped inside the dining room with Pinkie. I sat on the seat in front of me, but I was sitting on a hat. “Ooo comfee!”
“Sorry, sonny, thou’d be sitting on my hat.” Igneous said.
“Oh, sorry, Mr. Pie!” I said, standing back up and moved to the seat next to me, but then I sat on a cat. The cat screamed meowly, lawl! I was about to sit in the seat next to me, but that seat was actually a cactus.
“NO, FLARE, NO! Don’t sit on that!” Pinkie yelled.
“I swear ever since I got here, this turned into a Dr. Seuss book!” I said. “This feels like the time my whole day felt like a Harry Potter book!” A cutaway shows me about to fill in order for one of my customers. “Ok, so what would you like today?”
“Flare Gun must not go to comic-con this year!” Dobby said. “A plot! A plot of terrible things happening!”
“So would you like that here or to go?” I asked.
“Flare Gun must stay here!” Dobby begged.
“I don’t even know what you’re talking about, brah! I’m going to comic-con later today, and don’t tell me not to!” I instructed him. Later, I finally arrived at comic-con, and half of the ponies in comic-con were wearing costumes from the movie ‘It’s A Good Day To Die-Hard’ and The Hang Over. “Well, I should’ve listened to Santa’s little helper, this comic-con sucks.” I said. The cutaway ends.
Just then, I sat down on the table next to Pinkie, and Clyde sat on down. We heard the door open and close and Pinkie’s sister Linestone (Blinkie) and Marble (Inkie) came inside and sat on down.
“I can’t believe we have to sit through this stupid dinner!” Limestone complained.
“Hmm?” Marble asked.
“I had to cancel a date because of this!” Limestone complained. “Because of this thing!” Limestone pointed at me.
“Thing 1 or Thing 2?” I asked.
“Just shut up.” Limestone complained as she facehooved.
“Now, now Limestone. Thou must be the nicen to our guest. This dinner is for him.” Cloudy Quartz (Sue Pie) said.
“That’s not true, mommy, it’s about all of us.” I said.
Pinkie giggled. “She’s not your mommy, silly! She’s mine!”
“I know, but she seems like a mommy to me.” I said.
“I’m telling Fluttershy on you.” Pinkie teased.
“Oh, Flare, you’re such a gem!” Cloudy blushed and said.
“If I were a gem, Spike would’ve eaten me years ago!” I teased and Pinkie giggled.
“How about you Marble? Are you happy to see my Flarey-Warey?” Pinkie asked.
“Mmhmm!” Marble nodded.
Just then, Pinkie’s third sister came inside the house and joined us. “Maud!” Pinkie cried in excitement.
“I’m sorry but who’s that?” I asked.
“Maud Pie! My sister!” Pinkie cried in excitement.
“I thought you only had two sisters?” I asked.
“No… I have, three.” Pinkie said.
“It’s ok… it’s not like I have a problem with ponies knowing who I am. I’d prefer being a part of the background anyway.” Maud said.
“Is she ok?” I whispered to Pinkie. “She sounds like she’s depressed.”
“Are you kidding? She’s happy to meet you!” Pinkie said excitedly. “Maud, this is my special somepony, Flare Gun!”
“Flare Gun, huh? Some pony by the name of Water Gun mentioned you before.” Maud said.
“Water? You met my sister?” I asked.
“It would seem so.” Maud said.
“Nice!” I nodded in excitement.
“Well, we are the very luckiest to have thou in our lives, Flare; thy think thou a wonderful match for our daughter.” Igneous said.
“Mhm.” Marble agreed.
“Aw c’mon, I bet there are many other ponies that are way better than me to be in a relationship with ol Pinkie here!” I said.
“Exactly!” Limestone agreed.
“Wow, that’s rude.” Marble glared at her.
“What? I’m just agreeing to what he said!” Limestone said.
“So what’s for dinner, mom?” Pinkie asked.
“It’s thou favorite: Dark Bark Cake-shaped with extra gravy coming on the side, with the adding of some mashed potatoes, and the cuppa of hot cocoa!” Cloudy said.
“THANKS, MOM!” Pinkie cried in excitement.
“With rock shavings on it.” Cloudy added as she graded some rock spices on the food.
“This is a huge treat! I haven’t had a treat like this since I had that treeburger with onion rings in it!” A cutaway shows Pinkie having a treeburger with onion rings on the side, but before she started eating, she thought, what if she had them both together? So she put the onion rings inside her treeburger and tasted it, and her taste-buds just went to heaven. “ONION RING BURGER, GENIUS!” Pinkie wanted to sell this interesting discovery over at Sugarcube Corner, but those ponies from the Ponyville Bistro took her idea already. The cutaway ends as I continued to eat my food with Pinkie’s family.
Meanwhile, back in Ponyville, Aqua was fixing up a sink pipe for Cheerilee. Once he finished, he wiped the sweat from his forehead and stood up. “There ya go, Cheerilee. The leakage shouldn’t a problem anymore.”
“Thank you, Aqua. I really appreciate your help.” Cheerilee said.
“It’s no trouble at all. I was glad to help.” Aqua said.
“Well, I’m sure your help won’t go unrewarded.” Cheerilee said, writing a check for Aqua.
“Thank ya, Cheerilee.” Aqua said, taking the check and looking at it. “Uhh this check says 120 bits.”
“Yeah, and?” Cheerilee asked with an uncaring tone.
“I charged ya for only 90.” Aqua said.
“Think of it as a tip.” Cheerilee said as she winked at him.
“Oh…. well….. thanks.” Aqua said.
“You’re welcome, Aqua! Come back anytime!” Cheerilee said. Aqua exited her house and started walking on home until he saw a sign saying; ‘Learn from your past from the Mysterious Sun.’ Aqua turned and saw a tent. He shrugged and decided to walk inside.
“Hello?” Aqua said as he walked inside.
”Come in, my son! Come in!” a pony that was sitting down said as he was turning away from Aqua said.
“I heard ya can tell me about my past.” Aqua said.
“That indeed, that indeed.” The pony said, turning the chair around, which is actually a disguised Ray Promenade.
“Well what can ya tell me?” Aqua asked.
“Your future, your past, your present…. I know bloody all.” Ray said, looking at his crystal ball.
“Well, I guess it couldn’t hurt to guess. I pretty much don’t care about my future, but my past…. that I wish to learn.” Aqua said.
“I see you in a village, a village full of modern-age technology…. I see you running around with a brown Pegasus.” Ray said.
“That’s my sister Wind Racer.” Aqua said.
“I see your mother and your father. Your mother is doing laundry, and your father is blacksmithing. I assume that’s their jobs?” Ray assumed.
“I don’t remember, but I suppose.” Aqua said.
“What’s this? I see intruders entering your village! They have torches, they’re…. they’re…. they’re turning the village on fire!” Ray explained. Aqua gasped. “All the villagers, they’re either dead or taken prisoner. Only two ponies escaped!”
“Me and Wind Racer.” Aqua assumed.
“Yes…. That was perhaps your past, Aqua.” Ray said.
“Gosh…. I… I never knew.” Aqua said as he started to tear up.
“Yeah well, time to pay up! I’ll need aflock of your hair.” Ray said, even though he’s completely ignoring the tear drop.
“Uhhh, why?” Aqua asked.
“That’s…. my type of money. Hair, gimmie your hair.” Ray demanded.
“Uhh, no thanks, I think I’m good.” Aqua said as he awkwardly stood up.
“Wait, where are you going?” Ray asked.
“Here, just take this check instead.” Aqua said, giving him the check Cheerilee gave him and then he ran off.
”Oi, oi!” Ray tried to stop Aqua, but he got too freaked out and just walked away. Ray needed to think of a new plan to get some DNA out of Aqua. Wow… that… that didn’t sound right at all.
Back at the Pie residents, we continued eating our dinner. I kept telling the Pie’s jokes, and all except Limestone and Maud were laughing. I can understand why Maud wasn’t laughing, but I don’t get why Limestone doesn’t like me all that much, but frankly, I couldn’t care less. Heh, I said ‘frankly’, I know a pony with that name!
“My boy, thou are a natural! Perfect for our little filly girl!” Igneous said.
“Well…. I wouldn’t say perfect.” I said. “I’d actually use the word… perfectly leet.”
“Isn’t Flarey the funniest stallion ever?” Pinkie asked.
“Mhm!” Marble agreed.
“Hey, stop it, you’re embarrassing me!” I said, blushing. “Alright, you say something Limestone!”
“Alright. You’re the biggest weirdo noseball I’ve ever seen.” Limestone said.
“Well, at least you called me big. I hate being called little.” I said.
“LIMESTONE!” Cloudy shouted.
“What? He wanted something for me to say, and I gave him my honest opinion.” Limestone said.
“It’s alright, Mrs. Pie. I don’t mind.” I said. “Maybe she’s just jealous because her sister has the poofy hair and she doesn’t.”
“What does Pinkie have to do with hatred towards you?” Limestone asked.
“And he’s the nicest stallion too! So sweet like cupcakes!” Pinkie said as she nibbled on my mane.
“I don’t think that’s how you’re supposed to eat ticks, babe.” I assumed.
“I’m not eating ticks, silly Flare!” Pinkie corrected me. “I’m eating the cockroaches in your hair.”
“Enough of this about me; how about you, Pinkie?” I asked. “You on the other hoof are a complete natural, Pinks! You know what I love the most about you? You’re random just like me! Very funny, wanting to be friends with everypony, and I like that in a mare! You know why?”
“If you sing I’ll kill you.” Pinkie teased.
“Well, I better get my grave ready then.” I said. I stood up on the table with a searchlight over me.
“Wow… mom never let’s us stand on the table.” Maud complained emotionlessly. “She doesn’t even let Boulder on the table.”
“This song is for you Pinks! Been saving it for a very special day, for a very special somepony.” I said as I smiled at her.
“Yippie! So who is that?” Pinkie asked. I turned on my Ipod and started singing More Than A Feeling by Boston, and this ISN’T it a parody! It’s the song itself. Boston’s too awesome of a band to make parodies of; they’re songs are too happy! As I was about to sing, there were cutscenes of Pinkie and I on our wonderful dates! Like the time she threw dirt on my face when I was angry because she keeps saying anger was a sin, and you know what? That made me smile. That’s how much Pinkie means to me!
I began the song: “I looked out this morning out this morning and the sun was gone; turned on some music to start my day; I lost myself in a familiar song; I closed my eyes and I slipped away!”
Kept thinking about the dates Pinkie and I had together; like the time I went bowling with Pinkie and she threw a computer monitor at me, the time we went golfing and caught Black Thunder cheating on Crystal (not really), we watched movies at the theater together while doing the brain teasers in the beginning with Spatfure as one of the answers. Everything was perfect, man! Just so romantic!
“It’s more than a feeling…” I sang.
“More than a feeling…” Pinkie’s family sang.
“When I hear that old song they used to play,” I sang.
“More than a feeling…” Pinkie’s family sang.
“I begin dreaming…” I sang.
“More than a feeling….” Pinkie’s family sang.
“Til I see Pinkie Pie trot away! I see my Pinkie Pie trotting away.” I sang.
“That wasn’t in the song. I know that song. It isn’t in the song. You sang it wrong!” Limestone pointed out. Marble then smacked Limestone in the back of the head and shushed her.
I even remember the first time we started dating. Was pretty lonely and wanting to find somepony by my side to keep me happy. If I had a marefriend, I wouldn’t feel so lonely anymore. Pinkie was just what I needed to keep me happy and laughing. Except her waking me up every morning. That drives me NUTS! But you know, it makes up for that animated humor she has. It reminds me of myself, and Markiplier. Whoa! I did NOT say I’m only dating Pinkie cause she reminds me of Markiplier because that is NOT that case! Whoa there! But you know, I find animated humor to be fun, and that’s just what I like. I find it sexy. I’m talking about Pinkie, not Mark, alright?
“So many people have come and gone,” I sang, “their faces fade as the years go by… yet I still recall as I wander on as clear as the sun in the summer sky!”
“It’s Spring.” Limestone corrected me. “See, Pinkie? Why do you have to be in a relationship with somepony who can’t even know what the season is?” You know what I just found out? We went through EVERY season in this story! We started off with Summer because of the Summer Harvest Parade, fall because of the Fall Festival, Winter because of Hearth’s Warming and Winter Wrap Up, and Spring which is where we are now. This is like playing The Last of Us.
Anyways, back to talking about how romantic Pinkie has been to me over the months. Pinkie took care of me when I was sick… no wait, that was Fluttershy, lemme start over. She made me smile when I was sad… that was Fluttershy too but yeah, Pinkie also did that. She helped me at the shop when Lyra or Bonnie were out, but the strange thing is, every time Pinkie is around my shop, Spike has been keeping Crèmepop out. I started to get a little suspicious around that little dragon. What was he hiding from me? Anyways, back to the song.
“It’s more than a feeling…” I sang.
“More than a feeling…” Pinkie’s family sang.
“When I hear that old song they used to play,” I sang.
“More than a feeling…” Pinkie’s family sang.
“I begin dreaming…” I sang.
“More than a feeling….” Pinkie’s family sang.
“Til I see Pinkie Pie trot away!” I sang. “I see my Pinkie Pie trotting awaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAY!”
As the instrumental of the song was on, back in Ponyville, Swinebutt’s henchmen were still trying to get those samples from my friends. Blue Spy was over at Engie’s house trying to sap his machines, and he was successful. Engie tried to catch the Spy, but he escaped, laughing and snorting. Although he completely forgot his mission of retrieving Engie’s samples. I cut the song short because I know of a really good time to continue off this song at the very end of part 3 of this finale. Everypony except Maud and Marble was cheering. Well… Maud was kinda cheering, but in her own way.
“Yaaaay. That song really rocked this house.” Maud said. Bum bum psssssh!
“Big deal!” Limestone complained.
“Mmhmm!” Marble said excitedly.
“You see, this is why I picked him to be my special somepony!” Pinkie said.
“Well, it is to be official now! This stallion of a boy is a natural!” Igneous said.
“Stop it, Clyde! I’m not perfect.” I said, blushing.
“Yeah thy dunno why ponies keep be calling us Pac-Man characters.” Cloudy said.
“I myself prefer Pac-Rock.” Maud said.
“You’re a gamer?” I asked.
“Only if they’re rock related.” Maud said. “I have a ton of rock games. Rock-Life, Harock, Rock-Quake, The Elder Rocks, Rockout: Rock Vegas, Guitar Hero…”
“Thou certainly are perfect, my boy! Thy would be the most proud to call thou my son, and thou have our blessing!” Igneous said.
“Why do you have to say I have all of your blessings? Let them all speak for themselves.” I said.
Everypony laughed. “We all do, Flare Gun. We all do!” Cloudy said.
“Now it has beenth 4 months, and the Pie family scroll says…” Igneous takes out his family scroll and reads it. “Aftereth the child has a special somepony that they completely trusten, in the fourth month, the stallion musth ask the mare to marry him.”
“YAY! That is so awesome, brah! I can see it now! With Pinkie and I married, we can… wait… what?” I asked as my excitement died down.
“Thou have to marry our daughter, Flare! Propose to her by this week.” Cloudy said.
“I’m not sure I follow.” I said.
“You heard them, ol Pinkie is getting married.” Maud said. “I’m so excited I could jump in the air.” Even though she didn’t.
“Nice hop.” I said.
“Thanks.” Maud said.
“THIS IS SO AMAZING!” Pinkie cried. “FLARE AND I WILL BE TOGETHER FOREVER, and we will party, and party, and party, and… umm… umm… do other stuff… but YAY! I can’t wait to be Pinkie Gun!” Pinkie gave me a big hug, and the whole Pie family started cheering, except for Limestone cheered.
“Yes, Flare. You have to marry her now.” Limestone said looking mischievously at me. I was pretty nervous; I was silent throughout the rest of the meet. It’s not that I don’t love Pinkie, I really do! But…. I’m not ready to get married! I just got myself a new special somepony, and I have to marry her already?! I mean… we were only together for four months! I can’t ask her to marry me until… I dunno, how long has Sheldon Cooper been with Amy for?
Meanwhile back in Ponyville, Crystal was trotting across town, humming a little tune, but then she started getting her tune out of key because an ice cream truck chime is cutting her off. “HEY! Quit making me lose track!” Crystal yelled. Just then she noticed the ice cream truck and smiled. “Oh boy! Ice cream!”
“Ice cream! Get your ice cream here!” Fonz yelled out in the truck. Crystal ran over to the truck so she can place an order for some ice cream.
“I’ll take a double-scoop rocky-road on a cone, with gummy bears, but take out the green ones.” Crystal requested.
“Certainly!” Fonz said, giving her the ice cream. “Here you go!”
“Thank you!” Crystal said. Crystal didn’t recognize that this is Fonz Punkskull, but she doesn’t remember him really.
Fonz chuckled to himself and said, “That ice cream has dynimate in it! It’ll blow up, and cause her hair to fall off. Then I’ll be able to collect the hair, and give it to Swinebutt!” he said to himself.
“Here you go, Thundy! Your favorite!” Crystal said as she gave the ice cream to Black Thunder.
“Thanks, Crystal!” Thunder said as he started licking the ice cream. “I love you so much, babe!”
“Anything to make my Thundy happy!” Crystal said.
”No, wait! That ice cream was for her!” Fonz cried.
“No its ok, bro.” Crystal said. “I’m dieting. I’ll just take some vanilla frozen yogurt.”
“Well, would you look at the time, I must be going now!” Fonz said with an embarrassing tone as he drove the truck away.
“What’s his problem?” Thunder asked.
“Hey, Thundy? Wanna know something that’ll blow your mind?” Crystal aske, as Thundy puts the entire scoop of dynamite ice cream in his mouth. Thundy nods. “Ok, so this….” But before Crystal can start, the dynamite in Thundy’s mouth explodes, which causes his face to get all dark, and al his hair to fall off. “I DIDN’T EVEN SAY THE JOKE YET, THUNDY!” Crystal yelled at her. Thunder starts coughing up the ash in his mouth. He’ll be fine though.
Meanwhile back at the Pie farm, Pinkie and I walked out of her parent’s house, and out of their farm as we headed on home. “Yippie! Wasn’t that fun, Flarey?” Pinkie asked, while hopping by my side.
“Y-yeah, it was great.” I said, still freaked out about the whole marriage thing.
“My family loves you, Flarey! They think we’re perfect together!” Pinkie said.
“P-praise the Wiz-wizards.” I said nervously.
“You better find me a ring, Flarey! You have to propose by the end of the week, otherwise we’re forced to break up.” Pinkie said.
“Pinkie, let me tell you something.” I said, as I stopped walking, and she started hopping in place. “I’d love to marry you, Pinkie, but do we have to go with your family code? Do I have to propose this week?”
“That’s what the code says!” Pinkie said.
“What if we violate it?” I asked.
“I’m forced to break up with you.” Pinkie said sadly.
“Can we just run away together? We don’t have to follow your family code.” I said.
Pinkie gasped. “DON’T SAY THAT! We must follow the family code, Flare Gun! If we don’t then they’ll feast upon our souls!”
“GASP!” I yelled. “Wait…. why would they feast upon our souls?”
“Oh I don’t know.” Pinkie said and giggled. “I’m not sure what would happen. No Pie ever broke the family code before.”
“I don’t know why you have a family code; that sounds stupid.” I said. “Then again… dare to be stupid.”
“What? You have a code to get into your trailer though.” Pinkie reminded me.
“Wrong code, Pinks.” I reminded her.
“I already know your code! It’s 1-3-3-7!” Pinkie said.
I shushed her quietly. “SHUSH! Do you have to say it so loud?”
“It means more visitors, doesn’t it?” Pinkie asked.
“It also means more thieves to break into my house; plus, it’ll be an advantage to Swinebutt and his goons!” I said.
“Why can’t you and Swinebu-“ Pinkie starts laughing hysterically after she says his name. “I can’t breathe!” she cried.
“Why can’t me and Swinebutt what?” I asked.
”Hang on!” Pinkie said, continuing the laugh reaaaaaaaaaaaally hard. I just stood there with a blank look on my face since I wasn’t really in the mood, but I just let her do her thing. After a few minutes she finally stopped and stood up. “I’m sorry, Flarey! Ok… I’m good. Why can’t you, and-“ Just then she started laughing really hard again. I just facehooved myself. I used my magic to place her on my back, and I started walking back to Ponyville. All the way back she continued laughing her flank off, only because of Swinebutt’s name. I carried her all the way back to Sugarcube Corner, and I placed her in bed where she continued laughing, but before I walked out, she stopped laughing and asked, “Why can’t you and him get along?”
I sighed. “Sigh. Trust me, Pinks; I tried. He sold me out. I wish we could get along though.”
“You were able to get along with Herb Leafhorn Sr., right?” Pinkie asked.
“Junior, not senior,” I corrected her, “and it’s not really the same thing. Herb regretted it, but Swinebutt on the other hoof does not. All he does after he tries to make my life miserable is snort while he laughs and he places his pinky near his mouth like Dr. Evil.”
“But can’t you two just try? I don’t like it when my friends don’t get along.” Pinkie said.
“Since when were you and Swinebutt friends?” I asked.
“Oh Swinebutt! I thought we were talking about Herb Senior?” Pinkie asked as she giggled.
“Junior, Pinkie.” I corrected her again. “Herb Leafhorn JUNIOR, not senior. He still has a grudge on my family.”
“HA! You said Swinebutt again!” Pinkie said as she continued laughing. Really, I didn’t even laugh that hard the first time I heard that name ‘Swinebutt’, which was on Leisure Suit Larry 6.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Pinks.” I said.
“Okie doki loki! Good night, Flarey!” Pinkie said as she stretched her head towards me and giving me a big kiss. I blushed, but I was concerned to how Pinkie stretched her neck like that.
Engie came inside, stretched his neck, and said, “Nope.” Turns out Engie can do that too. Wish I could. Pinkie went to sleep, and Engie and I walked over to the Cider Bar with Blaze, Psyche, Aqua, and Crystal to hang, and we were also watching TV.
“And now back to Declaring War on the Griffon Kingdom in reverse, here on PNT.” The TV announcer said.
“YOU PONIES ARE DEAD!” the griffin leader yelled.
“BRING IT ON, GRIFFONS!” Luna yelled.
“THIS MEANS WAR!” the griffin leader yelled.
“I BET EVEN KATHY GRIFFIN TALKS ABOUT YOU!” Luna taunted.
“I BET YOUR CASTLE SMELLS WORSE THAN YOUR STABLES!” the griffon leader yelled.
“No, we can run our kingdom just fine! It’s you that’s the greedy ones!” Luna said.
“Look at your prices going up, Luna! So greedy you are! I bet you can’t run your own kingdom!” the griffon taunted at her.
“Look, what I’m saying is, we can’t let your civilian tourists to steal everything we own!” Luna said.
“My people love to tour Equestria, that’s why we need full access!” the griffon leader said.
“I can’t allow full access without permits, I am sorry.” Luna said.
“Look, my people love Equestria, and would want to visit there all the time! Can’t we just have full-access without the need of pass ports?” the griffon leader asked.
“What would you like to ask me?” Luna asked.
“I just need the request of one favor, Princess Luna.” The griffon leader said.
“I’m doing fine, thank you! What do you need?” Luna asked.
“I’m doing swell, how are you?” the griffon leader asked.
“Hello, this is Princess Luna! We are here with our friends from the Griffon Kingdom! Good to have you here! How are you?” Luna asked.
As we were watching TV, Aqua noticed my sad look. “Hey, Flare. Why the long face?” he asked.
“Why you asking that? Is it because I’m a horse?” I asked.
“No, it’s not like that at all.” Aqua said.
“You think horses are ugly, Aqua?! HUH?!” I yelled at him.
“What are ya talkin’ about, mate?” Aqua asked.
I took a deep breath. “I apologize for that, brah. Just something going through my mind.”
“Again? Always something going through your mind Flare!” Psyche complained.
“Brah, you just put the meaning of ‘shut up, Psyche’ to a whole new level.” I said to him.
“What’s your problem, man?” Blaze asked.
“It’s Pinkie.” I said.
“Relationship issues?” Blaze asked.
“No, we’re getting along just fine. We’ve never been closer.” I said.
“Then what seems to be the problem?” Engie asked.
“Her family has a strict code. I have to purpose to Pinkie THIS WEEK!” I said.
“That’s wonderful, Flare.” Aqua said.
“Lucky!” Psyche complained.
“No, that’s not wonderful, and shut up, Psyche!” I demanded.
“What?” Psyche asked.
“I like Pinkie, but spending the rest of my life with somepony as hyper as her?” I asked.
“What do you mean? You wanted to spend the rest of your life with Pinkie I thought?” Blaze asked.
“But she’s an animal, Blaze! You think I want to wake up every morning like this?” I asked. A cutaway shows me sleeping in bed, and then Pinkie suddenly uses her trumpet to play Reveille, that military morning song right in my ear. “GAAAH! SIR, I’M AWAKE, SIR! Wait what?”
“Morning, sleeping beauty!” Pinkie said.
“Pinks, it’s…. 5 in the morning! Wake me up in 2 hours!” I instructed her.
“Silly, Flare! Wake up earlier means more time of fun!” Pinkie said, pulling me out of bed. The cutaway ends.
“And let’s not forget, she has her pet alligator, Gummy.” I said.
“He’s harmless though.” Psyche reminded me.
“To ponies, yes, but what about my fish?” I asked. Another cutaway shows Pinkie placing Gummy in the fish tank.
“You all play nice now!” Pinkie said as she walked away.
“What is that a dinosaur?” Darrel asked.
“THAT’S AN ALLIGATOR, DARREL!” Pearl freaked out.
“Don’t worry, I’ll protect us!” Rainbow yelled. “Halt! You’re violating entry! Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the….” Before Rainbow could finish, Gummy swallows him.
“RAINBOW!!!!” all the fish cried.
“Well! I guess I’m in charge now!” Dorthey said with a mischievous look, until Gummy swallows her too.
“Wow, I envy his appetite!” Yoyo said. The cutaway ends, but to let you know this was only a gag. My fish are fine.
“Flare, Pinkie is the most funnest pony ever! How can you say such things?” Crystal asked.
“Funnest ain’t a word, Crystal.” Aqua corrected her.
“Bird’s the word though.” Psyche teased.
“SHUT UP, PSYCHE!” I yelled, slamming my drink on the table. “THAT IS MY LINE! NEVER STEAL MY LINE FROM ME!”
“Wasn’t your line in the first place.” Psyche corrected me.
“Well, I…. for Wizard of Hope’s sake!” I complained.
“You hear that sound? Dog got served!” Psyche whispered with a mischievous look. I have to admit, that little moment Psyche just had was pretty leet! I’m proud of him!
“You know, I still didn’t get you for stealing my line though. I’m the one who says ‘oh snap’.” Crystal reminded me.
“Dibs on me takin’ that line when you die, Crystal.” Engie said.
“But Flare, how can you say those things about Pinkie?” Crystal asked.
“I… DK, Crystal. I-D-K…. that’s weird. Why would I say any of that about Pinkie?” I asked.
“You better watch out, partner. Never bad-mouth Pinkie. She’s loved by the entire town, and the entire town will hate ya if ya ever upset ‘er.” Engie advised me.
“Surprise face!” I gasped.
“Now Engie, everypony is entitled to their own opinions, right?” Aqua asked.
“Now with Pinkie. Say something bad about ‘er, and the entire town will end ya, Flare!” Engie said. Just then, Professor Steelhoof in a disguise comes by and takes our cider glasses.
“HEY! We were still drinking those!” Crystal complained.
“Wow! So many rude waiters! They just take your drinks without asking if you’re done! I hate that!” Psyche complained. Steelhoof enters the kitchen, and uses his cybernetic eye to scan for any of our saliva. It’s gross, I know, but it’s a part of his mission.
“Ah ha! Waze Woldheart’s salaviwa! Pewfect!” Steelhoof said.
“Excuse me? What are you doing with those glasses? Give me them, and get back to work!” one of the bus ponies ordered, taking the cider glasses and cleaning them up, washing off the saliva.
“Hey! I was still wusing those!” Steelhoof complained.
“Yeah, well…. get some more and bring them in.” the bus pony ordered him.
“Wes, ma’am.” Steelhoof said, bringing in more glasses and dirty dishes, but then he stops and realizes. “Wait a winuite! I don’t weven work here!” The next day came, I went over to my shop to open up. Crèmepop put on some make-up and placed some flowers on her mane, making herself extra nice today.
“Alright, Crèmepop! Today’s the day you’re gonna finally impress Flare Gun, so much he’d want you!” she said to herself in the mirror. “Look at you pretty mare. Who wouldn’t want an attractive mare like you?”
“Probably everypony you ever known. Flare won’t want to date you!” the Crèmepop in the mirror said to her with a mean look.
“Yes he will, don’t say that!” Crèmepop freaked out.
“Why? He wasn’t attracted to you before, what makes you think he would now?” reflection Crèmepop asked.
“SHUT UP!” Crème yelled, punching her reflection in the face, disobeying the laws of physics. “I THOUGHT WE SETTLED THIS LAST TIME?!” Crème walked outside her house and started skipping on to my shop while humming a little tune.
“Wow, Crèmepop! You look beautiful today, darling.” Rarity said, as she was walking by.
“Thank you, Rarity!” Crème said, waving to her.
“Wow, Crème! I wouldn’t be surprised if you were in a model magazine!” Derpy said as she flew by.
Crème giggled. “Me neither, Derpy! Me neither!”
Mynx whistled as Crème walked by. “I’d take a piece of that” he said. His marefriend Spark Note then suddenly smacked him in the back of the head out of jealousy. “OW! My Luna, Sparky!”
Crème walked on inside my shop, and said, “Hi Spike!”
”Hey, Crème!” Spike said, reading a jewelry magazine, mostly the gem jewelry section.
“Hi, Flare!” Crème said as she posed in front of me.
“Well, well! Look at you, Crèmey! You look pretty hot today! Probably should turn on the ceiling fans.” I said.
Crème giggled. “Thank you, Flare! I made this look especially for you!”
“Well, I gotta say, Crème! I was feeling a little down before, but you just made my day!” I said.
“Isn’t that the point?” Crème asked and giggled.
“I suppose so!” I said. “I bet you’ll look great filling out orders today, Crèmey! Go ahead and grab a notebook and a pen, and get right on it!”
“Sure thing!” Crème said as she grabbed a notebook, and went to start filling orders. Just as I went back to work, Pinkie started hopping inside.
“Hey, Spikey! Where’s Flare?” Pinkie asked.
“Oh no!” Spike said to himself. “Uhh, he’s not here. You should come back later.” He tried to push her out.
“Spikey, don’t be rude to a customer!” Pinkie said and giggled.
“Seriously, Flare is in the middle of something, and he’ll love it if you came back later.” Spike said.
“Is he in his office? GREAT! I’ll go see him in then!” Pinkie said as she hopped towards my office.
“Pinkie, wait!” Spike cried. “I can’t let Pinkie near Flare when Crèmepop is here! She’ll know he’s in a relationship with her, and it’ll break her heart! Not just that, Flare might also lose a friend! I can’t let that happen!” Spike was about to run over to my office, but Pinkie was already inside and Crème didn’t even notice her go in. Spike decided to keep Crème away from my office door, and not even face that direction in case she comes out.
“Hi, Flarey!” Pinkie said as she went inside my office.
“Hey, Pinkie! What’s up?” I asked while staring in my laptop.
“I wanted to see the best stallionfriend I ever had!” Pinkie said, hopping towards the back of my desk. “Whatcha looking at?
“NOTHING!” I yelled as I closed my laptop.
“Looked like something.” Pinkie said.
“Believe me, babe. It’s nothing.” I said.
“Are you hiding something from me?” Pinkie asked, squinting at me.
“Perhaps, but whatever was on here is nothing important.” I said.
“Okie dokie lokie!” Pinkie said. “So have you made your decision yet?”
“For what?” I asked.
“For marrying me, duh!” Pinkie said.
“Oh…. that. Well, I’m still thinking it over.” I said.
“Don’t think too slow now! You have to make your decision by tomorrow!” Pinkie said as Spike peeped inside.
“I understand that, babe, and I’d love to marry you, but this is a big decision to make, and I’m terrible at big decisions.” I said.
A cutaway shows me in a video store, picking out the DVDs between Scary Movie, and Not-So Scary Movie. “Ugh! I can only afford one! Which do I pick?”
“The store will be closing in 5 minutes.” The pony on the intercom said. I started whining, because I didn’t know which one to pick. The cutaway ends.
“You have to make your decision soon, Flarey. Otherwise…. we’d have to break up.” Pinkie said upsettingly.
“I don’t wanna break up with you, Pinks! I less then three you! You’re the only mare for me!” I said.
“I DON’T WANT US TO BREAK UP, FLARE!” Pinkie yelled with tears in her eyes.
“No, Pinks! Please don’t cry! I just got this floor mopped!” I begged. “Actually, I used a Swiffer-mop instead. Doesn’t leave any filth behind. I’ll never need my old mop again after I got this, baby.” I said like they do in the advertising commercial. My closet door opened, and my old mop was peeking over at me while the song Baby Come Back was playing in the background, and the mop was dripping sadly as it watched me with the Swiffer.
“Ok, Flarey. Just so I know you truly love me, you’d make your decision to marrying me by tomorrow.” Pinkie said.
“I promise I’ll think it over.” I said.
“Pinkie promise?” Pinkie asked.
“Yes, cross my heart, flying, cupcakes in eyes all that stuff. Yeah.” I said, making the Pinkie Promise.
“Alright, Flarey! See you tomorrow!” Pinkie said as she leaped out of my office.
“Hey, what was Pinkie Pie doing in Flare’s office?” Crème asked as she saw Pinkie hopping out.
“I-it’s nothing I assume. Probably just an invitation for a party.” Spike lied.
“Then why didn’t she invite me?” Crème asked sadly.
“She probably did! She said she was giving an invitation for Flare to give to you too!” Spike said.
“Oh, ok!” Crème said as she continued cleaning the table, and Spike felt relieved. Meanwhile, Psyche was trotting across town and he sees a truck in town that says ‘Donate your blood, help save lives.’ Fluttershy and AppleJack walk out of the truck with band aids on their arms.
“How did I do?” Flutters asked.
“Ya did a brave thing, Fluttershy! Yer helpin’ save some lives.” AppleJack said.
“I know! It didn’t even hurt that much! Felt like a bee sting, and I get stung by bees once in a while.” Flutters said.
“Ah believe you deserved yerself a little reward over at Soup ‘n’ Salads!” AppleJack said, putting her arm around Flutters.
“You mean it, AppleJack?” Flutters asked with a big smile on her face.
“Eeyup! Y’all earned it!” AppleJack said.
“That sounds like a good idea!” Psyche said as he trotted over to the blood donation van, and he climbs inside. “Hello? I’d like to donate some blood, and help save lives!”
“Ah, of course, my friend! We’d be thrilled to have you donate your blood!” Officer Nickels said mischievously while wearing a disguise. “Please take a seat on the chair, and relax your left hoof.” Psyche sat down on the chair, and placed his left hoof on the holder. Nickels ties a rubber band this on Psyche’s arm to tighten the vessel, and then he cleans Psyche’s arm with a cotton ball, and he sticks the needle in to take the blood out. After he was finished, he puts a band-aid on.
“So where is this blood going to?” Psyche asked.
“Any place that it’s needed, my friend! Any place that it’s needed!” Nickels said.
“That’s good!” Psyche said.
“Alright, done!” Nickels said.
“I don’t think that was enough blood.” Psyche said.
“That was good enough! We’re closed now, ta ta!” Nickels said as he kicked Psyche out of the blood drive van.
“Well, then….” Psyche said as he stood back up, dusted his legs, and then walks off.
“HA! I got Psyche’s blood!” Nickels said excitedly as he was carrying a package with Psyche’s blood.
“HEY! What are you doing here?” a doctor with an Indian accent asked, as he kicked Nickels out of the van.
”I guess I spoke too soon.” Nickels said upsettingly because the blood was inside the van still.
I went on my lunch break, but I needed some help. I invited Twilight to go over to the Ponyville Bistro with me because I needed some advice. I went on over and she met me over there, and we took a seat. “Thanks for coming to lunch with me, Twilight. I don’t know where else to go.” I said.
“It’s no trouble at all, Flare! What do you need help with?” Twilight asked.
“I know you’re one of Pinkie’s best friends, and I’m her special somepony.” I started.
“Go on.” Twilight said.
“I love Pinkie, I love her with all my hearts! All two of my hearts, because I’m the Doctor!” I said.
“No, I’m the Doctor.” Doctor Whooves corrected me.
“You always have to ruin my Doctor Whooves jokes, don’t you Doctor Whooves?” I complained.
“It’s just the Doctor, and if you’re going to say jokes about me, at least do them right.” He said as he walked away.
“So what’s going on between you and Pinkie? Relationship issues?” Twilight asked.
“No, not relationship issues. You’re the second pony who said that!” I said.
“Oh, lucky me!” Twilight said.
“So I went to dinner with Pinkie and her parents, and I gotta say they really less than three’d me!” I said.
“That’s good! Part of being in a relationship is making sure the parents and the family like you too.” Twilight said.
“Well, except Limestone.” I said. “I know, but she don’t like me that much.”
“Well, you can’t be friends with everypony Flare, but I’m sure if you two were to bond more, then perhaps a friendship might go on. Maybe she’s rubbing you the wrong way, or maybe she’s jealous, I don’t know. Maybe you can tell Pinkie to tell Limestone to give you a chance.” Twilight suggested.
“Sounds like an awesome possum idea, sista! But that’s not the problem I’m having.” I said.
“Oh? Then what seems to be the problem then?” Twilight asked.
“You said ‘then’ twice.” I pointed out.
“Oh… well, sorry about that.” Twilight said.
“It’s cool. So the problem I’m having, is that the Pie family lives under a strict code. I’ve been going out with Pinkie for four months already, and at the end of the fourth month, I’m suppose to purpose to Pinkie to be my wife.” I explained.
“So, what’s the catch?” Twilight asked.
“The catch is…” I was about to explain, but somepony was throwing a frisbee at me, and I caught it with my mouth.
“Nice catch, dude!” Black Thunder yelled in excitement.
“Thanks, brah! Nice make-up and nice new hair-do too!” I said, talking about his burned up nearly-bald head after the ice cream incident.
“Thanks!” Thunder said as he takes the Frisbee.
“Ok, so the point is…” I was about to explain to Twilight, but my sister Water was pointing a pen at me.
“So, what would you two like to order?” Water asked.
“You see Twilight, THAT’S the point right there.” I said as I pointed to Water’s pen.
“I’ll have a daisy sandwich, no mustard.” Twilight said.
“I’ll take a bark creaser salad.” I said.
“Coming right up!” Water said as she takes our menus.
“Alright if there are no more interruptions, I’ll need more detail to your problem.” Twilight said.
“Ok, so….” I was about to explain, but then an anvil nearly dropped on me. “Aw c’mon, this doesn’t make sense! How is this a pun to the word ‘detail’?”
“Sorry, Flare!” Derpy said, waving to me.
“Consider that out of your paycheck!” I said to her.
“Ok, Flare, I need….” Twilight was about to say, but I interrupted her.
“I know what you need, stop saying anything, I don’t want anymore puns or even a safe falling on me.” I said.
“Ok, sorry.” Twilight said.
“So Pinkie’s family has this strict code. After the fourth month that the special somepony has been in a relationship with the son or daughter, they must get married!” I explained.
“That sounds….. random.” Twilight said.
“It’s Pinkie’s family, what can you expect?” I reminded her.
“Good point.” Twilight said. “So you’re going to marry her?”
“I-D-K.” I said. “I’m not sure if I’m ready to marry yet. But I have to make my decision tomorrow otherwise she’s forced to break up with me.”
“Ouch!” Twilight said.
“No kidding!” I said.
“No, ouch, you stepped on my hoof.” Twilight corrected me.
“Sorry, I was just playing hoofsies. I loved playing that game with my sister when we were younger!” I said, chuckling, and kicking Twilight’s hooves.
“Oook, what do you want me to do?” Twilight asked.
“Help me a way out of this! I don’t want to marry her right now, but I don’t want to break up!” I said.
“If this is Pinkie’s family code, I’m sorry Flare, but I don’t see another way.” Twilight said.
“Then I guess it has come to this…. I…. have to break up with her.” I said.
“Flare, I’m telling you this as a friend, Pinkie is my best friend, and it would be terrible if I saw her with a broken heart. Please…. let her down easy.” Twilight advised me.
“What if I don’t?” I asked.
“Then I can see why nopony wanted to be your friend back home.” Twilight said.
“How could you say that, Twilight?!” I asked.
“Look, I’m not saying you can’t do what you want, but Pinkie doesn’t deserved to be harsh on. But I know you’ll do the right thing, Flare.” Twilight said.
I nodded. “Kay kay.”
“Alright, I’m glad you’re feeling safe right now.” Twilight said. Just then a safe finally falls on me. I used my magic to turn the combination, and the safe opened, and I was all in black and blue.
“TWILIGHT!” I yelled. “I keep telling you not to say any puns!”
“Sorry!” Derpy said with an embarrassed smile.
For the rest of the day, the Noble Six has been getting these strange characters to take the flock of their hair, a tear drop, or try to beat them up for blood.
Swinebutt’s goons tried shuffling who they should hunt down. Steelhoof went to tell Crystal a sad story but when Crystal started crying, she ran off before he could collect any tears.
Fonz went over to pick a fight with Aqua, but Aqua wasn’t one that wanted to fight, but he had to defend himself. Aqua did bleed a bit, but before Fonz can collect any blood, Aqua ran off to call the police, and the police chased Fonz out of town.
Blue Spy tried to gain saliva from Blaze by disgusting himself as Rainbow Dash, and try to get him to kiss him, which…. was pretty weird. Sounds like a terrible way to get any data from kissing. Spy chickened out before he could get anything though.
Ray tried to disguise himself as a barber to try to get some hair from Psyche, but Psyche didn’t want a haircut, but he somehow made him. After Ray cut off a piece of Psyche’s hair, he was successful. He put the hair in the baggy and ran off.
Finally, Nickels paid a little filly to get Engie to spit in her cup. The filly was adorable, and looked homeless and dirty, and Engie couldn’t resist. So he spit in the cup. The filly walked over to Nickels to give him the cup, but the filly tripped over and the cup fell in the dirt, and dirt got all over. This made Nickels pretty angry, but seeing that little filly face made him smile because everypony knows they can’t say no to a little filly.
Nightfall came, I closed the shop and went on home. I was about to go bed, but I wanted to talk to my fish first. “I dunno you guys! This is a tough decision to make! Should I stay or should I go?”
“If I go there it’ll be trouble!” Darrel sang. “And if I stay it will be double! Should I stay or should I go?”
“I want to spend the rest of my life with Pinkie, but does it have to be right away?” I asked.
“Hey, it could always be worse.” Piddles said.
“How can it be worse?” Yoyo asked.
“There could be a fourth princess, and that’ll really screw things up for Equestria.” Piddles said.
“But, Piddles? What does that got to do with this?” Pearl asked.
“It doesn’t. I just don’t want a fourth princess.” Piddles said.
“Yeah that’ll somewhat not make any sense. I mean, it’s bad enough they added Cadance in the picture, whom Flare might still be mad at, but a fourth princess will just mess everything up.” Rainbow said.
“Why are we talking about this?!” Dorthey asked.
“I have to make my decision by tomorrow otherwise Pinkie will leave me!” I said upsettingly. “Then again…. if I break up with her…. what’s the whole town gonna think of me?”
“Regardless, I don’t think they’ll resist not having your pizza.” Yoyo said.
“How would you know, Yoyo? You haven’t tasted it yet.” Piddles reminded him.
“By the looks of everypony’s faces, I’m assuming they can’t ever get away from it.” Yoyo said.
“I’m going to sleep now. Good night, fishies!” I said as I turned off the light, and making myself comfee on the bed.
”Pssst, he’s gonna have a nightmare about breaking up with Pinkie!” Darrel whispered.
“Shhh! Don’t foreshadow it!” Rainbow whispered. When I entered dreamland, I was trotting over to Sugarcube Corner.
I start knocking on the door three times and saying Pinkie’s name. Knock knock knock, “Pinkie?” Knock knock knock, “Pinkie?” Knock knock knock, “Pinkie?”
Pinkie opens the door with a big smile on her face. “Hi Flarey! It’s great to see you! Come in!”
“Thanks, Pinks!” I said as I walked inside, following her to the couch.
“So, did you make your decision? Is that a ring in your pocket?” Pinkie asked.
“Actually, Pinks,…. I did make my decision.” I said.
“YES! This is going to be so fun! You and me are gonna spend the rest of our lives together!” Pinkie yelled in excitement giving me a big hug.
“Actually…. about that…. I actually decided I’m not going to marry you.” I said.
“What?” Pinkie asked shockingly.
“Yeah, but I’ll respect your family code, and I’ll let you off easy.” I said.
Pinkie had a shocking look on her face, but then she started laughing. “That’s a good one, Flarey!”
“I did not say Swinebutt’s name again.” I corrected her.
Pinkie started laughing really hard again. “SWINEBUTT!?”
“Pinkie don’t make this difficult for me!” I begged.
“What’s wrong, Flarey?” Pinkie asked, still laughing.
“I just wanted to-“ but before I could say anything, Pinkie continued laughing at Swinebutt’s name again. It was starting to annoy me. I couldn’t hold it any longer, I had to spit it out! “PINKIE! LISTEN TO ME!”
“Wow, looks like somepony woke up on the wrong side of the bed today!” Pinkie giggled.
“Pinkie, I’m breaking up with you!” I said.
“Flarey, stop joking around!” Pinkie said, continuing to laugh.
“It’s not a joke, Pinkie! I’m sorry! You’re making me do something I am not ready for! I can’t marry you, I’m not ready. I don’t have any other choice.” I said, with tears in my eyes. “I’m sorry! Holy Wizard of Feelings, I’m so glad I got that off my chest.”
“Y-you... you don’t love me?” Pinkie asked.
“That is not true, Pinks. You know I less than three you, but your family is forcing me to do something I cannot do. It’s the only way. But we can ALWAYS be friends, no matter what!” I said.
“F-Flare…. nopony has ever spoken to me like that before.” Pinkie said with a shocking look on her face.
“Probably because nopony seen your parents like I did. Plus, I had a hearty breakfast this morning, so I knew what I had to say.” I said.
“Flare…. tour decision….. it… it breaks my heart.” Pinkie said, with tears in her eyes.
“Pinkie, quit messing around. I see you as a sister to me, and I would never want to make you this sad. I don’t want to make that same mistake like I did to my last marefriend.” I said. Oooooo! Sister-zoned!
A cutaway shows me at my high school, and my old marefriend Blueberry Pie was walking towards me saying, “Hey Flare, you ready for Journalism?”
“Yeah, I’ll meet you there!” I said, but then Blueberry started crying, and then she jumped out of the school window, and landed in a dumpster, and then continued running to the street, trying to call for a cab. Then she runs to the airport, still crying, and flies to…. I don’t know where.
Her friend that she was walking with angrily said to me, “YOU’RE AWFUL!” I was really confused, because I didn’t know what I just said. That proceeding joke was brought to you in part by: STALLIONS! Stallions….. not knowing what they did since the 1960s, when they invented rap. The cutaway ends.
“Flare, I…. I can’t be around you anymore.” Pinkie said upsettingly.
“Wh-why not? We can go back to the things were before! Before we were not in a relationship! We were the best of friends, were we not?” I asked.
“Flare…. I wanted you. I needed somepony to help me complete my life! There was an empty space inside me, and you filled it. Now that you’re doing this, the empty space expanded, and now I feel completely empty!” Pinkie said sadly.
“Pinkie, please!” I begged.
“Goodbye…. Flare Gun!” Pinkie said angrily, with tears in her eyes, as she pulled a lever and ejected me out of Sugarcube Corner.
“Wow that was hard landing. I didn’t feel anything though. Did my head go num?” I asked. I looked over and saw my friends up ahead. “Sup brahs?” They all looked at me with angry looks on their faces. “Oh look at you guys! An angry face contest! Sounds awesome!” I gave them an angry look too, but some of them just rolled their eyes. “What’s going on?”
“We don’t want to talk to you anymore, Crimson!” Crystal said.
“Yeah, Crimson! Y’all suck!” Engie said.
“Hey, I don’t like to be called my first name!” I reminded me.
“Well you deserve it, Crimson!” Psyche said, grabbing my vest. “And you deserve to be grabbed on by the vest!”
“WHY?!” I asked.
“Why? You know why! You broke up with Pinkie, the happiest, fun-loving, random pony in Equestria; and YOU broke her heart!” Blaze said.
“I let her down easy!” I said.
“Don’t care. Why would ya do this to her, Crimson? WHY?! Why do we even put up with you?!” Aqua asked angrily. After Aqua yelled at me, that’s when I started to have the feeling it was a dream because Aqua NEVER yells, but I didn’t know for sure.
“I’m only doing what Twilight told me!” I said.
“Flare, you have no idea what I was saying to do at the Bistro, do you?” Twilight asked angrily at me.
“You told me if I wanted to break up with her, I’d let her down easy.” I reminded her.
“WELL YOU WEREN’T EASY ENOUGH!” Twilight yelled. “Now look at her! She’s sad, her mane’s deflated, and you made it happen!”
“I WAS ONLY TAKING YOUR ADVICE! For Wizard of Hope’s sake, sista! What do you want me to do?” I asked.
“Leave Ponyville. Leave, and never come back.” Twilight ordered me.
“What y’all did to Pinkie was unforgivable!” AppleJack said.
“She’s our BEST FRIEND, Flare! After all she did for you, you broke up with her!” Rainbow Dash said.
“You are so selfish!” Fluttershy said.
”Why do I even call you my brother, when all you do is make ponies miseriable?!” Water asked.
“Aw c’mon, Water! You’re my sister! I done a lot for you!” I said.
“Well, Pinkie did a lot for YOU, and now look at her, this the thanks you give?!” Water asked.
“I shouldn’ve never hooked you up with her Flare. You betray her, you betray us all!” Spike said.
“NO, I DIDN’T!” I yelled.
“Buck ‘em out of town!” AppleJack yelled.
“Eeeyup!” Big Mac said, bucking me way out of town. I flew across Ponyville and hit my trailer. Everypony in town started throwing torches, and firing their magics inside my trailer, burning it all.
“NOOOO! MY STUFF! MY FISHIES!” I yelled.
“Is that all you care about, Flare? Your stuff, and your fish?!” Candy Cotton yelled at me.
“We got our cutie marks, Flare.” Scootaloo said.
“AND HERE THEY ARE!” Sweetie Belle yelled, showing me their cutie marks which is me with devil horns, and a trident, along with a big X over me.
“I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!” I yelled as I started running out of town. The whole town was angry mob, and chased me out. I hid inside the Everfree Forest. There was a dark cloud in the sky shaped as Pinkie’s face and it rained on me with a crying sound on it.
“GIGGLE AT THE GHOSTIES!” one of the Everfree trees said, as all the trees started laughing at me. I held my ears; I started screaming, and I continued running.
“AAAAAH! CRYING FACE! MAKE THIS ALL STOP! LUNA, HELP! LUUUUNNAA!” I yelled very loud with tears in my eyes. I couldn’t take this torture. I kept screaming Luna’s name! “LUNA! PLEASE, I NEED YOU!”
Eventually Luna finally showed up in front of me. “You seem to be in a tight spot right now, Flare Gun.” She said.
“Please tell me this a dream!” I begged.
“No, Flare, it is not.” Luna said, shaking her head.
“NOOOO!” I yelled.
“It’s a nightmare, which isn’t even considered a dream, if you ask me.” Luna said.
“Luna, I don’t know what to do! I’m afraid if I actually break up with Pinkie, this will happen!” I said.
“Ah, Flare Gun, I keep seeing these nightmares from all over. Relationship issues is a powerful feeling.” Luna said.
“Ugh! Why does everypony think this is a relationship issue?! It’s not a relationship issue!” I complained.
“Regardless of your feelings, Flare Gun, the choice will always be yours.” Luna said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Flare Gun, if you’re not ready to marry Pinkie Pie, then you don’t have to. If you wish that you need to break up with her, then you must.” Luna said.
“But Luna, I don’t want to hurt her! I don’t want anypony to hate me!” I said.
“Nopony will think you any different than now, Flare Gun.” Luna said as she laid her hoof on my shoulder. “If you wish that you need to end this relationship with Pinkie Pie, then the only pony that’s in your way…. is you.”
“Me?” I asked.
“Yes, you.” Luna nodded.
“But…. I want Pinkie and I to still be friends.” I said.
“Flare Gun? Pinkie Pie is friends with everypony. She would never want to lose a friend. As long as she knows that you actually care about her, then she’ll always love you.” Luna said.
“You sure?” I asked.
“I’m sure.” Luna nodded. “You must do what you think is right. Don’t force this upon yourself, Flare Gun. Don’t make the wrong decision, or it’ll haunt you forever.”
“Wow, you’re starting sound like Nightmare Moon again.” I said.
“I am? Oh…. sorry.” Luna said.
“Thank you for your help, Luna. I’ll… I’ll do my best!” I said as I smiled at her.
“Good luck!” Luna said, smiling back. The dream started fading away and I finally woke up that morning.
I rubbed my eyes and said, “I know what I must do! I must go to Dunkin Donuts for breakfast!” So I got out of bed, got dressed, and went over to Dunkin Donuts to get a egg croissant sandwich, and I ate it all up, but as I ate it, it hit me! “Now I know what to do with Pinkie!” I ran over to Sugarcube Corner, but just before I got to the door, Pinkie already stepped out.
“Oh… hey Flarey!” Pinkie said.
“Aww, Pinks, I wanted to do the Sheldon Cooper on your door like I did in my dream!” I complained.
“Oh, you want me to go back in?” Pinkie asked.
“Nah, you just letting me to do it will ruin the moment.” I said.
Pinkie and I both took a deep breath, and we said at the same time; “Pinkie / Flare, I need to talk to…”
“Oh, you first.” I said.
“No, it’s ok, Flarey. You first!” Pinkie said.
“No, I insist.” I said.
“No, I insist.” Pinkie said.
“No, I in… OH just talk already!” I demanded, trying to end the argument.
“Fine, picky!” Pinkie said as she cleared her throat. “Flare, I’ve been thinking, and…. you have the right to not be ready to marry me.”
“I know, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” I said.
“But the thing is…. I can’t violate my family code.” Pinkie said. “So, I’m sorry Flarey.” Tears started to shed in her eyes. “I think it’s for the best, if…. we just…. stay friends.”
“What do you mean?” I asked. “Aren’t we friends now?”
“Flare, don’t make this difficult for me!” Pinkie begged.
“I know exactly what you’re saying, sista.” I said as I held her hoof. “I completely agree. Your family code has gone out of hoof.”
“I guess I wasn’t really ready for a relationship after all.” Pinkie said.
“Neither was I, Pinks. Neither was I.” I said. “When I saw that a lot of my friends have special someponies, I got jealous, but I guess… I wasn’t ready. This is my fault. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”
“We’ll always be friends though! Please remember that!” Pinkie begged.
“Affirmative.” I agreed.
“PLEASE FLAREY!” Pinkie begged.
“I said affirmative, that means yes.” I said.
“PRETTY PLEASE WITH A CUPCAKE WITH WHIP CREAM, HOT SAUCE, AND A CHERRY ON TOP?!” Pinkie kept begging.
“Yes, yes, I will always be friends with- hot sauce on cupcake?” I asked.
“Don’t knock it till you tried it.” Pinkie said.
“Trust me, I believe that might be good. I remember when Burger King had those Bacon Sundaes, those were good.” I said.
”They were good, weren’t they?” Pinkie asked with a big smile.
“Oh you tried them?” I asked.
“Yeah! So…. I guess that’s that then.” Pinkie said.
“That is that.” I nodded.
“Flare, the last four months with you was the BEST I ever had! Better than any party I thrown. You are truly fun, and I am very thankful for that.” Pinkie said.
“My relationship with you DEFINITALY beats my relationship with Blueberry Pie, I’ll give you that. You’re a waaaaaaaaay better lover than her.” I said.
“Here, I want you to take something.” Pinkie said.
“Is it a hot sauce cupcake?” I asked.
Pinkie giggled. “No silly!” Pinkie reached into her pocket, and took out a little box. She unfolded the box, and opened it, and there was an accordion inside.
“Is that… is that what I think it is?!” I cried.
“It’s my old accordion! It’s red, but I wanted a blue one, so I got a blue one already, and I was giving this red one away. Since your favorite color is red, and you mean a lot to me, I want you to have it!” Pinkie said as I took out the accordion.
“Pinkie… I… I… wow… I’ve been dreaming of using this accordion since the first time I laid eyes on it. I got so heartbroken after Fonz Punkskull destroyed my other one.” I said. “I couldn’t play any polka music like I wanted to.”
“It’s not just the accordion though, Flarey. This box is full of instruments, perfect for a band! You may need it.” Pinkie said.
“Like…. a whole polka band?” I asked.
“Exactly!” Pinkie said.
“But who would be a part of this band? Do my friends know how to play a tuba, a clarinet, a banjo, some drums, or know how to use these… slide-whistles and dentist drills correctly?” I asked.
“The power of polka is in you, Flare! The power of polka is in you and all that would touch these instruments.” Pinkie said. “They just have to feel it, and they could play it.”
I just stood there, looking at the polka kit, and I smiled. “Smiley face.” I said. “I trust you completely, Pinkie! You’re a great friend, and nopony can ever take your place!”
“Thank you, Flare! You’re a great friend too!” Pinkie said.
“This is great! The power of polka is in me once again it seems!” I said excitedly. “The power… of polka… COMPELS YOU!”
“It sure is, Flare! It sure is!” Pinkie nodded.
“Hey Pinks? If it’s no trouble…. may we have…. one last kiss… before I-“ I asked, but before I could finish, Pinkie grabbed my vest, pulled me towards her and started kissing me. I really don’t like being grabbed in the vest, but this time, I’ll make an acceptation.
As I was having my last kiss with Pinkie, Crèmepop was standing there across the street, and saw the whole thing. “OH NO!” she cried. “This explains why Flare never asked me out, or…. was attracted to me. He…. was attracted…. to Pinkie Pie! All this time! Flare loves her, and…. not me. I… don’t believe this.” Crème started tearing up. “I… I… thought we had something special. If only I knew sooner. WAIT!” Crème stopped tearing up, and she got real angry, and she whispered, “Spike!” So she ran off to Twilight’s house in a hurry.
Meanwhile, somewhere at the outskirts of Ponyville, Swinebutt’s goons all met up to report to Swinebutt their failure. Swinebutt appears on the screen on a small communications device they were carrying. “Hello, my friends! Did you all retreve the samples from the Noble Six?” he asked as he pinky was near his mouth again.
“We’re sorry, sir, but our mission failed. None of us were able to get anything, over bad luck.” Nickels said.
“I don’t believe this! I thought Aqua was harmless!” Fonz said with an ice pack on his eye.
“I DON’T BELIEVE YOU FIVE!” Swinebutt yelled in anger and snorted. “I ASKED YOU ALL TO DO ONE SIMPLE THING, AND YOU CAN’T EVEN GET ANY TYPE OF SALAVIA, HAIR, OR BLOOD SAMPLE FROM THE NOBLE SIX! You’re all useless!”
“Now hang on, doc! I was able to get a patch of hair from Psyche!” Ray said, with the hair in the bag.
“Well…. I suppose our mission wasn’t a complete failure after all.” Swinebutt said
Steelhoof scanned the hair with his cybernetic eye and said, “That’s a cat hair, Way.”
“A what?” Ray asked.
“Cat hair…. how unfortunate.” Blue Spy said.
“Does Psyche even own a cat?” Nickels asked. A cutaway shows Psyche sitting down in the Ponyville Park, and a pigeon flies over and sits on his head. Just then, a black stray cat appeared, and jumped on Psyche’s head to attack the bird, which caused many scratches to appear on Psyche’s face, and Psyche started yelling and demanding the cat to get off of him. I guess that explains how Psyche got the cat hair. The cutaway ends.
“Well, it seems you all can’t handle a simple task.” Swinebutt said.
“We’re sorry, Doc! Is there anything else we can do?” Ray asked.
“Well, since you couldn’t handle Plan A, perhaps it’ll be a different story when we start Plan B.” Swinebutt said and snorted.
“What can we do, boss? We promise we’ll be successful this time!” Fonz swore as he cracked his hooves.
“Since we can’t just hunt down for the samples, we’ll have to bring the samples to us! Lure them down to me, and then we’ll be able to collect them!” Swinebutt said.
“So how are we going to wure them down to you?” Steelhoof asked.
“Flare has a special friend. If she were to be kidnapped, Flare would not stop at anything to come and rescue her, and no doubt he’ll bring his friends for assistance.” Swinebutt said.
“Sounds genius, boss!” Nickels said.
“But who is this pony you speak of?” Ray asked.
“Her.” Swinebutt said, showing them a picture of Crèmepop on the screen. “Her name is Crèmepop. Capture her, and bring her back to the HQ in Mareami. DON’T MESS THIS UP!”
“We promise, sir!” Fonz said.
“Excellent! Knock ‘em dead!” Swinebutt said as the video feed ended.
“Knock ‘em dead? I thought we were just capturing, not killing?” Nickels asked.
“It’s a figure of speech. Now come, we have a job to do.” Blue Spy said.
Over at Twilight’s house, Crèmepop knocked on the door, and Twilight answered it. “Hi, Crèmepop! What brings you here?” she asked.
“Move it, Twilight! Where is that little squirt?” Crème asked angrily as she pushed Twilight aside.
“Well, somepony’s pushy!” Twilight complained.
“Where is he?!” Crème asked.
“Who’s here, Twilight?” Spike asked, walking down the stairs. “Oh, hey Crèmepop!”
“YOU!” Crème said angrily, as she charged at him.
“Uh oh.” Spike said, as he was about to run away, but Crème tackled him, and held him against the wall.
“CRÈMEPOP!” Twilight cried.
“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU! WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME ALL THIS TIME?!” Crème yelled at Spike.
“Crème! I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Spike said frightened.
“You knew this whole time! You were keeping Flare and me apart because this whole time, he was in a relationship with Pinkie!” Crème yelled at Spike.
“CRÈME?! What is this about?!” Twilight yelled.
“Spike here was keeping me away from Flare so I wouldn’t know he’s in a relationship with Pinkie!” Crème said.
“I only did what I thought was best!” Spike yelled. “I didn’t want you to have a broken heart because you told me your heart would be broken if Flare were to be in a relationship with anypony else! I had to lie! I was only trying to keep you happy!” Crème’s anger slowed down, and then she lets go of Spike, but when she releases him, Spike was held up high and he dropped down and hurt himself.
“OW!” Spike yelled.
“Spike, is that true?” Twilight asked.
“Yes, Twilight. I had to do it. I didn’t want Crème’s feelings to be hurt, and I couldn’t tell Flare, because Crème promised me I shouldn’t tell Flare that she’s in love with him.” Spike explained.
“Crèmepop, is that true?” Twilight asked. Crème didn’t say anything. “Crèmepop? Are you ok?”
“I-I’m fine.” Crème said.
“I apologize, Crèmepop.” Spike said.
“N-no, it’s not your fault, Spike. You were only doing what you thought was right, and I am grateful.” Crème said.
”Oh…. Ok.” Spike said.
“If this is what Flare wants… then this is what he’ll get. I…. I don’t want to s-stand in his way.” Crème said with tears in her eyes.
“Crèmepop…. I am so sorry you feel this way.” Twilight said.
“It’s alright, Twilight. It’s not your fault. Maybe coming here to Ponyville wishing Flare to be mine was a big mistake.” Crème said sadly, walking towards the door.
“Crème? Where are you going?” Twilight asked.
“Doing what I should’ve done long ago.” Crème said, exiting Twilight’s house, and shutting the door.
“Crèmepop, wait!” Twilight yelled.
“Let her go, Twilight.” Spike said, holding his arm in front of her. “We can’t change what’s done. I’ll let Flare know about this as soon as possible. Only he can fix this.”
“I hope so, Spike. If only I knew what was going on sooner, maybe I would’ve tried to find someway to fix this.” Twilight said upsettingly.
“Well, Twilight. What’s done is done.” Spike said.
“What’s done is done.” Twilight nodded. “I just hope she’ll be ok.”
Outside, Crèmepop was crying and walking back home. “I can’t believe this. I really wanted Flare to be with me. I…. I guess I wasn’t gonna enough. I…. I just have to accept that. Perhaps I should return to living in exile in Everfree Forest.” Crème made it home and she went inside. She tried to turn on her lights, but they didn’t work. “Oh, we’re doing this now, huh? It’s like every movie! ALRIGHT, WHO’S IN HERE?!” Crème yelled.
“Hello, Crèmepop!” Fonz said, walking mischievously towards her.
“W-who are you?” Crème asked, frightened.
“We’re going to take you for a little trip!” Blue Spy said as he shut the door behind Crème.
“That doesn’t answer my question. Who are you?” Crème asked again.
“Old friends of your friend Crimson Flare Gun!” Nickels said, walking towards her.
“STAND BACK!” Crème yelled, holding her coat rack to defend herself.
“Oh, no need to be hasty! We’re not going to hurt you!” Ray said.
“Yeah, you ware just bait. Fware and his Woble Six is who we need.” Steelhoof said.
“HELP!” Crème yelled as Spy places a sack over her. Crème started to struggle to escape.
“I hope you put in air holes this time, Spy. Not like the last pony we captured.” Ray said.
“Relax, Ray! She’ll be fine.” Spy said.
“Let’s just take this mare back to Swinebutt. The sooner the better.” Nickels said. Just then, Crème was kicking around the sack.
“Uhhh, who’s going to carry wer?” Steelhoof asked.
“Not me.” Fonz said.
“Not me!” Ray said.
“I can’t carry her. I don’t work out.” Spy said.
“Alright, wet’s draw some stwaws.” Steelhoof suggested. Just then, Ray took out his notepad and drew a straw real fast.
“I got the best straw, I win!” Ray said, showing everypony the straw he drew.
“No, we all pick a stwaw from this box, and the one with the shorwest stwaw, will be the one to carry wer.” Steelhoof explained. So Swinebutt’s goons all pick a straw from the box.
“HA! My straw is bigger than yours, Spy!” Nickels laughed.
“As if! It looks like all of our straws are bigger than Ray’s!” Spy said.
“Oh no! I can’t carry her!” Ray whined. “Wait! Fonz’s straw looks smaller than mine!”
“Yeah, it looks like Fonz’s straw is the smallest.” Spy said.
“Aw c’mon! You serious?!” Fonz complained.
“Sowwy, Fonz!” Steelhoof said, placing the sack with Crèmepop in it on Fonz’s back and ties the sack on. Crème continued yelling and kicking around and even kicked Fonz in the back of the head a few times.
“OW! Stop kicking me!” Fonz ordered her.
“NO! LET ME OUT!” Crème yelled.
Fonz sighed. “This is gonna be a long trip.
“FLARE! HEEEEELLLLLPP!” Crème yelled at the top of her lungs.
Over at the cider bar, I was drinking some ciders by myself to ease the pain of this whole break up, but then I felt something was calling my name. I’m sure it was nothing though, I must’ve just drank too much cider, and it’s just a part of my imagination. Am I wrong though?
TO BE CONTINUED….
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