Well, now this story took a dark turn. I'm not entierly happy with that, but eh. Question: Die Twilght break that enchantment? Cause Fluttershy sort of acts that way, but I'm not sure were that happened. I know the kind of story your talking, it amazingly creepy. Though I think the 'raping someone into love' ones are even worse.
3658555 Dark isn't going to be the main focus, but I always knew this fic would contain action elements, and since there was no action tag on fimfiction, I went with Adventure. My favourite stories over on Fanfiction.net were always part romance and part (action/adventure/drama, one of those three), since while I enjoy a good shipping, the typical pure romance plots can get tired and overly fluffy without a non-romance conflict to break them up and make the pairing mean something in the long term, you know?
Ugg, I hated this guy before we even saw him! ... then again, mind rape is one of the most disturbing things to me.
Technical wise, didn't see anything wrong with my read through of the chapter. But then again, I read it on my phone on my transit commute home because I couldn't wait!
Nice to see things are picking up! I hope Twilight goes back to Canterlot to sort things out with Celestia soon...
3658576 It's totally cool to have action. I'm just uncomfortable with the rape part. Doesn't mean it's bad, storywise, but that sort of thing really bugs me. It was also a bit surprising, I didn't expect something quite so dark.
It seemed to take her friend a moment to recognise her, teal eyes darting around the room.
“Twilight?” She said softly. “Twilight!”
'Cause from what Terminus told Twi about the spell, it should have been pretty much permanent in Fluttershy already. Did it vanish because the thing died? Or did Twi somehow break it?
3658625 I getcha. I wasn't sure whether or not to include trigger warnings on this chapter. Sorry, should I put up some warning tags on it? I really wasn't too sure on that one.
3658592 That's going to be next chapter, hopefully, with Twilight dragging the rest of her friends back to Canterlot while she and Celestia try to quarantine the whole situation, and sort themselves out in the process. It's going to be fun, although working out what Twilight would actually do in this situation is becoming harder to divine, as she's becoming increasingly unhinged from the stress.
In all seriousness, the way she reacted to her apparent murder felt VERY IC for her. She was mad up until she had realized what she had done then had her Herioc BSOD.
Contain the situation you say? How bad have things gotten?
3658698 It's not going to prevent Fluttershy from recognising Twilight as her friend, because it's more 'charm person taken to horrifying lengths' than 'dominate person'. Even after the spell is removed (next chapter, already written that part), Fluttershy is going to end up intensely confused and conflicted about how she feels on the whole situation. On the one hand, she'll know rationally that Night Slash did horrible things to her and forced her to like it, but at the same time part of her still sees him as this lover who swept her up on a whirlwind romance.
3658726 It's more that given time it could spread pretty rapidly and cause serious issues for a lot of mares (Cult of the risen Night Slash, anybody? Although that might be a good excuse to write a squicky clop one-shot ), and Terminus can only do so much by itself, so their best bet at nipping the enchantment at the bud would be to try to call in some Celestial intervention, or maybe try the Elements. Both would necessitate a trip to Canterlot, which is going to put Celestia and Twilight in close proximity again.
Because of the bugs with the import from gdocs feature, I had to copy this into Fimfiction and manually add italics tags and such. If I've missed anything that looks like it should be italicised, or you spot any misspellings I've missed in the process, please drop me a line.
Just two, check below.
world lit up with the misty green
Triple spaced here.
“Indeed, dear Twilight. I am more than capable of defending you from a memetic attack.”
Right… right… this is going to be rough, isn’t it? Sun and Moon, how long has Fluttershy been…
“Most likely too long, dear one.”
The middle line seems to be a thought, and is missing its italics.
3658715 Not sure. I mean, I would have read it regardless, and the surpise helps to make it feel like things got real. Actually, the more I think about it, the more I think there shouldn't be any warnings.
For what purpose would these Yith creatures need the entire female equine population enamored with a single construct? Or do they have more constructs, spreading charmed adoration like a plague? Of greater import, can these constructs impregnate their victims to create easily warped vessels for their masters? Either way, I am certain that there shall be quite the spectacle when the Yith's scheme is revealed.
...I have absolutely no idea as to why I wrote my comment in such a pretentious manner. It amused me, I suppose.
3660004 I'm not sure if the charming was an actual end goal itself for the yith, as I feel there might be important clues hiding upstairs in fluttershy's house, if Twilight has time to look through Night Slash's stuff. The whole charming mares might just be a side effect of the artifcial soul abusing its powers. As we were learning with Celestia, even Beings have urges, and a newly created fake yith soul could be the equilavent of a hormonal teenager with mind control powers. Sure, he has a job, but why not make every mare madly in love with him while he does it?
3660646 Um... actually that was a stylistic thing, using 'fragments' as a verb in the present tense. Admittedly the comma usage is odd, and not strictly kosher, but then it's loosely based on the meter of a song that helped inspire this story.
Author, I totally get what you mean, I can't count how many stories I've seen where the characters 'fall in love' about as fast as it takes for a five-year-old to hold two dolls up and bang them together while making kissy sounds.
Love takes a WHILE, folks. While my issue with written romances may come from me being impatient and wanting characters that clearly like each other to just 'get on with it', at least I understand that the only way a relationship can start healthy and remain as such is if it's given time to grow! Much like the very unique relationship building between Twilight and Celestia here. We don't have to read much about them bonding because Twilight's been very close to Celestia since she was a little filly. Perhaps it might be a bit creepy that this super-old immortal Being is wanting to get under the tail of one of her own creations, a creation she has basically helped raise and acted as a Mother figure for, buuuuut....love can come in many forms, and really, this is a very unique situation.
To be honest... I may have acted similar to Twilight, except without the remorse. Rape is just wrong. Fluttershy is so innocent and adorable that they shouldn't even be used in the same sentence.
Man, I'm glad you reminded me about this fic; I'm really enjoying rereading it. But jeeze, why'd you use the Great Race? The Yith were like the only critters Lovecraft invented that weren't completely horrible.
id almost forgotten about this fic, excellent chapter!
Well, now this story took a dark turn. I'm not entierly happy with that, but eh.
Question: Die Twilght break that enchantment? Cause Fluttershy sort of acts that way, but I'm not sure were that happened.
I know the kind of story your talking, it amazingly creepy. Though I think the 'raping someone into love' ones are even worse.
Yaaaaaaaaay, Twilight is badaaaaass.
3658555
Dark isn't going to be the main focus, but I always knew this fic would contain action elements, and since there was no action tag on fimfiction, I went with Adventure. My favourite stories over on Fanfiction.net were always part romance and part (action/adventure/drama, one of those three), since while I enjoy a good shipping, the typical pure romance plots can get tired and overly fluffy without a non-romance conflict to break them up and make the pairing mean something in the long term, you know?
You captured the creepy OC romance... too well.
Ugg, I hated this guy before we even saw him! ... then again, mind rape is one of the most disturbing things to me.
Technical wise, didn't see anything wrong with my read through of the chapter. But then again, I read it on my phone on my transit commute home because I couldn't wait!
Nice to see things are picking up! I hope Twilight goes back to Canterlot to sort things out with Celestia soon...
3658576
It's totally cool to have action. I'm just uncomfortable with the rape part. Doesn't mean it's bad, storywise, but that sort of thing really bugs me. It was also a bit surprising, I didn't expect something quite so dark.
I'd also like to know what happened here:
'Cause from what Terminus told Twi about the spell, it should have been pretty much permanent in Fluttershy already. Did it vanish because the thing died? Or did Twi somehow break it?
3658625
I getcha. I wasn't sure whether or not to include trigger warnings on this chapter. Sorry, should I put up some warning tags on it? I really wasn't too sure on that one.
3658592
That's going to be next chapter, hopefully, with Twilight dragging the rest of her friends back to Canterlot while she and Celestia try to quarantine the whole situation, and sort themselves out in the process. It's going to be fun, although working out what Twilight would actually do in this situation is becoming harder to divine, as she's becoming increasingly unhinged from the stress.
D-damn... Just... Damn.
3658715
Crazy Twilight is best Twilight!
In all seriousness, the way she reacted to her apparent murder felt VERY IC for her. She was mad up until she had realized what she had done then had her Herioc BSOD.
Contain the situation you say? How bad have things gotten?
3658698
It's not going to prevent Fluttershy from recognising Twilight as her friend, because it's more 'charm person taken to horrifying lengths' than 'dominate person'. Even after the spell is removed (next chapter, already written that part), Fluttershy is going to end up intensely confused and conflicted about how she feels on the whole situation. On the one hand, she'll know rationally that Night Slash did horrible things to her and forced her to like it, but at the same time part of her still sees him as this lover who swept her up on a whirlwind romance.
3658740 Ah, ok. Thanks for clearing that up.
3658726
It's more that given time it could spread pretty rapidly and cause serious issues for a lot of mares (Cult of the risen Night Slash, anybody? Although that might be a good excuse to write a squicky clop one-shot ), and Terminus can only do so much by itself, so their best bet at nipping the enchantment at the bud would be to try to call in some Celestial intervention, or maybe try the Elements. Both would necessitate a trip to Canterlot, which is going to put Celestia and Twilight in close proximity again.
Update get! Awesome!
Just two, check below.
Triple spaced here.
The middle line seems to be a thought, and is missing its italics.
3658715
Not sure. I mean, I would have read it regardless, and the surpise helps to make it feel like things got real.
Actually, the more I think about it, the more I think there shouldn't be any warnings.
Though I hope this is about as dark as it gets.
3659016
Fixed, thanks for the help
3659032
Should be. This was almost uncharacteristically dark, so unless Twilight actually goes off the deep end you should be fine on that one.
You know it's a good chapter when you read through the whole thing and it feels like only 5 minutes have passed by. Brilliant as ever!
3659154
No problem. Enjoy the hell out of this story, and just want to see it get that much better!
Cleanse, Fluttershy. Cleanse the filthy heathens.
For what purpose would these Yith creatures need the entire female equine population enamored with a single construct? Or do they have more constructs, spreading charmed adoration like a plague? Of greater import, can these constructs impregnate their victims to create easily warped vessels for their masters?
Either way, I am certain that there shall be quite the spectacle when the Yith's scheme is revealed.
...I have absolutely no idea as to why I wrote my comment in such a pretentious manner. It amused me, I suppose.
3660004 I'm not sure if the charming was an actual end goal itself for the yith, as I feel there might be important clues hiding upstairs in fluttershy's house, if Twilight has time to look through Night Slash's stuff. The whole charming mares might just be a side effect of the artifcial soul abusing its powers. As we were learning with Celestia, even Beings have urges, and a newly created fake yith soul could be the equilavent of a hormonal teenager with mind control powers. Sure, he has a job, but why not make every mare madly in love with him while he does it?
What's a pony to do, when all that she knows fragments?
You accidentally a word.
3660646
Um... actually that was a stylistic thing, using 'fragments' as a verb in the present tense. Admittedly the comma usage is odd, and not strictly kosher, but then it's loosely based on the meter of a song that helped inspire this story.
Well this looks interesting. IMO the description isnt exactly brilliant and suffers slightly with a case of TLDR
3660751 Long story short: it's a verb, not a noun?
3660902
Pretty much. Can be either, though, so I see why you said it.
Finally read it. Good chapter, though you missed a few minor punctuations.
(I'm k.)
Hah! Thank you, THANK YOU! Someone gets it!
Author, I totally get what you mean, I can't count how many stories I've seen where the characters 'fall in love' about as fast as it takes for a five-year-old to hold two dolls up and bang them together while making kissy sounds.
Love takes a WHILE, folks. While my issue with written romances may come from me being impatient and wanting characters that clearly like each other to just 'get on with it', at least I understand that the only way a relationship can start healthy and remain as such is if it's given time to grow! Much like the very unique relationship building between Twilight and Celestia here. We don't have to read much about them bonding because Twilight's been very close to Celestia since she was a little filly. Perhaps it might be a bit creepy that this super-old immortal Being is wanting to get under the tail of one of her own creations, a creation she has basically helped raise and acted as a Mother figure for, buuuuut....love can come in many forms, and really, this is a very unique situation.
To be honest... I may have acted similar to Twilight, except without the remorse.
Rape is just wrong. Fluttershy is so innocent and adorable that they shouldn't even be used in the same sentence.
3664486 maybe, or it could be an advanced species of Lizardman.
3662296 Gotta say, love the avatar.
3664556
Nope, 'fraid not.
3664627
And yes, that was one of the inspirations for that scene, however the situation is quite different.
Man, I'm glad you reminded me about this fic; I'm really enjoying rereading it. But jeeze, why'd you use the Great Race? The Yith were like the only critters Lovecraft invented that weren't completely horrible.