For copyright/disclaimer information, see Chapter One.
Version 1.1
Published 11/03/12
Chapter Six: Dreams.
“Wha-What happened?”
Dash burst through the door.
“There's no time to explain! You just have to help her.”
Fluttershy's eyes scanned the injured alicorn.
“B-B-But, I can't help her.”
Dash sat Twilight down on the couch before turning to Fluttershy.
“Why not?”
“I-I only know veterinary medicine. I-I don't know how to treat a pony.” Her gaze locked onto the broken wing, “Especially an alicorn.” She shook her head, “Why is Twilight a—”
Dash rushed up to Fluttershy, her wings flared up.
“There isn't time for any of this, Fluttershy!”
“Eep!”
“You have to help her.”
“B-But her injuries! She needs to go to a hospi—”
“No! I'm already in enough trouble as it is. She'd kill me in a way that would reference some crappy horror story if I brought her to a hospital.”
“Now, Dash, I'm sure she'd unde—”
“It wouldn't even be a good reference. It would be one of those cheap references everypony would expect.”
“Dash! You have to calm down.”
“I'm calm.” Her eyes darted from Twilight to Fluttershy, “Never been calmer.” She hopped from one pair of hooves to the other, “It's not like I nearly killed one of my best friends and caused her serious injuries that have probably crippled her—all because I wanted to have a little fun.” She collapsed to the ground and her eyes began to tear up, “Please, Fluttershy. Just help her.”
Fluttershy bit her lip.
“Okay, Dash. Go get my medical kit. It's in the coat closet by the back door.”
Dash zipped off while Fluttershy moved over to examine the injured alicorn.
“Oh my. What on earth happened to you?”
She carefully grabbed Twilight's broken wing and felt it for additional breaks. She furrowed her brow in worry.
“At least five separate fractures.” she murmured to herself.
She next felt Twilight's other bones, running from her neck down. She sighed.
“That's a relief. No other fractures.”
Dash returned with the medical kit.
“Dash, you have to tell me exactly what's happened.”
As Dash explained, Fluttershy retrieved gauze, rubbing alcohol, and bandages from the medkit and started cleaning the lacerations on Twilight's side.
“Well, after I misjudged my speed and crashed into the libra—”
“No, I mean, how did she get hurt?”
“Oh, well, we were practicing gliding and she was doing really well, but—” Dash choked back a sob, “but I forgot to tell her about thermals a-and she careened out of control—” She clenched her teeth and fought off another sob, “a-and before I could save her, s-she teleported right to ground and crashed into it. Oh, Fluttershy, it was terrible.”
“There, there. It's okay, Dash.”
Dash walked up and sat next to Fluttershy while she bandaged Twilight's side.
“How bad is it?”
“Well, she's got a severely broken wing and some pretty bad cuts and scrapes to her side. I'm gonna need your help setting the splint for her wing.”
“Okay. What do I gotta do?”
Fluttershy removed the splint materials from the kit.
“You have to hold the wing while I set the bone.”
“Like this?”
Dash reached out and grabbed the wing.
“No! Wait, Dash!”
Twilight grimaced in pain when Dash touched the wing. She quickly retracted her hoof.
“Ohmygosh, I'm so sorry, Twilight! I didn't mean to...”
Dash trailed off as she noticed Twilight's horn start to glow a dull purple.
“What's going on, Fluttershy?”
A light purple aura soon encompassed Twilight's body. Fluttershy and Dash backed away in caution.
“I don't know, Dash.”
They both cringed when the sound of bones breaking was heard.
“Wha—”
“Oh...my.”
Under the purple glow, Twilight's wing snapped itself back into place. The wound where the bone had stuck out of sealed itself up and a layer of purple down feathers poked itself out of the wing.
Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash could only stare with mouths agape.
The glow continued unabated for several minutes until it finally dissipated.
Dash was the first to recover from her shock.
“Did Twilight just do what I think she did?”
“I-I'm not sure.”
The two hesitantly approached the alicorn and gazed at the wing.
“It looks fine. Nothin' like it was a minute ago.”
Fluttershy grabbed the mended wing and examined it.
“I can't believe it. This wing was fractured in at least five different places. It's like it was never even broken.”
A curious look crossed Dash's face.
“I wonder...”
She tore the gauze and bandaging off of Twilight's side.
“Dash! What do you think you're...do...ing.”
Fluttershy and Dash stared at Twilight's side, now completely healed of any wounds. Dash ran a hoof across the soft, sheeny fur.
“It looks amazing,” Dash blushed, “n-not that I would care about how fur looks.”
“That's probably because it's new. I've never seen anything like this before.”
After gawking for several more moments, Fluttershy grabbed a pillow and blanket and tucked Twilight in.
“While I don't know what's going on, I do know that she needs her rest. Why don't you go get Spike while I clean up?”
Dash nodded before leaving.
**********
Twilight stood in the security line, a nervous wreck.
'It'll be okay, Twilight. T-They won't notice anything.'
Several ponies in front of her, at the entrance to the Chambers of the Oversight and Reform Committee, stood two unicorns of the Royal Guard who were scanning each pony as the entered the room.
'H-How w-were you suppose to k-know they'd scan you before allowing you in.'
“Next.”
The line moved up. Twilight was fourth.
'They won't notice. They can't notice. I-If the Changeling Queen was able to fool th-them then I will too.'
“Next.”
'Just don't do anything to arouse suspicion.'
“Next.”
'Take a few deep breaths and just focus on getting through the security checkpoint.'
“Ah, good day, Miss Sparkle. It's a shame your first appearance before Parliament has to be under these circumstances. Is everything alright?”
Twilight's eyes rapidly shifted from one guard to the other.
“O-Oh y-yes. Everything's fine. Nothing to hide.” She flinched, “I mean, why would I hide anything? That's preposterous.” She gave a desperate, high pitched laugh.
“You should really calm down, Miss Sparkle. You really have nothing to worry about.” The guard chuckled, “Unless you're a changeling or something like that.” Twilight gulped, but the guards didn't seem to notice, “If you were, this screening would reveal you and you'd be thrown into the dungeons for sure then.” The guard laughed again, “But it'd be pretty stupid for a changeling, or somepony using their magic, to just walk right into Parliament, so you don't have to worry.”
“Please stand by while we cast the spell. You might feel the sensation of silk rubbing against your horn, that's normal.” the other guard said.
The two guards cast what they thought would be a mundane spell, only for Twilight to wince in pain as her spell conflicted with theirs. After a moment of effort by the guards, the wing-be-gone spell failed and Twilight's secret was revealed.
The two guards stared with slack jaws.
“What.”
“I don't even...”
Twilight giggled nervously yet again.
“L-L-Like I said, n-nothing to hide.”
“Seize her!”
-----
Twilight, surrounded by four guards, was led through the halls of Canterlot Castle. Pandemonium encompassed them. Panicked yelling was heard as various secretaries and assistants ran, flew, and teleported around them. Paper had been kicked into the air and drifted about. Several waste bins were on fire. Outside, several explosions could be heard.
Twilight's mane was a disheveled mess.
'Everything's fine. You're just going to have tea with Princess Celestia and tell her all about the adventures you've had.' Her eyelids twitched, 'Then you can just laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.'
The two unicorns that guarded the throne room opened the double doors with their telekinesis and Twilight and her escorts walked before the doors closed behind them.
Princess Celestia sat on her throne, listening intently to the dark blue Earth Pony that sat before her.
“All attempts at diplomacy have failed, I'm afraid. Seeing an opportunity in all the chaos your student has stirred up, the Imperial Council of Griffia-Minotaury has voted to declare war on Equestria.”
Twilight twitched again.
“The National Defense Council has ordered a full mobilization of all military personnel. Given the Empire's size and power, the Council is projecting a casualty rate of at least sixty percent in the opening engagements.”
Twilight shuddered.
Celestia looked up and noticed her student had arrived. She narrowed her eyes.
“Thank you, minister. Please wake up Luna and have the Council assemble in one hour so we can both be fully debriefed on the war efforts.”
The minister bowed before departing.
Twilight moved forward.
“H-Hello, Princess.”
Celestia gave Twilight a hard stare.
Twilight crumpled to the ground.
“I'm so sorry, Princess. I-I didn't mean for any of this to happen. Pleasedon'tbanishme orreassignmetoanothercity!”
Celestia sighed.
“I'm not going to banish you, Twilight. Honestly, I don't know where you ponies get that from.”
Twilight's mood improved rapidly.
'See, absolutely no reason to—'
“But you still have to be punished.”
'PANIC!'
“W-W-Why?”
Celestia glanced over to a nearby window.
“Have you looked outside?” Her voice was harsh.
Twilight looked out the window. Several squads of Royal Guardstallians roamed the sky. Smoke billowed from some buildings that had been set ablaze.
“And now we have a war to deal with. All because of what you've done!”
Tears began to leak from Twilight's eyes.
“I-I'm sorry.”
Celestia sighed again.
“I know you are. You'll have to be properly trained in the alicorn arts anyway, so look at repeating Magic Kindergarten as your punishment as well. It'll kill two birds with one stone.”
Twilight's world imploded.
“No, no, no nonononononono. P-Please! I'll d-do anything! Please.”
“I've already made up my mind, Twilight.”
**********
Dash walked in from having stretched her wings outside.
“How's she doing, Spike?”
Spike sat on the couch, to the side of Twilight's head.
“She's been jerking and muttering nonsense for ten minutes.”
Dash sat down on a nearby chair.
“Maybe we should wake her up.”
“No. If she really did use healing magic like you said, then she'll be wiped. Healing magic takes a lot out of her.”
“How do you know?”
“I've had my share of bumps and bruises over the years. She was always exhausted when she healed me.” Spike looked down at Twilight, “Can't imagine how tired she must be after healing herself—especially with the injuries she had.”
Twilight fidgeted in her sleep. Dash slammed a hoof down on the armrest.
“I just wish there was something we could do. I thought not saving her was the worse, but not even being able to help, especially when she needs it the most—what's the point of being loyal if your loyalty can't help?!”
“It's okay, Dash. We'll be here for her when she wakes up. All we have to do is wait.”
“But for how long?”
**********
Twilight sat on the throne.
“As you can see, Your Majesty, if we raise the Aggregated Wealth Tax by point zero three percent and amend the Tax and Collections Act of 985 to include my proposals, we can reduce the budget deficit that the war inflicted by over twelve million bits.”
She sighed lightly.
'Why do I have to do this? 'The youngest princess has to handle taxes' said Luna. She just didn't want to do it herself.'
“Your Majesty, are you paying attention?”
“Uh...”
'Quick! Say something diplomatic and princessy.'
“Um, yes. I will, uh, take your proposals under advisement and...and,” Twilight scrunched her face up trying to remember the exact phrase, “and submit the matter to Parliament.” She gave her best “Princess” smile.
The petitioner smiled brightly.
“Thank you, Your Majesty. Don't tell Princess Luna, but you've handled these important proposals far better than she ever did.”
The petitioner bowed and then left, a noticeable bounce in his steps.
'I wonder if I should tell him ninety-six percent of submissions never make it out of Committee. Nah.'
Twilight nodded to the High Overseer.
“The next petitioner shall now be seen by Princess Twilight.”
She took a sip of water from an unnecessarily elaborate chalice.
'And here I was worried that being a Princess would be hard.'
***********
Night fell over Fluttershy's cottage.
Fear gripped Dash as she looked over the table.
“This is bad. This is really bad.”
She glanced at Spike, then at Fluttershy.
“I can't believe this! How could this have happened?”
She nervously tapped the table with a hoof.
“You've got to be kidding me. Urragghh!”
Spike grinned.
“C'mon, Dash. You've got to discard.”
“Don't you think I know that!? I've been playing this game longer then you.”
Dash looked over her hand before selecting the two of hearts. She glanced at the discard pile and noticed the ace of hearts near its end. She discarded the two.
“At least you'll have to pick up all those cards if you want that ace and two.”
“Oh, Fluttershy, that looks so tempting, doesn't it?”
Spike's attempts to lure Fluttershy in failed when she reached out and selected a card from the stock. Her eyes widened.
“Oh my.”
She laid down three kings.
“Crud!”
“Shoot, there goes that plan.”
She then discarded the ace of diamonds. She winced at Dash's reaction.
“Fluttershy! You might as well just give Spike points!”
“I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but, um, I didn't really need that card and I get rid of the cards I don't need.”
Spike cackled as he swiftly picked up the ace and laid down it and two others. He then discarded a worthless seven.
“Uno.” He sang as he held up his one remaining card.
Dash burned Fluttershy a look so intense, it would give her Stare a run for its money. Fluttershy sheepishly ducked down in response.
Dash picked up a card from the stock. She grumbled as she laid the fourth and final king down before grabbing the five of spades and roughly slamming it on the discard pile.
“Not like it matters what card I lay down. Fluttershy's just going to one up it.” she grumbled out.
“Aw, is somepony saddlesore? It's just a card game, Dash.”
“Shut up, Spike.”
Fluttershy's eyes gleamed as she greedily snagged the five and proceeded to lay down the four, five, six, and seven, before discarding her final card.
“I'm out.”
Spike and Dash stared in shock. Dash was the first to recover.
“Horseapples!”
-----
Dash, Fluttershy, and Spike settled into the sleeping bags Fluttershy set up in the living room.
“I can't believe you beat us, Fluttershy. Especially with the way you were giving Spike cards.”
“That's just how I play, Dash.”
“Uh-huh, sure. I bet you were counting cards.”
Spike rolled his eyes.
“You can't count cards playing that. Trust me, Twilight's tried.”
“How's Twilight doing anyway, Fluttershy?”
“She's doing fine, but if she doesn't wake up by tomorrow morning we'll have to take her to the hospital.”
“But I told you, we ca—”
“If she doesn’t wake up by then, it could be a sign that she's suffered brain damage! I-I can't treat that, not even when it happens to my animal friends.”
Both Dash and Spike grew worried.
“Even if I wasn't concerned by brain damage, she's going to be needing hydration soon and that's something I can't provide either.”
“I hope she'll get better.”
“We all do, Spike, we all do.”
**********
The rain poured down in sheets.
'How did this all happen?'
Twilight sat in the muddy grass.
'Why didn't you think about this before?'
Behind her, Celestia and Luna stood a short distance away.
'You were too worried and panicked.'
She sniffled.
'Too concerned about the responsibility.'
A sob was chocked back.
'About the privilege.'
She gazed forward.
'You never even thought about this.'
Twilight clenched her teeth.
'Thought about them.'
A flash of lightning illuminated the five gravestones in front of her.
'And now they're gone.'
Her tears mixed with the rain.
'And you'll live on.'
---
Daylight broke over Fluttershy's cottage. Unbeknownst to the sleeping pegasi and dragon, tears fell from the unconscious alicorn's eyes as the true horrors of her predicament were revealed.
End of Chapter Six.
Author's Notes: What the hell happened to my story. One minute, I'm writing a scene of Twilight having a panicky dream sequence, and the next, Not My Destiny and Expectations decide to infiltrate it. They're getting their revenge on me for ripping them off.
I'm on the fence about this. Many of you said you liked the story because it didn't have sadness or shipping in it. I really like the last few scenes (which is why they weren't deleted.), but I have the feeling you won't. Let's be honest, you're reading this story because it's a comedy and sad Twilicorn isn't what you want. If a sadfic can have humor, I hope a humor one can have some sadness.
If there's a big backlash to it then I'll definitely go back and rewrite things. Rest assured, though, that the story will remain a [Comedy]. The next chapter will (hopefully) start to infuse the humor back into it and push that newly Ascended Fridge Horror back into the sequel.
I blame a certain fanfic's [grimdark] ending (I won't give the story's name but let's just say it rhymes with "Rough Dove") for every single problem this chapter has.
The deleted scenes (two very short ones) will go up this afternoon after I get back from my aunt's, so check back around 7:00 for them if you care about that stuff.
Your eyelight avatar creeps me out.
Also I'm fine with the way it has gone as I loved both of those stories.
I actually loved this chapter. I came for the comedy, but I am staying for the drama. I have no issues with how you write it.
Edit- you won't get me with those tv tropes links, you fiend. I know your game.
I always get über excited when I see that this story has updated. And it's for a good reason. Keep up the amazing work!
And there's the reason I would never choose to become immortal. it's just not worth it to watch all your friends and family grow old and die. The only way I would ever accept immortality is if it made it possible for me to protect those i love, and they would die/be killed if I didn't protect them.
1549148
It's something that had to come up at some point.
Like removing a bandage, best to just do it and to not stall.
1549166
It's some of Terry's stuff. Link to Terry's stuff on DerpiBooru here.
It's weird, strange, and odd. And sooooo good.
“It wouldn't even be a good reference. It would be one of those cheap references everypony would expect.”
I see what you did there.
This is a fine old chapter. Not too dark, until the end, where you get a fabulous sledgehammer of impending mortality. Very well done.
Eh, I'm fine with the story having some sadness as long as it doesn't delve into it like those others did. One of the reasons I was enjoying this was it wasn't using Twilight as a medium to explore the sad state of immortality. I mean, I get it, it's old hat, immortality for anyone that isn't an uncaring sociopath could theoretically suck (since it's all hypothetical postulating, we can't say for sure). So, as long as you keep it interesting and avoid beating the dead horse (Immortal pony, actually) I'll be sticking around.
That said, this chapter was alright, but it was more of a character dynamic set up, so I didn't find it as good as the others since it's more to enhance the chapters to come.
1549148
Number of typos to fix. Including "chocking" because that is totally not choking and it should be.
It's a good way to portray Twilight's fever dreaming, and her finally going nuts about that was kind of due, so good job.
1549148
ah, yes, Not My Destiny.
one of the first Twilacorn fics i ever read, certainly one of the saddest (and, in the grimdark alternate ending, the most horrifying) Fimfic i've ever read, besides perhaps Equestria's Twilight. i still have yet to read the sequel to NMD, Glim.
i pretty much agree with what everyone else is saying at this point: it's great so far, and this chapter wasn't too dark. i think it actually will add a lot to the story, since the shifting between comedy and sad Fridge Logic will add contrast and (hopefully) make the fic feel richer. that said, Not My Destiny already made me cry, i'd rather this tale (which is so innocent and fun) not delve into that realm too much, except when logically necessary.
obligatory fanart:
pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/134886219215.png
i've always been obsessed with Twilight and Luna's color pallets, i love their designs.
A bit of teenage alicorn angst is ok, just don't let it run away with you.
This PC Colt needs more Alicorn Twilight! *breathes out fire*
1549188
He got me, that's for sure.
To anyone else reading this: save yourself! Don't go to tvtropes for even a second if you want to have any hope of being productive for the rest of the day!
...that is all.
1549369
It's easy to avoid being addicted to tv tropes. Become addicted to fimfiction instead. I haven't been truly productive in weeks.
Also, I believe there's something in the Geneva Convention about TVTropes links.
Comedy eques tragicy plus time.
1549148 Are you kidding?! The last scene was the best part so far! Also I loved your Defied Shout Out to Cupcakes
Why would you write that?
Ouch, poor Twi
Eh. It's gotta be said, yanno? Living long enough to bury your best friends... that's something you can't just ignore.
Good work, I think.
It's a pet peeve of mine I'll admit, but the 'Rainbow' part of her name is the one ponies commonly use. Mixing it up can be fine, but here, there's more than 40 instances of "Dash", and only a single 'Rainbow'! That's like having everypony call Twilight's brother just "Armor"!
In the show, the only character to use only Dash continuously was Gilda; the rest of the cast either used her full name or Rainbow. If memory serves, only Twilight used just Dash once or twice, and Pinkie made a rhyme with the now infamous "Dashie"; again, once. It's only a detail, but after a while, I found it irritating.
It's your story, do with it what you feel like doing. I personally really like the way you're going with this. Which should not really matter. Write the story you want to write, not the one the readers think you should write.
Okay good, we've forced Twilight to remember the biggest issue with being an alicorn, now we can help her get over it. She has extremely realistic dreams, though, doesn't she? If a bit exaggerated.
>will remain a comedy
>all these sads
Please fix.
I dont see why everyone has to play up the Lives forever tragedy part. I mean its not like her friends would have lived forever if she hadnt ascended. So the only difference is weather twilight dies too, and its not that anything would stop her from killing herself if she ever felt it wasnt worth it to go on, neither would there be any gurantee that she might not have been the last anyway, and if not her friends would have sufferd trough her death.
The only thing "solving" that problem would be to try to make her friends, and possibly absolutely everypony live forever, and that is a rather ambitious project, and one that she has possibly far better chances of solving as an alicorn, should she attempt it.
Oh... This made me stop writing for a good 10 minutes, and I'm enjoying it sooo much!
I don't mind any sandness. It's really nice. Keep on going!
Please make more chapters.
Ok, no more sad for the rest of the story. These dreams better result in a hilarious crazy Twilight.
1549377 hah, you fool. You'll just become simultaneously Addicted to them BOTH! You've signed your Life Away!
1549810
Meh, it's not like I was doing anything important with it anyway.
1549148
Ah, you can't worry about anyone disliking the direction your story is taking. If you don't take the story on its natural course, it'll be forced, and then there'll be problems.
I can't remember if every chapter has been like this, since I just finished reading an epic (in length) tale in which there was far too much description for my liking and I skipped a whole lot of it to keep the pace of the story (but I digress), this chapter seems more than a little rushed. We're jumping from place to place without being able to dwell on anything that's going on. And there are a few interesting things going on.
I think the beginning in Fluttershy's cottage was okay, but as soon as you got to the dream sequence (which I really think you should put in italics by the way, because it seemed like you were purposely trying to deceive us into thinking that that's what was actually happening, and it didn't work out at all because there was no set-up) you started to race and get a bit jumpy, to the extent that when Flutters, Dash and Spike were playing cards, it was all a bit confusing and too much dialogue with not enough description or explanation of the passage of time.
All in all, I'm still liking it. Just remember to slow down and focus on a couple of things that aren't necessarily Twilight-related. There's room for comedy in the Fluttershy/Rainbow Dash/Spike interactions if you want to look at that.
this chapter was great, and the feels where great too. i think it would be nice if you manage to keep up this style, humorous but at teh same time sad, it makes for a nice read.
I can't wait for the living forever issue to come out to her friends and for them to get her through it. Keep up the great work.
1549148
I freaking love sadfics. And really, this was going to show up at some point, so we might as well get used to it.
I wouldn't worry too much about the sad elements, TSG... It's all good. Without a low point, how can anyone truly appreciate the high points?
I'm not going anywhere...
more? and soon
Realistically, you can do one of two things:
1. Kill this chapter and rewrite with more lulz. That maintains the advertised product but reduces overall capacity for the story to kick ass.
2. Address Twilight's concerns by giving us a chapter of Celestia the Therapist and move on with the lulz.
... Sweet and Tasty C͇͍̙̳̮͖̼ͬ̈́̋ͦ̓̾ͩ̐́́͢U̹͔̖̰̇͋͐̆͒̈́͘͡͠P͕̺̱̥͆̓̒ͥ̿ͤͬ̌͘Çͣͯ͊̃͏͈̣̗̟̼͍ͅÄ̺͚͖͔̌̿̓͑̋̏ͨKͯ͐҉͙̱̳͓̮̮̤͕̲͠E̍͑̐̓̎̔͂͡҉̬̳̬̰S͓͍̖̖͖̝̱̠̐̄̒̂̀͛ͬ͜͜...
I liked this chapter it's a nice counter-point to the comedy and adds dimensions to the story. It would be interesting to see what comes next and how Twilight comes to the realization that (to quote Sharing the Night):“Immortality is not an eternity of looking back and regretting all the things you could have done; as an alicorn your past will always be finite, your future infinite. Mathematically, you could even say you will always have your entire life ahead of you.”. Because really, only those too limited to see the future and those too closeminded to not want to see it don't want to live forever.
*Notices all the people complaining about the sad*
What sick man sent these babies here?!
Oh. Wow. Dude. Sweet chapter. As for me, I'd prefer something along the second dreamscape, with Twilight taking up duties making sure everything runs smoothly in the transition from day to night, as well as acting as an additional opinion in Celestia's and or Luna's courts, and being welcomed as another "sister" or a slight ship with Luna. But, it's your story, your choice, and you have your own ideas. Can't wait for the next chapter, and keep up the great work!(why no Fluttershy happy?)
Might*.
Like pretty much everyone else, I don't mind it, as long as you don't actually start killing off the other Elements before the sequel.
So, is she having a sort of prescient dream, or is she just using numbers she remembers from reading council/committee reports while bored that one time?
To not address that sad aspect of immortality at least once is like not addressing the fact that eventually everypony's going to find out about Twilight's problem (because we all know it will). You were eventually going to have to address the elephant in the room as it were, and I'm looking at it from the aspect that it's just going to give Twilight yet another reason to try and fruitlessly hide all of this.
So, awaiting for more.
I am ok with the sad as long as it stays like this. Don't give in to the cerberus syndrome!
Additionally I noticed this:
You mine as well just give Spike points!”
shouldn't that be:
You may as well just give Spike points!" ?
Take the story wherever you want, sad or funny Ill be along for the ride.
Got a chuckle out of this. Well played.
Wouldn't she check for breaks too? When dealing with bones, I thought that was kind of a thing.
That seems like it's intentional, but I'm not sure. Reference to minecraft or something?
And the whole dreams that are supposed to trick us thing... I don't think it really fooled anyone, haha. It's very good, the only other complaint I could give is the pacing. It seems to jerk around. Liked the rest though.
Great chapter! And as for the ending, Twilight is too smart to NOT realize the ramifications of immortality fairly quickly. Let her get that out of the way so we can have more funny-style freakouts from her later