A rude awakening
This story will be told in a first person point of view, if I mess up, tell me in the comments, I am open to hearing any mistakes even in grammar or spelling, also when a large amount of time passes it will be shown as *********** which divides the previous text. Any other questions can be asked in the comments. Any thoughts will be shown in italics! Enjoy!
Chapter 1: A Rude Awakening
Some things you should know about me, I am 19, my name is Chris James, and I am a closet brony. I also am a person who loves to try new things and meet new people, can adapt to things quickly and have always loved animals. And here is the story of how I ended up fulfilling my dream, or so I thought... If you want to have an image of my look to put in your head, I am about 5'5" and I have brown hair and teal blue eyes. Oh, and I was wearing a black shirt and blue jeans... with a jacket to top it all off. On this fateful night, heading home on my way back from a party our tale begins. Now on to the story!
It all started on my drive back from my birthday party. I was driving down the highway (parents live out of the city) towards the city of Toronto when a terrible storm hit.
'Thanks for the warning weather channel, note to self: stop listening to the weather station'
I decided to just keep going despite how bad the weather was, but about halfway there I got off the highway and began driving down a road with a few trees around it.
CRRRACK BANG
A large tree branch struck by lightning fell in front of the car and caused me to swerve out of the way and smashed head on into another tree causing me to lose consciousness. A little bit later I wake up with my vision very blurry and everything echoed throughout my ears. I began to move when I felt a sudden surge of pain through my left arm.
'Well then, a broken arm and I crashed into a tree, not to mention how much farther I have to go to get ba....'
My thoughts were cut off by some yelling, I turned to see a silhouette not far, from what I could hear it was female, looking hunched over, although my vision was still very blurry and the rain felt like it was bombarding me like hail.
I listened closer and made out some words...
"...Hey! You over there.... are you alright? What was that, come here I'll help you!"
Deciding it would be best to get some help I began making my way over there, but what I began to see made me almost pass out.
"Hello? I need help, could you please bring me somewhere whe..."
I stopped talking when I began to see the silhouette taking the shape of what looked like a horse, so I turned around and started searching for where the voice came from, when I felt something grab my shirt and yell...
"STAY CLOSE, I'M SURE I CAN GET US BACK SOMEHOW"
So immediately I say "What? who are y...." Before I finish there is a blinding light, and everything around me begins to swirl and then goes black.
****************************
My eyelids feel very heavy and I try to open them then immediately shut them after being hit by sudden light.
'Thats... strange, wasn't it just storming'
Then... I hear voices.
"Ah' don't know twi, ah' aint never seen anything like this before"
'Twi... where have I heard that...'
"AJ, I heard it talk, it must be intelligent to some degree, and I don't think its hostile, it was asking for help when I found it, and besides, the spell said that it would-"
"Ah' know Twi, you have said it ah' hundred times, that riddle about it solving problems before they arise, but how th' hay does this thing solve ah' problem that has not even come up yet?"
'AJ... twi... now where the he... No. Fucking. Way.'
"Oh... my.... its hurt.... what should we do?"
"I don't know but I don't trust it, I say we throw it back where it came from"
"Rainbow, you know we cant do that, the spell backfired and sent me to that world, but wore off and brought me back and it with me, I still don't know why it chose it"
"OH OH I KNOW WE SHOULD HAVE SOME CELEBRATION! Like with balloons and streamers and punch and candy and more balloons and s...."
"That's enough pinkie!" 5 voices said in sync.
'Should I say something? Or just sit here, or just open my eyes...'
I open my eyes but this time slowly, and just enough to see what is going on, but keep me being awake a secret. What I saw almost made me black out... again... I could see 6 brightly colored ponies, and not just any ponies....
'I'll just sit here for a moment and see if I'm just going crazy'
"Oh dear... just look at its clothes, simply dreadful" Rarity....
"That's enough Rarity, although, with all these clothes, it must be intelligent, but is it a he or she?" said Twilight.
"How should I know Twi? your the smart one" Said Rainbow.
"Well we should check... if.. that's OK with you..." said Flutter shy.
'D'aaaaaaaaawww... wait... what?!'
"I guess your right, lets get the clothes off" said twilight.
'AW HELL NO!'
I jump strait up out of the bed I was laying on and become fully alert while shouting "You will NOT strip me of my clothes!" Before a huge surge of pain ripples throughout my body from my arm, causing me to fall to the ground out like a light, but not before I hear the sound of panic and disbelief.
***********************
I wake up an hour later in a familiar cottage on a couch with the smell of vegetable soup in the air. I see my arm is now fully functional, a bit sore, but working. So I slowly climb out of the bed and start making my way to the door. I can hear talking from the other room and it was the same voices.
"Well, I don't know why it would protect such clothes, they are hideous." said Rarity.
"Rarity, maybe it just did not want its clothes taken off." said Twilight.
"Well, if it wakes up again, one wrong move and BAM! I'm going to send it back to its world the hard way." Rainbow.
"Rainbow... don't be so hard on it, the trip may have been a little strange for it, I'm going to go check on it." ' Oh crap I have to leave.'
Before I can leave I hear a voice behind me, the same sweet voice that suggested my clothes being taken off.
"Oh, your awake, can you come and meet my friends... if that's OK with you..."
I grabbed the door handle before thinking twice... and made my decision, like, COME ON who can say no to that voice??
I slowly turn and look across the room to a bright yellow pegasus with a pink mane that she is standing behind, and then I let go of the handle and slowly started walking towards the next room, Flutter shy well ahead of me.
I kid you not, it was so silent when I walked into that room you could cut it with a spoon. I just stood there, with six pairs of eyes watching me. When one finally spoke up.
"Um... well, you can take a seat right across from me, I have some questions for you." Said Twilight.
I sat down at a large circle shaped table with 5 ponies while the 6th was hovering in the air, staring daggers at me.
It was quiet for what felt like hours when it was only a few minuets, finally Twilight speaks up.
"So, um, what are you anyway? I've never seen anything like you before, not even in the Everfree, I'm... wait, I should introduce myself, my name is Twilight Sparkle, and these are my friends, Flutter shy, who you met when you woke up, Rarity, sitting next to me on my right, here is Applejack but we usually call her AJ, and here is Rainbow Dash wh..."
She was cut off by rainbow who quickly says,
"My name is rainbow dash and I have my eyes on you, don't try anything funny or I'll be there ready to take you down, alright?"
All I do is nod. Then I realize something,
"Uh... where is Pinkie?"
Twilight says, "Oh pinkie is right here behi... Pinkie! Get out of the fridge! I told you the cake is for later! Any way th.. wait.. how did you know her name was pinkie?"
'Oh shit, what do I do? Do I tell them about the show... or lie, thinkthinkthinkthink... AHA!'
"I.. uh.. um... I heard you say her name, when I was asleep... the first time.... when you wanted to ....take off my clothes...."
Twilight blushed brightly while saying, "Oh.. OK then, but that reminds me of another question... are.. you a... he or she?" she was blushing so bright she looked like she was a unicorn version of Big Mac.
I chuckle slightly at her reaction and answer "Well if you must know I am a he, a boy, and my name is Chris, Chris James, I am 19 years old and I have been magically sent to a different world by a unicorn, how is your life?"
Twilight paused for a moment before continuing,
"Well, uh, my name is Twil..."
I cut in "I was kidding about the how's your life thing, you don't have to restate your name, continue with the questions."
"Well, OK, um... Oh, what world are you from, like did I get you from, and why did I find you like that?" She asks, pointing at my sore arm.
"Well, the planet is named earth, and I was on my way to a place named Toronto from my families house because we were celebrating my birthday party..."
'Oh shit I said the p word.'
"OH OH OH YOU HAD A PARTY?! WHY WASN'T I INVITED? WAS IT FUN? MAYBE WE SHOULD THROW YOU A PARTY OH OH AND THERE WILL BE CAKE AND ICE CREAM A..."
Everyone including me shouts at the same time... "PINKIE!!"
"AND GAMES A....oh.. sorry, continue."
I clear my throat, "As I was saying, I was coming back from my birthday pa... celebration when a storm begun, and I was driving my car when I...."
I was cut off by Twilight saying, "Whats a car? Is it that weird cart I saw? Does it....."
So I cut back in "If you want me to answer questions, wait until I'm done to ask another." She nodded in agreement.
"SO as I was saying...." I then told them about the drive, the branch the crash, what a car was, thanked her for fixing my arm etc... and answered many other boring questions before I knew it, it was dark out.
So twilight said, "Wow, look at the time, we had better get going, I need to get up early tomorrow to study, and I have to send a letter to the princess, she will probably want to meet the first human in Equestria, well, bye everypony!"
Before I had a chance to say anything all the other ponies said their goodbye's and were out the door already, leaving me and Fluttershy in the house alone. Once again silence set in for what felt like hours, but probably wasn't, before I finally spoke up,
"Well... I had best be on my way and find somewhere to sleep tonight, bye Flutter shy." I said.
I begin to feel something hitting me in the foot...
"Angel, that's enough" said Flutter shy. I look down at the angry rabbit and smiled.
"Oh, and bye to you to angel." The bunny puts on a victorious look before hopping away.
I made my way to the door but get stopped by a very faint voice.
"Well.. um... you could stay here if you like..." She says softly.
"Fluttershy, you don't have to do that, I can find somewhere else to stay for the night." I said.
She then says, "I insist you stay here, it is very cold out tonight, and you could sleep on the couch, It's really not a bother."
And I got a triple dose of concentrated cuteness to the face when I turned and looked at her eye's, I mean REALLY how can you say no to that.
I let out a sigh, "Fine Fluttershy, I'll stay here, on one condition..."
She cocked her head slightly, "And what is that?"
"No more puppy dog eye's, that's cheating, I can't disagree with you on ANYTHING with those things." I say with a smile.
After a small laugh she flies up the stairs and grabs a few blankets and a pillow for me while I sleep on the couch.
"Thanks for everything shy, I'll see you in the morning" I say as she walks up the stairs.
She blushes and says, "O-oh..um..y-yes, goodnight Chris."
"Oh and shy... you can call me CJ, It's a nickname I got from high school that sort of just stuck."
"Oh, alright, goodnight CJ" She said continuing to ascend up the stairs.
After waving goodnight, I lay down on the couch and shut my eyes, thinking about all the problems in my life that are no longer present, not realizing how tired I was I fell asleep almost immediately. Then come the next morning I wake up to three pairs of unnaturally big eyes staring down at me with huge curious smiles.
So? What did you guys think? It's my first chapter on my first Fic, and I want some suggestions on how I could improve this or any ideas. I'm also open to people who maybe want to have their own character put in the story. Let me know what you all think in the comments! Also, let me know if I should make my chapters smaller, bigger, etc, or if this is a good size for chapters!
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This is great!
i like it, maybe start a new line for each one talking, but it seems good.
I actually enjoy reading these generic HiE fics. Your grammar is far from perfect though, get a pre reader and go over your chapters a few more times before publishing them.
Finished editing chapter 1, let me know If I missed anything... I--If... that's alright I mean....
You mess up,I let you know
I really like your story so far. Can't wait to read more!
Thanks for posting!!
"All you had to do was follow the damn train CJ!" Oh god the memories the nickname brought up xD
Thank you man!
Fluttershy..... heh but other wise its good.
i was on the floor...
Thank you very much
Even though this is good, it feels rushed. Try to slow it down a bit please.
alltheragefaces.com/img/faces/large/obama-not-bad-l.png
I just thought, people always talk about how some ponies are so cute as to cause heart attacks, but I have yet to find any story that actually uses that. It would be hilarious explaining her Fluttershy how her cuteness caused you to faint.
2818873
You never see it used because all who have died from heart attacks.
That 'cliffhanger' as you may call it sucked. Start the next chapter with waking up. Good story so far though.
Just sit there and play dead, it'll give twi a heart attack. And when they have the funeral wake up and say 'HOW'S IT GOIN!'
Apart from a few grammatical errors, this is a nice intro!
3144890 Holy Shitballs there should be a fic that does that.
'Ey, Yo CJ! Meet me at Big Smoke's homie.
LoL XD GTA SA reference
I like Chris better.
*Wandering around the internets* "Huh... I've read this? I don't remember. I didn't up, nor down, vote it..? Hmm..." *Looks left, looks right* "Well, I'm waiting on Steam to download some bullshit anyway, why not..." *Begins Re-read* "Let's see where this goes."