Twilight Sparkle trotted nervously down the gleaming white halls of the Princess Luna Asylum, a doctor keeping pace beside her.
"These cases are all very peculiar, Princess Sparkle," the silver-coated pegasus said. "An entire group, falling into a violent insanity almost overnight? It's practically unheard of."
"Well, doctor, it’s happened. Do you have any idea why?" Twilight asked, worry making her words terse.
"I'm afraid not. The only link between the patients is that they were all members of the Ponyville Royal Art Society, where some rather dark artistry was encouraged to flourish over the two weeks it was open. Indeed, only three members appear to be missing—Concept Art, the founder, who committed suicide on the 'night of madness', as we're calling it, Dark Arts, whom we believe to have instigated the madness, and has also vanished into thin air and Princess Luna, who is yet to show any symptoms of insanity—probably because she left that night's meeting early."
"Well, that’s one piece of good news," Twilight said as she peered through a window into a padded cell. "Doctor, is she supposed to be tied down like that?" she asked, indicating to the patient within.
The doctor looked down at his clipboard. "Ah yes, Amethyst Star. She cannot stop dancing. At all. When we found her, she had pounded her hooves into bloody stumps and was in the process of drawing out some sort of design via her dancing. If she hadn't been in such pain, I would have loved to know what she was trying to draw. Many of the new patients have such "ironic disorders", as we have taken to calling them—Perfect Rhyme chants in an unknown language that grates on the ears, causing one nurse to faint, whilst Lyra ripped open her hooves trying to play her lyre, even though she normally plays it with her horn. Anyway, here we are; Miss Rarity's cell."
Twilight looked through the one-way glass into the room. In the middle of it was Rarity, although not as Twilight remembered her. Her violet mane was frazzled, looking more like a bush than the well-kept coiffure she usually sported. There was a cut on her cheek, just below her bloodshot eyes, which rolled wildly in their sockets, staring at things that Twilight couldn't see. Gone were her glamorous dresses, replaced by a straitjacket which pinned her forelegs to her sides. She sat there with a crazed grin, giggles bursting out from her chapped lips.
"Doctor," said Twilight, visibly distressed at her friend’s predicament, "is the straitjacket necessary?"
"I'm afraid so, your Highness. She was found attempting to skin her sister alive. Apparently she wanted to use the hide for a saddle," the doctor said, looking at Twilight, who was clearly horrified. "Thankfully, she was stopped in time by her cat, which attacked her, and Sweetie Belle escaped unharmed, if traumatised. However, it doesn't change the fact that she is potentially violent."
"Doctor, can I go speak to her?" Twilight asked. The pegasus paused for a moment, before nodding.
"She's been sedated, so she shouldn't be too aggressive. And we'll be watching anyway, so yes, you can. Knock on the door if you wish to leave." He opened the door and Twilight entered the padded cell.
"Rarity? It's me, Twilight."
"It's scratch scratch scratching!" Rarity laughed.
"Rarity? Can you hear me? Are you in there?"
"Scratch scratch." Rarity's eyes focused on Twilight for a moment. "Oh aren't you a lovely shade of purple. Gives me an idea for a dress. Now, where did I put my scissors? Snip snip!"
"Rarity, please, answer me," Twilight begged, but Rarity didn't react. "Rarity, do you remember my first sleepover? You got so upset about the messy bookcase, you forgot about the tree that had fallen into my bedroom, remember? Rarity?"
But Rarity gave no indication she had heard, instead shuffling around the room, trying to find her scissors. Twilight’s friend was gone, lost in a broken mind.
"He-he-he! Scratch scratch! You know, your mane will make a lovely scarf. Now where are my scissors? Snip snip snip! And off it comes!"
Twilight sobbed, distraught at her friend’s madness. No, this wasn't her friend, this was a monster dressed in Rarity's skin. Even when she had been discorded, there was still a trace of her personality, but this, this just couldn’t be her. Twilight couldn't take much more and turned to leave, when a voice stopped her.
"Twilight!" shouted Rarity. Twilight spun round, hope in her heart, only to find Rarity's face pressed up against hers, bloodshot eyes staring unblinkingly into Twilight's. "Beware, for it awakens. A beast that isn't, from a slumber that isn't. It feeds on the madness of artists. The stars are the lock and key! Beware!"
"Rarity? What awakens, what are you on about? Beware of what?" Twilight asked. However, whatever sanity Rarity had left fled once again, her eyes returning to their mad swirl.
"Why you have a lovely coat. Gives me an idea for a cloak you'll just die for! Hee-hee-ha-ha-ha-ha!" Rarity cackled madly, causing Twilight to back away in horror, quickly exiting the room.
"Are you okay?" the doctor asked, concern heavy in his voice. Twilight shook her head, unable to speak. Suddenly, a cacophony of noises down the hall was heard. Looking up Twilight saw a gurney roll past, a patient strapped in, thrashing against her bonds.
It was Princess Luna. Her eyes were wild, with bloody froth spilling from a mouth that snapped wildly at thin air, hooves straining against her bonds. Twilight was given the impression of a rabid dog—no intelligence, just pure primal rage and violence. The doctor stopped the gurney with a snap command.
"What happened?" he demanded.
"We don't know! She was fine one minute, the next she had gone feral! Tried to rip out Celestia's throat!"
"Celestia!" Twilight called out. "Is she okay?"
"Thankfully, the Princess was unharmed thanks to the quick actions of the royal guard. They were able to pin Luna down long enough for us to sedate her."
"You call this sedated?" the doctor exclaimed.
"Compared to the ferocity of her attack, yes. Anyway, we're taking her down to cell 101."
"Carry on then. But I want a full report as soon as possible," the doctor ordered. Twilight Sparkle could only look on in horror as the gurney and its passenger—another friend lost to madness—continued their journey down the hall. A thump from behind startled Twilight, making her turn around. There, staring through the soundproof mirrored glass as if she could see them, was Rarity, mouthing soundless words. Twilight didn't need to be able to read lips to understand her.
It feeds on the madness of artists. The stars are the lock and key. Beware.
and the epilogue is now up. totaly have a sequal in the works as well. it shall be awsome and full of mind fuck.
ugh. a thumb down without an explanation. that always makes me feel sick. its like i failed.
depressed professor is depressed.
This is well written who thumbed it down? I for one, eagerly await the sequel.
1413921
Thanks for the support.
And the sequal is going to be great. A great big multi chapter thing where twilight wanders around arkham investigating. Investigating what? Well, that would be telling.
This is indeed very wonderful! As a Lovecraft fan myself, I find that you keep true to the nature of the stories quite well. Bravo, sir.
1469750
wow, really? I kinda feared I drifted too far away from the source material- I find it very hard to read Lovecraft as my eyes keep glazing over whenever he spends more than a paragraph describing something (which is always) so my knowledge of his work is sadly limited.
Although I do love what I have been able to read of his work. Pickman's model is perhaps my favouite, as you can tell from this fic.
1469793 Indeed, it was a great, shortened horror story that stayed true to the nature of most Lovecraft works. My own personal favorite piece has to be The Dunwich Horror. Lovecraft would go into detail so much because he enjoyed immersing the character in the story, that way they would feel the horror he felt while writting. Some don't prefer it, but I think it's wonderful. So yes, this warranted a fav and a thumbs up. Also, if you enjoy Dark stories, I recommend you check out my fic Feral. I hear good things about it.
1469818
You know, I think I will. I am actully running out of things to read.
1469830 Well then, there ya go. An enjoyable read for an enjoyable read!
1471003
Thanks!
Just got some excellent feedback from an EQD prereader, but unfortunatly there were too many grammar mistakes for them to post. So I am going to fix that and maybe find a proofreader or two to give it a once over.
I will read this... sometime...
*marks to read later*
1503187
I would recommend doing so. But then again, I am the author, so I might be a little biased.
But seriously, I consider this be one of my better fics, so if you do read something of mine, make it this one.
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/313/579/3f5.gif
A Lovecraftian-style horror that actually feels like a Lovecraftian-style horror. I wish I could say such a thing was not uncommon. Pickman's Model is one of my favorite so this immediately rests in a special place for me. I'll be watching you, sir.
1554525
Thanks for the fave and watch!
I should warn you that I am going to rewrite parts of this soonish, however. It will be much better, and much longer, I assure you.
1554549
I shall make a note of this.
...
Mister Charles Dexter Ward.
1555881
No relation.
Okay, the rewrite is offically compleat! New ending and better grammar—what more could you ask for?
just...
fucking...
WOW!!!
This was one intense story! I do have to say that it captured my attention, And you have a sequal planned? You, good Sir, have my full attention now!
1886204
I have lots of things planned. But yes, a sequel is rattling around in my head.
Glad you enjoyed it.
1886214 Felt like something that would come right from the mind of Lovecraft or Poe.
1886258
I have a twisted mind, remember?
Do you have a hidden chapter? Because it shows only the chapter and epilogue, but even though both chapters have been read, it shill lists this story as having an updated chapter.
1886313
Nope. I did delete a chapter, but there should be only the two chapters. Try clicking and unclicking the green tick.
1886326 done that... did not work. I end up haveing to click the Read All button, and opening the other two stories with unread chapters to untick the green tickmarks.
I think that it was still registering that deleted chapter as being unread for me, forcing to mark everything with one click, then going back to edit after.
Damn site glitches!
1886342
I hear ya, buddy.
Deleted chapter??? Whaaaa!!!
*EDIT*
No Prob!
2250635
Oh, sorry. I rewote chapter 1, which I did by deleting the original and creating a new one. This was before I learnt of the site glitches, and I am unaware of how to fix it. My bad.
I have yet to read your story, but I'm mildly surprised it was featured on EqD when one of their rules is 'no gore'. And you specifically tagged your story gore.
I wonder if it is light enough in your story or they're just loosening their rules a tad.
2250749
The rule is no mature stuff. They still let gore on, as long as it isn't excessive. And the gore here isn't, its very mild and only appears towards the end.
Cupcakes is on Equestria Daily. I guess that is relevant, isn't it?
I love this! It is so awesome!!! I hope to see more soon! I love the idea of psycho Rarity.. Just saying
Don't feel too bad about the thumbs down for this story, it possibly means they were disturbed by it. Which means you succeeded
I for one enjoyed it
Psch, you call this madness?
Still, have a thumb!
2251442
Cupcakes was put up before the rule came into effect. Actually, Cupcakes is why the rule is in effect.
2251772
I'm glad you like it. And more pysco Rarity hm? That gives me a few ideas.
2252096
Yeah, I'm over it now. Especially since the first two drafts of this were terrible. And I'm happy to hear you like it!
2252158
The sequel (when I get round to it) will be better/worse depending on your perspective!
2252999
Glad to have you on board!
2253547
I'm quite proud of it myself—normally I'm no good with names.
I read your story yesterday, and I can't stop thinking about it. I want MORE. I'm happy to hear there will be a sequel, which is why I'm watching you now. ;)
Personally, I'm hoping that Rarity and Luna will regain their sanity somehow, eventually.
2258244
That is exactly the impact I wanted it to have.
As for Rarity and Luna...
2254506 ^^ I'm actually writing something about that subject myself. Haha
That was amazing! Loved it!
Oh, this was so good! I'm a fan of H.P. Lovecraft and Pickman's Model is one of my favorites. (Though The Colour Out of Space is probably my absolute favorite.) And you've nailed it by casting the Nightmare as an Eldritch Abomination. I mean, "the stars shall aid in her escape" sounds like something lifted right out of Lovecraft!
Anyway, great story, and a good example of dark fiction done right! When the sequel comes, I'm there.
2263867
Glad you liked it!
2265111
I'm pleased I managed to entertain a true fan of both works. Its actually been quite a while since I have read any of Lovecraft's work—I have difficutly digging my way through some of his prose at times. But the Colour Out of Space was very good. May go back and reread it.
thats it THATS IT!!!!! this cant be it please tell me theres more please
Didn't really do it for me, I'm afraid. I'm a fan of Lovecraft and this was too heavily referential for my taste. What I mean to say is, this pulled in so many plot elements directly from his works that I spent more time recognizing the reference than actually parsing the story itself. It killed any sense of horror that might have had a chance to build otherwise.
It's a phenomenon that even Lovecraft's own writing isn't immune to. After you've read enough of it, some of his weaker pieces become more a game of "guess which eldritch horror is driving people mad this week". I'm sure readers who are less familiar with the source material would have no such issue. As it was, I spent the first part of the story trying to decide whether Dark Arts was an incarnation of Nyarlathotep rather than really caring what was going on in Rarity's mind. Of course, as soon as Dark Arts invited Rarity round, I remembered Pickman, so the reveal of the Muse as a real thing was entirely expected and anti-climactic.
I like what you're trying to do here, but I think you would be better served writing an entirely new plot that borrows concepts from the Cosmology rather than directly borrowing plot elements from Lovecraft. Thumbs down from me on this one, but if you ever do decide to write a sequel, I'll check it out.
2535077
Well, thanks for telling me why you've given it a thumbs down. More than most people give.
And yeah, I see your point. I did borrow heavily from Pickmans model. Don't worry, the sequel is going in a slightly more original direction. When I get round to writing it.
A decent attempt at Lovecraftian style fiction, although there were weaknesses, overall an enjoyable piece which I will be happy to favourite, supply an up vote and recommend to my fellow Lovecraftian inclined comrades. Overall the story was interesting and well developed, the characters seemed to be holding up to their canon personalities and you managed to mirror some of Lovecrafts evocative language. However, I cannot say that it is without fault.
The writing whilst not bad, it could certainly be improved, not because there is anything seriously wrong with it but rather that it frequently portrays an almost mechanical feel, completely unsuited to a first person narrative. Furthermore, Rarity sometimes say things which would seem rather abnormal, and would generally be more suited to internalised dialogue than to be spoken out loud. Some of the elements which you have tried to portray also come across a little poorly implemented. Certainly you attempt to keep the Muse slightly indescribable, but your description comes across a little too clear cut and precise, not allowing the mind to develop on vague suggestion and supply its own fears to your creation. Not necessarily a weakness, but neither a strength is your over reliance on pre-existing material, which comes across heavily in the plot if one had read Lovecraft extensively. I would have suggested you to use your own work in any other Mythos inspired endeavor in order to keep your audience on the edges of their seats. Finally, I feel the story could have been suited to be longer, allowing the tension to further build up until the dramatic unveiling of your horror, a few less obvious clues and suggestions could have also added to the experience.
Overall, one of the better pieces that I have read which focused on the application of Mythos themes to Equestria, despite its flaws I feel you should be proud of what you have done, Lovecraft after all is a hard fellow to follow and you have done admirably in your attempts to bring the Mythos to a new medium. In conclusion 7/10, keep writing and I am sure you will master the horror genre, I shall now go and add this to my box for recommended reading and begin upon the sequel you have since brought into creation.
Best wishes
EldritchSpires
I do love a good horror story, but as stated by others, a few things prevent me from truly enjoying the fic to its fullest.
The first is that you understand horror, but struggle to write it at times. What I refer to are scenes that are meant to be buildup to the finale. Rarity keeps hearing scratching, but dismisses it as rats or Opal. Luna is concerned about the new wave of art, but nothing comes out of it. The thing is, that's not buildup, at least not to me. It feels like you are either A.) trying to set up red herrings or B.) trying to force the audience to believe something in order for a sudden twist to be more shocking. I don't like being led by the nose. I want to make my own conclusions and interpret the shocks on my own. I don't want to be told how, when, and why I should be scared.
The ending made me roll my eyes a little as well. "Beware, for it awakens. A beast that isn't, from a slumber that isn't. It feeds on the madness of artists. The stars are the lock and key! Beware!" Is this really something Rarity would say? I know Rarity is going mad due to something staring back at her in the darkness, but that brief moment of lucidity didn't sound like Rarity at all. Plus, it's less a cryptic warning and more sequel bating. I don't mind sequels in of themselves - providing they are good - but I don't like hooks to be so obvious. The fridge horror of Lovecraft comes from not knowing anything or not knowing enough, because if you do know the complete truth, the cognitive dissonance drives you mad. You're trying to have it both ways; the horror is known, and yet unknown. It doesn't work like that.
I'm a little offset by Luna going mad as well. Since Luna didn't see the rest of the exhibits, didn't see Pickman, and didn't make a flourish of the night sky, her ending scene is more confusing than unnerving. The revelation that she has gone mad, well after her doing so would make sense, is more confusing than anything. I, personally, am more focused on why she has gone mad then the horror behind it.
So, that's it for me. I like it enough to favorite, but not enough for an upvote.
I have to agree with what several before me have said: It may not be a perfect piece, but it's still one of the better Mythos crossovers.
I don't agree that Luna succumbing to madness is confusing, though. We may not have witnessed the trigger, but we did witness the cause. After all, she saw the first picture, and many of the works inspired by the Muse. Given that even those seemed to have some effect, the thought that she might have created night skies under the Muse's influence paints a quite dire picture.
And as always, Twilight is left to pick up the mess of others.
The sequel is definitely going on my reading list.