"Sugar with your tea? Death"

by milk rain

"IS THAT THE GRIM REAPER"

Death was looking into a door, pondering a question to himself. "Now, how the hell is she still alive?" Death was currently looking at the Princess of Equestria and the mover of the sun, Princess Celestia. He made a frown, which should be impossible, but nonetheless, he did make a frown. He would snap his fingers as a book teleported in front of him. He would flip the pages as he looked for something.

"No, not there, definitely not there. Ah ha! There we are, 'immortal beings.'" Death scrolled down the list, landing on Celestia's name. He would begin to read but would soon stop, screaming out loud.

"No, this has to be wrong. Celestia was supposed to die over 200 years ago, how could this fly over my-" But Death would stop, coming to a realization.

"Oh, this flew over my head. If the higher-ups knew about this-" But before Death could finish his sentence, he would stop and reassure himself.

"No, there is no way the higher-ups know. Come on, Death, you have been doing this for, for uh-" Death started counting on his fingers, trying to remember how long he has had this job.

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6- Ugh! Never mind." Death shook his head, regaining his focus as he looked back into the doorway.

"Well, I guess I'll just have to get this over with and pretend she had already died 200 years ago in the book." He looked at his Scythe, gripping it hard before walking into the door.

---

Celestia looked over the balcony, admiring the sight of nearby mountains. She had always loved the view the balcony offered her, showcasing abundant nature and life. She took another sip of the tea she was drinking, but it was interrupted by the sound of a door opening.

"It's been a while," Celestia said, a smile coming to her face.

Death walked up to her, putting his arms on the balcony railing. "It has been far too long, Princess."

"Not really." Whispered Celestia.

"What do I owe this unannounced visit?" Death looked at the mountain range before he turned to Celestia and said.

"I will get straight to the point, Tia." But Death would be cut off as Celestia almost choked on her tea.

"We are using real names now? Must be serious," Celestia said, chuckling before sipping back on her tea.

"Yes, you see, Tia, you are overdue on your death and I have come to collect the debt." Death waited for some dramatic response, but all he got in return was.

"Nuh-uh." Death was stunned for a moment but would speak up saying.

"THE FUCK YOU MEAN NUH-UH!"

"I mean nuh-uh, you're wrong. Also, that whole 'I have come to collect the debt bit, was kinda cringe."

Death would respond with a scoff, "Yeah, whatever, but back to what you said. How am I wrong, Tia?" He snapped his
fingers, and the book returned, flipping to her page and shoving it into Celestia's face. "Look at this." Celestia read over the page as a frown came to her face.

"I was supposed to die from a piano falling on me!" Death looked puzzled and took another look at his book.

"Huh, I did not see that the first time. Well, it does not matter, what matters is that you were supposed to die over 200 years ago."

"Well, I am glad I changed my fate because dying from a piano sounds like a stupid death. Me, Princess Celestia, dies from a falling instrument, you know how lame that sounds."

Death couldn't care less about what she was rambling on about, but one part of what she said had stuck in his mind. "YOU CHANGED YOUR FATE!"

Taking a page out of Big Mac's playbook, Celestia would respond with a "YUP."

"How, how the hell did you change your fate? That should be impossible; it's fate."

Celestia would stare Death down as she said. "It's none of your business."

"Oh, but it is my business; tell me now."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure." Death said confidently as he folded his arms.

"Okay, then. So one day this humanoid-looking creature with a big 'H' for its head came to me and offered me a deal. It knew I was going to die so it decided to change my fate for me if I helped it."

"So a human-looking creature with a Big 'H' for its head came to you and made you a deal?"

"Yep, I think its name was It-Has-No. No wait! Hasbro, that's what its name was."

Death pondered on that name as if he had heard it before but he could not put his skeletal finger on it, it was just escaping his mind. Death sighed before replying to Celestia.

"And what was this deal you made with this Hasbro?"

"Simple, I sold my soul and everyone else's soul to Hasbro."

"Why? Why would you do that!?"

"I was not trying to die."

"Okay, but everyone else's soul as well as your own thats super selfish, Tia! Do you even know what this Hasbro is doing with them!?"

"Well, from the contract it said something about using me and everyone else's likeness for entertainment purposes. So," Celestia would shrug her shoulders as she sipped her tea again.

Death looked annoyed as he rubbed his non-existent eyes. "So, even if I believe you, which I don't. You sadly still have to die. I have a job, Tia, and I can't lose it."

"That's a shame, Death, but I am immortal; you can't kill me."

"Your 'immortality' is not the real thing. You just so happen to never age, and you also can't die from diseases. Also, you were destined TO DIE! Just accept it, Tia, it's over, Don't worry I will make it quick."

Celestia sighed as she put down her cup of tea. "I am not trying to have this dance with your death. Not again."

Death was taken aback at this statement as he replied, "Not again? You mean we have done this before? But this is the first time I learn-" Death was cut off as the door behind Celestia opened.

"I sent out that SOS about 30 minutes ago. Why did you take so long?" Celestia said with annoyance in her voice.

"Sorry, I was at a meeting. So death is back, I see?" The figure spoke out, closing the door behind them.

"You are real," Death said as he stared at the human-looking figure with a big 'H' for a head.

"You have said that to me about 70 times now," Hasbro chuckled as it looked at Celestia.

"Wait, how many times have we done this!?" Death asked.

"This is your 70th time asking that question," Celestia said as she let out a small giggle.

"I-"

"And before you say anything, Death. Take a look at this." Hasbro would flip through a document, landing on a certain page as it gave the document to Death. Death would read over it, an angry expression crossing his face.

"THE FUCK YOU MEAN I CAN'T LEGALLY KILL YOUR CHARACTERS!"

"Sir, we are rated TV-Y; we are not TV-PG or TV-14. We can't have our characters dieing that would traumatize the children and would look bad on us. We leave that up to our wonderful fan base to do that," Hasbro stated.

"Now unless you want to take this to court, I suggest you leave now, and I might not have to erase your memory."

Death had a dumbstruck look as he shouted out. "Who the hell do you think you are, some representation of a big-shot company? I am death incarnate; you can't do shit!"

Celestia would look at Hasbro with a smirk on her face. Death would take notice and soon would realize.

"Oh, well, I-"

"You can leave now, Mr. Death," Hasbro said, as a door would appear, sucking Death away, leaving Celestia and her corporate overlord all alone.

"Tea?" asked Celestia.

"Sure."

"So what was your meeting about?"

"It was about MLP: G5."

"Oh? You know what it's going to be about now?"

"Yeah, I am thinking we make it just barely connected to G4 and transition to 3D while making a mediocre story."

Celestia took the teapot, splashing the boiling water onto the letter "H." The screaming "H" fell to the floor,as Celestia walked out to her balcony, saying to herself.

"That's a terrible idea."

Author's Note:

i was just mad bored

Comments

[Starlight Nova]

Why isn’t there a comedy tag?

[i_am_the_jam]

Well, if you want to get technical, Angel, Granny Smith, and Aunt Goldie DID die, though not on-camera.

[AvoidingFever17]

"Sir, we are rated TV-Y; we are not TV-PG or TV-14. We can't have our characters dieing that would traumatize the children and would look bad on us. We leave that up to our wonderful fan base to do that," Hasbro stated.

Me: yeah well how bout you answer to HER
Melinda: hello!
[RATING INCREASED]
Good

[milk rain]

11851527
i forgor i put it there now lol

[Hoofprintz]

Ngl two notes hit me extremely hard.

"Who the hell do you think you are, some representation of a big-shot company?

Idk why this was so funny, but I laughed hard.

This:

"Yeah, I am thinking we make it just barely connected to G4 and transition to 3D while making a mediocre story."

Had me rolling.

Those two lines were worth the fic. Have a like.

[milk rain]

11863206
Thx hoof my comedy is kinda 50/50 but im glad i lt made you laugh