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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I know people have said it numerous times before but the way you tackle dialogue in this is really, really good. This chapter especially has a "flow" to it that smoothly take you line to line. I don't feel like I'm having to "step over" unnecessary words or slog through poor dialogue
njnj
11839343
FR
I never know how to explain writing flow as an author, since I've only ever noticed it as a reader. This is a prime example of doing it right
Things seem to be going rather well. Almost... too well. (They can only call you paranoid until you're right)
11839343
Like, honestly. I slapped this story in my 'Dean's List' and 'Above All Else' bookshelves because of how dang fluid this story's dialogue is! Not only is it natural but it's mature; Everything that's ever been said by any character has been realistic to a fault and there's no unnecessary drama or drama that slogs on for a longer stay than welcomed.
This is one of the few stories that's gonna make me sad when it ends.
I thought the double date idea was cute. Nice to see my alcohol suggestion make it into the dialogue, even if Midnight shot it down. I'd love to them restore a 67 Dodge Charger. That was my dad's favorite muscle car.
Been a while since a read a fanfic that completely got me in.
I ate this shit up like my life depended on it and now i gotta wait for more :0.
I cannot state how much this story captured me for some reason
11839530
Technically, that alcohol comment was already in the dialogue from the greentext version of this story, which is being transferred here with some editing.
Regarding the smooth flowing dialogue... I have a theory.
I think this story has it because the author correctly follows grammar we expect (especially using a new paragraph when the speaking voice changes) AND because the author doesn't iclude extraneous info that's gets in the way of the dialogue.
Like this...
John looks to Midnight and asks "hey, are you hungry?"
"You can't be serious, we ate like fifteen minutes ago."
"I ate light."
"That's your own fault, dumbass."
Instead of....
John looks to Midnight and asks "hey, are you hungry?" His stomach gave a small growl.
With a sigh, Midnight looks exasperated, "You can't be serious, we ate like fifteen minutes ago."
John shrugs, "I ate light."
Midnight scowls, "That's your own fault, dumbass."
That's the difference. You lose some of the info, but you gain a smoothly flowing story. Plus, a lot of the mannerisms can be inferred into the dialogue. In the first example, I didn't include the action "John shrugs" but you can almost see it anyway in his response.
And that only works because of the fantastic character building from the previous chapters.
So, damn fine work @AutoPony
The one and only eternal woe
WE NEED MOAR!
I must say I am totally hooked on this story and been Bing reading it the past 2 days. Can't wait for more and more to come of this gem you made AutoPony
Also i can see this totally happen down the road if Midnight gets to enjoy some gaming, def same energy!
derpicdn.net/img/view/2023/7/1/3154823.jpg
Damn that's subtle, but so felt.
That’s like… the most Luna thing we’ve ever heard her say.
So much love for this story!
one of the best of the best! can’t wait to buy the hard copy someday
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That makes sense. I'll be honest, that lack of descriptors more or less comes from when it was a greentext - I just don't use them much in that form. But I think a lot of people overdo it in fear of losing the reader in regards to who is talking. Like you said, a new paragraph with each speaking line should be enough to denote that, but I think some get a bit nervous about leaving it 'vague.'
11841788
Lol. I appreciate that - but I don't see this becoming a hard copy. I don't think it's that kind of quality to deserve publication.
She's met him at first base! Let's go!
I feel like John and Middy were particularly adorable in this chapter.
11839790
This is a very true point, definitely feels like a case of more is less, and less is more.
11839790
Using facial expression and body language descriptors toes a fine line between too much and too little. The dialogue in this story may not use them much, but it leans heavily on the readers imaginations. Good thing the author knows their audience well.