A long dead goddess reawakens to find a world populated with ponies, dragons, human like dogs, griffons, changelings, and yaks. Now instead of a human civilization to protect she has to protect a group of less than powerful ponies, with the ever present threat of Equestrian royalty and the elements of harmony. The people somehow still end up wrapped up in every major Equestrian conflict and the goddess is not for it.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Interesting start.
This is good. I am watching
Liking for the cover art poem.
If this story is one of the first ones you have created (let's say, among the first 10) I will believe what you have written, it really is not bad because you have laid the foundations of the story quite well... the thing is the context captured, it feels generic and a little bland, the death of the extras did not feel shocking nor was there any emotion felt, be it pity or satisfaction, And the typical situation of "we have to stop it before it does more damage" is quite recurring, not bad, but someone who has been on the site for a while (say, a year?) would not enjoy it at all. The good point of this prologue or chapter one is how the protagonist was invoked, Through a group of thieves who discovered their existence, which promotes another point in the story, were they a large group? Or did they break into the castle in the discord debacle? Or even more! They are a cult that has been around for a while and they finally managed to bring back the human goddess!
The only thing that could make you enjoy this story (apart from good character development) is how you grow in writing it, giving well-executed situations filled with emotion.
Pd: I want to think that this is constructive criticism and not a comment throwing hate at your story, I am also a writer, and I have read the first stories I created(and it doesn't end) and I tell you, they are quite embarrassing, But there's no shame in admitting that.
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Rereading this you are correct about my shortcomings but i was wondering what super common tropes bring my story down into the generic category. I havent read many mlp fanfics sorry.
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I already listed many of them in my previous comment, but I suppose the main ones are:
Only giving the name and a brief description as the cover background for the protagonist, which makes him flat and you cannot sympathize with him until later chapters.
Saying that your protagonist is the purest person the previous god has ever known to inherit his powers, instead, You could say that he or she, among all the people who have passed through there, had higher values than everyone else, either because of how young he or she was or because he or she was always that way, And these values could be the elements of harmony, you know, kindness, generosity, laughter, loyalty and honesty, not magic because humans don't have magic
Another generic point is that Celestia and Luna consider your protagonist as someone who is a bad person or something, Instead of trying to reach a neutral diplomatic discussion by trying to verify your intentions, Which would make our protagonist understand that he does not have to only use force on those who are against him, as it could have been in his past with his (You know, humans are bloody beings in war)
I think my last point, and the emptiest, that I mentioned before, was the death of the guard, for me you could do it since it makes the reader understand that your protagonist, When he was still a god (goddess) to humans, he had to sacrifice the lives of his enemies for the good of his people, even though they might have people waiting for them in their homes (Imagine, it is an unreal situation that could irremediably damage the relationship with the ponies, but let's say that that guard was Twilight's older brother, Shining Armor, It would be shocking, but he can't die at the beginning of the story because he is an important figure for this story) I went off on a tangent, but the general thing is that there were no dialogues on his part, where he begged and mentioned other sentimental figures of this one so that we feel sorry for him, And let it weigh on the goddess's conscience, since after her millennia-long rest, for her she has not changed one bit in how she treats her enemies, What I'm trying to say, it's a necessary evil, but no emotion was felt from it because of how simple it was.
I hope this helps you a lot to guide you with your story, so that it takes the form you like it to be, and that it is not forgotten among the thousands that exist on these platforms.
great story so far i hope the main 6 get along with her because i am sick of when celestia wants twilight and the rest to take care of somone they try to do it and get the buts handed to them
great chapter top 3 favorite stories
Mmmmm..... Typical xenophobic and arrogance from ponies. They don't know that naturally a god/goddess of nature controls everything from the ground they walk on, the air they breath, the plants they eat, and even the celestial bodies from the sun, moon and other planets.
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How dare they!
i have read this story 20 times i hope to see a new chapter soon please