Moondancer felt the familiar roiling in her gut that made her uneasy. The niggling voice in the back of her head telling her this is just temporary, they still think you're a hermit, and you are, aren't you? It was a feeling that wasn't uncommon to her, but still uncomfortable all the same.
The heartwarming events of the party suddenly feel sour to her, and though she's just leaving the park with a smile on her face and promises of a future ahead of her, she doesn't really think it'll last.
She hears hoofsteps approach, and she turns her head to see the sight of Twilight Sparkle, giving her a small (but knowing, much to Moondancer's fear) smile. "Hey. I thought- would you like for us to walk together back to your cottage?"
Chapters (1)
This is a nice story and it's believable that Moondancer struggled in letting go of her self destructive habits.
This sentence doesn't really work and I think Twilight should be saying something about the fact that it's okay for Moondancer to talk about those feelings. The way it's structured now it's unclear what exactly Twilight says is okay.
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Thanks for the comment! Yeah, it was a complete blunder- I wrote this in the middle of the night and I'm sure I've skipped a few things even with proofreading. She was supposed to tell her that it's okay if she wanted to talk about, instead of just saying the same thing again, haha.
Either way, thanks for the feedback!
I like it. It's a good, deeper glimpse into a complex situation that's both reasonable and respectful to the characters. Problems like that don't just instantly fix, but those first steps (and the little things) are important. A wonderful first publish - nicely done, and congratulations.
Yours blew my first fic outta the water! Your first fic you say? Well I’m no critique, but I’m glad you addressed this event after their rekindled relationship. Made the story make since. I saw no major flaws so good job!