God She's Pretty
written by zargein
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- WordyWrites · 1.5k words · 22 24 · 476 views
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Futa Derpy is one of those things that always seems cool to me.
But your writing needs work, in both grammar and punctuation, and definitely pacing.
Derpy to me is too cute to get off to
11348048
This is how a lot of people feel about ponies in general.
11348052
I only feel that way for Derpy 😇 the rest is a completely different story😈 my friend
11348056
is that why your name is edge load
11348090
I plead the fifth
While an interresting concept, this is far too rushed.
Futa derpy? Hard pass
I am surprised at how coherent the fic is. The others are making it out to be some kind of tragedy, but I am honestly impressed. You put so much story in so little words. That word count was what led me to assume the fic had a bad pacing in the first place. It wasn't anything perfect, of course, but surprisingly consistent throughout.