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Flutters' Secret

Source

Twilight and Rarity are worried about Fluttershy. So they asked Rainbow to find out why she seemed strange this week. But instead she will find out her secret...

This is my first story... I hope you'll like it

Edited by Applefai

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 7 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 7
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Applefai

Applefai #1 · Jul 25th, 2022 · 1 · ·

Pretty good story. I do see potential. The premise is good and it is understandable.

If you want, I could offer my help in editing. But only if you want

Axolotl222

Axolotl222 #2 · Jul 25th, 2022 · 1 · ·

There were a few minor errors here and there (nothing too distracting though), and the twist was pretty well executed. All in all, not too bad for your first story.

Flutterprincess

Flutterprincess #3 · Jul 25th, 2022 · · ·

11311096
Of course you can help me, thank you so much. I've really try to do my best but it seems that I'm not the best in writing ^^.

Flutterprincess

Flutterprincess #4 · Jul 25th, 2022 · 1 · ·

11311280
Thank you, I know that there're some errors, like I said in A/N, I'm not english so I expected this. I hope you've enjoyed read it anyway.

Applefai

Applefai #5 · Jul 25th, 2022 · 2 · ·

11311405
You're welcome. I'll make a doc here in a few and pm it to ya.

And it looks good. I think you'll become a good writer, just keep on writing and each time you'll get better and better

TheOneAJ

TheOneAJ #6 · Mar 14th, 2023 · · ·

Starswirl the Beardless

Starswirl the Beardless #7 · May 9th, 2023 · · ·

I understand that this is your first story, but this still has a few big problems with it. You have a large number of mechanical errors which make the story feel very unpolished. I can understand this if English is not your first language, but it still drags down the story. This also felt much too fast-paced, with scenes being much too short and lacking detail needed for a story like this. Most of all, I find the premise to be a bit uninspired and unbelievable. I doubt if a story like this could be done well, but if it were, I think it would need much more detail to justify it, detail that this story just lacks.