• Published 28th Feb 2022
  • 1,534 Views, 942 Comments

They're... ON HOLIDAY? - Nameless Narrator



After reaching peace between Equestria and Hive changelings, queen Chrysalis takes two high ranks and a small retinue of drones with her on a trip to an island holiday resort.

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Day 8 - Smiley's hole: 7/7

The crossroad where the promenade intersects the main road leading north and up the hillside through the resort and down to the beach now hosts a set of mobile bleachers. Deck chairs are everywhere and vendors are getting record sales. A large, circular table with four chairs sits in the center of the crossroad, presumably for Chrysalis and Shining Armor as well as anyone who wants to watch up close. The table is set up to be the Scufflestick battleground for the evening, with banks, cover, and tunnels made from dirt, grass, and several small barricades made of wood. Finally, there’s a dais in the right beach corner with two folding chairs, a table with several drinks, and Bright Star paired up with Trixie. The paladin’s horn is glowing as he experiments with versions of illusion spells which would best allow him to project the battleground into the air for everyone to see. Contrary to the usual paladin attire, Bright Star is wearing a multicolored Hawaiian shirt, a shade on his forehead, and a pair of sunglasses propped on his horn, all while sipping a cocktail in a plastic cup through a straw. Sitting on the second chair is Trixie wearing her usual star-decorated, purple hat, her matching cloak hanging from the corner of the podium due to the heat.

”TESTING, TESTING! ONE, TWO, THREE!” Trixie’s voice booms over the gathered crowd and street vendors who moved their booths from further parts of the promenade.

“I must say, this isn’t the most professional look,” the crowd parts before the huge mass of Sun Hammer as the Acting Grandmaster finds her way to the podium.

“On the contrary, Sunny!” Bright Star takes his hind legs off of the podium, beaming at Sun Hammer, “We’re off duty, so you should be the one relaxing, and you aren’t,” he shakes his head before leaning to Sun Hammer’s ear, “Besides, I’m in the perfect position to both keep an eye on our suspects and a protective hoof over them in case it’s all a set-up. Plus, 65536 called in a favor. You don’t just refuse that, and we still haven’t figured out a wibble resistance spell. Curse that infernally adorable power!”

Sun Hammer sighs and looks at Trixie doing vocal exercises.

“And her?”

Trixie shoots her a defiant glare.

“I got paid a bunch by one of those little weirdos to use my showmareship talent and draw some attention to this event. Plus I’m running a betting pool. Don’t look at me like I’m doing anything wrong, I know my rights and we’re in international waters… on an international island… something along those lines,” she pouts.

Sun Hammer decidedly turns her head back to Bright Star.

“Do you require my assistance here?” she asks.

“I doubt it. Both Chrysalis and Cadance are in this willingly and have had some time to prepare, so while I expect them to fight as dirty as this game allows I’m sure nothing dangerous is going to happen,” Bright Star shrugs and takes a sip of his cocktail, “I could use your company, though.”

“Bright Star, I have no idea what’s going on here other than there are way too many way too drunk creatures around.”

“Sunny, it’s a tactical board game. 65536 explained the basics to me and I really think you’d enjoy it. You could maybe help Trixie here commentate,” he nudges Sun Hammer, “She knows how to hype something up for sure but an actual tactician could do wonders to pull the crowd in. This has to be better than that mystery novel you’re reading.”

Sun Hammer looks around from the raised dais. There are nobles and servants everywhere, the crossroad is pretty much crawling with griffon guards and security ponies, and some of the hyperactive changeling drones are around. So far, she’s counted three but she’s sure she saw one among the creatures walking down the central road.

“When does all this start?” she asks.

“In about five minutes,” replies Bright Star, “Give or take ten more because we’re dealing with high royalty. Oh? Nevermind, I spoke too soon. Sunny, want me to go grab you a deck chair-”

“No need,” Sun Hammer steps off of the dais, “I’ll bring my own. Besides, I doubt there will be any tactics happening in the first few minutes,” she straight up walks off towards the beach,

Bright Star recasts his projection spell, making the enlarged board reflect off of the sky. With all its prepared obstacles it genuinely looks like a three-dimensional map of a real battlefield. While Trixie’s amplified voice calls out Bright Star’s questions about the visibility of the board’s projection and the two deal with “There’s nothing there yet!” replies as well as proper answers, Chrysalis flanked by 387 carrying a box of miniatures and 99 examining the surrounding crowd walks in through a gap which opens just for the changelings.

“Will you need me here, Your Majesty?” asks 99 mentally. Doing so with the suppressor causes a minor pressure in her head, but up this close it’s barely an inconvenience.

“Got a business meeting I wasn’t invited to? We’re doing this nonsense to cover our drones, we need to be in one place,” replies Chrysalis in a biting tone.

“No, Your Majesty. I thought I could go see the commentators. The friendly paladin is there, so maybe I could help them talk about the match since no one in the crowd knows the rules.”

“Go, just don’t bore them away by reciting unit statistics.”

99 splits off while Chrysalis sits down on the chair by the board and has 387 unpack the pieces. A few moments later, the projected board shifts and starts showing a rotating Ling warrior, all of which is followed by Trixie’s:

“A FIERCE AND TERRIFYING LING WARRIOR, ARMED AND READY TO PUNISH ENEMIES UP CLOSE WITH-”

The entire Crystal Empire delegation arrives accompanied by the crowd bursting into cheering from the direction of the beach. Shining Armor and Cadance in the front with Prism and Glintstone behind them, one of the Crystal Guards carrying a box of models as well. When Chrysalis spots them she suddenly feels kinda…

…shabby.

Shining, Shining is fine in his simple white shirt with buttons made of reflective crystals, but Cadance is wearing a simple, sleek, dark purple evening dress, and her mane has been styled into something that to Chrysalis looks like a tiered wedding cake. Chrysalis keeps up appearances and simply stands up, and gives the two a courteous nod with a polite smile.

Just… don’t say it out loud. Besides, looks won’t help her when I wipe the floor with her. Even if they took this seriously and spent the day preparing for this, I know everything about this game. Thank holes for mind-reading, because nothing could keep me awake if someone tried to explain what’s going on. Speaking of which, 99 has quite the commentating hurdle ahead of her.

“Ah, I see you were informed that I accepted your challenge, Your Majesty!” giggles Cadance, her voice magically amplified, before returning the bow.

Make this a show, Chrysalis.

“I admit I was surprised when I learned that Emperor Shining Armor was into tactical simulations, but even more so when I learned that this talent isn’t exactly appreciated back home and reciprocated,” Chrysalis internally breathes out when the amplification spell catches her voice as well, “So I, in trying to be the good diplomat, decided to offer you a lesson in ‘marital duties’.”

The crowd bursts into laughter at the idea of the Princess of Love and her consort spending time playing board games. Cadance’s title and aspect have always been prone to… misinterpretation, and she’s grown used to it. However, the way her face freezes just for a brief moment tells Chrysalis that Cadance’s mind went back exactly to the moment of her being imprisoned in Mount Canterlot caverns while Chrysalis ‘fed’ on her husband.

However, where the changeling Queen expected an outburst, none comes, and Cadance’s perfect smile returns as she says:

“I regret to inform you that you’re not going to have it so easy, Your Majesty. As per royal dueling traditions, a willing defender can fight in my stead, and I know one who wouldn’t hesitate to wipe the floor with you,” Cadance nods towards Shining, “Honey?”

“Always ready and willing,” replies Shining, which is met with someone from the crowd cheering ‘With a wife like that I would be too!’.

“Then I would like to-” Chrysalis immediately looks at 387 but Cadance shakes her head.

“Nu uh, that’s not how it works. After all, what good would duels be if a challenger sent others to fight in their stead?” Cadance sits down on a chair previously brought by Prism, “You can’t send somepony else to do your dirty work this time, Your Majesty.”

Whether that dueling rule is true or not, Chrysalis realizes that backing off and having 99 play for her would be a sign of weakness worse than losing outright.

Well played, Cadance.

“THE MIGHTY EQUESTRI FORCES AGAINST THE IMPERIUM OF LING!” announces Trixie with 99 now squeezed onto the small dais with her, Sun Hammer, and Bright Star, “AAAAND THE INITIATIVE GOES TO THE IMPERIUM OF LING! FIELD YOUR FIRST UNITS, YOUR MAJESTY!”

***

20100’s original idea of drawing schematics according to 10101’s descriptions didn’t last long, specifically up to the point when it learned what a schematic was and drew one. It quickly became clear that its drawing talent wouldn’t be necessary, so it left 99111 and 99380 with 10101 in the suite, grabbed an easel, several brushes, and some tubes of paints from the workshop, and now it’s sitting on a bench near the starting Scufflestick match but far enough where the crowd is already thin, easel with a blank canvas next to it.

It worked on the ship by complete accident, but maybe it can help pull more guests towards the crowd so they’d watch the game as well as making itself visible.

“What to draw? What to draw?” it mumbles, turning its head.

“Hey, you, little bug- changeling!” a haughty male voice somehow manages not to get drowned out by the chatter of the crowd.

Some curious looking around later, 20100 spots a vaguely familiar griffon pushing through the crowd towards it and waving. Not familiar in any particular sense, though, so it must have been one of the many creatures who at some point talked to it either on the ship or after it finished its drawing in the dining room. Gasping and rushing, the chubby griffon squeezes past the final few resort guests blocking his way, slumps onto 20100’s bench which has remained empty despite the crowd, and tries to catch his breath.

“Hello, Mister griffon!” 20100 smiles at him, “And I’m a drone changeling, not bug changeling. How would that even look? We don’t have two head noodles, just a stubby horn,” it bonks its forehead.

“You’re -haaa- the -haah- the painting -haah- one, right?”

“Mhm,” 20100 nods, “Want me to draw something? I’ve got time.”

“YES!” the griffon chokes out, “How much?”

“How much what?” 20100 grows claws, grabs a paint tube, and begins mixing paints similar to the gradient of the griffon’s light brown coat.

“Gold, gems, slaves! I’ve seen your work. Name your price.”

“I, umm, don’t think the Queen would sell me,” 20100 rubs its head, “I like it back home. So… maybe you just give me some shinies and I paint a picture of you?”

“Yesss!” the griffon punches the air, “How many… shinies will it be, then?”

I don’t exactly need shinies right now, maybe just a little bit to recover what I paid Miss Trixie… waaaaait…

20100 gets an idea, a wonderful idea.

“Hmm, could you bring some of your friends here so that I could paint them too?” 20100 is figuring out the details as it speaks, “I… I’d like to try, uhh, a new way of painting, umm, a quick way. So… I’ll do it, uhh, for zero or maybe only a few shinies, it just won’t be as detailed as I normally draw.”

“You would do this for exposure?!

***

With even the topmost arc of the sun’s disc disappearing over the horizon, the sea finally stops sparkling and the two changelings and one zebra sitting in the waves near the beach cease splashing one another with water.

Zamira looks at Smiley who starts gently slapping the water’s surface with a vacant expression on its face.

“Honey?” she nudges 1313 sitting in the third point of the triangle and watching the beach from the corner of his eyes.

“Hmm?” 1313 leans over and kisses Zamira’s cheek, whispering afterwards, “There are two griffon guards watching us.”

“Shoot!” Zamira smirks and slaps the water with a pretend frustration, “I noticed just one. Good eyes, honey. Do we pack up and leave? The water’s still warm but I think our little changeling might be stuck,” she waves her hoof in front of Smiley’s face, receiving zero reaction, “Is anything wrong?”

1313 taps into Smiley’s hive link and immediately withdraws.

“Uhh, mind-reading Silents is… not a pleasant experience,” he says, “The only thing I gathered was a mention of the best number. I have no clue what that means and I’m not digging deeper in its head. How about we wake it up the old way?” he boops Smiley’s nose which makes its ears twitch and tongue slip out of its mouth.

“Are you okay, Smiley?” Zamira can’t stop herself and pulls at the tongue with the frog of her hoof. With a weak but visible jolt, Smiley seemingly returns to reality and, after a few surprised blinks, hugs both 1313 and Zamira, “That doesn’t answer my question. In fact, that actually makes me a little more worried.”

Smiley nuzzles her neck with its nose in response.

“I guess that’s the best answer we’re going to get,” Zamira hugs back, “How about we go see how many onlookers the girls managed to pull towards Chrysalis game then?”

“Sure, why not?” 1313 shrugs, “How about that, Smiles?”

Smiley ignores him.

“Smiley?” he tries again and it turns to him immediately, “Alright, no nicknames,” 1313 chuckles and pats Smiley’s head, “Let’s grab our things and-”

Before he even finishes the sentence, Smiley is already bolting towards two deck chairs on the beach with a drink cooler and a backpack.

“-go see the game,” 1313 finishes just as Smiley pulls out its slate hidden under Zamira’s backpack, draws the string over its head, and squeezes it tightly against its chest with a sigh of relief.

***

“I REGRET EVERYTHIIIIIIIIIIING!” screams 99111 as it rockets along the beach at blinding speed, tightly hugging the handlebars of the jet ski borrowed under the impression that technology can only be good, “I PROMISE I’LL NEVER EVEN THINK ABOUT TINKERING AND TECHY STUFF I’LL JUST DIG AND CARRY AND USE GOOP AND WHY DID I DO THIIIIIIIIS?!”

Center of balance slightly forward, hind legs pressing together, grip the handlebars tightly, keep them straight.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

Despite all the panicked screaming, begging, overall incoherent yelling, and 99111 internally repeating the instructor’s words to itself… it’s doing a pretty good job for a first time rider. On top of that, it’s definitely doing a fantastic job in its original task of drawing attention considering the two griffon guards circling above it and one watching from the beach.

***

One wouldn’t expect a changeling drone at a firing range.

*BOOM!*

That might be a good idea.

“Ow ow ow ow ow ow!” 99380 drops the griffon gun, stumbling backwards on its hind legs before falling over on its butt and staring at the claws on its forelegs hurting from the recoil of the heavy pistol.

“Dumbass,” a laughing griffon wearing a protective vest, goggles, and earmuffs walks over to 99380.

“Whaaat?” 99380 looks at the griffon’s beak moving before it realizes it’s wearing earmuffs as well and reaches for them. The griffon shakes his head, pushes the drone’s forelegs down, and points behind himself.

99380 gathers itself from the floor and follows the griffon into a soundproof booth in the corner of the firing range. When the griffon takes his earmuffs off, 99380 finds it safe to do so too, revealing its drooped ears.

“Sorry,” says the drone, “Did I break the boomstick? I… it was so loud… and it moved on its own-”

“That’s what you get for starting with something of Talon 13’s caliber, especially with shattershot,” snickers the griffon. When he sees the drone’s blank look, he adds, “The gun you fired and the ammo you loaded.”

“I, uhh,” 99380 rubs its head, “I just looked at what the others were doing and picked up a boomstick that was left in a free shooty spot.”

The griffon facepalms.

“Emperor-damned nobles!” he rolls his eyes, his jovial tone gone, “Thinking they can do what they want without learning proper firearm etiquette.”

“Sorry,” 99380 hangs its head.

“Now that I know what happened I’m not about to chew out a total newbie who just did what they saw others doing, I’m pissed at the guy who was shooting there before you wandered in and didn’t unload and re-rack the gun. Do you want to learn to shoot properly, little… bug guy?” asks the griffon.

“I, umm, sure?” 99380 perks up at the offer, “I don’t think I’ll ever do this back home, but I’m supposed to try a whole bunch of new things and tell other drones what the surface looks like and what surface creatures do for fun.”

“Then let’s start with something that won’t break your talons,” muses the griffon while heading out of the booth, “Come and put the earmuffs back on.”

99380 follows him outside into the thankfully muted noise of various firearms. There’s a rack of openly accessible weapons on the back wall of the range itself, filled with several copies of various guns ranging from small to something 99380 thinks it would have to carry on its back.

“Can you hear me okay?” the griffon raises his voice and 99380 nods, “Good. Let’s start with this,” he takes a pistol that's a third of the size of what 99380 fired before, grabs a few bullets from an open box nearby, loads one into the pistol from the top, and leads 99380 into the nearest free spot on the firing line, “Single-shots like this one are the only variant of a gun that’s available to the general public. Everything with a higher rate of fire is reserved for the police forces or the military in case of the newest tech. Of course, the nobles here can get their talons on the mid-tier stuff but it’s against the Imperial laws to buy, sell, or own military hardware and the definitely-not-real Black Ops take it very seriously. We can’t have untrained and undisciplined civilians with access to something they can wipe out a city block with. Guys who go to the range regularly, though, can try out some serious firepower even on the mainland, not just in this rich folk’s playground,” he shakes his head, “I got a bit carried away. Anyway, let me show you how to do this properly.”

The griffon takes the pistol with both forelegs, steadies himself on his hind legs, aims, and pulls the trigger. A hole appears in the center of the paper target hanging on a stick ahead. The shot isn’t spooky or downright stunning for 99380 this time, so it gathers the courage and grabs the gun once the instructor puts it down, sights along the barrel, and pulls the trigger.

Nothing happens. The griffon instructor points at five bullets lined up on the counter and beckons at 99380 to give him the pistol. After reloading, he gives it back.

“Hold it steady, it’s small but it’ll still kick. Aim a little under where you want to hit because the barrel will pull upwards, and slowly squeeze the trigger.”

99380 fires. Just above the bullseye.

“Nicely done!” the griffon beams and pats 99380’s back with genuine joy, “You almost hit the center.”

“I didn’t want to, because you already made a hole there so I aimed above it,” 99380 smiles back.

“I’ll have to chalk it up to a beginner’s luck, because that’s damn impressive!”

Over the next fifteen minutes, 99380 proves that it definitely wasn’t luck. Drone precision used while drawing applies to well-maintained firearms too, but they quickly hit a limit in steadiness as any mid-tier caliber 99380 fires kicks too badly for the drone to handle, and 99380 reminds itself that it’s supposed to be moving around throughout the evening.

“This was a lot of fun, but I gotta go,” 99380 unloads its currently used pistol and returns it to its place on the rack in the back, “Thank you for taking your time with me.”

“It was a pleasure and you’re a fantastic shot,” the instructor gives the drone an appreciative nod, “If you want to keep it up back in Equestria, I have a few friends who could supply you with both legal firearms and the ammo.”

“I don’t think the Queen would let us do that,” 99380 immediately breaks his heart when it shakes its head, “And you said you hunt food with these. I’m not sure if it would work for us, you know? We, changelings, eat love and have holes,” it shows its forelegs, “But we can’t get love from each other, so a boomstick that makes holes in things wouldn’t help us get love from them. Maybe the exact opposite.”

“That’s not how-” the griffon blinks and stops, “Why does that make perfect sense but for completely the wrong reasons?”

“Ehhh, what do you mean?” 99380 scratches its head.

“Nevermind,” he shakes his head, “Have a good rest of the evening, and feel free to come again.”

“You too, Mister boomstick!” 99380 waves at him as it walks away, “And I will! I wanna fire the biggest one at least once.”

***

A completely unsuspicious bush near a bridge crossing a small ravine separating the resort from the jungle moves. Somewhat suspiciously, one might say.

However, as Glorious Quest walks past it on the way to the center of the resort he doesn’t seem to notice. What he somehow does notice, however, is a griffon guard perched atop a tree nearby, and he shifts the glow coming from his horn from a general aura of light into a beam aimed directly at the griffon.

“Hey, what do you think you’re doing?!” the griffon calls out and flies down, scowling at Quest.

“I was about to ask you the same question?” asks Quest in an amused tone, “Is somepony sneaking off for a quick smoking break while all the fun’s going on at the beach?”

“No, you pavement pounder,” the griffon looks around, shielding his eyes from Quest’s glowing horn, “I’m pretty sure I was following someone sneaking around. Must be the changelings…”

“I hate to break it to you but all the hive changelings are accounted for,” Quest smirks, “If I were you, I’d go back and keep an eye on the game between Empress Cadance and Queen Chrysalis. If you make it without anypony noticing you might even avoid your boss realizing that you got outclassed by a security detail of ‘pavement pounders’.”

The griffon growls but Quest just passes him by in the direction of the resort and starts whistling to himself. Annoyed, he flies back into the air, gives the ground a once-over, and flies away.

Nothing happens for roughly two minutes. Then the unsuspicious bush moves again.

Six teal, glowing eyes, open as a trio of drones using a brown, dark green, and black camouflage carapace coloring let out a breath of relief.

“Neat trick!” 10013 commends 65536’s idea of camouflage.

“I learned it from Mister Night Hunter. It’s crazy how sneaky a big pony like him can be,” 65536 looks around, “I think we’re clear. Let’s go!”

Their hoofsteps muffled by yet another sneaky hoof transformation 65536 showed them earlier, 65536, 10013, and 36658 rush out of the resort and into the jungle.

Author's Note:

Aaand another day's done. I think I have a single chapter in the buffer left, but work's been seriously hectic lately and I've started playing Mechanicus again so I haven't had that much time, energy, or focus to write. Anyway, hope you're all doing well and that my version of changelings is making the world just the tiniest spark brighter.

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