• Published 28th Feb 2022
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They're... ON HOLIDAY? - Nameless Narrator



After reaching peace between Equestria and Hive changelings, queen Chrysalis takes two high ranks and a small retinue of drones with her on a trip to an island holiday resort.

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Day 7 - Drones? What drones?: 5/7

“You want to spar?” 387 snorts in disbelief, “Are you serious?”

“Why not?” 65536 smiles back at him, “It’s not like we’ll be fighting for real, and I need some practice with this new carapace. I did my pushies last night and ooof, I was gooped.”

“Heh, I can just imagine how the fight goes,” Blueblood chuckles, “Look, 65536, candy! Where? Crunch!”

“For your information, a pony did try to bribe me once with shinies and I told him no!” 65536 pouts at him, “Mister Sharp would be so disappointed if I took it.”

“Let’s ask an impartial judge,” 387 looks at Smiley riding on Blueblood’s back and playing with his mane, “Smiley, you don’t want me to smack 65536 around, do you? In play, not for real.”

*Process…* *Scribble scribble scribble*

[play]

“Yaaaay!” 65536 cheers.

“Fiiiine,” 387 sighs, “So where do you want your ass beat? I suggest somewhere out of the way so that I don’t get accused of abuse.”

“There are a ton of open spaces around the sports area, and we can get there quickly if we go straight up from here.”

“Sure,” the warrior shrugs and the group picks up the pace while taking the nearest narrow path straight up the slope. Their opportunity arrives even sooner when the path splits off to a grassy clearing to the right, similar to where the gazebo which Gem used to teach Smiley was. The resort is clearly full of nooks and crannies where someone can relax undisturbed, “How about we do it here instead?”

“Sounds good to me,” 65536 nods and heads right.

Blueblood drops Smiley off by the clearing’s edge and sits down while 65536 and 387 face off.

“No digging,” states the warrior, “I’d like to avoid potential real damage. I’ll hold back on the strength, but don’t expect me to go easy on you as far as technique goes.”

“Agreed!” 65536 nods, bouncing up several times, “As I said, I need to try out these new body changes.”

For reasons unknown to Blueblood, Smiley is now interested in his ribs visible under his coat, prodding and sniffing him. To avoid more tickling, he grabs Smiley’s foreleg and points it at 65536.

“You were the one who wanted to see that exercise in futility, so watch,” he says quietly.

Smiley obediently turns towards the two “opponents” warming up with some basic movements, hucks out a glob of goop, and starts scribbling on one foreleg with the goop stick fastened inside a hole in the other.

Amidst stretching his back like a cat, 387 suddenly darts forward to simply trip 65536 up with a wide swipe which the smiling drone hops over, unfazed. A following backhoof swing for a trip attempt number two gets blocked by 65536’s own foreleg, resulting in a loud crack of chitin against chitin. That, however, leaves 387 on three legs with the right foreleg outstretched far to the left which 65536 immediately uses to grow a hook on its leg, stick it through 387’s nearest leg hole, and pull.

A perfect maneuver like that would end up with any other opponent on the ground. Unfortunately, 65536 is fighting a changeling warrior who is physically strong enough and experienced enough to maintain his balance even in such a crazy position and simply raise his outstretched foreleg despite the weird angle, leaving 65536 hanging from it.

The little drone doesn’t give up, though, dissolves the hook which makes it drop, uses one wing to spin in the air and finally, landing on all fours, darts under 387’s belly. As it punches up, the underbelly rises along with the warrior who now floats in the air, smugly smirking at 65536.

The drone takes a deep breath. Air battle is something it doesn’t want to take.

“Mister Sharp wouldn’t let an evildoer get away like that,” it whispers, and jumps up, wings buzzing.

This proves a critically bad idea almost immediately.

387 jumps through the air around 65536, as if everywhere his hooves touched was a solid surface allowing him to run not just circles but entire spheres around the drone who is barely able to turn in time. Easily getting into 65536’s blind spot, the warrior reaches for the drone’s hind leg from below to pull it down and-

-his hoof gets kicked away before 65536 stops its wings, drops like a rock, and kicks its other hind leg, once again trying to strike 387’s belly. This time, though, the warrior grows claws on his foreleg, grabs the leg, and throws 65536 away with a quick swing. It bounces off of the ground, but what stands up is a completely unharmed, smiling drone.

387 notices a brief flash of green around 65536’s hooves but spots no visible difference until the point when the drone rushes at him at over twice the speed that it was moving before. 387 was expecting many things, but not that he would actually have to focus. As he does so, a warrior changeling’s dramatically lowered reaction delay kicks in and he casually flicks his hoof to simply tap 65536 who by all means can’t be able to control its momentum at its high speed.

Somehow, and even the warrior has no idea how, the drone dodges to the side as if no laws of momentum existed at all, dirt spraying in 387’s face. He feels a tap on his swinging foreleg, hears a brief buzz of wings, and-

-snaps his jaws down around 65536’s neck, who is flying directly at his face, foreleg cocked for a punch. A quick twist of his head causes the punch to miss entirely and 65536 is left hanging almost like a cat being carried by its mother. 387 spits the drone out and they face off one more time.

65536 is fast, 65536 is agile, 65536 is tough, 65536 is strong and, most importantly, 65536 is smart

… for a drone.

Both 387 and 65536 know that no amount of training or time would change the dynamic of this sparring. Any amount of skill gained by the drone would always be countered by 387’s physical superiority, vastly greater love storage, the ability to improve its reflexes beyond the drone’s potential speed, and if everything else failed - simple mind control, barring Luna’s protection. And digging? You can’t dig what you can’t touch.

And yet there the little drone is, breathing heavily and smiling as if it’s having the time of its life.

“My turn,” 387 smirks.

And there it is - a miscalculation, a tiny detail the warrior failed to account for.

Someone with as much of a kind heart and life experience as a drone would be vastly more used to being attacked rather than attacking someone else, doubly so with guard training.

As 387 lunges forward, something careless which he would never do against an opponent whom he’d consider dangerous, 65536’s hoof glows, but it doesn’t dig at 387, rather at a small patch of grass where 387’s left foreleg would step on, creating a deep groove in an instant. The warrior, of course, has the reaction time to move his leg mid-air to the edge of the hole…

…which crumbles under it. Sensing its chance, 65536 strikes forward at the falling warrior’s face.

Somehow, he has enough presence of mind to use his unsteady leg to push himself sideways and spin mid-drop with a quick buzz of one wing. The positional change makes 65536 barely graze his barrel while 387 swings with his right foreleg during the same motion, knocking 65536 away.

“That was a neat trick,” comments 387 when he stands back up and helps 65536.

“Thanks,” the drone smiles up at him, “Goop, I really thought this could work, though it might have been cheating because, you know, no digging.”

“I did mean digging at me while setting the rules,” 387 shakes his head before wincing as he glances at the hole in the well-maintained lawn, “although now that I see it, I think we should refrain from ruining this place further.”

“After watching you two go at it for a while, it’s clear even to me that nothing 65536 can do will succeed,” asks Blueblood, “Why do you waste your time on trying over and over?”

“Don’t look at me,” 387 shrugs, “I’m just supposed to relax for today, and this falls into the category. Besides, 65536 did manage to surprise me with nearly everything it did.”

“But there’s no way to win,” exasperation creeps into Blueblood’s voice as he looks at the drone, “Why do you keep trying when you’ll never be good enough?”

65536 walks over to him, rises on its hind legs, and barely reaches up to the ex-prince’s nose to boop him.

“I can become better than I’m now,” it beams, “When we started, I was barely stopping my legs from shaking when a high rank like 387 looked my way. Next, I tried fighting. Now all I’m trying to do is last longer. I’m fighting against myself, against every wrong instinct of my body yelling at me to lie down and hope I don’t get eaten, or to just run away and hide. I’m not fighting 387, he’s just there to help me reveal my real enemy - myself.”

“Did Mister Sharp say that?” 387 walks over, rubbing 65536’s head.

*Automatic blep!*

65536 slurps its tongue in.

“Yes, he did say something like that, and it made sense to me and it stuck. On top of that, if I get good enough then I can show tricks to guys back home that can help them not get munched by tunnel monsters,” it pauses, now looking at Blueblood with sudden smile of amazement which makes the prince slowly lean away, “Imagine how awesome YOU will be if you take all the learning chances you have now! You’d be like our High Score!”

Blueblood gives it a wok-slaying look.

“That was the nicest way possible to tell me that I’ve screwed up my entire life.”

“Let’s add one more failure to that pile then,” 387 says firmly, “Namely your assessment of our fight. Yes, 65536 wouldn’t win in ninety-eight percent of situations, but if it was allowed to use its digging ability on me, coupled with its quick thinking, it could be the first drone ever to have a chance in those two percent of cases. That is a miracle,” 387 briefly looks at the drone.

“I’m just doing what High Score would do,” 65536 beams back with pure honesty.

“My pile of failures is beyond fixing even if I started taking all the chances you think I have yesterday,” Blueblood slumps.

65536 sighs.

For a moment, it sounded like a breakthrough.

Smiley pokes Blueblood, showing him its tablet, and pointing with its other leg at him: [:)]

“You don’t know me.”

Smiley fiddles with the tablet: [Pat?]

Rolling his eyes, Blueblood pats Smiley’s head. To his surprise, Smiley redraws [:)] on its tablet and this time, with both forelegs, pokes him with it.

“Smiley has no idea what you did, it only knows what you’re doing now,” explains 65536, “And you did just pet it so you’re a friend. I can’t know what it remembers from the old days, but if it’s even close to what I do, it’s a lot of kicks going our way.”

Some buried instinct, or maybe a diplomacy lesson long forgotten, surfaces before Blueblood can say anything bitter, and he pets Smiley again while opting for:

“Don’t you have some futile exercising to do?”

387 faces 65536.

“There is some truth to what he’s saying - wouldn’t it be more useful to spar with someone more around your level?” he asks.

“I would, but this is an experience too,” 65536 shrugs, “I was practicing with Mister Bright Star, but the paladins took the resort boat and went away early in the morning to inspect the place where our ship sank.”

“I see,” 387 pauses, “Are you feeling up for another round then? Do you need a recharge?”

“Yup!” 65536 stretches, “And nope! I gotta rely on myself because baddies won’t wait for me to get ready.”

“Exactly!” from standing still, 387 takes a swing at 65536 mid-word which the drone barely dodges by jumping sideways, wincing as it lands. 387, of course, notices, “Are you okay?”

“Worry about yourself, evildoer!” 65536 points directly at him with a smile, pronouncing loudly and clearly, “You’ll pay for your crimes, and the prize will be an amount of bits fair and proportional to your transgression!”

***

While Blueblood watches 65536’s repeated fruitless attempts at even scratching 387, Smiley finishes its drawing, stands up, wraps a strand of Blueblood’s mane around its foreleg, and softly pulls on it.

“Hmm?” the unicorn looks sideways at the Silent whose body is now lined with white stripes everywhere it could reach, “Are you a zebra now or something?”

Smiley points at its tablet on the ground which states: [JAM]

“Oh-kay?” comments Blueblood slowly, clearly lost.

Smiley frowns, looks at the tablet, frowns harder, and writes [jamzebra].

“I understand the zebra part, but what’s with the jam? Do you want something sweet? Are you hungry?” Blueblood tilts his head. Whatever this is, it’s more interesting than 65536 being bounced around by 387 like a ball of yarn belonging to a hyperactive cat.

His pronunciation of jam gives Smiley a pause, and it wipes the slate off after a brief consideration. Instead, it draws a simplistic happy face on it again, walks over directly to sitting Blueblood’s chest, and starts fiddling with his unkempt coat.

“I’m afraid I don’t swing that way,” he mutters, slowly pushes Smiley away, and sighs when the Silent walks over to his side again and resumes being fascinated by his mane. With nothing better to do, he lies down and returns to watching the sparring. Smiley immediately climbs on his back to get more of his mane to play with… and chew, apparently.

Unlike at any point earlier, 65536 entirely fails to dodge a sideways swing this time, which knocks it over onto the lawn where it stays lying on its side, all four legs moving as if in slow motion.

“Crap!” curses 387, leaning over, “Are you okay?”

“Uhhh, I’m not sure,” replies the drone in a puzzled tone, “I feel okay, but my leggos seem to need a break. They just kinda… stopped working.”

“Ooookay, you’ve had enough,” 387 grabs the drone and stands it up on all fours, upon which its legs immediately buckle.

“Oof! Good thing we’re so bouncy,” comments 65536, its voice muffled by its muzzle buried in the grass, clearly fine aside from its limbs, “I’m thinking it has something to do with what Miss Cadance told 10013 yesterday - that our old carapaces kinda did our weight-supporting job for us. Now I’m a lot more mobile, but my leggos gotta catch up to the rest of my body. Gimme a month or two of doing my pushies and bendies and I’ll be as good as old!” it wiggles its legs ineffectively again, “Uhhh, BB, could you please carry me off to Miss Gem’s wooden shack? I might be stuck in brick mode for a while,” it chuckles.

“If it’s a muscular problem,” Blueblood makes a suggestion, “how about you hit the hot tubs, some sauna, follow it up with a massage, and see where you go from there? I usually had servants do it for me after an annoying day when I was still… when I still had them.”

“That sounds like a good idea, actually,” 387 nods in approval, “How about that, 65536?”

“Not sure what that is, but if you two think it’s a good idea then lead the way, BB!”

“I didn’t mean myself,” Blueblood shakes his head, “I haven’t earned it, like anything else. Setting that limit on myself is the least I can do now.”

“But I gotta keep an eye on you, and if you’re not coming, I can’t go-”

“Don’t worry about me,” says Blueblood, “If there’s something I can do, it’s lie down and rot. I promise you’ll find me in our suite in the evening still in one breathing piece.”

“Hmmm, I don’t think Miss Gem would like me just leaving you like that,” 65536 shakes its head as 387 picks it up and puts it on his back, “Hey, how about you take care of Smiley for the day? It seems to like you.”

“Are you SURE about that?” 65536 immediately hears 387’s mental voice as, under the warrior’s control, their internal time stops, “Even I know about what he did.”

“I’m not sure, but I think it might be worth the risk… for both of them,” replies the drone and, after a brief silence and a sigh, 387 says:

“You’re one of a kind, you know that?”

“I’m not special, 387. I was just lucky to get an opportunity none of the others got. If 10013 or High Score were in my place, I can’t even begin to imagine how far they would have come.”

The flow of time returns along with their focus on the real world.

“I had a cactus once. It died of lack of water,” grumbles Blueblood, “I fired a servant for that.”

“You’ve already got the petting part down,” 65536 says encouragingly, “And we drones aren’t high maintenance. Just show it around and send it back to the other drones later. It’ll know where to go,” 65536 gives him a hopeful smile, “Pleeeease?”

“I don’t know-”

*Wibble?*

“Oh for Celestia’s sake, FINE!”

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