From the middle of the earth, within its solid metal core, was something laying dormant, but not for long. Updates had poked it time and time again, new chapters coming out and going by, but nothing could awaken it from its slumber. But then... then came the storm, the giant storm that could be felt all the way down and within the metal core, and thus was the Doom awoken, and with his awakening rose he trough the layers of the earth, trough the layers of the sky and into the layers of the deepest interweb. It had been silent until now, only doing admin work here and there, but then did it speak, and its voice said, much much too late after its own liking, "REVIEW TIME!"
It is odd that I could forget how much I have missed your style of writing, but I had until I began reading the first lines of this chapter. There is just something special over your use of the words, something that just hit the mood each and every time, setting the needed tone and hammer it into the brain with seven inch nails. I do never think that I have read a chapter like this before, one that felt so silent, one where there was both room to breathe out, to get over what there just had happened, to take it all in and work trough it so you can take the next step, and yet seem so filled and intense. I do not have any words to say it with, but this have been one of the most calm chapters that I have ever read, but yet one of the best ones. If I could clap you on the shoulder would I do it, but instead will I now end this overdue review with a thank you for giving me and all the rest of us this to read.
Nitpicks: "And still some others looked like they may die at any moment." Are your may not in present tense in this past tense sentence? "Husbands and wives cried as they held the limp form of their spouse in their hooves," I think that you only want from or of here, not both. "He just needs time to sort it all out. I wish I knew how much time it would take." Your formating have stolen the line there should be here. "He shook his head indifferently, not even looking that he might cry again." Are you sure that you meant to use "looking" in this sentence? Because it sounds rather odd to me. "It’s all better now sweetie... I shook the voice back out of my head and pulled Vulpe closer," Your Italic formating have stolen another line here. “If me and Tinker stay with you, there shouldn’t be any trouble getting in" Is it not the other way around normally? Saying yourself at last instead of first.
I agree with Doomnade... Your ability to write an entire chapter looking back on an event that happened in the previous chapter and still have a highly engaging monologue is an attribute that should be more prevalent in mainstream storytelling. This story is now tied with Past Sins and Fallout Equestria as my alltime favorite fanfic. Also... Your a guy? Since you write from a females perspective I could only assume... Sorry for the inconvenience... Thank you for your existence ^_^
Poor lil' guy...
This was a good read even if I did have to check to make sure there were no emotional knives left in after I was done. :)
2964448
This is the group's initiation - someone you love must die. :P
2964518
Thanks, I'm glad you liked it :D
2965440
I predict the kid's gonna be eating bullet sandwich. Because that's just how things go.
2965497
But that would be horrible of me.
2965714
...And this is new?
2965724
...yes?
fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/050/3/b/angry_princess_celestia___animated_gif_by_nicoboss143-d5vi6u6.gif
...YOU LIE.
2972818 oooooooh ok that makes sense
2660365
I come along and see this... Ouch.
I was just interested in seeing what people say about the story here. Heh.
From the middle of the earth, within its solid metal core, was something laying dormant, but not for long. Updates had poked it time and time again, new chapters coming out and going by, but nothing could awaken it from its slumber. But then... then came the storm, the giant storm that could be felt all the way down and within the metal core, and thus was the Doom awoken, and with his awakening rose he trough the layers of the earth, trough the layers of the sky and into the layers of the deepest interweb. It had been silent until now, only doing admin work here and there, but then did it speak, and its voice said, much much too late after its own liking, "REVIEW TIME!"
It is odd that I could forget how much I have missed your style of writing, but I had until I began reading the first lines of this chapter. There is just something special over your use of the words, something that just hit the mood each and every time, setting the needed tone and hammer it into the brain with seven inch nails. I do never think that I have read a chapter like this before, one that felt so silent, one where there was both room to breathe out, to get over what there just had happened, to take it all in and work trough it so you can take the next step, and yet seem so filled and intense. I do not have any words to say it with, but this have been one of the most calm chapters that I have ever read, but yet one of the best ones. If I could clap you on the shoulder would I do it, but instead will I now end this overdue review with a thank you for giving me and all the rest of us this to read.
Nitpicks:
"And still some others looked like they may die at any moment." Are your may not in present tense in this past tense sentence?
"Husbands and wives cried as they held the limp form of their spouse in their hooves," I think that you only want from or of here, not both.
"He just needs time to sort it all out. I wish I knew how much time it would take." Your formating have stolen the line there should be here.
"He shook his head indifferently, not even looking that he might cry again." Are you sure that you meant to use "looking" in this sentence? Because it sounds rather odd to me.
"It’s all better now sweetie... I shook the voice back out of my head and pulled Vulpe closer," Your Italic formating have stolen another line here.
“If me and Tinker stay with you, there shouldn’t be any trouble getting in" Is it not the other way around normally? Saying yourself at last instead of first.
I agree with Doomnade...
Your ability to write an entire chapter looking back on an event that happened in the previous chapter and still have a highly engaging monologue is an attribute that should be more prevalent in mainstream storytelling.
This story is now tied with Past Sins and Fallout Equestria as my alltime favorite fanfic. Also... Your a guy? Since you write from a females perspective I could only assume...
Sorry for the inconvenience...
Thank you for your existence ^_^