Hi my "name" is Doomande and I am here to do my special thing? What is that you ask yourself, well it is a little ting I call REVIEW TIME!
So first of, nice that we see the Fo:E world through a zebras eyes. I have only seen one other story that have done that, and with the picture I have from around my collection of Fo:E stories are it a pretty good impression you gave with this prologue of the Holy Zebraca.
Secondly was I rather afraid that you ware going to make another "war, war never changes" start, with all the darkness and hopelessness that you could put into it. But I was pleasantly surprised by it. Not only did you take one of the most overused clichés out there and made it work, you did it with a personal touch by Shayle.
I like how you made it feel like a slice of life story, but with that ending am I sure that there is more to it than meets the eye. For there is so many other stories that just want to jump right to the fighting and pow pow pow. That you made it the way you did made it enforced the character of her. And I loved the way you dumped quite a lot of info about her in a natural way without breaking the flow. If that is the style of the story overall did you win yourself a rather big fan here.
The only thing that I could nitpick on is that the names on the zebras is sounding rather unzebra like, but then again, all the other Fo:E works out there is also going over the top with all the x's and z's they cram into it.
My last little note is a more personal one that I say to quite a lot that is starting up with writing in the Fo:E universe. Don´t mind the haters, we have quite a lot of them, so the 4 downwards thumbs you have is properly from them, so don´t even think on them unless there is a angry comment with it. Have fun writing it. Almost no matter what you write will we read it. And if you like what you have done in the end of the day, are I sure that we also will. Find a pre-reader, for it is dangerous to write alone. And a extra pair of eyes that know a little about the lore can always be a help. For there is a lot of lore about Fo:E. And to end it all of with, remember your sites there is the Fo:E wiki where a lot of questions can be answered, and look in the G-doc from time to time if you want, for we are quite a bunch that would love to talk ideas, lore and what not.
Hi... I just wanted to let you know I love the first chapter of your story... I favorited it so I can read the extent of what you have... I always love first person character driven narratives one of which would be The Catcher in the Rye... I feel as though this will have more of a plot than Catcher but I might be wrong I have really only read this far... I am planning to do a fiction from the point of Pinkamena and I really like your writing style and wanted to let you know your story - even though its the only FoE sidefic I have read (Project Horizons annoyed me...) - is my favorite FoE sidefic. (Run on sentences for the win!!!) I love you and thank you for your existence ^_^
Rape?
Pretty good, but it doesn't exactly feel like Fallout Equestria did. But then again, this is only the prologue.
Hmm, I could go into the Psychoanalysis of the father's behaviour, but I'll just leave as is.
Not exactly muich of a FoE feel yet, but I'll be reading on.
If you need an editor, I've got your back.
Hi my "name" is Doomande and I am here to do my special thing? What is that you ask yourself, well it is a little ting I call REVIEW TIME!
So first of, nice that we see the Fo:E world through a zebras eyes. I have only seen one other story that have done that, and with the picture I have from around my collection of Fo:E stories are it a pretty good impression you gave with this prologue of the Holy Zebraca.
Secondly was I rather afraid that you ware going to make another "war, war never changes" start, with all the darkness and hopelessness that you could put into it. But I was pleasantly surprised by it. Not only did you take one of the most overused clichés out there and made it work, you did it with a personal touch by Shayle.
I like how you made it feel like a slice of life story, but with that ending am I sure that there is more to it than meets the eye. For there is so many other stories that just want to jump right to the fighting and pow pow pow. That you made it the way you did made it enforced the character of her. And I loved the way you dumped quite a lot of info about her in a natural way without breaking the flow. If that is the style of the story overall did you win yourself a rather big fan here.
The only thing that I could nitpick on is that the names on the zebras is sounding rather unzebra like, but then again, all the other Fo:E works out there is also going over the top with all the x's and z's they cram into it.
My last little note is a more personal one that I say to quite a lot that is starting up with writing in the Fo:E universe. Don´t mind the haters, we have quite a lot of them, so the 4 downwards thumbs you have is properly from them, so don´t even think on them unless there is a angry comment with it.
Have fun writing it. Almost no matter what you write will we read it. And if you like what you have done in the end of the day, are I sure that we also will.
Find a pre-reader, for it is dangerous to write alone. And a extra pair of eyes that know a little about the lore can always be a help. For there is a lot of lore about Fo:E.
And to end it all of with, remember your sites there is the Fo:E wiki where a lot of questions can be answered, and look in the G-doc from time to time if you want, for we are quite a bunch that would love to talk ideas, lore and what not.
You should have put a trigger warning on this
Hi...
I just wanted to let you know I love the first chapter of your story...
I favorited it so I can read the extent of what you have...
I always love first person character driven narratives one of which would be The Catcher in the Rye...
I feel as though this will have more of a plot than Catcher but I might be wrong I have really only read this far...
I am planning to do a fiction from the point of Pinkamena and I really like your writing style and wanted to let you know your story - even though its the only FoE sidefic I have read (Project Horizons annoyed me...) - is my favorite FoE sidefic. (Run on sentences for the win!!!)
I love you and thank you for your existence ^_^
Kippershy sent me. I will read this
Nice opening!