I dont know what to say here, you have been pulling at my heartstrings the entire story, when doc died i wont lie my face felt wet, you've done a great job so far.
1917885 You just keep on turning out great chapters, though i have a question for you i have never come across a fict where the main characters go from living in cezars land (More of a heavily squed fallout Nv Atmosphere) to the equestrian wasteland (A more fallout 3 Atmosphere) what are your thoughts on this?
1917963 I'm afraid I don't really know if I understand you. Are you asking if I know about a fic where the protagonist starts in Zebrica and travels to Equestria during the story? Because if so I've never seen it. Might be pretty interesting.
1918083 Sorry man ive been up late for the last few nights, but ya that's what i was talking about actually surprised ive never seen anyone bridge that gap there's so much potential...
1918083 Also have you noticed how nearly every fict only associates zebras with light armour normally? i cant really say besides a few guards wearing power armour..i mean you could trip over it everywhere in Dc i wouldn't expect it would be that hard to come across a suit in equestria with all the ghoul attacks in metros and on the plains and those that may have gotten a good hit on a BoS member in a skirmish and left the heavy suit.
1918162 I've noticed this with quite a bit of tech actually. Can't recall from the top of my head a story where a zebra uses a pip-buck either. May be due to the fact that zebras aren't exactly common in most FOE fics.
An edit has been made on the latest chapter (The Wasteland). The location of the camp with the cart has been detailed better after a reader pointed out that I forgot to add a certain detail to the area.
1918138 If I may steal a comment to answer to that, I know that this have nothing to do with the story so bear over with my this one time.
There is Trigger to Tomorrow that start out in a setting that have a lot of NV over it, and so far have the story heavenly "hinted" that at some later point are they going to visit the Fo3 setting made in the original, even more interesting because the story is sat after the day of sunshine and rainbows.
“Too young? Felix, age doesn’t exist in the Wasteland. We’re all expected to survive right out of Mom, and that includes seeing others fail and die. After you’ve seen your best friend or family die, you’re an adult here.”
This is one of the best sentences I have ever read in a Fo:E fic yet. Right to the point, and so fitting. Would you mind me stealing it, or some wording there of, because that sentence describe the Wasteland so well
I really love some of the things you did in this chapter, and it really shows me that this is a pearl worth coming back for. One of the best things with this chapter was that you changed perspective, something that I love when people do that in stories. For is there a better way to see the world, than though another pair of eyes than those we normally sees it with? You could maybe have made Felix sound a little bit smarter, he is after all the brain on the team, but beside that did it work well. Especially with the dream. I was uncertain almost all the way though it who had it, because it would be fitting for both characters, so a big bravo from me for writing the dream like that. Because making something that could reflect 2 charterers perfectly are hard.
I found it a little weird that you wrote raider with a capital letter. Raider are not so much a title or name, more the job they do or a diagnosis. Think on scavengers, that is not something that you write with a capital s, and it is more or less the same.
And a little note about your note about happiness. It is true that you are missing some brighter parts in the story, but I would not say that they have been missing. What about Felix little crush? Sure he lost her, but that is a minor detail. What I would say is that I have not thought that the story is to bleak yet
Nitpicks: You have a bad habit here with forgetting your space after you have made a triple space, don´t think I saw you that once in this chapter. "trying to resist the urge to take another drink" I think you mean sip here instead of drink. "I’ll talk to her Father when we get back from the Stable and put in a good word for you." There is no need for the capitalized f in father. "They must have been in there" The plural "they" are wrong here, you have used a singular scream the other places.
Thanks for the review Doomande! Definitely feel free to use that statement about age if you'd like, and I'm glad you enjoyed that part.
I'm glad you liked the perspective switch. It's been something I've wanted to do since starting the story, but never really had a good way to do it. But now that Felix and Shayle are going to start spending time separated, I'm going to start showing things from both sides, especially since they have very different outlooks on what happens. I was a little worried it would be weird, but I'm glad it turned out okay
Not really sure why I did Raider with a capital 'R', but the reason I capitalized 'Father' was because up to that point it was habit since that's what Shayle calls her dad, so it was more of a title until then. Thanks for pointing it out.
I'm glad you don't think the story is too dark yet. I've kinda had a different outlook on the Equestrian Wasteland than what most seem to have, and that carries over to my story. I see it as more of a horrible and dark place, but with bits of happiness and good that make the parts that suck worth it. (yeah, I'm sappy like that)
And thanks for the little grammar fixes, I'll get around to fixing those and remember them as I continue the story too
Thanks again Doomande, and I'm glad you still enjoy it!
1928149 Well the Wasteland are a dark and bleak place that kills all forms of happiness and joy that it can find... It is just good then that it ain´t stopping the pastel ponies and their striped friends for making some more of it.
What there is most important no matter what view you have is doing to much of the same, like how we drown in angst in PH and have grimdark scene after grimdark scene. Sure you make some scenes that pull in some heartstrings, but you do also write living saloons, and soldiers that can enjoy them self. So there is some of both world. And f you at some point think that you are doing something wrong in that department... Well look here then. I know that it is about games, but it is about story telling in games... So it still count!
You actually do make a really good point there. I didn't even consider the life in Caesar's stand (good times in the bar, happy soldiers enjoying a night out, etc) as happy points in the Wasteland, so thank you for pointing that out.
And I think that video is spot on, thanks for showing it to me.
Ah thats too bad... I really enjoy pessimism... Nice to see at least someone viewing the Wasteland as a world in which hope is impossible... I didn't like how FoE ended in "sunshine and rainbows" Except for Littlepip... Anyway nice to see you don't plan to end this as optimistically as I expected... Love you and this story ^_^
I dont know what to say here, you have been pulling at my heartstrings the entire story, when doc died i wont lie my face felt wet, you've done a great job so far.
1778013 I hope i can snag you a few readers im just about to break 30 members on my group. ^_^ Group of writers
1906917
I'm glad you're enjoying it man, and I hope I continue to provide an entertaining story.
And thank you for putting my story in your group
1917885 You just keep on turning out great chapters, though i have a question for you i have never come across a fict where the main characters go from living in cezars land (More of a heavily squed fallout Nv Atmosphere) to the equestrian wasteland (A more fallout 3 Atmosphere) what are your thoughts on this?
1917963
I'm afraid I don't really know if I understand you.
Are you asking if I know about a fic where the protagonist starts in Zebrica and travels to Equestria during the story? Because if so I've never seen it. Might be pretty interesting.
1918083 Sorry man ive been up late for the last few nights, but ya that's what i was talking about actually surprised ive never seen anyone bridge that gap there's so much potential...
1918083 Also have you noticed how nearly every fict only associates zebras with light armour normally? i cant really say besides a few guards wearing power armour..i mean you could trip over it everywhere in Dc i wouldn't expect it would be that hard to come across a suit in equestria with all the ghoul attacks in metros and on the plains and those that may have gotten a good hit on a BoS member in a skirmish and left the heavy suit.
1918162
I've noticed this with quite a bit of tech actually. Can't recall from the top of my head a story where a zebra uses a pip-buck either. May be due to the fact that zebras aren't exactly common in most FOE fics.
1918550 Huh i know their must at least be a few...Hmm i know the zebras had varents of power armour but they were never officially named...
An edit has been made on the latest chapter (The Wasteland). The location of the camp with the cart has been detailed better after a reader pointed out that I forgot to add a certain detail to the area.
1918138
If I may steal a comment to answer to that, I know that this have nothing to do with the story so bear over with my this one time.
There is Trigger to Tomorrow that start out in a setting that have a lot of NV over it, and so far have the story heavenly "hinted" that at some later point are they going to visit the Fo3 setting made in the original, even more interesting because the story is sat after the day of sunshine and rainbows.
1925254 Huh i want to thank you for that comment, i will have to read it tomrow as i have been up most of the night and morning.
1925254
Hm...may need to add that one to my list.
This is one of the best sentences I have ever read in a Fo:E fic yet. Right to the point, and so fitting. Would you mind me stealing it, or some wording there of, because that sentence describe the Wasteland so well
I really love some of the things you did in this chapter, and it really shows me that this is a pearl worth coming back for. One of the best things with this chapter was that you changed perspective, something that I love when people do that in stories. For is there a better way to see the world, than though another pair of eyes than those we normally sees it with? You could maybe have made Felix sound a little bit smarter, he is after all the brain on the team, but beside that did it work well. Especially with the dream. I was uncertain almost all the way though it who had it, because it would be fitting for both characters, so a big bravo from me for writing the dream like that. Because making something that could reflect 2 charterers perfectly are hard.
I found it a little weird that you wrote raider with a capital letter. Raider are not so much a title or name, more the job they do or a diagnosis. Think on scavengers, that is not something that you write with a capital s, and it is more or less the same.
And a little note about your note about happiness. It is true that you are missing some brighter parts in the story, but I would not say that they have been missing. What about Felix little crush? Sure he lost her, but that is a minor detail. What I would say is that I have not thought that the story is to bleak yet
Nitpicks:
You have a bad habit here with forgetting your space after you have made a triple space, don´t think I saw you that once in this chapter.
"trying to resist the urge to take another drink" I think you mean sip here instead of drink.
"I’ll talk to her Father when we get back from the Stable and put in a good word for you." There is no need for the capitalized f in father.
"They must have been in there" The plural "they" are wrong here, you have used a singular scream the other places.
1927529
Thanks for the review Doomande! Definitely feel free to use that statement about age if you'd like, and I'm glad you enjoyed that part.
I'm glad you liked the perspective switch. It's been something I've wanted to do since starting the story, but never really had a good way to do it. But now that Felix and Shayle are going to start spending time separated, I'm going to start showing things from both sides, especially since they have very different outlooks on what happens. I was a little worried it would be weird, but I'm glad it turned out okay
Not really sure why I did Raider with a capital 'R', but the reason I capitalized 'Father' was because up to that point it was habit since that's what Shayle calls her dad, so it was more of a title until then. Thanks for pointing it out.
I'm glad you don't think the story is too dark yet. I've kinda had a different outlook on the Equestrian Wasteland than what most seem to have, and that carries over to my story. I see it as more of a horrible and dark place, but with bits of happiness and good that make the parts that suck worth it. (yeah, I'm sappy like that)
And thanks for the little grammar fixes, I'll get around to fixing those and remember them as I continue the story too
Thanks again Doomande, and I'm glad you still enjoy it!
1928149
Well the Wasteland are a dark and bleak place that kills all forms of happiness and joy that it can find... It is just good then that it ain´t stopping the pastel ponies and their striped friends for making some more of it.
What there is most important no matter what view you have is doing to much of the same, like how we drown in angst in PH and have grimdark scene after grimdark scene. Sure you make some scenes that pull in some heartstrings, but you do also write living saloons, and soldiers that can enjoy them self. So there is some of both world. And f you at some point think that you are doing something wrong in that department... Well look here then. I know that it is about games, but it is about story telling in games... So it still count!
1928213
You actually do make a really good point there. I didn't even consider the life in Caesar's stand (good times in the bar, happy soldiers enjoying a night out, etc) as happy points in the Wasteland, so thank you for pointing that out.
And I think that video is spot on, thanks for showing it to me.
Ah thats too bad...
I really enjoy pessimism...
Nice to see at least someone viewing the Wasteland as a world in which hope is impossible...
I didn't like how FoE ended in "sunshine and rainbows"
Except for Littlepip...
Anyway nice to see you don't plan to end this as optimistically as I expected...
Love you and this story ^_^