Lying On Vital Emotions

Battling it out for some sort of reward was definitely worth it in the end, but depending on the reward, it might not have been worth fighting for in the first place. Fighting for the sake of fighting… was not enough! Hidden meanings, messages and emotions played a big part of who I was, not only as a character, but as a Changeling who feared acceptance, commitment and just making friends, only because of trauma that happened in my fulfilled past. The emotions that I kept feeling, they were not natural, wanting to push my friends, family and beloved away, all because I felt those negative thoughts washing over me, like a tsunami of spikes that stuck to the edges and dragged all of the debris with it. That was my mind… and still is, but the urge to change, the want to change… is overwhelming to the point of impossibility.

Being slapped in the face by a hoof sent me back into thinking straight, the light blinding my vision, almost like I had not adapted to being in the environment I travelled to. My eyes closed slightly, before my pupils dilated enough for me to be able to see all of the surrounding area. I was in the bright sunshine, but was also in the darkest of nights, but that was my mind picking the situation to be in, depending on my creativity and my mood. I focused more on the details, coming to the conclusion that it was one of those dark nights, but just light enough to make out that the sun had just set over the horizon, behind Miss Horizon, who was just flapping her wings in front of me, almost like she was trying to get my attention. I was so far out of the world, that my thoughts had exploded like a big bang, chaining my moods to come in one after the other, being something that I was not happy with at all.

My mood shifted from one of confusion, to one of sheer anger, but I had no idea why, scaring me a little. I looked over at the bat that was right next to me with not a happy little smile, but a scowl, one that was not mine to wear to her, due to her being one of my best friends, one that I would have traded my soul with to stand by her side. Before I could do anything, my mind blurted out some words that I had no control over, making the negativity set over me as my body and mind spoke in rhythm, but not because of me, but because of something else, making me become a little scared.

“Why even bother to help me? I am not anything special to you!”

My mind blurted out, making me place my hooves over my mouth and wincing a little bit. I didn’t dare look my friend in the eyes, being more of a sister to me than anything else. I just looked away, an unwanted angry look on my face, while I was stuck in auto pilot for the time being. It was almost like a computer was making all of the choices, while I was being tied up behind the controls, only able to watch as the machine controlling me was brainwashing my friend into thinking that was how I really felt. It was more of it telling her some lies, something that made me feel sorry for her.

The midnight blue Bat-Pony Mare went wide eyed and just looked at me with pure shock, almost like she was not expecting me to say such a thing, but yet again, that was not me! My body started to fall, almost like all of the controls had been deactivated, making me panic a little. Her purple and orange mane, attuned with pink and light orange highlights on each side, drifted in the progressive breeze that was picking up. For me to say something like that to someone so close was just enough to make me cry, but as I cried, saying sorry all the time, my body didn’t move, didn’t sob, didn’t react. She turned my head with her hoof, making my eyes meet hers, judging me on what I said, what it said.

“Stop overthinking it, you mean a lot to me why can’t you…”

Layla spoke with confidence, me butting in on her clarification. Her reaction was a mix of shock and sorrow, showing that she cared, but me being stupid enough not to realise it. In the end of it all, my body was my responsibility, so I had to get back to the controls before…

“...BECAUSE YOU NEVER SHOW IT!!!”

My autopilot lashed out to her, making her feel down instantly, due to something that I did, but felt like I had no control over saying. My autopilot put me back on the spotlight, before I began to cry, feeling sorry for everything this bug said. I looked to the ground and became weak, just like the normal Changelings were, just like I felt I had always been. I didn’t dare look at my friend, not after all of that.

“Y-you… you can go… I-I-I don’t think I can forgive myself for doing something like… this…”

I turned around, taking flight and running away from her, making sure that she could be okay, without me ruining her anymore than I had just done. I wept a lot of tears on the way to the cloud, falling onto the ground like the rain that was about to come down hard over us both. I only pushed her away… to keep me from hurting her. She did not deserve that, so I ran to areas she could not get to, to protect her… from me and my mood swings.

I did not look back once, only looking to fly away from my problems, but how could I, when I was the problem that was affecting everyone that I was around? That needed to change, once and for all, for a better future, a happier one!

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