Princess Celestia sat restlessly on her throne, preparing to start her petitions session for the day. Cricket set up her stenograph at her station next to the throne.
“Are you all right, ma’am?”
“Just a bit anxious. Major Root’s trial should be starting right about now. I wish I could be there for every second of it, but alas, duty calls.”
“I could testify on his behalf as a character witness, if he’d like.”
“Thank you, Cricket, but I believe he’s set on that front. Ponies have lined up around the block to testify to his character, including myself, the other princesses, his superiors, AG1, and many more. Still, trials depend on facts more than anything.”
A wisp of smoke flew into the throne room and curled up in front of Celestia’s face, bursting into a scroll.
“Is it something for me to log, ma’am?” asked Cricket.
“No. Spike is attending the trial, and he knew I wanted to hear news as it happens. He’s sent me an update.”
“An update this early in the day?”
“Yes, and I’m guessing that’s a good sign. They’ve most likely thrown out the whole case.” She unfurled the scroll. “Oh, it’s a copy of the transcript.”
“Shall I read it aloud, ma’am?”
Celestia noticed how the guards flanking her throne were trying to hide their interest. She smiled.
“Very well, Cricket. Let’s all hear it together.”
Cricket took the scroll and cleared her throat, switching to a neutral recitation voice. She read it to the others.
______________________
City of Canterlot City
VS.
Maj. Radish T. Root
______________________
Before: Honorable Bigwig Bangs
Appearances:
Grandstander Esquire
For: The City of Canterlot City
Know Howe Esquire
For: The Defendant
Date-
“Uh, Cricket,” interrupted Celestia, “how about we skip past the header and get to the more relevant parts?”
“Yes, ma’am. Let’s see… ah, here we go...”
Defense: Your honor, we’ve waited long enough. If these experts aren’t even going to show up, I motion to have this case dismissed.
Court: Mr. Grandstander-
Prosecution: They’ll be here, your honor! They’re just having a little trouble getting the piano up the stairs.
Court: What do you mean, “piano”?
[The courtroom doors fly open. An upright piano rolls down the aisle. Flim rides on top while Flam rolls alongside it on a stool. The piano comes to a rest in front of the judge. Flam strikes up a jaunty ragtime tune.]
[Singing]
Flim: Well, what have we here? Now isn't this queer? And odd and weird and strange? Flam: A stallion knight In a bitter fight For societal change! Flim: But take a pause Flam: Before you join his cause Both: Because we've got something to say! Flim: If he wins this case Flam: The whole pony race Both: Has certainly lost its way! [Flim holds up a magazine with “XXX” on the cover.] Flim: Now, how would you feel if I showed all of your children smut? [The Gallery gasps. Flam points to Root.] Flam: Well, that fella's running wild with the exact same thing emblazoned upon his butt! Flim: Tut tut! Flam: And he’ll shove it in the face of every kid he can! Both: From Bovinelivia to Yakyakistan! Flim: Beware the pervert! Flam: As sure as sherbet Flim: He's coming for your kids! Flam: He'll corrupt the youth- Flim: It's the honest truth! Flam: -like no one ever did! Flim: So let’s end his reign of fear! Flam: Right now, and right here! Both: And protect the eyes of everypony you hold dear! Defense: Your honor, I object! With all due respect, These two aren’t under oath! Flim: Well, we do declare And solemnly swear We’re pros in foalhood growth! Flam: So take our words at face! While we pick up the pace! Both: We’re Flim and Flam, your specialists on the case! Flim: Yes, beware that pervert! Flam: Trust us, we’re experts Both: On how to raise your young! Flam: And if Root walks free Flim: Your little tots will be Both: Stuck on the bottom rung! Flim: We affirm, aver, attest: Flam: Our bona fides are best! Both: And we say Major Root’s a major pest! Gallery: Pervert… pervert… pervert… Defense: Your honor, this is absurd! With every word, They’re turning this court into a zoo! Flim: Well, it sounds to me Like this attorney Might be a sicko, too! Flam: Why else support Or be a cohort Of a pony so darn foul? Flim: I bet they’re in cahoots Flam: To let all creeps run loose! Flim: We may have found… Flam: An underground… Both: Deviant cabal! Gallery: Pervert… pervert… pervert…
[Spoken]
Flim: Fillies and gentlecolts of the jury, in our professional opinion, Radish Root is an immediate danger to the common good, public safety, and all that is clean and pure in our beautiful society.
Flam: Just look at him! Sitting there! Plotting to spread his particular brand of filth far and wide!
Flim: Why, just the other day I heard a classroom full of precious little tykes say they want cutie marks just like his!
Jury: [gasps]
Flam: To prevent such a fate from befalling the youngsters of Equestria, it is our recommendation that Root be persecuted to the fullest extent of the law, plus several extents fuller.
Flim: I say, throw the book at him!
Flam: Throw the whole darn bookcase!
Film: And show the nation’s youth that moral degeneracy isn’t cool!
[Singing resumes]
Flim: Beware the pervert! He’s sure to subvert Polite society! Flam: Let’s strike a blow For the status quo That serves just you and me! Both: Don’t let your kids be fooled! Defense: Objection! Court: Overruled! Both: We rest our case, and our testimony! Gallery: Pervert… pervert… pervert… Court: Has the jury reached a verdict that they wish to announce? All Jurors: We the jury with righteous fury Find Root guilty on all counts!
Cricket flipped the scroll over. There was nothing else. She gave the others a worried look. The throne guards frowned. Celestia scowled.
“You know, sometimes I really hate this town.”
This feels like an Aprils fools joke. It also makes you lose all faith in their legal system. He literally didn’t even get to make a defense. Just out of curiosity, do Celestia and the other princess have the authority to just banish Flim and Flam from Equestria for making a mockery of the legal system or any other reason they might want? If I was Celestia I would immediately just banish them forever and tell them they’d be put to death of caught on Equestria soil ever again.
11795272
Seems like celestia will have to step in as i dont think celestia or any of them will allow a fake trial to stand. Since flim and flam want to abuse the pony tendicy to burst into song then they will be fine if its used against them right? Also having a princess who can dig into your worst nightmares is always something you dont want to anger
Wait what just happened? No way due process was immediately thrown out the window lol
Putting aside all issues of plot, I really have to tip my hat to Cocktail Olive, here. To come up with an original set of lyrics is no small thing, and to make them interesting and entertaining to the reader (since it's just words on a screen with no musical accompaniment) is even harder. Bravo!
Well, I'm going to be honest, I'm sorry to say that this felt like an April Fools Day chapter. I'm genuinely struggling to find words. I was excited to see how this trial went down, Since it had several opportunities to finally bring every single plotline into one room for the first time since the Equestria Games.
Since the arc in the Crystal Empire (And to a lesser extent, Tirek) fizzled out without mentioning the heard of elephants in the room and no clear resolution, I was kind of expecting at least an argument or two finally calling back to the previous arcs... and then we didn't even get a single line of dialogue?
The song is fantastic, don't get me wrong, but this felt like another massive wasted opportunity in a long line of wasted opportunities to let Radish shine and stand up for himself for once.
11795272
The judge is the one that should be fired immediately, and what's the term - disbarred? Permanently. Flim and Flam did make a mockery of the court, but the judge is the one that allowed it.
Hmmm. I see.
Time to Appeal I guess.
11795279
I suspect the piano has a hex on it that made this development possible.
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAH TALK ABOUT KANGAROO COURT XD. poor Root, he didn't even get to make his defense. Surely Equestia has to have laws about using Heartsongs in this manner. Here's hoping he can get the verdict overturned without calling in Celly.
11795293
At this point, it's the main recurring theme of the story
Haha, very funny. Where's the real chapter?
Bruh ok no
This ain't the end of this there's gonna be an appeal to the princesses or something because you can't just show up with a piano play a heartsong and win a court case there's no way that's how this ends there's been to much buildup for it to end like this
*Celestia teleports in*
"Conviction overruled."
Refuses to elaborate.
*Teleports out again*
11795279
My guess is that this will lead to Celestia popping in, firing the judge and every court officer (possibly out of a cannon), and reversing the ruling.
11795313
To be fair: Shining Armor gave Radish a hug a while back. That should make up for everything! :)
It sounds like a lot of us can agree that CocktailOlive set our calendars to April Fools' Day with this chapter. It almost felt like a fever dream to me. I have to wonder how Celestia will proceed with this case...can she just have it thrown out, or are there laws preventing her from cleaning this mess up herself?
I would like to think that this would end well for Radish, since he has many powerful friends who support him (not to mention how it looks like this case was under a kangaroo's jurisdiction). Although: Light Fantastic has been gone for a while, and Radish would have to contend with her absence while in jail.
T?
11795333
Tap
Well, Celestia, you know what you have to do.
so it's just me who thinks Celestia should fire that judge for literally not doing his job according to the laws of the entire country, because let's be cynical here, that was unprofessional in such a monumental way, which isn't even funny none, it's just very wrong.
11795345
Radish Tap Root!?
Not just radish root ok
11795363
Radish "Tap" Root, because he taps that.
Nice
Of course they've weaponised pony singing.
Well, what do you expect. Flim and Flam are charactures of Professor Harold Hill from The Music Man. Naturally, their argument is based on the song "Ya Got Trouble."
Oh you've got trouble.
Trouble?
Right here in River City.
Oh we've got Trouble!
With a capital T,
And that rhymes with P,
Which stands for Pool!"
Thank you Robert Preston for all the memories.
11795294
Not only allowed it, take a look at this bit:
The judge actively supported it.
That's almost literally a dictionary-perfect example of what an objection is supposed to be used for (preventing blatantly false appeals to issues not relevant to the case) and it's the first time the court actually deigned to respond to the Defense despite several prior attempts to make objections, and the court proceeds to do exactly the wrong thing. Like, even if heartsongs have some sort of ultimate legal protection due to being a 'display of Harmony' or something, if you're going to make a legal ruling as The Court you damn well better have the law on your side as well. I could have even (begrudgingly) accepted the judge allowing the 'heartsong' (I very much doubt it actually was one) even if only because it is a heartsong and Equestria is in love with the things, but not even letting the Defense speak before asking for a verdict is a major procedural error, even if we ignore all the other issues.
I'm personally thinking this judge might have been bought off by people who want to sink Radish for their own reasons. Heartsongs are powerful, but not that powerful, and this one probably wasn't even a real heartsong.
Ohhh those two are in for it now
I gotta say, had this been a fic about less explicit themes or plots, this is something that would totally happen in the show.
Well, I'll say this for CocktailOlive, he certainly knows how to wind up his audience.
I think most of us are ready to beat Flim and Flam over the head with the Judge as a Mallet.
Hopefully, Celestia will step in with some righteous fury, but if she chickens out, Luna (Best Princess) should defend her Knight.
11795423
It was part of the song, so it would automatically be rejected if that were the case. Hopefully that's what happened.
I'm pretty certain they can appeal on Prosecution Misconduct alone.
Wait guys. Spike just transmited an update. This is not whole trial, just a fragment so Celestia will be informed.
Next chapter will be another update from Spike after song. And I bet judge will be pissed that he was forced to song.
Remember, we know what jury said, but not what judge said.
Author just leads us by the nose
11795423
Or maybe judge just want for Flim Flam to dig more of their grave.
And I bet judge will overrule jury if needed
11795350
I agree.
This broke the world building illusion, which has been so grand until now.
Unless the author is planning on writing the judge as corrupt and sold out? But not like this... it doesn't make sense.
It's the only chapter we can't understand.
If it wasn't for the effort put into writing the song number, I'd say the chapter was an author's April Fool's chapter, sorry to say.
Very well written song. Shame none of that was admissible. Good on the transcriber for taking down the lines; without music, it's pretty clearly a miscarriage of justice if the verdict is allowed to stand.
So, given Radish's track record with luck, I imagine that's exactly what's going to happen, and one or more of the Princesses trying to step in will result in scandal.
The song was amazing… but… then Celestia woke up and we had the rest of the trial… right? Right? *crickets*
11795591
Unless Equestria courts works very differently, in a jury trial the jury listens to the case and decides guilt or innocence and the judge simply sentences a punishment based on that decision. The jury just said 'guilty' after the judge asked for their judgement, so Root is in for whatever prison time a guilty sentence merits and what the judge thinks is fair for the charge (a year? IDK), unless Celesita stacked the deck and ordered the judge to return a minimum sentence if things went wrong for him, in which case he could already be out for 'time served'.
what the fuck
I hear something far off in the distance, something for many lawyers to log many more working hours too.
Mistrial… Mistrial Mistrial… Mistrial… Mistrial… Mistrial…
11795272
I expect Luna within the next two chapters, full war regalia and a warhammer.
So...the piano can hypnotize others right?
CocktailOlive somehow writes a story that is truly unpredictable but also kinda makes sense. Like, this is something I could plausibly see happening given the setting and everything we have seen thus far, we knew to expect Flim and Flam and we knew they were known for their musical numbers, but I never would have expected a musical chapter or for the trial to be over so fast. I'm hoping for a "The Trial Part 2" but not expecting one. (If I don't expect it does that mean it's more likely to happen?)
11795691
That's my theory.
11795704
I think like most of us, I had a smile (or a facepalming groan) when Film and Flam started their act. Right?
This musical number chapter would have actually worked if it was not the judge who asked the jury what their verdict was. (Let the prosecution overstep their authority and truly "step into it" by doing the judge's job.)
Extend this scene juuust slightly to keep our faith in this world's Equestria (and it's legal system, which so far has been as fair as can be expected). How?
If the song and dance act was kept to the prosecution and jury, with the prosecution being the one to ask the jury:
THEN... seeing the judge jump down the prosecution's throat and put them in their place (because asking a jury for their verdict is absolutely not the prosecution's job)... we could have kept our suspended belief in this world.
Because "suspended belief" works best if the world in question is emotionally plausible or justified in some manner. It's what separates a good fanon story (like this one) from a shitty Mary Sue fic.
Film and Flam would have had their fun.
We would have clapped the author for their unexpected musical chapter content.
And the story would have kept true to itself, by being believable.
Suspended belief of readers: maintained.
So, yes, the author can very well fix this unexpected, jolted removal from this world that many readers experienced. Let us call this constructive criticism if we will.
I like to point out, for those arguing this chapter is a joke, that some fucking how Flim and Flam almost took out Sweet Apple Acres... by doing basically this.
Show up, song, and suddenly if they lose a cider contest... the Apples loose the farm?
As dumb as it sounds I can totally see this happening. It shouldn't, but it's plausible. Ponies, en mass, seem to be extremely gullible and easy to manipulate.
Also my going theory is the jury were paid underhoof so the song was just for kicks.
There's a new law firm in Canterlot... Phlim, Phlam, Phlummox and Phool. And that starts with P and rhymes with Z which means Zecora. (Which would explain Radish's prison garb from the previous episode.)
"A little bit of nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men." - Willy Wonka (As borrowed from George Bernard Shaw.)
Would someone like to explain to me why everyone, or at least a large number of people, are complaining about realism and their suspension of disbelief while reading a story about prosaic pastel ponies prancing for the prosecution. Face it, you're here to absorb and enjoy imagination on display. Sometimes silly, often obtuse and frequently funny.
Prancing for the Prosecution... Sounds like a Billy Wilder movie.
wjould
Flim & Flam both have 10 in CHA and maxed Speech skills. Root, and the Jury, sadly never had a chance.
Uh.... Defense gets a say in court cases. Sheesh, just tell everyone your bought and paid for judge and jury.