25. The Threat
Radish thrust his spear into a training dummy and withdrew it in one quick motion. Cotton stuffing dropped out of its chest onto the grass.
“Root, you’re over-committing your strikes,” said his spear training instructor. “If your opponent had dodged that, you would have fallen flat on your face.”
Radish took a step back and looked at the dummy.
“I could take this guy lying flat on my face.”
“Cute retorts don’t protect princesses. Do ten more sets, and this time, keep your mass centered and your mouth shut.”
An hour later, Radish trotted off the training field, reading over his evaluation. One of his fellow lieutenants, a gray, sinewy earth stallion named Cairn, trotted alongside him, reading his own.
"So, Root. How'd you do?"
"The sarge wrote here that I have excellent thrust, good aim, average form, and slow reflexes."
"A couple of things to write home about, at least. Need some pointers at getting faster?"
"I'm just fatigued. You woke up at reveille. I've been awake since yesterday afternoon."
"Right. How's The Night Shift been?"
"Uneventful. Princess Luna hasn't needed anything all week."
"You mean you haven't spoken to her since-"
"No."
"Hmm. Mares can be a mystery, huh?"
"Yeah."
"Pardon me, Lieutenant Root?"
Radish and Cairn turned to see a royal lady-in-waiting approaching them. She curtseyed. “Lieutenant Root, Princess Luna wishes to see you in the captain's office, posthaste.”
“Posthaste? Okay.”
She looked him over.
“Well, perhaps post-shower, then posthaste.”
A freshly-showered Radish knocked on the door of Shining Armor'’s office.
“Enter,” Luna called from within.
Radish opened the door to find Luna, Celestia, Shining Armor, Barrel Roller, and Saguaro Shade inside, gathered around a desk covered in tomes and scrolls. He inhaled sharply.
“Ma’ams? Sirs?”
“Root? What are you doing here?” asked Shining Armor.
“Reporting as requested, sir.”
Celestia looked at Luna with annoyance. “Luna, dear, I don’t think Lieutenant Root needs to be a part of this.”
Luna bristled. “Why shouldn’t my Champion be included? You have sent for your own six.”
“With all due respect, ma’am,” said Barrel Roller, “this is far above Root’s paygrade.”
“Then increase his paygrade,” said Luna pointedly.
Radish took a deep breath and held it.
“Sister, may I speak with you?” asked Celestia through a gritted-teeth smile.
“Yes, sister. Let us speak.”
The sisters moved to a corner of the room. Celestia cast a spell which put a shimmering translucent yellow box around them. Its seemed to be a soundproofing spell, as they proceeded to a conversation that looked loud, yet was completely inaudible.
Radish looked to his superiors. “Sirs, ma’am, I didn’t mean to be a source of conflict, here.”
“This was bound to happen, Root,” said Saguaro Shade. “We’ve got two princesses now. That means when they disagree, there’s a deadlock.”
“I see. What do I do if they give me conflicting orders?”
“Princess Celestia signs your checks, Root,” said Shining Armor. “Her orders supersede Princess Luna’s, every time.”
“Does Princess Luna know that, sir?”
“You tell me,” said Shining Armor. “You’re the one who’s spent so much time with her.”
“Uh… I don’t, um…”
“Sure doesn’t look like it,” Saguaro Shade said, nodding toward the princesses.
The sisters’ loud conversation started to look more like a heated discussion. The heated discussion grew into a full-blown argument. Radish frowned.
The princesses got in each other’s faces. Luna petulantly stomped a hoof. Celestia emphatically waved her wings. They both looked at Radish. He cringed, without knowing why. Then, Celestia narrowed her eyes and made a comment out of the side of her mouth to Luna, which made Luna’s eyes go wide.
Luna then looked at the floor, saddened. She turned to Celestia and said something calmly. The two sisters nodded, hugged, and then the soundproofing spell vanished.
Luna approached Radish. “Radish Root, our summons of thee was premature. Please return to as thou were. If we are in need of thee, we will let thee know.”
“Very well, your highness. Sirs. Ma’ams.”
Radish left the office, giving the door a lingering look before moving on. He took a quick meal in the commissary and returned to his bunk, where Spats was brushing his tail.
“Hey, Radish. Where’ve you been?”
“I got a special summons by the princesses… and then they canceled it.”
“Ah. Well, it happens. Are you going to bed?”
“Yeah. Gotta be up at the crack of afternoon.”
“See you later, Rad. We’ll keep the castle safe in the meantime.”
Radish lay across a thick, plush rug in front of a softly crackling fireplace. Celestia lay by his side, leaning her head on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry you had to see Luna and I argue this morning, Radish. She can be such a child when she can't get what she wants."
"What did she want?"
"You."
"And what did you tell her?"
She rolled on top of Radish, lovingly gazing into his eyes.
"That she can't have you."
They kissed.
“Radish…” purred Celestia.
“Celestia…” whispered Radish.
“Lieutenant!” shouted Luna.
Radish looked to the side. Luna was standing there, frowning. A starry portal closed itself behind her.
“Princess Luna?”
Luna sighed heavily. “We are sorry to disturb thy… fantasy… again. But we must speak with thee where no ears may hear us.”
“Oh, beat it!” sneered the dream Celestia. “Can’t Radish have one dream in peace? Just because you don't have the guts to-”
Luna held up a hoof. Celestia and the room vanished, leaving Luna and Radish floating in a black void.
Radish gulped. “Princess, I am so sorry.”
“As we have said, thy dreams are a part of thee. We do not judge. Though, for the record, the real Celestia's bedroom looks nothing like that."
"Well, I haven't seen it yet."
"Yet?"
"I mean, uh..."
“Radish Root, there is no time for this. As we have also said, we would let thee know if we are in need of thee. We are in need of thee.”
“What can I help you with, ma’am?”
“Discord.”
“Between you and Princess Celestia?”
“Nay. ‘Discord’ be the name of a monster. A foul spirit of chaos who wields unfathomable power, and uses it to wreak havoc for his own amusement.”
“Wait… that statue near the hedge maze? The one that’s a big jumble of animal parts? The tour guides say it represents Discord. That's a real thing?”
“Yes. Celestia and I defeated him with the Elements of Harmony a thousand years ago, but now that the Elements have passed to new hooves, the spell is broken. He has returned.”
“Is this why you called for me?”
“Indeed. However, Celestia wants only the new wielders of the Elements to confront him.”
“Twilight’s team? Celestia summoned them to fight an ancient monster with unfathomable power?”
“Yes. But I have my doubts those six are up to the task.”
“Your highness, they’ve done great things. I couldn’t have found the bat ponies without them. They got rid of the dragon. And they… uh…”
Radish trailed off and looked away.
“Defeated Nightmare Moon?” Luna finished for him, eyebrow raised.
“Saved you from her!”
“Radish Root, Nightmare Moon may save us all. She prepared a weapon in secret to use against Celestia. I believe that weapon can now be used against Discord.”
“Whoa, really? That must be one incredible weapon! What is it?"
"Celestia's own spear, stolen from her personal vault. Nightmare Moon hid it in a place of great power. It has been absorbing this power ever since. I believe that after a thousand years of empowerment, not even Discord can withstand it."
"Celestia owned a spear?"
"Yes, it was a Hearth's Warming gift from the palace weaponsmith. I believe he fancied her- he only gave me a knife that year."
"Hmm. Is this place of great power back at the lair?"
“Nay. It is at the center of a distant island called Never Atoll."
"Never Atoll?"
"Has thou heard of it?”
“Never at all.”
“We thought not. It is tiny, shrouded by mists, and isolated by currents.”
“Do you want me to go to the island and get the spear for you?”
“Yes. Thy brethren shall convey thee.”
“Oh! Me and the bat ponies, on a mission together?"
"Please do thy best to keep them on-task."
"Do I get any special gear?”
“Nay. To remove any equipment from the palace would arouse suspicion. This quest is against Celestia's wishes and unsanctioned by thy superiors. It must remain totally secret, lest Discord learn of it. If thou are found out, thou must keep thy silence, disavow our involvement, and accept all punishment thyself.”
“But they’ll notice I've left the palace. It'll look like I've deserted during a crisis again. I’ll be kicked out of the Guard.”
“We will request thee as our personal attendant for the duration of this crisis. Thy superiors will simply think thou be in our bedroom. That will not be seen as suspicious, as thou has often been in our bedroom.”
“Uh…”
“What?”
“Nothing. I’m on my way.” He looked around. “How do I wake up?”
“The usual way, of course.”
Radish looked down at his hoof. He bit it.
He awoke in his bunk with his hoof in his mouth. He checked his bedside clock. He had slept for less than ten minutes.
Radish redonned his armor and made his way to Selenic Spire. It was beyond the palace’s large hedge maze, which itself was beyond the sculpture garden. Radish paused, then headed into the sculpture garden and searched for the statue of Discord.
He found an empty pedestal with a nameplate. The statue wasn’t of Discord, it was Discord all along.
No wonder that thing gave me the willies. Was it watching us?
He heard the sounds of a group coming his way: four sets of hoofsteps, one set of wingbeats, and one repeating bouncing noise. He knew what that meant.
“Radish!” called Twilight. She and her friends rushed up to him.
“Ladies,” he said, bowing.
“What are you doing here? Princess Celestia didn't say you'd be coming with us,” Twilight said.
“Actually, I’m on my way to Princess Luna’s tower. What are you guys doing out here?”
"Discord's hidden the Elements of Harmony in the hedge maze."
“He what!?"
"Don't worry, we're about to head in and get them back."
"Without guard backup? You should have a battalion with you."
"You know, maybe he's right," said Fluttershy. "It couldn't hurt to have a battalion. Or two."
"It's better this way," said Twilight. "Anyone who comes with us would be putting themselves in danger."
Radish frowned. "Danger? Twilight, what do you think guards are for?"
“Now, don't be like that,” said Applejack. "We ain't sayin' we wouldn't appreciate the company, but you know the Elements of Harmony only work fer us.”
“And with great Elements come great responsibility,” added Pinkie Pie.
“Yeah, we can’t help it if we’re the chosen ones,” shrugged Rainbow Dash.
“Well, I don’t want to hold up the chosen ones," said Radish. "Stay safe in there.”
"Don't worry," said Twilight, pulling her friends into a group hug. "With the magic of friendship on our side, there's no way we can lose!"
"Yeah... okay."
The girls galloped onward to the maze entrance. Radish watched them go with an uneasy frown. He continued on his way to Luna's tower. As he approached the door, he heard a stallion's voice.
“Mornin’, Root.”
Saguaro Shade appeared around the curve of the tower.
“Corporal!”
He quickly saluted. Saguaro Shade returned the salute, then peered up at Selenic Spire. He turned back to Radish.
“I'd heard Princess Luna ordered you to her tower. But didn't you just finish a night shift in there? I figured you’d need some shuteye about now.”
"I'm no stranger to double shifts, sir. Besides, it'll be hard to sleep after that summons this morning. I mean, both princesses and the senior officers all in one room? I’ve never seen such a thing.”
“I'm guessin' Big Blue's filled you in on what's really goin' on," he said, looking at the front door.
"Sir, if this is the crisis I've heard it is, why hasn't the Guard been mobilized?"
"Princess's orders. It's not an enemy you can throw a spear at, Root. Only the Elements of Harmony can handle Discord. And only those six girls can handle the Elements. Which raises the question- what's Princess Luna really want from you now?"
"She..."
The front door of Luna's tower flung open. Luna was there, waving a book in her hoof.
"Radish Root! There you are! What is the holdup? Our book club was to begin ten minutes ago!"
"Forgive me, ma'am."
Saguaro Shade raised an eyebrow. "All right, Root. I won't keep you. Enjoy the, uh, book club."
He saluted Luna. "Ma'am."
He took his leave. Radish watched him go, slowly backing toward the door. He entered to find Luna, and no one else, on the first floor.
“Did thou see how we covered for thee?” asked Luna giddily. “Thy corporal had no idea why thou really be here.”
“Ma’am, he knows we're up to something.”
“You think? He did not… Ah. We see. More courtly intrigue. ‘Tis exhausting keeping track of who knows what. Here, then,” she said, giving Radish the book, "in case he questions our cover story."
Radish took the book. "Daddy Long-Shanks?"
"Do not get thy hopes up. It is not a horror story."
“What's the situation now, ma'am?"
"Discord has already revealed himself, jeering Celestia and challenging the Ponyville girls to a battle of wits. He has not appeared to me at all. I think he has... forgotten my existence."
"That's... good. Right?"
“At the very least, it gives me the freedom to prepare thee for this mission. You asked about special gear- we have found something for thee that will go unmissed.”
She pulled a large knife in a sheath from behind her back and gave it to Radish. Radish unsheathed it. It had Luna's cutie mark engraved into one side of the blade, and it's maker's cutie mark on the other.
"This is that knife from the weaponsmith. It's been in our closet all these years," she explained.
"Whoa."
"What?"
"Was that weaponsmith named Ferrum Flats?"
"Yes, I think so. Why?"
"He was a legendary craftspony! He designed the boot knives the Plains Rangers still use to this day. It's an incredibly useful and elegant design, and this is a version he custom-made for a royal! This is a masterpiece!"
Luna frowned. "Truly? He put thought into this present? We were not an afterthought?"
"Maybe a spear makes for a better weapon, but you can do so many more things with a good knife. I think Ferrum Flats wanted you to have something you could use every day."
"Keep it."
"You mean, permanently?"
"Clearly, we did not know how to appreciate it for the gift it was. It deserves to be in the hooves of one who does. Use it well."
"Thank you, ma'am." He attached the sheath to his front left boot.
"You will also need this where you are going," said Luna. Her horn glowed, and a red potion bottle appeared in her hoof. She unstoppered it and held it up to Radish's face. "Here, drink."
Radish leaned back. "What is it?"
"Never Atoll has unique defenses. This shall protect thee from the worst of them.”
“What's the worst of them?”
“Flowers which release mind-addling pollen in the air. The effects are wide-ranging, from lethargy to fiendishly terrifying hallucinations. This antihistamine will give thee immunity from all types of pollen for twenty-four hours.”
Radish took the bottle and drank it. It tasted like chalk mixed with strawberries. "Thanks, princess. I'm glad I won't have to deal with terrifying hallucinations."
“Why not, brother? It sounds fun!” called out Nocturn. He and the other three bat ponies landed at Radish’s side. "We are woefully immune to Terror Daisies. We once tried snuffing them, to no effect."
“Hey, guys! Good to see you." He pulled them into a group hug. "But don't go around snuffing plants, okay?"
"Sorry, Brother Radish."
“We can’t wait to show you Never Atoll!” said Echo excitedly.
“Oh? What’s it like?”
“A volcanic island, home to poisonous frogs and venomous birds!”
“Venomous birds!? What, do they have fangs?”
“No, Brother Radish,” said Vesper, “they have scorpion tails!”
Radish looked at Luna, cockeyed. “Ma’am?”
“Nightmare Moon may have… enhanced… the local wildlife,” admitted Luna. “But ‘tis nothing thou cannot handle. Thou at least stand a better chance against the stinglets than a seamstress and an apple farmer have against Discord.”
Radish turned to the bat ponies. "And you four know the way there?”
“Yes,” said Echo. “The trip will take mere hours.”
“I thought you guys don't really do well in the daytime."
"We do not!" said Murk. "We shall make the journey taking turns, allowing two to rest in the carriage while the other two pull it!"
"What carriage?"
"They have obtained a civilian transport," explained Luna. "It will be inconspicuous to observers."
"But the bat ponies won't be," pointed out Radish.
Luna frowned. "Ah... yes. Well, that cannot be helped. Come, I will convey you five to the conveyance."
Her horn glowed, and a flash of light changed the world around Radish. He stumbled sideways and fell to the grass which had appeared under his feet.
"What is wrong, Radish Root?" asked Luna.
"I... I've never been teleported before," he said, holding in a dry heave.
"Truly? Well, it only becomes easier."
"Okay."
Radish climbed to his feet and looked around. They were now on the mountain outside the city. A large luxurious black stagecoach was parked in front of them.
"That's the civilian transport? Where did you get it?" Radish asked, approaching it.
"From a street in the Uptown district!" said Nocturn. "It was just sitting there!"
"You stole it!? That's an Imperial 70 Coupe! It's one of the most expensive coaches on the market! Every patrol in the region will be looking out for it!"
"Truly?" asked Luna. "It looks rather... chintzy. But we think... oh, dear."
Radish looked at what had drawn her attention. The skies over Ponyville were now full of pink clouds, and the landscape under the town was a checkerboard of several pastel colors. Many of the town's houses and landmarks were drifting casually through its airspace.
"What the-? Is that Discord's doing?"
"Yes. It has begun. Tarry no longer, Radish Root."
"Ma'am, you're not safe here. Come with us."
"Nay. He may eventually remember me, and come seeking me in revenge for his long imprisonment. I must stay to protect thy mission. If the girls fail, thou are Equestria's last hope."
"Ma'am! I can't-"
"Fare thee well, my Champion."
Her horn lit up, and she vanished. Radish's shoulders drooped.
"Brother Radish, she is right," said Nocturn. "We must leave now."
"Right. Let's go."
Murk and Nocturn hitched themselves to the coach, while Vesper and Echo climbed inside. Radish followed them in and sat back on one of the overstuffed plush seats. He took off his helmet and put it aside.
"Damn, I've never been in a luxury carriage. This is nicer than some rooms in the palace."
The interior of the cabin was lacquered blackwood. The fixtures were gold, and recently-polished. The upholstery was a dark purple velvet, and the seat backs were embroidered with a corporate logo aside a family coat of arms. Although Radish didn't recognize the coat of arms, he knew the logo.
"Wagoner Corp. Huh. I think you guys stole this coach from the Wagoner family."
"Are they friends of yours?" asked Echo.
"Nope. I have nothing to do with them," Radish said, rubbing the mountain dirt on his boots off onto the carpet. He pulled out a pencil and notebook. "Okay, guys. Let's go over what you know about the island. I want to hit the ground running. We get in, get the weapon, and get back to Luna."
"Well, Brother Radish," said Vesper. "The story of Never Atoll begins in the Course Era. It was discovered by the Mighty Helm in... Brother Radish?"
Radish had slumped back in his seat with his eyes closed. His notebook and pencil fell to the floor. He started snoring.
"Should we wake him?" Vesper asked Echo.
Echo was now asleep too, curled up on his seat.
"Very well," Vesper said. She leaned back and closed her eyes.
"Brother Radish! Awaken!"
"Wha...?"
Radish woke up in his carriage seat. The four bat ponies were gathered around him, staring.
"We have arrived to the island!" said Nocturn.
"Right," he said, trying to uncrick his neck. "Let's go."
They stepped out of the carriage. Radish looked around. They were on a stone landing pad, on a rocky shore of a tropical island. The view of the horizon was blocked in all directions by a wall of dense fog. The fog, however, only extended up to a certain height, and the sky over the island was clear.
"Thanks for getting me here, guys."
"You're welcome!" they said as one.
"The sun's pretty bright here. How are you feeling?"
"This sunlight is most draining," said Echo. "Our strength is greatly diminished."
"Yes. It really sucks," said Vesper.
"Where did you hear that word?" asked Radish.
"From the scullery maids. They speak in many colorful metaphors."
"Well, leave that in the scullery, okay?"
"Sorry, Brother Radish."
He saw a stone pathway leading to the interior of the island, flanked by rows of succulents. He started down it, and the bat ponies followed him.
The island was rife with tropical vegetation, though it was all growing in neatly-organized planters and beds. They passed rows of evenly-spaced pine trees. They walked under arches of hanging ivy.
"This is the lushest evil lair I've ever seen," Radish mused.
"The Mistress spent many hours growing the vegetation to her liking," said Murk.
A small, tiger-striped bird landed on a twig near Radish. It bobbed forward, displaying a long, black scorpion tail curling over its body.
"I am a special Envoy of Nightmare Moon," Radish told the stinglet. It tilted its head, questioningly.
"He speaks the truth!" said Echo. The bird nodded and flew away. Radish watched it land in a tree and chirp to a flock of its kind. They scattered to spread the word.
"Nightmare Moon was cultivating plants and bonding with animals on this island. The mountain lair was where she explored her unicorn magic, but this... this is where she indulged her earth pony abilities! I had no idea she even cared about her earth pony side!"
He galloped over to a row of towering oak trees. He put his ear against the trunk of one and tapped it. He whistled, impressed at how healthy it was. He planted his hooves in the soil and knelt prone, placing his chin on the ground and closing his eyes.
"What are you doing?" asked Nocturn.
"Shh. I'm listening to the earth."
The bat ponies looked at each other in confusion. Radish opened his eyes.
"She really took care of the soil. It's full of life, even a thousand years later."
He excitedly trotted down the path, taking in all the plant life.
"She must have collected species from all over the world! I bet some of these cultivars are lost to modern botany! Or maybe she created them herself? Did she say anything about what she was growing here?"
"She spoke of the purpose of some of them," said Nocturn. "For instance, she was most proud of those."
He pointed to a row of coconut trees. Radish loped over to one, gazing up at it. He bucked its trunk, and a coconut fell at his feet with a thud.
"This is huge! But it has an odd smell. Almost medicinal."
"The Mistress bred them to produce a powerful soporific," recalled Murk. "A single macaroon made from this would put even Celestia in a deep slumber."
"And these," said Echo, pulling a kiwi off a trellis and tossing it to Radish, "contain a compound which induces a suggestible state. If dropped in a town's water supply, the entire populace could be subdued."
"See these?" asked Vesper, pointing to a small bush full of long green peppers. "Their juice can corrode even the strongest of alloys. We used them to break into Celestia's vault."
"Amazing," said Radish, putting the coconut, kiwi, and a pepper in his bag. "Nightmare Moon might have conquered the world with just her earth pony skills. Kind of makes me proud. Hey, I wonder if..."
He galloped down the trail, to a crossroads in the path. He looked in all directions, seeing terraced gardens, orchards, and crop fields.
"Did she have any assistants here? Gardeners? Maybe ones that looked... unusual?"
"She permitted no one but us here," said Nocturn. "And she rarely brought us here."
"Dang."
"Brother Radish, the spear?" asked Echo.
"Oh, right. Do you know where it is?"
“Yes. It is inside the cone.”
"Cone?"
Echo pointed to a flat-topped mountain in the center of the island.
"Oh," said Radish, "it's inside a volcano? Figures. Is it dormant, at least?"
"It was a thousand years ago," said Nocturn. "It probably still is."
They made their way down the path, past a cattail-lined pond, where fat pink frogs sat on large lily pads.
"Are those the poisonous frogs you mentioned?" Radish asked.
"Yes," said Nocturn. "Their skin oozes a paralyzing toxin. We do not recommend licking them."
The path eventually turned into a wooden walkway suspended over a vast field of flowers. Radish walked with caution.
"And these are the flowers that can mess with your mind?" he asked.
"Yes. Each species has a different effect," said Echo. "The blue ones induce hopelessness. The yellow ones induce forgetfulness. And so on."
Radish looked out at the fields. There were over a dozen different species. Radish didn't feel any different- Luna's antihistamine was working.
"You guys are sure you're immune to all of them?"
"Yes. It is a gift we have in common with the Mistress."
"Okay. Good." He peered at the flowers under his section of walkway. "What do the gray flowers do?"
"There were no gray flowers," said Echo.
"Well, there are now."
The bat ponies peered down at the field. There was a thick vine crawling along the ground and climbing the supports of the walkway. It produced large, lopsided gray flowers along its length.
"That... is new," Vesper said in a low voice.
"They're an odd shape," said Radish. "Maybe some of the species here crossbred? But without an earth pony's guidance, most plants shouldn't be able to complete a life cycle. Say, did Nightmare Moon ever-"
He turned around. The bat ponies were staring at him, blankly.
"Guys?"
They started laughing. Their laughs were so perfectly in sync, they sounded like they had one single voice- but it was a male voice that didn't match any of theirs.
Radish took a step back. "Uh, I think we need to move away from these flowers. Let's get going, okay?"
"Hi, Moony!" they said in unison, tilting their heads in the same direction, to the same degree. The voice was smooth and smug. "How's it hangin'? Nice digs here! But a volcano island base? Isn't that a tad cliché? What, are you going to carve a giant skull into the mountain?"
"What the-"
The bat ponies started walking toward Radish, grinning widely while keeping their eyes locked on him. "Yep, it's me! Oh, don't act so surprised! I know about all the secret lairs you've been building! The mountain retreat, the cloud superfortress- even that little one-bedroom dive under Canterlot's Riverwalk. You've got such an eye for real estate! Of course, they're all a bit too... orderly for my taste."
Radish narrowed his eyes and flicked out his spear. "Discord, I presume?"
The bat ponies didn't seem to hear him. They gestured in their speech emphatically and identically. "Oh, I just can't wait to see the look on Celestia's face when she realizes her precious baby sister has been plotting world domination behind her back!"
It's a thousand-year-old message, thought Radish. Meant for Nightmare Moon's ears.
"So, let's not wait! See, Moonpie, if you're hearing this message, then you've stumbled across the housewarming gift I left for you."
Radish looked down at the gray flower vine.
"Just a little something to liven up your next visit to this slice of paradise. Sadly, it won't affect you, but when your bat minions get a whiff of its pollen, they'll be compelled throw a little chaos into your life."
Radish banged his spear on the walkway. "Guys, if you can hear me, snap out of this! I know you're stronger than some old flowers!"
"They'll give you a count of five, then bolt and tell Celestia all about Nightmare Moon. Everything- the hideouts, the experiments, the schemes. With the two of you locked a family feud, Equestria will plunge into chaos!"
"Guys! You cannot go back to Celestia! She can't know about this mission! I'll be fired! You'll alert Discord to what we're doing! And you're my ride home!"
They lined up and leaned forward, grinning mockingly.
"I suppose you could always just blast your minions before they can tattle, but you have to be careful about your power consumption, don't you? Otherwise, the Luna personality will regain the upper hoof in your mental tug-of-war."
"The Envoy commands you to shake this off! Brother Radish needs you!"
"Oh well, the choice is yours. Either way, I win."
"Please, guys! For Luna?"
"Five!" they shouted.
Radish frowned.
"Four!"
"I'm sorry about this," said Radish, gritting his teeth.
"Three!"
Radish gripped his spear sideways and leapt at his brethren, bringing its haft down across all four of their heads simultaneously. It dented in four places. The bat ponies shuddered, then looked at Radish in surprise.
"Why, Moonykins!" they laughed in Discord's voice, "if you're hearing this message, you tried to take out your minions with non-lethal force! How unexpected! So here's something else that's unexpected- you've activated a hidden command in the pollen. They're no longer going to snitch on you. No, they're going to come after you. Just like you came after me in Monacolt. You know, I still have lumbago because of that. So don't expect any mercy."
"Guys, I know you wouldn't hurt me," said Radish. "Remember the friendship lessons? Remember the s'mores?"
"But hey, look on the bright side, you've got another five seconds."
Radish started backing away.
"Five-four-three-two-one!" they shouted. Then, they shuddered. They looked at Radish, bared their teeth and snarled, stalking toward him.
"Shit."
He dropped his dented spear and leapt off the wooden walkway just as they pounced. They smashed through its planks, slamming into the ground underneath it. Radish landed softly in the field and rolled.
Now on the ground, Radish realized just how tall the field's flowers, grasses, and forbs were. They towered over him. He couldn't see where the bat ponies had landed, but they couldn't see him. He crouched still.
He heard rusting in the vegetation around him, and then a thunk. The bat ponies had leapt out of the field. Vesper and Echo were back on the walkway, stalking its length while peering into the field and taking deep sniffs. Murk and Nocturn were airborne, belting out echolocation screeches into the field.
They can't see me in all this. That chaos pollen in their muzzles must be keeping them from smelling me. And these plants just scatter their echoes. I'm safe, as long as I don't move a muscle.
His mind raced. Vesper leapt at something in the field, barking and tearing apart a cluster of weeds. She returned to the walkway, now with Radish's spear. The two bat ponies in the air swooped down, crashing through the vegetation in long, curved swaths. The two on the walkway watched them carefully. Radish listened, mapping their movements in his mind.
They're using a search pattern to tear up the field. But why are they doing it like that? Wait...
Radish recalled something from a Plains Ranger Academy exam.
Their search pattern is a thousand years out-of-date! Bandits figured out how to slip through this kind of detection spiral centuries ago! I can get out before they tear up too much of the field, as long as I use the noise they make as cover.
Radish crept through the grasses, catching glimpses of Vesper and Echo on the walkway through the vegetation. They weren't hearing him over the racket Murk and Nocturn were making. Radish crawled under the walkway and out of their sight.
That's half the problem. Now to get out of here.
He crept under the walkway toward the center of the island. He heard a bat pony crashing toward him, and he paused. Murk galloped right across Radish's path, shredding everything in his way, missing Radish by a half-meter. Radish waited a beat, then continued.
He made it to the tree line just as the bat ponies completed their sweep. Radish looked back. The entire field was now torn to shreds, leaving barely a blade of grass standing. The brethren howled in frustration, then flew off in separate directions.
Radish found himself in a thicket of juniper trees. The branches were dense enough to obscure him from most directions, but they were also obtrusive enough to slow his progress through. He crawled, not entire sure where he was going.
Okay, Radish, think. You've got four bat ponies hopped up on Discord dust, trying to kill you. They're stronger, faster, and have better senses. They know the island. The daylight is weakening them, but the day is half-over. And my own immunity to the pollen will only last until tomorrow.
So what do you have in your favor?
He looked down at the soil in front of him. Without an annual running of the leaves, the ground was bare of litter. A large black ant crossed his path carrying a blade of grass. He heard a twig rustle above him. A stinglet hopped down from a juniper branch, gobbled up the ant, then looked Radish in the eye. Radish waved to it. It waved to Radish with a wing.
Nightmare Moon used this island to explore her earth pony abilities. For an earth pony, this place is a playground... and an armory. The bat ponies know the island, but I understand it! I can work with it!
He made his way out of the juniper thicket and found himself in a deciduous forest. The trees were thick, ancient, and laden with thick, ancient mosses. He climbed one for a better view. He peeked out of the top of the canopy, seeing the vast island around him. In the center of the island was the volcano- the place of great power where the world's deadliest weapon waited.
You messed with the wrong pony, Discord. I'm going to save my brethren. I'm going to get that spear, and I'm going to take you down. Mass centered, mouth shut. You won't know what hit you.
Radish slid back down to the forest floor. He organized his gear, then took a swig of water from his canteen. He paused a moment to listen to the world around him, then moved on.
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Does Radish Root sound like Dragon Ball Z's Raditz?
11143594
That really would be such marvelous irony
Ooh, for a second I was worried the real Discord had found him! This should prove interesting.
Radish is pretty badass here.
As much as I enjoy this story, the modus operandi has become well established by this point - that the events of the show happen almost exactly as we (the audience) saw them, with this story taking place "behind the scenes," as it were - and I'm starting to feel like it's undercutting the dramatic tension, here.
At this point, it seems almost certain how things are going to go: win or lose (my guess is that he'll win after a game of cat-and-mouse with the bat ponies), Radish will acquire the spear and bring it back, only to find that the Mane Six have already beaten Discord on their own, and his efforts will have amounted to nothing (save possibly for getting him in some minor trouble as a consequence of his outing).
While the sequences involved will almost certainly still be fun unto themselves, things like this hamper the story's potential; the limits it's operating under make it hard (at least for me) to feel excited about what's going to happen here. Far better, to my mind, are the sequences about Radish himself, his relationships with the ponies around him, and the adventures he goes on that aren't based on events from the show.
Nice
11143719
yeah I really think if the author wants to maintain status quo-ish, he or she should lean more into radish doing COMPLETELY his own thing, or focus more on the tension of the slice of life. I feel like this particular author, while lacking a bit in the writing experience or knowledge department, is so far more than making up for it in character moments. It's an Evangelion, where the plot sucks but the characters are good enough to keep you hooked in. That said, latching onto the mainline story elements is a HUGE help when it comes to structuring a narrative and why fanfiction is so popular. I want the author to know, if they're reading this, I still love the story and will keep reading unless they really drop the ball, but I have faith in them not to. This story so far has been quite delightful. Just adding onto this guys take
11143719
That's a fair criticism, and for that reason, I wasn't originally going to do much with most of the season premieres/finales. But Discord is a major player in the on-screen canon, and it felt like a pretty big omission to not at least show what Radish was up to during these episodes. It's still an opportunity to expand on the world, and it's always fun to send Radish through some action scenes between quieter chapters. Still, there are wins and losses to be had outside of what the audience knows, and even where Radish can't affect an episode's plot, an episode's plot can affect Radish.
I will say that some of Radish's biggest adventures will be unrelated to episodes of the show, and there will be problems, villains, and stakes that are original to his story.
I'm still up for "Greatest Story Never Told".
Also venturing the theory (without checking to see if anyone else has proposed it) that The mark is for having wet dreams.
11143801
Yeah. Radish can be the main character of his story, while using the main plotline as a guideline. While it may be inconsequential to the events of FiM lore, there's still room to develop his story. He knowingly goes against the wishes of the Princess that they aptly put was "signing the paycheck" in favour of the newer, less legitimate one, and he's getting a very powerful magical artifact. Even if he doesn't use it, it's a treasure-trove of potential consequences for his character, and it's just up to whether or not it's used. And who knows, the author may pull the rug out at some point, subvert expectations by having a main plotline element be completely changed by Radish despite the current trend.
11143898
the issue is, knowing this story the bats are going back to normal, Celestia is gonna confiscate the artifact and tsk tsk luna, radish isn't gonna suffer anything major enough to be permanent and he's gonna go back to being a REALLY underpaid and under ranked guard after this, assuming he keeps his job. (the only stakes, and Luna will probably give him a new job anyways) There is a 0 percent chance that magical staff is gonna remain an element or even be there by the end of this story arc. I get your point, but from a story standpoint there's no stakes, and the untrodden ground is minimal because what's up in the air can be easily enough predicted. I don't exactly expect high tier or engaging writing from this site, and this story is still probably in the better half for that on here anyways. Just adding on to what the other guy said using my own opinion, cuz I've been thinking something similar. I'm so tired out on stories where the OC just, is dragged behind the main story of FiM.
11143996
Like you said, this story is on the better half of stories on this site, I'm not expecting anything groundbreaking, but it has shown that it's willing to deviate from the source material just from the beginning of the story alone. Hell, his last adventure was an original one where he directly reunited Luna with OC bat ponies, and now he's on an adventure to retrieve an artifact with said OC bat ponies. While the main story is happening in the background, I don't think the background is the focus, it's Radish's slice of life that's the focus, and elements are getting introduced step-by-step that's deviating and affecting his story.
He has a mark that ostracizes him, which we can see by how people treat him regularly and by his hove/hate relationship with Celestia, he has a background with the rangers which he consistently uses, he has a bond with Luna which you can see developed and how that affects her interactions with him, he's reunited the batponies which are now a recurring set of characters in his lore, and now he's getting a magic spear nuke, which for all we know may be important to Radish's story in the future. None of these things individually are especially compelling, but I think what's important is that the author so far has shown he can write these works in and they linger, they're not forgotten, and we can see how it molds the world around Radish's character. If you focused more on Radish's character than the show's material, it wouldn't seem so bleak.
11144014
I get it, but that's the bare minimum. I'm merely suggesting that the story would be better served by being less derivative. "I mean maybe" is such a copout statement that every time I hear it all I hear is "I'm not confident in my position", No work is without flaws, and me and other guy just noticed one and were like "hey mr author man, you don't have to do anything but addressing this would be nice"
11144045
And when you predict how the author is going to write before he writes it, it screams arrogance. "I mean maybe" is because I don't disagree with you, just that you're minimizing the good details of his character development to emphasize a negative that isn't that impactful. If it'll make it read better for you I'll remove it.
11144057
lol
11144057
I mean it's clearly impactful enough for some of the active readers that both the two of us noticed it, commented about it, and got likes on our comments. I'm not sure why you're being the status quo warrior here, but like, man I'm literally just being helpful with the vested interest of having something I'd want to read more, and I've said before either way the story is good and I'm chill.
I am allowed to be critical of the media I consume slugger
11144084
I'm chill too my man, I'm just being critical of your criticism. I'm not telling you to change anything, just trying to be helpful with observations, that's all.
I got intrigued when the story got featured and I expected a darker falling out story post chapter 1. Keep it as it is, making chapter 1 less krass would not picture Root's demons as clearly. If anything, the transition could warrant a 1.5 chapter but Root still might have relevant things going on in his past when out of sight. And I still believe there are things we don't know yet. Story's a top grade, I ussually go for worldbuilding but this is great.
Obligatory (at this point) meaning of Root's CM: Striving to do the impossible. When Cadance gets introduced, she will ship hard and with more princesses around Celestia might get her canon thoughts of days off sooner in the background. People say Glimmer will make an impact but Shinning Armour likely will end up boxed with Root's reputation once his engagement hits and might actually end up asking Root for advjse.
11143719
I think it gives the audience a lot of conclusions to fall into a false sence of security while consequences and degrees of failure/irrelevance are varied. Considering the story is purely his character, I don't see the problem.
11144267 I'd say it's more of a limitation than a problem. This story's strength, to my mind, is how it takes an unusual premise and plays it completely straight. That helps to invest us, the reading audience, in seeing what happens to Radish as he copes with the consequences of something that isn't his fault but colors how everyone sees him.
By contrast, the parts of the story revolving around "what was Radish doing when [particular event] happened" are (based on what we've seen so far) operating under the basis that things will turn out as depicted in the source material. Most of the time, that means that Radish will be endeavoring to affect the outcome, even though we already know that he won't (or if he does, it will be heavily obscured).
Now, there can still be plenty of entertainment to be found in watching him try, as well as various other developments regarding his personal growth, relationships with others, career advancements/setbacks, etc., but speaking purely in terms of his impact on events, the outcome of what happens is already known to us, which at least for me makes it harder to get invested in what's happening.
Your mileage may vary, of course. It's just my take on things.
11144338
Yeah pretty much
11144338
Yeah, like you said. Radish can't affect the core timeline. I just thing his place and actions on it's edges are more intresting. Like, right now he might succeed at recovering the spear or he might not. Discord might have time to affect him yet and we are fully aware Discord can just make pepperoni out of him by a gesture. He is not the main six and by his more mature nature (no pun, guy swears properly on occasion), so consequences the Mane 6 avoid by protagonist syndrome can bury this guys life and we will be dragged alongside into those dark places with him. Bringing that to the main timetime would be too jarring. I hope this explains my wiewpoint.
He is not required to change core events, I like to think he is here to tell his own events and underlying plot in the same universe. Think star wars comics, he reminds of Quinlan Vos storyline during the clone wars.
this looks like it is turning in to a huge training exercise for Radish.
one were if you lose you really lose.
this is a grate chapter.
While some don't seem to care for this following cannon so closely with Radish in the background I'm personally loving it. It takes some work to create something that is interesting and still fits the hole in the puzzle. With Discord's story there is plenty of room for something meaningful too. I mean, he basically wins against the main 6 and then just wanders off for a while and lets them regroup and get fixed up. It would be pretty easy to set it up so Discord is busy fighting Radish that whole time, which would give him a pretty significant impact on the over all story without actually changing any outcomes.
I like the idea of the island too, Nightmare Moon was actually out exploring her magic and building something herself and not just the whole, "hey I'm evil now, lets fight." that is so often imagined. Discord having left traps for Nightmare Moon from before his first defeat also means Nightmare Moon was her own power for a lot longer than the cannon suggests. That is quite a lot to accomplish without Celestia getting a hint of any of it, there is certainly some history there that would be fun to explore more of. While the spear is a bit predictable what story doesn't have a macguffin. I would personally imagine that Luna's dagger is more significant in how the story unfolds than the spear will be, but then maybe I just like that symbolism more than I should.
I'm still waiting for Radish to resign from the Royal Guard and end up founding the Night Guard under Luna, Someone has to start up the Night Guard. Its already half way there with the bat pony gang, might as well be official right?
11143821
I like that you decided to include the season climaxes, even if we know the eventual outcome the journey is what makes the adventure. Hope we get to see what happens with Luna and Radish during the wedding attack, the sky is the limit on that one since Luna never appears in the show. Too busy defending the entire city maybe? In any case, I loved this chapter. Thanks for sharing CocktailOlive.
For all of you debating in the comments so far... seriously, you're all awesome. All of that debate and pretty much no personal attacks, hope you all get bonus points in life this week. The internet needs you!
While others are pointing out the potential problems with following cannon, I feel that is beside the point. We're not concerned about Equestria or whatever the Six are doing- it's all about Radish, and I'm all for Radish. As the author already said, Cannon can mess with Radish. There *is* something on the line here. Radish could bite the big one. Using Star Trek as an example, this is the story of a red shirt. One I'm rooting for (pun intended?). The characterization is great, but I'm stuck shipping him hard with Luna. I'm dying to know where that will or won't go. I never thought I could care so much about a pony I never met onscreen before... but Radish... you sir have my devotion. And Olive: great job. I can't wait for the next chapter.
Cocktailolive, I think you're going to want to change Radish's rank or rewrite the story slightly (changing his rank would be easier). I know that Equestria isn't our world, but usually lieutenant is a commissioned officer's rank (albeit the lowest one in a ground force like the Guard). I thought something was off for most of the story, but in this chapter, when Radish salutes a corporal (the most junior type of non-commissioned officer) and calls him sir, I realized you really do intend for Radish to be really low in rank. The rank you're probably looking for is Private. If you don't want him to be at the absolute bottom, you could get fancy and make him a Private First Class (PFC) or a Lance Corporal. Also, enlisted personnel don't salute each other in most militaries -- they salute commissioned officers. Commissioned officers of different ranks exchange salutes as well.
If you really do intend him to be a junior officer, you'll need to raise the ranks of most of the authority figures he interacts with. You could make the corporal in this chapter a captain (the rank, not the office, to avoid confusion with Shining Armor); this would make the exchange of salutes appropriate as well. There have been a couple sergeants who could be made majors. Shining Armor would hold the Office of "Captain of the Royal Guard", but his actual rank could be Colonel or even Brigadier General (I wouldn't make him higher than that -- Personal Guard units like this one generally don't have more than a few hundred or thousand members and don't usually justify higher ranks).
Or you could just say Equestria is different and the lowest Guard rank is Lieutenant
. The only thing I'd say is that the history of the word/rank "lieutenant" literally means "placeholder". Lieutenants are officers who can take over for captains when captains are unavailable or incapacitated.
The story is awesome -- just something to make a slight improvement if you agree/want to.
11145686
I wondered if I'd get any comments about the ranks. The truth is, they're mostly arbitrary. All we have to go on from the show is that Shining Armor is captain, Fluttershy's brother mentioned his "sarge", and a couple of guards called themselves "officers" to Twilight. I spent some time looking at ranks from various militaries, then picked whatever "sounded" the best for each character.
For example, "commander" just sounds really high, so that's what I used for the second-in-command. Saguaro Shade, third in command, is a cowboy sort of guy, so "corporal" felt right for him, as it brings to my mind wild west army forts.
I just liked the sound of "lieutenant" for Radish. He's meant to be a couple of steps above the bottom rung. In the Plains Rangers, lieutenant is one of the highest ranks, so the order of things got flipped for him when he joined the Guard. The Royal Excursionary Forces, which have only been mentioned in passing, have a different set of ranks, and I imagine the Crystal Guard has a bunch of ancient-sounding ranks.
So, in the world of this story, the ranks go: Cadet, Private, Lieutenant, Major, Sergeant, Colonel, Corporal, Commander, Captain. And I give myself some wiggle room to change if needed. There's not a distinction between enlisted and commissioned, but there are other titles/roles/positions around the palace. Radish's role as Luna's "Champion" pretty much exists in her mind only, but no one's going to argue with her, except Celestia. Meanwhile, being the Elements of Harmony gives the girls an enormous amount of leeway around palace, but it's mostly as a courtesy, and they can't really go around giving orders.
Also known as reading him in grunts can be let in on high clearance ops provided they need to know.
Damn, this story is rockin’ !!
It is certainly the best “canon storyline companion story” that I have read.
c.tenor.com/L8hyrUhhjWAAAAAC/sensible-chuckle.gif
(sensible chuckle)
Love the continued world building in this one.
Nightmare Moon had different evil lairs based on each of her alicorn abilities. That's just cool.
I'd also like to know more about the batponies. We've had a few glimpses of their past, but not much more than that.
A volcano island base filled with ....
c.tenor.com/G3tzOUuaz34AAAAC/magma-austinpowers.gif
Just out of curiosity, where's Cadance been? I don't believe that we've seen her even once so far over the course of this story, but we should have.
As much as Luna's return seems to have shocked people, Twilight's flashback in A Canterlot Wedding - Part 1 (season two, episode twenty-five) makes it clear that Cadance was an alicorn for years before Nightmare Moon returned. Likewise, her babysitting Twilight suggests that she lives in Canterlot, perhaps even at the castle, since the Crystal Empire hasn't returned yet. And by now she should certainly be dating (and quite likely engaged to) Shining Armor.
I mention this because I really want to see Radish's reaction when he finds out that Shining Armor - after giving Radish shit about his cutie mark when he signed up for his current position - is being a complete hypocrite by dating a princess.
11150812
We'll start seeing Cadance in upcoming chapters. Without stepping on those chapters' toes, I'll say that Cadance did live in Canterlot, and had a place in the city, not in the castle. She's been abroad since before Radish joined the Guard.
I don't think Cadance is really well-known to the public at this point, possibly by her own wishes. No one mentioned, or hinted at her existence, until the royal wedding. Serious royal-watchers may know all about her, but most Equestrians would say, "Princess Who?"
Frankly, the timeline surrounding Cadance and Shining's relationship and engagement is a challenge to make work. Twilight apparently hadn't seen Cadance since she was little. She didn't even know Cadance and Shining were together until he told her that's whom he was marrying, and it seems like that was just a day or two before the wedding. As far as I can figure, they really had an engagement of less than a week. I chalk it up it up to the impetuousness of young lovers.
I don't consider Shining a hypocrite here. The issue is with dating a superior, not dating a princess. He was basically telling a new employee the company policy about sexually harassing the boss. And, as Celestia said, a princess may not sleep with a member of her guard- that's a rule she instituted herself. Radish works for Celestia, but Shining doesn't work for Cadance- she has a small, independent team of guards under her own employ. Cadance is allowed to date Celestia's employees, and Princess Twilight would be allowed to date any guard who works under Celestia or Cadance.
11151110
Neigh everything could create a small problem with that idea.
11155001
If you mean that comic, the comics don't factor into this story, except for one or two ideas.
11155091
Bummer Neigh everything was a really good comic that explained how those two got together
I don't usually read stories like this, since from the description itself it seemed like maybe it would actually be about a pony who is desperate to have sex with Celestia and nothing else....but no, this story is much more than that. I really like Radish's personality. It's clear he still wants to do what his cutie mark is telling him to do, but in reality he really is an upstanding and caring pony. I love how this story follows the show's timeline in a way that makes sense - I'm sucker for stuff like that. The Silver Standard and Crystal Wishes/Silent Knight's stories are also good examples of that. Anyway, I'm still making my way reading these chapters and I thought I needed to stop and inform you that I have homework due in 4 hours and I've spent most of the last day reading this instead of doing my homework. You're good.
11263217
Thanks. I wasn't sure how Radish was going to be received, and I'm glad people like him. I hope your homework turned out all right.
11143622
Really really amusing.
Well time for the Radish to Root out his Rambo skills.
Guh, the idea that plants can't complete a life cycle without earth pony help . . . how the hell do non-pony nations with little to no earth pony population survive?
11292139
They import their food from pony lands. Or steal it, as Klugetown probably does.
Dammit.
Congratulations, Radish. Congratulations.
Oh, I hate that.
Nausea heartburn indigestion upset stomach diarrhea!
Hey, Pepto Bismol!
Well that was unexpected. And very nice.
Missing of :3
Amazing chapter! Never Atoll is a cool setting, and Discord is a good antagonist even from a distance.