Chapter 8: Draco Malfoy
Draco closed his eyes, drawing in a deep breath as he counted to ten in his mind. He let it out in a huff, snapping his eyes back open to glare at Crabbe and Goyle, on the other side of the compartment.
Goyle continued munching on his stolen sweets, while Crabbe actually seemed to notice. “What?” he asked, through a mouthful of sugar.
“You two are idiots,” he told them flat-out.
“Yes,” Crabbe nodded, as if he’d just been complimented, and resumed his munching.
He raised an eyebrow, and turned sideways in his seat to rest his legs along it, leaning against the wall next to the window as he sighed. If he was entirely honest with himself, he was amazed it had taken him so long to realize just how stupid his bodyguards were. He’d known they would be thick- but his father’s words paled next to the stupidity evident in their faces, which also paled next to the reality.
But this? They were stealing the food he’d bought from the food trolley on its second pass through, and weren’t letting him have any.
And they had the gall to think he was complimenting them by calling them idiots.
He let out a snort. “You’re right,” he told them, without looking. “Calling you two idiots is an insult to all the real idiots out there.”
Crabbe choked on something. Draco looked, but he managed to clear his airways on his own. “Uh-huh,” he nodded eagerly.
Draco let out a laugh quite unbecoming of a Malfoy. “Case in point,” he told them. Then he scowled, and looked at Crabbe. “Come to think of it, how are you not in remedial care?”
For as stupid as the two boys were, it was a relief that their memory for facts- especially the books, Goyle could recite not just the words in his Potions book but exactly where each page was wrinkled- so they were usually pretty good at answering factual questions.
So long as he found a sufficiently easy-to-understand way to phrase it, or used enough of the uncommon words that were wrapped around the relevant passage in whatever texts they had read.
“Dad says rem-evil care is for sissies,” Crabbe informed him.
He rolled his eyes. “That would do it,” he nodded, and let out a sigh. “I wonder why we’ll be late…?” He scowled, then looked at Crabbe. “How many students does Hogwarts take each year?”
“Hogwarts originally served two spaces as few as three spaces thirty students newline at a time comma wrinkle,” Goyle recited. “Ink splotch tee in more recent someone drew a carrot ears Hogwarts wrinkle scratches wrinkle served an aver-wrinkle-age of two hundred two spaces forty newline students at a time comma next page-!” He paused briefly to draw breath. “Wrinkle ink splotch ten composed of two spaces forty students per year, often three spaces wrinkle ink splotch lit into ten stud hyphen newline wrinkle ents per house comma half half space girls and half wrinkle wrinkle ink splotch wye ess.”
It took Draco a minute to figure out what the original passage- probably from Hogwarts: A History- had been, before he scowled. “Huh. How many do you think were on the platform this morning?”
Goyle scowled thoughtfully for a couple seconds, during which someone knocked on the door. “None,” he answered.
Draco rolled his eyes. “No, it had to be more than that,” he told them. “You were there, after all.” He sat up straight and unlocked the door to find out who it was.
“Twenty seven thousand?” Crabbe guessed.
The door slid open to reveal one of the many funny-haired girls he’d seen on the platform. Her hair was split between white and light purple, and she’d already changed into her Hogwarts robes.
Draco looked at Crabbe. “Uh, no, it wasn’t anywhere near that many.”
“He’s actually not as far off as you might think,” the girl noted. “By our count, there were thirteen thousand, eight hundred twenty-seven.” She paused, glancing around the compartment. “Is there a free seat in here? Everywhere else is full of idiots.”
“And here isn’t?” Draco asked.
She shrugged. “Well, nobody here is going nuts after the thirty people wandering the train disguised as Harry Potter, nobody here is flinging underwear around-!”
Draco shuddered.
“Exactly,” she stated.
“Sure,” Draco answered. “Just…” He glanced at Crabbe and Goyle. “I can’t promise they won’t drive you batty as well.”
She shrugged, stepping in and closing the door behind her before picking a seat on Draco’s side of the compartment.
Draco smiled softly. “Just don’t let them see your food.”
She glanced at them, then back at Draco, and grinned. “Oh, I’ve dealt with some gluttons in my time,” she chuckled.
Draco looked at her. “So… thirteen thousand?”
She nodded. “Yup. Nobody had any clue what they were about for the first couple days, before they put out a proclamation about it. Hay, even I didn’t know what the letter was talking about until after I’d talked to Lyra!”
“Lyra?” he asked. “Who’s that?”
“My mom,” she answered promptly, with a small smile. “Well, one of them. But she’s the one that’s been messing with portals, and so the one that caused the whole shebang without even realizing it.” She shrugged, then held out her hand. “I’m Diamond Tiara, by the way.”
He took the offered hand gingerly and shook it. “Draco Malfoy,” he greeted. “So… why would your mom have to explain it, if…?” He scowled. “Wait, portals?”
She nodded. “Yup, interdimensional portals. Apparently, you British people can’t even see the portal, much less pass through it, but whatever.” She shrugged. “And as you might guess, magic looks very different on the other side. You might’ve seen Pinkie Pie in the Leaky Cauldron these last several weeks?”
He shook his head. “Nothing stood out at me,” he told her. “Except the mess, oh, the mess, when we were headed home.”
Diamond laughed. “Yup, that’s Pinkie, alright. I think she managed a total of two accident-free days out of the entire six weeks, and they were not back-to-back.” She shrugged. “She’s a bit strange even in our world, but on our side, wands simply don’t exist.”
He blinked. “Wands… don’t exist?” he asked.
She nodded. “Yup. And while everyone has magic, only about a third of them can use it freely like everyone here does.” She shrugged. “Even they can’t do that here, though. We don’t know what the difference is, but nobody’s had any particular trouble getting a reaction out of a wand at Ollivander’s shop.”
Draco scowled. “You say that like you’re not one of them.”
She let out a laugh. “Oh, I’m not,” she told him cheerfully. “Where we come from, the population is divided into three categories- the Raeths, the Aethrs, and the Etrahs. All three have magic- I don’t think there’s a single person, where we come from, that doesn’t. The difference between the three, though, is what kinds of magic they are biologically capable of using.
“The Raeths get magic similar to yours, though it doesn’t involve a wand- and doesn’t work on this side.” She shrugged. “That’s about it. Over here, they’re basically just ordinary witches and wizards- mostly witches, our male/female ratio is massively skewed for some reason, nobody knows why- though they can cast standing spells that will have effect on this side as well, even after the caster is no longer capable of interacting with it. For example, Lyra’s safety spell, that will teleport any of us home- and right through the gate as well- the moment someone or something tries to make off with us or otherwise significantly harm us. She said she’s adjusted it so some accidents in class shouldn’t trigger it, but we’re still guaranteed a safe return home basically no matter what happens.
“The Aethrs get a… slightly less active powerset, most of which is a national secret on this side- yes, annoying- but part of which remains active on this side: They’re almost universally faster than Raeths or Etrahs, and they can tolerate crashes, collisions, or other general mishaps a lot better.
“The Etrahs were long seen as the ‘weak link’ in our ancient history, almost like your muggles- but we held our own in a war against the Raeths a few thousand years ago, so we can’t be that bad. And unlike both of the others, our powers remain fully active on this side.” She sighed. “Not that they amount to much. Mostly just strength, and Herbology affinity.” She shrugged. “And some of the most amusing reactions when first meeting our wands, according to Ollivander.”
“Strength?” Draco asked.
She nodded. “To the point where the three of you could probably all punch me on the nose as hard as you could, and I only might get a nosebleed. It’s more impressive when we’re older, and we’re fairly sure the age thingy with our portal is causing even the older ones to temporarily regress to youthful power levels, so…” She shrugged.
He scowled, thinking. “How… How does that work? Like…” He trailed off, unsure of how to word it.
“That falls under national secret heading as well,” she informed him. “Though I suppose magically speaking, there is something that binds all three, uh, groups together: The…” She trailed off herself, and scowled, putting her hand on her chin. “I’m not sure what to call it, actually. The magic itself isn’t a secret- and it’s the one thing that’s active for every last one of us on this side as well- but the name is a national secret.” She sighed. “So I don’t know. It’s like this… thing we have to discover, that gives us some extra power, and it’s different for each different person.”
“Unique Talent?” Draco proposed.
She looked at him. “Yeah, that works, I suppose.” She tilted her head. “Describes the power part of it pretty well, actually. It’s really only the secret part of it that it doesn’t fit. But yeah, everyone’s got it- and there have been some pretty good ones. Like my other mom, Bonbon- her Talent means that whenever she makes candy, they’re going to be some of the best you’ve ever tasted… and might have some peculiar effects, since she’s also a highly advanced alchemist. If I remember right, she’s going to be the Head Student Instructor for Potions this year.”
His head snapped around. “Student Instructor?” he asked.
She nodded. “Yeah. Lotsa people weren’t told about it, but since Hogwarts was never designed to handle thirteen thousand students, Lyra and Twilight got in contact with Dumbledore and set up a student instructor program with him, so some students will study under the teachers then turn right around and teach the same thing to students of their own. At first, they thought that they could only draw on talent from our side, since our portal makes even the oldest of us into an eleven-year-old with a Hogwarts invitation, but then Hermione Granger appeared and… Well, she listened to Pinkie Pie explaining what she does, and didn’t catch fire from the effort of understanding it.
“Nobody from our side has ever done that- we’ve all had to simply accept that Pinkie Pie defies explanation. So, they started considering people from this side as well.” She shrugged. “But since they started looking so late, they found only very few candidates within the allotted timeframe, and Bonbon said she expects they missed at least a couple more valid or possibly even better candidates than the ones they found. For those they missed…” She shrugged again. “Oh well, maybe next year.”
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… she understands pinkie… OP!!!!!! I thought you nerfed?
Also do they go to their pony forms with animagis magic?
I don't know how I feel about you making such jokes about legitimate people with mental disorders, considering I am one. And I certainly don't act like THAT.
It's harmful to an already messed up public perception
10907725
She certainly is a little powerful of a character, yes- but not overpowered, I think.
As for the other question…. I’m going to go with No, the ponies do not have any ability to resume their Equestrian forms on Earth, and in fact are lacking the animagus facet, making them completely incapable of becoming animagi.
Ooh, interesting. Especially about Crabbe and Goyle, I'd never considered that
10907729
I don’t think there are any real people with disorders quite like theirs…. And no jokes were intended, my apologies. I do have plans for their disabilities to be realized and accommodated in a later chapter.
10907729
There is, also , the so-called idiot savants (a terrible term if I ever heard one) who are amazing at one thing, and only one thing, and rather awful at everything else.
What the author has them doing sounds remarkably like that.
10907823
Apparently the current term is "person with savant syndrome" with the term "idiot savant" dating back to 1887 according to etymonline.
It also says that "retarded" is only attested in the "childhood development" sense from 1895, so I imagine "idiot" would still have been an item of medical jargon at the time "idiot savant" was coined.
(In fact, the transition from moron, imbecile, idiot, and so on to "retarded" to stuff like "person with special needs" and beyond is one of the classic examples of Stephen Pinker's euphemism treadmill.)
...and, while I can't speak to how accurate a portrayal it is of people with savant syndrome raised by Death Eater fathers, as someone on the autism spectrum, I can certainly say that I think it makes them more sympathetic characters.
(And that it makes them interesting without being any more "look at the fascinating zoo animal" than how I see any other humans who don't think exactly like me in my current emotional state.)
10907891
And even “special needs” is on its way off the end of that treadmill, if you’re paying attention. “Special” isn’t used as an insult all the time, but it is becoming more common.
10907823
idiot savant is an amazing ability... for someone else to use. obviously it's something that cannot be 'fixed' or 'Cured', since it's a cognitive disfunction, but if treated or guided properly, can lead the afflicted to at least a somewhat comfortable life.
10907929
Yup. That's why I used it as an example. People can see the process in action.
Wonder if Crabbe sees each page as the image, or focuses on just a few symbols at a time and assembles them forplayback as required?
The OP with Hermione aint that she effectively understands Pinkie, its that otherwise shes pretty average interacting for a human?
I wonder if Lyra keeps bananas available for Librarian emergancies?
10907999
The fun part is that she’s basically Twilight…. Except, she’s young yet, and so willing to disregard what she knew before (which, on that topic, was nothing at all)…
Magic or genetics. Curious no one has discarded or confirmed the former yet.
Ouch in Crable & Goyle. Let's hope they find good help in this incarnation.
I do agree it's a much more interesting approach too.
10908092
Interesting. Just don't give her easy mode ascension and she'll be much more relatable this time around.
Liked how you limited their powers and made the pony forms necessarily a later development.
Is that self-sarcasm I heard? Well, Draco was really confident his companions won't get it.
10908433
Self-sarcasm?
Strong or durable? You can't have both. Diamond Tiara is not a Superman, although she is an earth pony. There is a difference.
It might sound ridiculous but nopony else besides Earth ponies does farming, or nopony else besides Pegasi work on weather factory. Unicorns are an OP race and can choose to do Applejack's job if they so choose.
10909535
She may have had the strength of the effect wrong... But yes, durability comes with strength. Does it matter if your muscles can hoist 30 tons of steel if your bones can't tolerate the forces placed on them by said steel, or your skin splashes out of the way whenever you try?
Naturally, this means that the increase in durability is proportional. And Diamond is underestimating the boys' strength and her own durability. For her actual stats, she's probably on par- in terms of strength and corresponding "durability"- with your average 11-year-old martial artist. So, enough to be "strong", but not outrageous.
10910306
Unless that martial artist is Ranma Saotome.^_^
10912094
Well…. Yes.
Ok, how come Diamond Tiara is the daughter of Lyra?
And tangentially… where is Silver Spoon?
10917512
1. Because Spoiled Rich got caught out for child abuse. This is a common theme for me, across my HP crossovers; see The Stronger Tiara for the only story where these events happened onscreen, though slightly differently- it's a Bolo crossover, rather than HP. Filthy Rich did have his daughter's best interests at heart, so while his wife was imprisoned, he was left alone. However, he knew he wasn't a very good father ("I'm good with money, not people"), and had been relying on Spoiled to take care of Diamond- so once he found out how much Spoiled was hurting her, he divorced his wife and practically pleaded that she be placed into the foster system, so she could get a family capable of caring for her properly. Lyra and Bonbon happened to be the foster parents involved, but Diamond is still on good terms with her father and does see him occasionally.
2. This is a very good question. I've never really developed her in my stories, so that might be why. That said, when she appears in The Stronger Tiara, she actually suggests- to Diamond- that she might be in a similar (pre-Child Services) family situation.
10908117
Better yet: No ascensions. Don't go crazy with alicorns. Make it something rare that happens after a few years.
Will we get the story behind this?
11078855
Probably not, but it would be an interesting one, wouldn’t it?
uh...... what kind of AU is this that lyra is diamond tiara's mom?
11251026
It's part of my headcanon for a lot of my stories. Spoiled Rich got convicted of foal abuse and imprisoned; her father relied so completely on her to raise Diamond (who he actually loved) that he willingly used the foster system to find someone that could take care of her properly... and found Lyra & Bonbon. So those are Diamond's 'moms', and though the particulars of how he found them mean they are her legal guardians, Filthy Rich still has visitation rights & stuff (Spoiled doesn't), and is even still on good terms with her.
Unfortunately, this is never explained in-story- one of the many cases of "only avid readers of my other works will understand" that I'm working on removing from my writing, one by one. Hopefully, next time a comment like that appears in one of my stories, someone else will make another comment that results in the explanation coming out in story!
In particular, if you read The Stronger Tiara, that Bolo crossover is where I devised this headcanon, so it goes through it in detail... Though is a Bolo crossover, so it's obviously not what happened here.
💩