A path once daunting now provides little resistance. However, at the destination still lies mystery. She did not know why she'd come to the ruined castle that night; only that she must.
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- Member Since 6th Dec, 2012
- offline last seen 10 minutes ago
Trent Roogna
I don't write stories; but I do give unwanted criticism to those who do.
Trent Roogna
Joined 6th Dec, 2012 ·
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... Huh. Well then. Going by how we're dealing with a druid, this isn't the kind of blue mage I'm used to. Messing with dreams and memories, sure, but nature is very much not their usual deal. There are some exceptions, yes, but that's where green comes in, which is honestly a much better fit for Fluttershy's color identity.
But card games aside, nothing really happens in this... I can't even call it a story. It's a scene at most. An introduction, a session-zero character background. We have no reason to care about the OC, especially since we see so little of him. I'd love to see what Fluttershy does with this newfound power... but the story is marked Complete. This was an interesting exercise, though the language was overly florid at times. But the overall effect is "Okay, neat. Then what happened?"
Seriously, I do hope you go somewhere with this. But right now, there's no there there.
10771242
I wasn't going for MTG at all but i see now how that title is misleading. The blue magic as i see it is buff/debuff & mental effects. Think interference blue rather than hard control. I figured was a better fit for her than outright combat magic; but more versatile than just heals.
As for it being not really a story. That's a fair point. I read a story called The Green by jarofhearts and my brain wouldn't stop until i got out something. This being the first time I've put pen to paper in years I'm not surprised i missed something critical like that.
I appreciate the time you took to give me this advice; and thank you for reading my
storyscene.Ps: I've read a fair chunk of your work. Seeing your name on a comment was a hype moment.