John literally to Silver song

memegenerator.net/img/instances/53588818.jpg

Ah yes a reason for why blueblood is a field marshal in the mod
Good one even the traits hit the mark!

10707201
clever

This story started out strong, but it's been very mediocre for the past few chapters. We were offered a glimpse into rulership of a foreign kingdom, but it's degenerated into dreamland therapy sessions and toddler adoptions. I wasn't drawn into this story because I wanted to hear about this guy's babysitting experience.

Character pieces are fine, but your delivery of these bits are not very convincing. I can believe that the guy whose hobby was strategic wargaming might have insights into ruling an empire, but I find it difficult to believe that the thousand year old immortal princess genuinely struggles with where to hide her cake. Now with the Blueblood bit...it's like you're ticking off the checkbox next to "beat the designated punching bag character" in a list of cliches from 2014. It's a tired joke, your delivery offers nothing new, and it is once again fairly implausible that the immortal moon goddess just never would have thought to send him away somewhere. I'm just not feeling much wow! at how brilliant! your character must be to have thought of this.

The result is that your Luna comes across as kind of dumb, because she's apparently finding it so amazingly insightful to be offered such oh-so-genius solutions as "if Blueblood is a nuisance, then send him away" and "if your sister takes your cake then hide the cake." What's next? Does she need help tying her shoes and finding her toothbrush too? The encounter with Shining armor and Cadence was juvenilized too. Consider the setup. New guy thrust into the emperor's chair, establishing himself and fighting to solidify his kingdom, is visited by dignitaries from a powerful nation that could easily overthrow him. Dignitaries who even individually are powerhouses who could turn him into a grease spot on the floor if they wanted to. Did your character solve this with amazing diplomacy or wordplay? Did he solve it by being clever, or intelligent, or strong?

No, he solved it by bonding over their mutual babysitting experience.

It's like you're trying to make your protagonist a Mary Sue, the character everybody loves and can solve any problem...but instead of building him up and making him powerful or a tactical genuis or charismatic or clever or something that makes him the interesting one, you're instead making everyone and the situations around him kind of pathetic and trivial so that his adequacy can seem impressive by comparison. I'm not saying I want yet another Mary Sue story...but there's a certain formula to presenting a character with problems and watching him overcome them, and neither the problems you have your character overcoming nor his solutions are very insightful or interesting at all. "Hide your cake" is advice that wouldn't be beyond the capabilities of an entirely average twelve year old.

John versus naive pseudo-villain. They are not a changeling and they are not part of the cartoon-verse. But they are also in EaW. The battle of wits and silliness shall be legendary!

Oh Hi Maar

10707181
humans in general

??? Is sombra coming back.

10707230
I admit that I didn't give my A-game when it comes to last two chapters, but going as far as define Luna dumb is excessive. These scenes where she struggles to handle Celestia-related problem are supposed to be comedy-relief, but that's because she is still recovering from her banishment. One thing that was already mentioned on earlier chapters is that she is quick to trust those that are willing to trust her back to an interesting degree. The only reason why she didn't have the screentime to shine is because she has yet to appear as the main element of a non-dream scene. I have plans for her, and... it's going to be insane.

I can agree a bit over the 'Blueblood' bit, but I also wish to remind I have not bashed the character beyond how the shows does. I don't plan to get some silly clichès back, but I also don't plan to make a character OOC to shield him from legitimate bash (he is a prick by attitute, so he is getting a response for that). On another note, even though Luna sounded so annoyed by him, that doesn't mean her judgment was driven by logic alone. The only times they are around each other is when Luna is forced to skip her usual sleeping schedule, she is barely awake and there is normal Blueblood around. Also, strategy-wise, a noble of his rank is expected to have military training. It's not even tied to his attitude at that point, it's a must that many RL nations with monarchs as HoS expect from the heirs.

About the whole 'babysitting' thing... well, I added the fluff bit because the next four chapters will lack on it and focus on serious stuff. I might have ill-paced it, but soon there will be quite the crisis on MC's hands and that isn't easy to solve as it's not something he knows about Sombra, and that might be his downfall. I have a tendency to start nice with my MCs and then I tend to drop them into some hellish situations. Most of the time. And one of the MCs actually died for a while.

So yeah, I understand the disbelief of this story keeping the same strength it started with, but I will deliver something big next chapter.

10707181
YES!! That is exactly what I was thinking!

I guess he just wanted to keep a stable system working for the sake of not seeing his own kingdom imploding onto itself. Either that or he just didn’t care enough about that entire thing and left that task to other individuals that actually cared.

Probably that.

I just had twenty more minutes before having to get back to the palace and I wasn’t really sure how I was supposed to do so without making it any more awkward than it currently was.

Just ignore them.

One of the three guards tensed up, her hold over her lance tightening at the unexpected twist but… she paused as she realized the approaching pony was none other than… a little colt. A bat-pony at that.

Oh, this is interesting.

Then again, I’m looking at a child. A cut one at that.

CutE.

“Nice to meet you, Silver Song. I’m King John.”

“Why are you walking around, Mr. King John?”

Oh I like this kid.

I finally got some answers out of him. Some of which were… rather upsetting.

Oh dear.

With the community in the city having left together with the one from Evergreen due to the lack of favorable conditions of life for their race, I was handling the last bat pony in Crystal City. Maybe.

Wait what? What's this about Evergreen?

And yes, I just allowed my father’s instincts to adopt a child after just a few days in the job. I swear this isn’t going to become a problem. Possibly. Hopefully...

Uh-huh.

“And yet you’re trying to get it flawlessly right. I suppose the only issue is your interest in drawing a perfect picture of it when you already know it’s not doable,” She rebuked calmly trotting up until she was able to sit right on the chair in front of me. “You’ve been doing well, you shouldn’t bash yourself over it.”

I find that very rich, coming from you.

“But not one that would think of a silly spot where to hide that kind of treasure. In this case, I believe I heard that one of the Elements of Harmony works in a bakery. It shouldn’t be difficult to request them to keep the food stored there so you can go and retrieve them whenever you wish to.”

You assume Pinkie wouldn't eat them herself.

“Yes, I remember perfectly when you… said- oh,” She stopped and soon her eyes were narrowing on me with a serious look. “John, I want you to be honest with me about this. Did you just adopt a child that you just met?”

Yes.

“Still, don’t expect me to condone this behavior happening too many times after this once. I’ve already dealt with similar behaviors when it comes to my sister. I don’t need you to become a copy of her.”

Good.

“Tia wouldn’t have any reason to refuse. Despite her coddling of that fool, she is still somepony that would agree to the need of building him to stand strong against emergencies… yet I believe an extra push is needed to fully sell it to her.”

Such as?

“And Tia would have no reasons to say no!” She exclaimed giddily. “This would remove that frustrating pest.”

I frowned. “That much of an issue?”

“He can be stressful, especially when he starts to whine like a foal when he is stopped from harassing the servants,” Luna admitted. “I don’t hate him, but I find his proximity the cause of many unneeded problems.”

Ah. So, annoying idiot, but mostly harmless.

John versus naive pseudo-villain. They are not a changeling and they are not part of the cartoon-verse. But they are also in EaW. The battle of wits and silliness shall be legendary!

So, is Silver Song NOT just a random OC?

hmmm, sooo either a speciest that wants a pony to lead ponies
oooorrrrr, someone with a massive S&M kink that enjoyed Sombra's rule a little too much?

I can offer a single hint about this villain. They are only known in the Comic and are in EaW's Crystal Empire.

10707345
Sombra's marefriend of sorts... Radiant Hope, was it?

10707345
Radiant Hope?

10707345
No, the Umbrum!

“I meant something like sending him to a place where he can be given a genuine and stern education while also keeping him away from the court. Like with a military academy.”

No, don't, it's not worth it, you're just going to double the equestria casualties. (fucker see people as pawn)

I had to actually smile at the little plan since it was actually one that was going to work without any problem. “Since your sister is able to find cakes within Canterlot, how about you try and store it elsewhere?”

Why not just poison the cakesit will be the last time she stole your cakes, Laxative isn't bad either

But as I calmly fell asleep, someone began moving in the darkness and took steps in bringing my rule down and restoring an old friend back to the throne.

Welcome to our club
Are you here for the tea party? History book reading? or maybe you're here to help us end the rule of tyran king John
Dust Snowfall: Did Sakira just pick up a random stallion in the streets for the coup
Lake Frost: Yes she did
Red Peyote: Radiant gonna kill us for this

i'm calling for that mare/friend(?) of sombra's that was a child hood friend in the comics i think it was.

So…are we to assume he just decided to forgot his goal of going back home? I mean so far I though he was just saving the seat to help the kingdom and help stand up again, but adopting out of the blue? Yeah that not complicate things it stop them death cold in it tracks.

Or that colt is more like a 'friend' he made and wish to help while he solve the bigger issue that is an orphan that is not operating properly, and once solve, he will help Silver finds a good family that can take care and give him the attention he needs? Because he has to, with how many work he has on top of him, having a child is plain suicidal, his agenda is full if he plans to solve the problems he needs 24 hours focus, meaning he can't take care of a child for at least months.

I really should have asked this sooner but what year are we in the story.
In EaW crystal empire return in 1002 but John defeated Sombra sooner than intended so it could have returned sooner, on the other hand most of the story point out that it's in 1007 when the EaW starts.

10707567
It's 1002. I don't recall dropping specific points that hints that it's 1007, care to bring those up? (I'm actually curious, since I don't remember putting any of those that would suggest that date.)

10707573
well the first one that point out was the map, it's 1007 map in 1002 changelings are not united and Yakyakistan isn't in civil war ......

There is also that whole talk with border regions representatives, Stalliongrad internal politics are going to a deadlock right now and there military is in-capable of starting a war(mostly due to famine) and so are the changelings(they just lost the invasion!), that's why representatives shouldn't be worried about war and even in 1007 there focus would be more on changelings then stalliongrad.

And lastly the whole Sombra coup happened because the crystal ponies nationalist wanted independence from the Equestria, It took more than 5 years for Radiant to gather enough support for the coup, in 1002 even if sombra does return he won't have enough support to win.

All of this lead me to believe the story is in 1007 or even future.

here is a link to EaW timeline if you want to know more:
https://equestria-at-war.fandom.com/wiki/Timeline_of_World_History

10707613
There is no 1002 map available, so I had to use what I could find.

Even though both Stalliongrad and the Changelings Lands are in disarray right now, that doesn't prevent uncommon border wars from actually happening. A RL example is Japan with the USSR, with multiple border conflicts happening during WW2 but no full-fledged war happening until much later. The threat is also more prominent on the Changelings' border because it's not rare for factions in a civil war to try and go beyond a border to escape a possible defeat from an attacking force.

I hope that solved the confusion.

10707619
That still dosn't explain how could stalliongrad be a threat(Altidiya and Vasiliy wouldn't go to any sort of conflict right now and even if they do Stalliongrad army is too weak for any sort of battle specially because of the famine) or how could the coup happen so fast (it hasn't even been a year!!)

10707642
1) Political strife hardly matters when it comes to the chance of bringing equality to ponies. Sometimes when the occasion allows it, the army will act without political support, even if the army itself is in no shape of fighting;
2) Never mentioned a coup happening.

10707665
1)Political strife may not matters but femine do, what do you think people will do if goverment get in to a conflict when they are starving? counter revolution

And in this case Political strife does matters, Stalliongrad is a small country if they get into a conflict and win Altidiya will gain a lot of popularity because he is the current head of the government so Vasiliy naturally wouldn't let that happen.

On another point of view if a conflict could have happened why did it not happened in the original timeline then?

And do bear in mind John thinks he's in MLP original universe so he practically knows the future, why would he care about a conflict he knows will not happen?

John versus naive pseudo-villain. They are not a changeling and they are not part of the cartoon-verse. But they are also in EaW. The battle of wits and silliness shall be legendary!

2)this count as mention to me

10707711
Wouldn't it literally make sense if they are expanding on cities filled with resources, or even villages with a surplus of wheat and other products that could lessen the issues of the famine? Starving people/ponies then to go for dumb decisions.

The reason why it didn't happen in the original timeline is tied to the fact that the Crystal Empire isn't a puppet to Equestria. The moment an invasion had occurred in OTL 1002 would have been answered by a full-blown invasion from Equestria. SInce they are just allies and any border incident can be chalked up as a rogue commander attempt to deal with the issues in the country, that is still not going to stand as a good or flattering reason to begin a proper war.

John knows he is in the Equestria at War universe. While he hasn't watched the show long enough to know everything, he still played the HoI 4 mod.

EaW?

10708269
Not really. It doesn't provide any answer for why he's even allowing it. He didn't want it and it was thrust upon him so him not once saying no or ever trying to get out of it makes him look just plain weak and, well, stupid. That or the early story and premise were actually lies, he deliberately chose to become king, and never had any intention otherwise.

There's just no reason to stay instead of leaving or making ready to do so by some means.

Edit: and really, adoption? That just serves to anchor him there and prevent him from ever leaving, and disguise it as an qct of charity when its really mean to make him fail at ever being free of all this.

If your going to have counter revolutionaries pray that they are silly, it’s likely the only pleasure you can hope for from such a situation.

10708309
Equestria at War, a mod for Hearts of Iron IV.

10708352
Sad to say this, but it actually answer your confusion. It's no longer a choice lf his due to morality, yet now you ignore this because the story has a weak or unreliable premise. Can I even provide a satisfying response without it being blatantly ignored for the sake of putting an end to this story?

10707345
Oh shit, comic book..
My worst enemy!

10708275
Look at map the border regions of two nations has nothing: the northen border is just mountains with no spacial resources and rainbow falls is a tourist area both have no industry and have just been transferred to Crystal Empire as a part of Equestria .

If anything Stalliongrad would take a diplomatic approach and try to make a revolution and spread communism, starting any conflict with the Empire will be just stupid and unreasonable .

Dont forget that in a real life situation the Yacks would be much more conserning than Stalliongrad, they are a warrior culture society with the biggest border with the Empire(bear in mind at 1002 no diplomatic relationship was established with Yakyakistan from either Equestria or the Empire)

John hast a very limmited army he should prioritize where to palece them and puting them in Stalliongrad borders is just a waste of time, you say it your self John played the mod, he know what will happen and what not.

Stalliongrad has no claim on that land even if a border war happens and they win and occupied the area they will have to give it back or risk going to war .

10708439
Yes, you can. I'm not saying you should make him just up and leave to end the story, but write later chapters to cover or solve this. As is it doesn't seem like he's totally doing this out of morality, but because the external force of plot says he should.

There just isn't any real compelling or believable reason for him to go from "I don't want to be King" to "I'm going to forsake my whole life and personal desires to help these people". Those two are at opposote ends of a spectrum, and going rrom one end to another like that is sudden total selflessness that doesn't seem plausible. Him actively trying to help them and do ehat he can to make things better until he can find a suitable replacement is far more believable and suitable.

The problem qith the story is it lacks Consistency. The story's premise sets it up as him unwillingly being made king, but later writing says the opposite with no real shown transition or motivation for it. To set it up as such only to abandon it without a glance creates q great deal of unreliability in the narrative, making the truthfulness of anything he says or does to be in question, with him apparently wanting to be king just as likely to be dropped in favir of something else.

The writing is good, but the lack of Consistency gets in the way of that. The solution for the problem is simple: commiting as q writer to writing the story one way or the other. Namely either following the original premise in some fashion, or redoing the premise and start of the story to make them more in line with the intended direction.

There is a decent amount of flaws in this story but Tis not so bad as to ruin the flow for me that is. There is also some real good points in the comments even more so with 10708527 comment the yaks would be more troublesome as of right now for one as stated Stalliongrad has no claim nor possible hold on the empire currently and the changelings are most likely still recovering from their major defeat in Canterlot yes the yaks may not have much of an army but they are powerful and of warrior culture who destroy anything if they don’t understand it or annoys them. Besides that it’s very well written and the flow is good as not to leave ya lost so I do hope to see more of this soon.

Okay SOOOOO, you remember when i said a coup can't happen this soon? scratch that, it can happen and i know how!

We all know either from EaW or the show itself that ponies are quite racistespecially toward bat*Cough* Thestrals(mostly becuse of nightmare moon and that nation down in Zebrica made by her followers) and while the empire itself was in banishment at the time meaning that crystal ponies aren't as much racist as other ponies, other ponies from the areas that recently got transferred to the empire from Equestria can be racist and probably are.

Now think of yourself as a ponie that is NOT xenophobe at all *Cough*Cough* that just got his goverment and country changed without having any saying in it!

For me it would be something like this:

-I'm a citizen of another country NOW! Well, how bad could it be? It's not like they have an abomination for a ruler RIGHT ?and even if they do, it's not like he's immortal or something he would die sooner or later and a ponie would take his place

-WHAT DID YOU SAY!!! He Adopted a bat pony!!! Why not go and accept other races in army too HE DOES

-there's a coup attempt to bring king Sombra back Well i don't know much about Sombra but how bed could he be? I mean he's at least a pony . Where can I find these coup plotters so I could join*Cough* report them

Think you get where I'm going .

Since this is based off of EaW did John prevent the lunar Empire from forming by being friends with Luna and last chapter you said that lewds might happen will this mirror and event where Nightmare moon and Sombra got engaged but instead its Luna and John btw love the story.

10720233
It's possible. I'm really unsure if going the extra step of romance would be a wise choice, but I'm really evaluating it. I can say that if Luna ends up turning into NM again, it will not be due to a natural reason, but someone forced her to.

10720418
Someone or something like for example say, a magic pond that invert the personalities of whoever touches it waters?

10723017
Potentially yes. But there are so many ways that can happen and... they really are not that pleasant.

Heh, knew the inevitable result when that colt stepped forward. Wonder how important he'll be...

“The one where she tends to ‘borrow’ your sweet food.”

Lace the hidden treats with laxatives. Delayed release, powerful laxatives.

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