John...Bukharin...

Do you write RWBY stories?!

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'The Reluctant Hero', yep.

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I'm a little behind but I still read that story, quite a surprise to see you here!

Congratz, ya got featured. 2/13/2021

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Yep, just noticed a few hours ago. Quite the achievement... I wonder if I keep this story featured~ (doubtful, but the hopes are high).

It took me just a day to change that perspective. And it wasn’t self-contemplation that led me to finally understand why the Crystal Ponies eagerly submitted to the ‘easiest’ claimant to the throne. First, the entire chair made of dark crystals was quickly replaced by something less flashy and less deadly to beings that weren’t capable of withstanding the horrible effects of the dangerous gems.

Yeah, Sombra was, off his rocker.

I really didn’t need the Iron Throne to annoy the patience out of me. Especially if I was meant to keep up with the entire ordeal I was suddenly pulled in.

Honestly? Fair.

Without a clear dynastic line to follow, it was either anarchy or debate heatedly who could have been tied to the monarch before Sombra and put them on the throne.

Which might have been his plan. If he can't have it, nopony can.

It was common for tyrants and dictators to bring their people to starvation. While it severely affects the efficiency of the work and the capacity of production of essential goods, the main purpose of this practice was to keep the people, in this case the Crystal Ponies, to be able to fight back his influence. To curb rebellions by depriving them of the chance of even trying to fight back.

Oof.

The first two edicts I enacted just as I was proclaimed king and inquired about my orders for the day was… a banquet. And mandatory medical checkups. The doctors, or healers as they were still defined by the Crystal Empire, were to be paid through the royal treasury as this was an affair caused by the monarch before me.

Smart.

He stood out the most through his lack of reluctance to make his voice heard. Not because I was limiting the chances of the advisors to speak, but because, out of the five or six ponies that were employed as advisors, he was the one making the most interventions through my own questions and the one asking the most out of them all. I was surprised at his tenacity, but I could tell most of this was due to his age.

And it's very important to have an advisor with a backbone.

Still, I was granted some amusing sights as I saw how funny some of the Crystal Ponies were when drunk. Some really didn’t seem to hold the alcohol, quickly engaging in silly acts the moment their brain was completely influenced by the beer and wine dispensed for the occasion. They were all fun drunks, and I was more than happy to let them pull some interesting cuddle piles after some silly bickering.

Adorable.

What about Gamer Luna? Is she real? Because I really want that to be real.

I like that that's what he latches onto.

If she was feeling awkward about meeting a monarch, imagine my personal distress in being the monarch and having to handle a nervous subject. A cute subject at that since the entire maid outfit made her extra cuter compared to the others.

I… I want to head pat her.

Oh this will be fun.

Jesus Christ, I can’t help but hate the bastard even more as I learned further about the evil he perpetrated in his own kingdom. He was isolated, he could have allowed some slack to his workers if he truly didn’t want to keep paying to maintain a proper dungeon.

You'd think.

“I wish for that very list to be given to Shadow Mark. I will see that he keeps hold of it so we will do something about it. Starting with alerting the families of these losses,” I remarked quietly. “Now please, take the young maid to see her brother. And have him freed and brought to a healer if he requires medical assistance.”

I like this guy.

A small entourage from Equestria. One of them was a pink Alicorn that bore a message of friendship while her husband was one of the highest officers in Equestria. And in that moment, my brain exploded with multiple panicked thoughts and ill-conceived scenarios about what I was really supposed to do about it.

So that means that this is right before Crystal Empire Part 1.

10676685 I'm sure you'll be able to.

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Yeah, it's just a day before that. Expects lots of shenanigans~~.

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Dear God.

give cadence head pats!

Hey!!! Socialist Bukharin is here! I have to say this is a surprise, but NOT an unpleasant one. I'm excited to see how this story goes. There have been only a couple of fanfics where an OC-insert has taken over ruling the Crystal Empire, but every one of them were always a great read. I know that your a great author from your other fanfic stories "The reluctant hero", "Tale of two kings", and your more recent "It's in the Blood" (loving it by the way), so I'm sure you'll give this story a great running. I've loved the first two chapters so far and I'm excited to see how the next chapter with the party arriving from Equestrian will turn out. Will Cadence flip her shit when she finds out, will she be understanding, will she give the cold shoulder, who knows? Thanks for the great chapter S-B and good luck with your next one. As always, have fun writing!

This is where things get interesting, I always found how candace is handled either makes or brakes the story

When I was first called a ‘King’, I thought these ponies were stupid.

Automatic +5 on the rating scale

So Anon arrived like a day or two BEFORE reports of the crystal empire return meaning that the thing with Celestia and Luna already happen and rather than become a cloud Sombra just telepot his nation out of reality with him.

…which also means that Cadence and Shining no longer will be the new rulers, unless of course Anon conceded the throne which his subjects might object on how good of a job he is doing so far.

On the bright side that fill the gap into why those two became rulers right after finding out about the kingdom, the ponies simple didn't had a ruler of their own and didn't knew what to do, so the couple simple…filled the gap.

Continue com essa história por favor tá muito legal mesmo eu amei essa história por favor

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There are other good stores of of people that have shown up and became king by killing Sombra. Skeletor and Iron blood come to mind.

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The guy has a business degree from an American university in the story. The best it's going to get is a social democracy

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*Italian Uni.

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Oof, my bad.

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Haven't read either, to be honest. King Somb-rug is to date my favorite fate for such a douche pony.

Besides, this is a regular human who lucked out in that the watermelon-sized gaudy piece of crystal was enough to dust off Sombra--now we will have to wait and see when the prick returns.

_{... and if the protagonist will make a rug out of him just to desecrate his memory for the history books.}

Quick question. You wouldn't happen to have a wattpad and wrote It's In The Blood have you?

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I have a Wattpad but I barely write in it and I literally forgot the password to enter that account.

And yes, I'm the Author of 'It's in the Blood'.

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I thought your name rung a bell.

Moar

this... this is not bad, but please do remember that the crystal ponies here are gonna be having some ptsd from the Sombra-ordeal, but anyways you are doing great keep it up pls and give us some more chapters XD

Well, this is an interesting setup we have here. The Crystal Empire never did get a lot of love in the series, and with a main character familiar with the show and having ideas of their own the Empire can now become a big player in the overall narrative of Equestria. From the looks of things John arrived before the Crystal Empire got banished (before the Sisters arrived to fight, even) but then the story timeskipped to around the season 2 opening with Shining and Cadance. Did Sombra still curse the Empire? Is he still around? What will Cadance and Shining do now that there already is a new ruler on the throne? There's a lot of potential in this story.

However, I think you could spend a bit more time on actually telling the story. So far, the two few chapters felt like you were rushing the setup, as if there is a point further down the line where your idea began and you want to get to it as fast as possible. But this comes at the cost of your story so far feeling rather hollow, as it's mostly John narrating what happened instead of the story showing us what happens. We've seen several new characters now, but we still know next to nothing about them because we barely get to see them actually interact with John. Many of the events in this chapter could have been full chapters in their own right as we see John and the ponies interact and struggle with their emotions and perform their tasks.

Take for example this chapter's interaction with Platinum Bitz. We see him introduce himself, but after that the story quickly becomes more narration, telling us what happened instead of showing us by playing out the conversation between John and Platinum Bitz. By playing out the conversation we would have gotten to see more of Platinum's character. How he talks, what he thinks of things, details which would help give shape to him as a character beyond just a face.

A little less haste, a bit more building would serve this story well, I think.

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I will probably modify some of the rushed aspects of Chapter 2 when I have time to do that. Perhaps this Tuesday and a little before working on Chapter 3.

> to be able to fight back

unable?

>Finally, we ended up agreeing reconvening about the army-related situation in six months

Six MONTHS? I'd expect something more like six days, probably three or less. This is one of the most important things he's doing; it needs oversight.

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Dunno why but all mistakes that have been fixed a couple of hours ago aren't just being updated in the site.

Alas, considering that the army is mostly made by ponies conscripted forcibly, brainwashed by Sombra, and then forced to take part to some horrible purge of their own kind. There is no way a fully operational army can be reformed in six days, or that is begging to have the most demoralized, unprepared and unwilling army ever.

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Simply re-convening to discuss the situation seems like something that should not wait until the process is complete. Unless the army dude is taking advantage of the noob to do something nefarious, of course.

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One of two reasons. 1, you forgot to hit the "save Changes" button at the bottom. 2, people reading the story will only see the edited version if they refresh. If I was reading chapter two and saw a typo, and you fixed that typo while I was reading the chapter, I wouldn't be able to see the change until I left that chapter and came back.

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Prolly the second possibility. I hit the Save changes a couple of times before going for the edit button to close the edit mode. I have a tendency to double-check when I save things, even edits. That's what happens when a writer is subjected to multiple blackouts for a few weeks...

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Recovening in a more official sense of the word. It's not like they aren't going to convene about other things, but this entire subject isn't exactly buried and forgotten for six months. It's more about... making an official meeting to get a proper estimation on what to do after a few months have gone by since the demobilization.

Wait!? Arent you the author "SocialistBukharin" from the RWBY fic "The reluctant Hero"!? Dude! I LOVE your RWBY story! Please keep up with the great stories :D

Ok.
Step 1: Lunch
Step 2: Negotiation
Step 3: German Suplex
Step 4: Profit?

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Step 4 should be moved up to Step 5, cause after the Suplex there is some tactical hugging and cuddling. And then things get really weird with the profits.

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Revision accepted.

Expanded Chapter 2 with a proper dialogue exchange between Platinum Rush and MC.

THIS IS AWSESOME ! more please

Great start! Now let's see how you follow up. I hope this Equestria your writing about has the lovable but not too blindly friendly and are not Xenophobic. I hope to see a motherly and friendly Celestia, a guarded but lovable Luna, a friendly but caring Cadance, a tough no-nonsese but both a dorky but friendly Shining Armour, and an open and friendly Equestria. I love stories where the ponies are friendly, caring, but slightly skittish around new things than I do of a hateful distrusting Equestria where they hate you just because your not them. A lot of stories i've read have that as a basis. But i have also read lots of stories of where that isn't the case. Now I wonder what your Equestria will be, hateful and distrusting or friendly and understanding?

Plus based on your first chapter this takes place before the events that lead up to Nightmare Moon, So I ask is she going to make an appearance or will our new king of the Cystal Empire find a way to stop her from becoming a thing?

Oh, hey Bukharin, didn't know you were here as well. Any chance this will be posted to any of the other places you post your stuff, ie, FFN, SB, SV, etc?

On that note John is at least better educated than any would-be warlords aiming to strip the remains of the already starving Citadel of the Crystal Empire bare.

He is going to have his hands full.

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To be honest, I don't know yet. Cross-posting can be quite troublesome to keep track of and for now I will update the story here in Fimfiction.

Why is it mature

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Reasons that will soon become clear.

This guy seems to have a good head on his shoulders and a good heart too.
I hope he has a good time restoring the Chrystal empire to normal status

I'm hooked

Its rather understandable he stood in the position while nobody else was there to help the Crystal Ponies, but with Cadance and the EoH there I can't see any reason for him to keep being king expect to be forced into it or guilted into staying.

"I was still thinking of something professional. A police force which main purpose is to be the group that helps preventing crimes and acts of bad unfolding within the streets

Acts of bad?

"You mean good words, my king. I hope you will succeed if this is indeed your ambition."

?

And that this meant only an awkward thing to finally happen as soon as I was done with the issues I still had to handle out. Like paperwork. So I was incredibly worried when, just moments after the meeting was over, a messenger rushed up to me with a letter from the guards at the entrance. A letter that had some serious ramifications about my current survival if I didn’t take proper steps to avoid getting rainbow’d to the next dimension.

Okay, word of advice? It seems to me that English isn't your first language. I would suggest maybe toning down the formality of your wording. A lot of the "fancy flowery" speech isn't really coming across all that well. It's readable, for sure, and I'm not going to drop this story because I like the plot so far, and because the overall pacing of the story is fairly good, but the wording is a bit distracting. Try to use simpler words and phrasing; a story doesn't have to be Shakespeare, as long as the plot is good, and the grammar is passable.