A once loving and caring Earth Pony was captured by a dark and evil organization. He was turned into a brain-dead and extremely dangerous being. His objective? To document and destroy. Will anyone help him out of the dark cloud that covers his mind? Or will he have to learn himself?
(A fourteen-year-old writing books?! Preposterous!: Basically don't expect much.)
Thanks to superrandumm for helping with the epicosity picture, She is pure epic. Check out her DeviantArt:
http://superrandumm.deviantart.com/
Future Notes (for updates and such):
I am cancelling this series, mostly because I... Dislike it. I thought it was good, but I changed my mind. Now it's going to be in the dark corner of the internet bookshelf.
Chapters (2)
Sorry if I have any short chapters, I am sometimes in a rush
I'll read and then give a review. I just thought I'de say this before hand in order to get my username in the comments quickly.
I'm with you there, gonna read later. But I'm only thirteen and I'm writing a fan-fic
I also won't get a lot of time to work on it but I'll try!
Hmmm...not bad
I'll like and fave this to see where it goes.
Okay, review time. It's a pretty good premise, but lacks a bit of detail and could use with some fixing up with some formatting errors. Like lack of indents at the beginning of each new paragraphs. Also, you should work on conveying emotion a bit better, though I'm not one to talk. I've had the hardest time getting the emotions right in my stories. That being said, work on story length, emotions and a bit more detail and I have a feeling your going to be a successful young writer on here. Have a nice night.
Okay, review time!
Plot-wise, I guess it's okay. Not enough info for now. Characterization is decent, though there's an overuse of the word 'hay'. Yes, even for this little amount. It's generally uncalled for, and so, by their character traits, wouldn't say it as much. Before I go on, did you write all this yourself or did you have an editor?
Non-important edit: Oh hey there Adaptive.
1215817 Was' up bud? Cool to see you here.
1215834
It was an interesting surpirise to see you comment first for reviewing, I'll give you that!
By the way, indenting paragraphs is standard procedure, but in my opinion, as long as you double space your paragraph separations, it's not a big deal. Still, if you have the Tab button right there, there's no reason not to press it.
And as a fanfic author, you must suppress that urge to rush. It's a big thing. Take your time. You'll be happy you did.
1215817
Yeah, I'm kind of a lone wolf writer here. Not very many people in my area are writers and the ones who are, they're making their own stories.
1215884 Hey, what can I say. The word adapt has a sentimental spot in my brain. Though, I think best to avoid spamming this authors comment box with our conversation.
To justify this comment I give you this bit of advice. Avoid repeating yourself. It's a simple to avoid. If you feel the need to iterate a portion of the story just reword it in interesting and attractive ways. Their we go, this comment is now justified.
1215907
Well congrats to you! Then you've got good grammar on there (extra points if it's without spell check) and generally good formatting. I'll give you props for that at least.
Don't put yourself down for age. We try not to underrate people for that. To put things in a little more perspective, I'm only a high school sophomore.